If It Makes You Happy

"Where to first?" Selphie asked as she looked up and down the main street of Deling City's shopping district. "Coffee or bookstore?"

"Coffee," Rinoa sad. "Definitely coffee."

"Let's try that cafe over there," Selphie said.

She dragged her still-sleepy friend toward the door and stepped inside. She wrinkled her nose at the overwhelming scent of nutmeg and cinnamon and something else she couldn't put a name to.

"Smells like this old lady's house my foster mom used to take me to," Selphie said. "It was awful. She would always try to get me to rub her nasty feet. Like a Gil was even worth it."

"It's..." Rinoa sniffed the air. "They have Pumpkin Spice. Oh, my god Selphie. They have Pumpkin Spice Latte!"

"What's that?" Selphie asked.

"Only the best thing in the world," Rinoa said. "You have to try one."

"I don't know. If it tastes anything like it smells, I'll pass."

Rinoa waited in line and ordered the largest cup the cafe offered, took a sip, closed her eyes, and sighed with pleasure.

"At least try a sip."

Selphie took the cup from her, tipped it back and allowed just a small amount to wet her tongue.

"Blegh! That's disgusting."

"If by disgusting, you mean delicious..."

"It really isn't. I'll stick with my salted caramel double espresso, thanks."

"You don't need a double."

"I always have a double," Selphie said.

"Well, that explains a lot."

"I have no idea what you mean," Selphie said and placed her order. "Ugh. I can smell that all the way over here."

Once both women had their fix, they strolled along the sidewalk, past handbag shops and clothing boutiques and jewelry stores until they reached a sketchy, dilapidated store front with posters of dragons and advertisements for some new card game involving trolls.

"Let's go in!" Selphie cried and didn't wait for Rinoa's approval.

The place smelled musty and vaguely of hot dog water. The shelves displayed various figurines of GF's and fantasy characters, comic books, dice games, Triple Triad Cards, and an assortment of colored robes, fake swords and other weapons.

"What are we doing here?" Rinoa asked and sipped her latte.

"This is a book store," Selphie said. She gestured at the racks of graphic novels, most featuring nearly naked women wearing impractical breast-shaped armor. "Books. Everywhere."

"I prefer my books without pictures," Rinoa said.

"Don't judge. Some of these are pretty good."

"I'll take your word for it," Rinoa said. "Not my thing."

Selphie wandered deeper into the store, saw a huge display at the back and let out a shriek of delight.

"LOOK!" she screamed. "They made action figures! OF US!"

"You're kidding me," Rinoa said.

Selphie bounced on her toes, her eyes round with delight as she surveyed the assortment of characters available for purchase. Everyone was represented, even Kiros and Ward! Some even came with costume changes!

"Look! Laguna has three outfits!" she cried. "Oh, and they have a Sorceress' Knight edition, too, with armor and a dragon! I have to buy this!"

Rinoa stared at the display, an expression of abject horror on her face. She picked up one of the boxes and scowled at it.

"This doesn't really look like me, does it?" Rinoa asked as she held up the box. "I mean, really?"

Selphie cocked her head and flicked her eyes from the box to Rinoa and laid a fingertip against her lips. The question warranted serious, thoughtful consideration. One's likeness was no laughing matter.

Aside from the obvious – the blue duster, the dark hair, the combat boots – Selphie judged it a caricature at best. And that was a generous assessment.

"I mean, action figures never really look like the people they're supposed to be anyway," Selphie said. "Probably legal stuff, you know? They don't want to get sued for using your likeness without permission. And it's not like these are officially licensed merchandise."

"My boobs are not that big," Rinoa complained. "I wouldn't mind a little more, but that's just offensive."

"Look at mine!" Selphie lamented and held up her own figure. "My hips are soooo not that wide. And my skirt! You can see my undies!"

Rinoa blinked at her, cast a dubious glance at Selphie's hemline and nodded. "Yeah... way off. The nerve."

Selphie detected a note of sarcasm but she chose to ignore it. Her skirts met Garden guidelines, more or less. Maybe less, by an inch or so, but this was just indecent.

"The cactuars are really cute," Selphie said. "Note to self: research availability of cactuar undies in my size."

Rinoa placed her non-likeness back on the shelf and picked up Squall's. The box proclaimed full articulation, multiple weapons and a removable jacket with an artificial fur collar. It came with an alternate SeeD uniform and bonus Griever chain.

"Now everyone's gonna be wearing Squall's necklace," Selphie said.

"Great," Rinoa said without enthusiasm. "Garden's going to look like a cosplay convention full of Squalls."

"Going to?" Selphie asked. "Didn't you notice how everyone's suddenly wearing leather? Even the girls."

