I'll Never Forget
Author's Note: This fan.fic takes place between I WILL REMEMBER YOU and HERO. I felt that after watching Angel seasons one and two I had to write a fan.fic for those seasons. I am yet to write one for season two, because there are still a few episodes I haven't seen. So, this fan.fic is mostly as review of Angel's hurt and brooding in his apartment. Kind of forget everything that happened in HERO for the moment, just so I can see where this is going. Angel will hint that something happened, but he won't tell Doyle exactly what before HERO so that may muck up the storyline a bit, but I don't care. It is a fan.fic after all, not totally true or reliable. Well, enjoy the story and please feel free to review my work!
Summary: Buffy and Angel in the last scene from I WILL REMEMBER YOU to Angel brooding in his apartment and Doyle comes down.
Pairings: Buffy/Angel.
Chapter One: I'll Never Forget
Buffy stood, waiting in Angel's apartment for her now human love to return. She heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs, and turned nervously but hopefully towards the sound. When she saw him slowly plodding down the stairs then stop, her expression changed slightly from worried and nervous to disappointed, but still worried.
'I'm guessing that expression isn't because they were all out of fresh OJ at the deli.' She said to Angel. He stared at her for a moment, before looking away almost in deceit. 'What happened?'
'Nothing happened.' Angel jumped in quickly, shaking his head as he reached the bottom of the stairs. He wandered a few metres before turning back around to face Buffy. 'I just…' he began.
'Where have you been?' Buffy asked anxiously.
Again, nervously, Angel replied 'I went to see the Oracles.' Buffy stared at him in amazement. 'I asked them to turn me back.' He finished the sentence with a hint of remorse in his tone, as he held her gaze.
'What? Why?' Buffy questioned.
'Because more than ever I know how much I love you.'
'No. No, you didn't.' Buffy tried to deny what Angel had done, unable to fully understand or grasp exactly what he had done. She turned and wandered away, avoiding the confrontation.
'And if I stay mortal, one of us will wind up dead. Maybe both of us.' Angel said. 'You heard what the Mohra said.'
'Mohra's gone, we killed him.' Buffy replied quickly.
'He said others would come.' Angel added.
'They always come and they always will. But that's my problem now, not yours remember?'
'I won't stand by and let you fight, maybe die, alone.'
'Then we fight together.' Buffy said hopefully.
'Buffy…' Angel sighed and after their constant pacing around the room, walked past her right side leaving her standing staring into the space he once stood in. 'If anything I'm a liability to you. You take chances to protect me.' Buffy turned around to face him.
'So what? You just took a whole 24 hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it was more fun being a superhero?' Buffy had tears in her eyes now.
'You know that's not it.' Angel said softly, his expression staying firm. 'How can we be together if the cost is your life? Or the lives of others.' Buffy's tears slowly began to trickle from her eyes. Angel was watching her closely during their conversation, and noticed how much this was hurting her.
He softened. Trying to comfort her, and even himself, he moved towards her and held her close.
'I know.' He said. 'I couldn't tell you.' He stroked her blond hair delicately, as she pressed her face into his chest. 'I wasn't sure I could do it if I woke up with you one more morning.'
'I understand.' Buffy whispered, still buried deep beneath his arms with her face pressed against his chest. She slowly pulled back after their tender embrace, the tears welling up in her eyes. Angel's hand wiped the tears off her cheek and he pushed her hair back off her neck. 'So, what happens now?'
'The Oracles are giving us back the day, turning back time so I can kill Mohra before his blood makes me mortal.' Angel explained. Buffy fought back more tears.
'When?' All the while, Angel was tenderly wiping tears from her face, holding her close. He suddenly looked across the room to a clock, which read approximately 8:58. With 10 seconds remaining before the clock stuck 8:59, Angel watched the seconds tick as he realised how little time he had left with Buffy.
'Another minute.' He said sadly.
'A minute? No.' Buffy whimpered almost. 'It's not enough time.' She shook her head, hoping for time to last longer.
'We don't have a choice it's done.' Angel told her.
'How am I supposed to go on with my life…' Buffy choked on her tears, fighting so hard to keep them back as they continued flowing. '…knowing what we had, what we could've had?' Angel stroked her hair.
