My Golden Sun
As a child I was never really without someone watching over me, but somehow I always felt very much alone. You see I am one of the "lucky few" who enter into this world in a gold embossed crib. One of my many guardians told me once that I should be happy that I would never be wanting. I think back to those words and they seem to humor my hidden tears somehow. Never wanting, and here I am living in the midst of just that, the big contradiction of life. I am in wanting and I want much more each day. Not money, power or influence but love, appreciation, true friendship, and the feeling of being wanted, needed. I have never felt that. My father is a great man, and he used to expect nothing but greatness out of me; but sooner rather than later he didn't even try. It was easier for him to push me aside and find his great successor in someone else. Still, that didn't mean I was free. I still had to behave perfectly, always putting the Hyuga family name first. That damn name is more a curse than a blessing.
I spend most of my time now thinking back on the days I was at the ninja academy. Surrounded by people so different from me, I found my sunshine there, a boy named Naruto. Life itself did not shine as bright as him. I fell in love with him so very long ago, before the academy, when I was just a small child. I crossed his path on many occasions and even though my guardians would pull me away from him, saying he was dangerous and evil, he would always smile at me, not caring about what anyone was saying. That smile, the one missing from my own lips was like a healing potion for my sorrows and my many fears. In the afternoons I used to sneak out to a very high tree inside the Hyuga complex where I could see most of the village, and there I would spend hours searching for the boy with the blond spiky hair and the smile. I looked for my sunshine because I needed him like people need the sun; the energy, the life and a feeling of promise I became addicted to. Curse that damn smile, I am addicted to it still. Anyway I regress; the first day at the ninja academy I saw him and for the first time nobody was pulling me away. Still I didn't have the courage to approach him; instead I hid behind a tree and consumed him as much as my beating heart let me. I could feel the sweat dripping from my forehead and soon I realized the power this boy had over me. His name was Naruto Uzumaki and he was an orphan, not only that but a cursed orphan none the less, one who carried an evil entity within. Somehow it was very hard for me to believe anything bad could come out of that boy.
First time I actually met him I passed out cold. I know I am pathetic, don't rub it in. Well, I spent my hours stalking the poor boy from the shadows and bathing in the light of his courage and his smile. He taught me so much without really ever telling me much; just by being himself. As my body and knowledge grew so did my love for Naruto, my unrequited love. It was very obvious to me he was in love with his teammate Sakura. She was nice enough to me, not really a friend but not an enemy. She loved another though and sometimes the urge to smack her would almost overcome me. How could she want any other, the very sun was reaching for her and she just had to grab it.
During my training as a ninja I had the opportunity to work in a team with Naruto, and I had the chance to, in my way, care for him; show him that I was pretty good at my own talents and that I was alive. He was always so caring, so nice and friendly, and I was such a nervous wreck anytime he would come close to me. I was plain stupid; there is no other word for it. I had countless opportunities to engage him in much practiced conversations but when push came to shove my heart would give out and my breathing would stop. He probably thought I had some strange disease or something like that.
I was sixteen years old when in the midst of a very horrible battle I had the gut wrenching feeling I might lose my sunshine. I could not just wait idly by and let some rotten bastard kill my reason to breathe, so I intervened and in the processed told Naruto I loved him. The bastard who was hurting my love beat the crap out of me; but in the end my actions helped Naruto survive the fight. I was very messed up that whole month, but I was sure the embarrassment would be the cause of my death and not my wounds. How could I have the nerve to confess in front of a bunch of people? Naruto never came to see me after that; he was immersed in a life and death war, not only against our enemies but also with the beast within.
Three war-filled years passed very slowly and when peace rang and fighting ceased I was back to the beginning. No longer a student or part of a team I settled into my gilded cage and even put on the chains on my feet and hands. Back being a Hyuga, but no longer the heir, for my father bestowed that honor on my younger sister. Thank you dad; it was hellish enough being a Hyuga clan member and the older daughter, in charge of all sorts of business and society dealings. I was pretty much managing my sister's throne. I didn't envy her, the poor girl, but she loved it and relished in the fact that she was the Hyuga heir. You would think Naruto was nothing more than a memory for me now but you would be wrong. I didn't have a chance to focus on anything other than fighting during the war. Always listening for news of where Naruto was or what awesome feat he had done. I was like a proud parent every time I heard news of his greatness. Even just hearing his name in passing would give me strength to fight harder. But when the bells of peace rang...I was a mess, not really much better today, but back then I felt the pain of his absence like a big metal rod skewering my heart and twisting its ragged edge over and over. Like an addict without its drug, I was slowly dying inside; withering without my sunshine. It would be four months before I could spend a whole day without crying out of the blue. The words that helped me most came from the girl with the pink hair. "Occupy your mind elsewhere, fill your brain with mundane stuff, stress about work or what you will eat, trick your mind, it works for me," she said this as one tear escaped her green eyes. That tear was not for Naruto but for her true love, lost to her forever. I knew if it worked for her I might as well give it a good try, and by all that was good in life I would give it my all.
Twenty three years old, today was my birthday and I found myself climbing that same old tree, looking out into the village, and holding on tight to my dearest treasure, a picture of my smiling sunshine. During one of my trips to the library I came upon an archive for the ninja academy and there I found my sunshine. Of course I stole...I mean borrowed every single picture I found with Naruto on it, even if it was in the background. I am sick in love with the sun; unable to touch it or wrap my arms around it but hoping every morning that maybe one day I could become a cloud and he could feel my caress.
The End
-P.S. Hope you like it, it came from my heart.