"I noticed," Rinoa said darkly. She looked at the box again. "He's not that tall. And his jaw is definitely not that wide. He looks like a monosyllabic cave man who only knows three words and one of them is actually just a grunt."

Selphie almost choked on her salted caramel double espresso. She cut her eyes at Rinoa.

"Well..."

"He's perfectly capable of speaking in full sentences," Rinoa snapped. "He chooses not to for the sake of efficiency."

"If you say so," Selphie said and picked up the hulking Seifer figure. "At least they made him super ugly to match his diseased, Trabia-bombing soul. I'd set them all on fire if he looked as good as he does in real life."

Maybe Selphie was a little bitter. In quieter moments, by herself, she could admit that maybe Ultimecia forced his hand. But in front of people? No way. He was not forgiven.

"Oh, so you noticed," Rinoa teased.

"He's hot, okay?" Selphie said. "But it's the kind of hot that makes me want to stab him in the face like eight times and then drown him in a toilet."

"That's... oddly specific."

"I've thought about it a lot."

"Clearly."

Selphie crashed the box containing mini-Seifer into the Squall in Rinoa's hand hard enough to send Squall to the floor.

"Fight me, bro!" Selphie cried. "It's my romantic dream! I don't really have a concept of romance, I just like using big words I don't understand!"

"He probably meant it in the literary sense," Rinoa said. "Not the 'buy you flowers and show you a good time' sense."

"Whatever," Selphie said. "He probably just said it because it sounded all deep and complex."

"Well," Rinoa said. "He can be a pretentious ass when he wants to be, but he really isn't that bad when you get him by himself. Anyway, can you keep it down? People are staring."

Selphie glanced around. Several young men with bad complexions and pasty skin stared from various dark and dusty corners.

"It's because we're a couple of hot ladies in a comic book store," Selphie said. "These dudes regularly dress up like wizards and assassins and fight each other with plastic swords in the woods. It's called larping. Playing with action figures is probably the least weird thing on their radar. They're just not used to seeing pretty girls in their safe space, that's all."

"I can't tell if you're making fun of them, or..."

"To each their own. If it makes them happy, who am I to judge?" Selphie said. "Irvine's into it."

"...which part?"

"He goes larping with some guys he knew from G-Garden," Selphie said. "He's some kind of warrior bard thing and his weapon is a guitar neck with knives taped to it."

"You're okay with that?"

Selphie shrugged. "It's a little weird. I'm trying to be supportive."

"Ah."

Selphie picked mini-non-Squall up off the floor, liberated Rinoa from the shelf and shoved the two boxes together.

"Now kiss!"

"Selphie, quit it."

Selphie laughed at Rinoa's blush and made kissing noises.

"You two are so adorable. No kissing if anyone's looking," she said. "No hand holding in public."

"Squall's not really into PDA," Rinoa said. "Besides, I think it's nice that he doesn't paw at me in public to show off like some people I know."

Selphie frowned at her friend. "Irvine doesn't paw at me."

"Oh please, if he had his tongue shoved any farther down your throat the other day... Do you not have a gag reflex, Selphie? I mean - "

She narrowed her eyes at Rinoa, and Rinoa stopped talking.

Selphie surveyed the action figures again. Bad likeness or not, they were pretty neat. Even the Ultimecia figure that someone created out of their own imagination. That one looked nothing like the real thing. Multiple heads like a Hydra, extra limbs with tentacles, eight nightmarish eyes, bat wings. Still cool, nonetheless.

"I think I'm going to buy them," Selphie said. "All of them."

"Why?"

"They'll look cool in my office," Selphie said.

She picked up Irvine from the shelf and noticed a button on his hand. She stuck her finger through the small hole in the package and pressed it.

"I'm a loner, a rebel," it said in a voice so unlike Irvine's Selphie started to giggle.

"Oh my god," Rinoa said. "That's awful."

"What does yours say?"

"I'm afraid to find out."

Selphie pushed past her and pressed the button.

"MEANIE! MEAN MEAN MEANIE!"

Rinoa's gaze went dark. "Who is responsible for this?"

"I don't know but it's great!" Selphie cried and pushed more buttons.

"...whatever."

"Chicken-Wuss."

"Blow it to smithereens!"

"Hot dogs RULE!"

"Filthy low-lifes!"

"Time shall compress!"

"I lost the map."

"..."

"Selphie, stop. For the love of all you hold dear, stop."

Selphie cackled and selected one of each figure and tossed them into a hand basket, then filled a second. She couldn't wait to proudly display them in her office among the moogles and chocobos and moombas.

"You should at least get the Squall one for yourself," Selphie said. "I bet Squall would get a kick out of it."