'You won't. No one will know but me.' Angel confirmed in his sadness. He felt a huge weight sitting on his chest.
'Everything we did.' Buffy said.
'It never happened.' Angel answered, shaking his head sadly. He never took his eyes off her even for a second.
'It did. It did. I know it did.' Buffy sobbed. Angel could clearly see how distraught she was. He almost couldn't stand it. Fighting to keep her lips from trembling, Buffy placed a hand over Angel's heart. 'I felt your heartbeat.' She whispered.
'Buffy…' Angel tried to comfort her but was unable to. She gave up fighting her shaking lips and they trembled with the fear of losing her beloved. Again. Their eyes connected for a few moments, before they embraced in a passionate kiss that would most likely be the last kiss they ever shared.
As the clock ticked to just 15 seconds before 9:00, Buffy pulled away and turned to face the clock, still in Angel's arms. He glanced at it for a moment too. Buffy turned back to face him, whimpering and sobbing.
'Oh, God. It's not enough time.' She moaned. By this time, Angel was now fighting back tears as several slowly streamed down his cheeks. Their eyes connected for another brief moment, before they wrapped their arms around each other. Angel began to whisper, 'Please, please, please, please.' Unsure of what he was asking 'please' for, he just wanted Buffy to be safe and for them to be together. But he knew it couldn't happen. Angel rested his head on Buffy's left shoulder, watching the last few seconds tick by. They both cried into each other's shoulder, sharing their last moments of happiness together in an embrace.
Buffy began to repeat, 'I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget.' She repeated it over and over again until the clock ticked over to 9. As Angel saw one second left, he pressed his chin into her shoulder and closed his eyes tightly, not wanted to go back to having nothing. Not wanting to go back to only being able to feel the cold; having no heartbeat and no one to love him.
When he opened his eyes he was back in his office, where he had been "earlier that day". He sat on his desk, Buffy in front of him delivering her speech about going their separate ways in L.A. When he realised where he was, he shook the thoughts of his kiss and embrace with Buffy from his head, though he knew he could never forget them.
'So then, let's just stick to the plan.' Buffy said. 'Keep our distance until time has passed. Given enough time we can…'
'Forget.' Angel murmured, without even realised for a second he had interrupted and filled in Buffy's blank.
'Yeah.' She simply said. So… I'm gonna go… start forgetting.' She headed towards the door, when suddenly there was a loud crash and the Mohra demon from "earlier that day" in Angel's mind jumped through the window. Angel grabbed the clock on his desk; almost identical to the one he had watched his final moments with Buffy tick by on and threw it at the demon's head after ducking a kick. He now knew how to kill the demon and stop it from mixing its blood with his. The red jewel in the centre of its head smashed into tiny pieces, and a bright light shone from its body, killing it within seconds. He turned back to Buffy who hadn't gotten to leaving the room.
'That was unreal.' She stammered, standing beside a half-open door. Angel opened his mouth to answer, but decided not to. 'How did you know how to kill it?'
'It's a Mohra demon.' Angel informed her. She stared at him, slightly confused. On the spot, he made up a poor excuse that managed to get by. 'I've had time to catch up on my reading. Buffy nodded, not fully believing. Angel's eyes darted nervously.
'Yeah. Okay.' Buffy said. 'So I guess we've covered it.'
'Guess we did.'
'And that's all there is to say.' Buffy said.
Angel looked down at the clock on the floor, with the glass smashed into pieces after the blow to the demon's head. 'Yeah.' He looked back up just in time to see the back of Buffy with her black clothes and flowing blond hair disappear out the door. 'That's it.' He whispered. He was left alone in the room. He no longer had a heartbeat, a pulse, a craving for food or somebody to love him like Buffy had when they had their day together. He was alone again, only him having the memory of the day just gone, knowing that it would play out again without Buffy.
Chapter Two: Brooding
Angel left his tiny office and made his way to the grimy little lift in the building. He knew that it would take him to a place he didn't want to go, but where else was he going to live? His apartment was all he had, and he wasn't going to give it up just over a memory. A fresh, saddening, brood-worthy memory.