"No, he really wouldn't," Rinoa said, but reached for one anyway. "So long as I keep it out of sight..."

"Yes! Come to the dark side, Rin," Selphie said. "We have explosives, candy and limited edition collectible toys that cost a fortune."

"Just one question. Do you really plan on lugging those all over Deling City for the rest of the day?"

"No, silly. We'll drop them off at your dad's," Selphie said. "Speaking of your dad... Here he is!"

Selphie shoved the figure at Rinoa, who took it and stared at it for nearly half a minute.

"What does he say?" Selphie asked.

Rinoa pushed the button.

"Failure is not an option."

"That's kinda dumb," Selphie said. "But I need the whole set, so..."

Selphie bustled toward the counter with her baskets. The cashier gaped at her as he rang up the purchase.

"Aren't you...?" he asked and held up the Selphie figure.

"If you tell anyone, I'll have to kill you," she said. "Slowly. Painfully."

"...um, okaaaay," he said. "That'll be 34,581 Gil."

Rinoa gasped, looked at the Squall figure in her hand and set it aside on a nearby rack that displayed scale models of some car called the Regalia.

"Selphie, I don't think you should spend that much."

"It's fine," she said and handed over her credit card. "I'm a rank A SeeD. They pay me way too much to sit in an office and dream up ways to party. Not that I'm complaining."

"I know, but..."

"I NEED THEM!" Selphie cried.

She spun around and her elbow caught Rinoa's cup. It went flying across the room, hit a life sized cardboard cut-out of a Magitek Trooper and splattered all over a rack of limited edition copies of "Tales of Duscae" hardback graphic novels.

Rinoa held up her hands and took a step back.

"That was... literally... the worst... thing... you... have... ever... done..." Rinoa said. "Do you know how long it's been since I had a pumpkin spice latte, Selphie? Do you?"

Selphie rolled her eyes. It wasn't as if it couldn't be replaced, but far be it from her to get between a Sorceress and her main source of pleasure.

"I'll buy you another one," Selphie said. "No biggie."

"It is a biggie," Rinoa said. "I can only get these once a year, and only in Deling City because they don't exist in Balamb and Squall won't have the cafeteria put them on the menu just because I like them."

"Geez, fine," Selphie said.

"Can you two... leave? Before you destroy anything else?" the cashier asked. "Please?"

Selphie turned on him, hands on her hips and angled her head toward the massive pile of action figures on the counter.

"I just spent a buttload of money in your store and you're going to be rude about it?!"

Rinoa took her by the arm, grabbed a handful of bags from the counter and shoved them at Selphie. She gathered the rest and pushed Selphie toward the door.

"She's just had too much caffeine today," Rinoa said. "Forgive us."

Selphie, laden down with bags, sulked all the way to the cafe. She thrust a wad of Gil at Rinoa and waited outside while Rinoa got her refill.

Together, they walked to Caraway's mansion in silence. Selphie pouted the whole way.

Upstairs, in Rinoa's room, she sat down on the floor and laid out her new purchases on the plush area rug, then tore open the Irvine box and pressed his hand to make him talk.

"I'm a loner, a rebel."

"Doesn't that decrease the value?" Rinoa asked. "If you open the boxes?"

"They were made to be played with," Selphie declared. "Open one."

"I'm not doing that."

"Pretty please?" Selphie said.

"Seems kind of childish, Selphie."

Selphie frowned and laid the doll aside.

"You know, I'm always trying to encourage you guys with whatever it is you're into," Selphie said. "I mean, I can't stand the smell of that old lady juice you're drinking, but I support it. I let Irvine pretend he's a rock star and turn the other cheek when he puts on his warrior bard costume, and I give Zell pep talks whenever the cafeteria's out of hot dogs, and I'm trying really hard to be a good friend to all of you, and the one time I wanna do something fun for me, you call me childish."

Rinoa sighed. "You're right. I shouldn't judge."

"No, you shouldn't," Selphie said and shrugged. "So, you wanna? Pretend like we're kids for a while? I mean, I never got to do this growing up because we didn't have money for stuff like this. I always sort of wanted to, you know, just do what kids do."

"Okay," Rinoa said and joined Selphie on the floor. "Could be fun, right?"

"It'll be awesome!" Selphie said. She unwrapped the un-Seifer and thrust him toward Rinoa. "My name is Seifer Almasy. You cut my face. Prepare to die!"

Rinoa smiled and held up the un-Squall and pushed the button on his hand.

"...whatever."

Notes:

Thanks to SilentStarlightSky for the "Now Kiss!" action figure conversation, and Emeraldlatias for the amazing and silly action figure photo shoots posted on tumblr. Had fun throwing in some FFXV and pop culture references, too.

Thanks for reading.