When the elevator door opened, he stepped out and could almost smell Buffy's presence in the room. He looked around, seeing nothing out of the ordinary and wandered over to his chair. He flopped down heavily into it and just sat there, still and quiet. He remembered his final moments with Buffy that he had shared merely a few metres away. He hated thinking about what he could have had, but he didn't want to forget.
Alone in his dingy old apartment, Angel waited. He wasn't waiting for anyone or anything, he was just waiting for the right time to get up and do something more productive. But the time wasn't coming anytime soon. He needed to be alone, and when Doyle came down he just wanted to kick to Irishman out. He had nothing against Doyle, in fact, wished he'd stick around for a long time. He had found almost a friend, a companion in Doyle. He understood Angel on levels that many others like Cordelia didn't. Though, his relationship with Doyle was never even going to come close to what he had with Buffy.
'Angel!' He heard Doyle calling as he bounded down the stairs. Angel didn't even look up. Doyle walked over and saw Angel slouched in the chair, staring into space. 'What are we brooding about now?' he asked. Angel didn't reply. 'Well, I have some news for you.'
Angel looked up, not really knowing why that sentence got him interested. Maybe it was just that he wanted something to take his mind off his loss. 'Yeah?'
'Well I guess you didn't pick my sarcastic tone just now, because you seem too interested. I was going to say that you need to stop brooding and get the hell out there and do something. Whatever it is your being like this for, it can't be worth wasting your time instead of helping the helpless.'
Angel simply returned his gaze to the nothingness in his apartment and tried to ignore Doyle's existence.
'What's wrong Angel?' Doyle asked suddenly. 'You're more shaken up than usual. Did something happen?'
Angel shook his head. 'Nothing happened Doyle. I just… I need to be alone. Do you mind?' Doyle smiled and turned to leave, respecting his boss' wish.
'Cordelia and I will be upstairs. Just uh, give us a yell if you need anything.' He was puzzled at his own comment, but had nothing else really to say. He ascended the stairs, only to stop and grab his forehead in extreme pain as he got a vision. Angel heard the groaning followed by the thump as Doyle collapsed on the landing. Angel jumped to his feet and rushed to his friend's side. Doyle knelt on the stairs, his right hand shaking in pain as his left supported him from falling over. His head was bent forward and his face screwed up in pain.
A young woman…
A dark, dirty alley…
A green demon…
A painful scream…
Doyle cried out in pain and Cordelia appeared at the top of the stairs. She rushed down to where Angel was supporting Doyle and tried to help.
'What did you see?' She asked him. He rubbed his head as Angel helped him to his feet and took him over to a chair.
'A young woman, maybe in her 20's. She was running down a really dirty alley somewhere around High and 34th streets. There was a huge green demon chasing her and it didn't look very friendly. Then there was a scream…' his voice wandered off as he rubbed at his forehead again.
Angel grabbed his coat and rushed up the stairs, not wasting any time. He had to forget about his brooding about Buffy for a little while. The helpless were more important than a little worrying about something that technically never happened.
He reached the alley Doyle had described in his dream and found nothing wrong. There was no woman, no big green demons. The only thing he got right was a really dirty alley.
Angel walked slowly and cautiously down the alley, waiting for whatever was meant to be there. Suddenly he heard a woman scream. It caught his attention suddenly, then he heard the footsteps. They pounded on the pavement, splashing in some puddles from rain that had fallen the day before.
Angel turned around to see and young blonde running towards him, stumbling and holding onto her side. He stepped toward her, his arms outstretched. She stopped and tried to pull back.
'No. Leave me alone. What does he want from me?' she screamed, trying to pull away from him as he grabbed her wrist.
'Look, I can't help you if you don't help me.' Angel told the woman. She eased up a bit when she saw that he was serious about helping her. She began crying, and he held her close to comfort her. Suddenly around the corner ran the big green demon from Doyle's vision. It snarled and roared, catching Angel's attention instantly.
The woman spun around to see it running at them, and screamed.
'Move!' Angel pushed her to the side as the demon approached and stood his ground. He threw a punch as the demon came at him, missing it completely. He threw another two followed by a roundhouse kick. The demon dodges all of them, moving faster than Angel despite its size. It swung its fist out in a swift movement that connected with Angel's jaw, knocking him to the ground. It reached down and picked him up, then threw him into a wall. Angel fell to the ground in a heap, and quickly got to his feet before the demon could come over. He reached into his coat and pulled out a blade, not too big and not too small. It was the perfect concealed weapon, and Angel used it to swing at his enemy. He cut across its neck in one swift move and it choked up its own blood, collapsing to the ground.
Angel wandered back over to where he'd left the woman, to find her cowering behind a row of garbage bins.
'It's alright, he's dead.' Angel said confidently.
'What… what was that thing?' the woman asked.
'It's better if you didn't know.' Angel told her, tucking the blade back inside his coat. 'Go home.'
CHAPTER THREE – CONFESSIONS
Angel went back to the office, finding Doyle and Cordelia sitting alone and in silence. Doyle was in the chair opposite his desk, and Cordelia was sitting on the desk.
'Ahem.' Angel loudly cleared his throat as he stood at the doorway. Cordelia and Doyle looked up.
'Angel you're hurt.' Cordelia rushed to his side, seeing a cut on his left cheek.
'It's nothing, I'm fine.' Angel told her, pushing her away gently. She frowned and stood back.
'Did you find it?' Doyle asked.
'Yeah, and killed it.' Angel confirmed.
'What about the girl?' Cordelia asked as Angel turned to leave.
'Told her to go home. You should do the same.' He answered, walking away from them. He went over to the lift and stepped in, disappearing moments later.
'Someone should really talk to him. Something's bothering him.' Cordelia said as she gathered her things.
'Yeah, I agree with…' Doyle saw the expression on her face as she paused and looked up. '… Oh right, me. Gotcha.' He disappeared down the stairs and Cordelia left, turning out the light.
Doyle found downstairs that Angel's apartment was in total darkness. That was the way he liked it. Doyle flicked on a light and called out to Angel.
'Angel?' Angel appeared from in the small kitchen with a glass of blood.
'Doyle…' he began.
'Look man, I just came down here to uh…' he paused, trying to think of a good reason to be down there other than that Cordelia had sent him. 'I came here to…'
'Cordelia sent you, didn't she?' Angel jumped in. Caught out, Doyle agreed. 'Look, I just want to be alone.' Angel walked past him and over to his chair.
'She's worried about you man. She thinks something is bothering you, but you know her, she won't ask herself.'
Angel smiled as he sat down. He did know Cordelia. And he knew that she'd figure out that something was wrong sooner or later.
'Doyle, if I tell you what's bothering me you wouldn't believe it' Angel said.
'What do you mean?' Doyle asked.
'It's about Buffy.'
'Aha! The 'B' word. Now there's something we all fear. So, what?' Doyle said.
'Doyle…' Angel fought hard to not mention the events of that day, that had already been lived.
'What?'
'I've lived this day before.' He gave up, deciding to tell Doyle everything. He figured that it would help him get those things off his chest, the feeling and things that happened that day with Buffy.
'Sure, right. And what's that got to do with Buffy?' Doyle asked.
'Buffy and I lived this day… together.' He put down the glass of blood he was holding on the table beside him.
'What?'
'I turned back time after I became human.'
'Hang on, you did what now?' Doyle choked on his own air.
'The demon that attacked us earlier, in the day that we lived before and we didn't kill it straight away. We chased it and then killed it, but some of its blood mixed with some of mine and made me human.'
'Wow.' Doyle murmured.
'We spent the day together, only to find that when I battled another demon I nearly died. She saved me, but I asked the Powers that Be to turn me back into a vampire with a soul. The only catch, I'm the only one who remembers that day.'
'Geez man, that's a weight to sit on your shoulders.' Doyle replied.
'Now it's on both of our shoulders.' Angel told him. 'Do me a favour, don't tell Cordelia.'
Doyle nodded and backed away from Angel to leave him in his darkness. 'You'll be fine here on your own, won't you?'
'Yeah. And turn off the lights on your way out.' Doyle disappeared upstairs, leaving Angel alone to brood in the quiet and darkness of his own home. Angel smiled and thought of Buffy.
A/N: Feedback! Tell me what you want in the next three short chapters. That's how I'm going to write them because it seems easier. Anyway, please review and tell me what you like! I'll think up some more fanfiction to write and post it soon.