Summary: A random drow walks down a street.

A/N: This is a parody that came to my mind during a chat with my brother (and that's so stupid it can actually damage your brain). It was supposed to be a drabble, but I got carried away. Proceed with caution, animal violence mentioned.
This is a gift for Lord Yau.

Simple Entertainments

The Underdark was a grim place, a realm like no other. There were were great drow cities and from the Menzoberranzan was the best - at least in the minds of its inhabitants. They took great pride from walking down the ever dangerous streets at any given time of day or night.

Pahanathic, often called by individuals who drank with him Panic, was slinking along the shadows cast by various rock and fungi structure. He wasn't hiding from anyone, it was just a normal way for a drow to move through the city.

He was a commoner, which one could guess from his hairstyle and a black mantle with a deep hood. He was what one could name a random drow - with eyes as red as the blood rubies, graceful and fast on his feet as any adult drow was, since all slow and clumsy drows never had a chance to reach adulthood. Living in Menzoberranzan was like a gamble where your had to plot and outsmart others to survive and have fun.

Panic was headed down a shadowed path towards a small, unassuming stone structure hidden by a luxurious gambling establishment. He didn't even look the gambling establishment's way, since it was a place where only member of noble houses could spend their valuables. He, like all of the low standing, had to resign himself to simple amusements.

In this case the "Kick-ass Fun Center", because that was the name on the smaller building, created by fluorescent mushrooms.

Pahanathic looked around before entering the KF Center, just to make sure no one was pointing a crossbow at his back. He was doing that since he had been twelve, after losing a person he knew by name, who had had been treated to an arrow to his lung after cheating in a game in a dark alley. Panic knew about that mishap because he had had been a great fan of crossbows since the day prior and that dark alley had had been his favorite place to practice.

The inside of the KF Center was pitch black, because the owner wasn't an idiot and knew that even a bit of light could make a customer go after his throat for trying to blind and harm them. The drow community was pretty jumpy when it came to lighting. Of course Panic could see in the dark just like the next drow, so he easily saw the stone counter and iron cages with various animals.

There were at least two dozens of them, all pretty small and very fuzzy. Panic looked over a variety of tiny creatures that looked at him with confused, yet a bit hopeful eyes. There were puppies with droopy eyes, dotted coats and tiny little noses sniffing the air. There were kittens with their sleek bodies and whiskers one just itched to pull out. There were bunnies with soft, velvety ears and cute tails. All those fluffy creatures turned their attention his way, even if most of them weren't able to see him, they still could scent him. A puppy that looked like a new one yipped at him and wagged its curly tail, but the rest didn't make a noise.

Panic looked up above the counter to see the price list, then he glanced around to see where the owner was. He found the owner lurking behind a cabinet, a dagger in one hand, his blood red eyes shining back at Panic suspiciously.

"What do you want, you pile of an entrails of a surface elf?" asked the owner as he stepped out from his hiding spot.

"To purchase, you impotent cave gnome fuck toy," replied Panic, pleased that the owner was a reasonable offensive fellow. The owner sized Panic with his blazing crimson eyes and grumbled as he walked towards the counter.

"Pay first, you dim witted ass," he offered and gestured to the cages without looking that way. Panic shrugged and reached into his pocket. It was the hardest part, because he had to take out of his pocket a handful of coins, not a sharpened throwing star or a poisoned darts' package. And he had to do it while watching the other drow to make sure he wouldn't throw that knife at him or activate anything that could make him blind fish food.

The luck was on his side, because his hand came out with coins in its grasp. He put three of them on the counter and pushed towards the other drow. Throwing them at him wouldn't be deemed rude, but rather unhealthy. Drows' knee jerk reaction was throwing things back, sharp point forward.

"Here, you half deaf shit eater," he pointed to a cage housing the fuzziest of the puppies.

"Do you have a Special Double Kick for One Coin Card you stinking lizard piss drinker?" inquired the owner after taking the money. When Panic shook his head he shrugged. "I can make you one, if you pay two more coins today. It's a special event since the Mother of the Third House gave birth to her sixth daughter." That was the House ruling over this part of the city. The great Houses, as distant as they seemed to regular citizens, had a huge influence on their everyday life.

"Lolth bless her with many more girls," muttered Panic while pondering the offer. "I'll pass the card, I had a Pull out a Feline's Whiskers Talon when she had the twins last decade," he said.

"Whatever, you dumb fuck. Just kick the shoe chewere and get lost, because I want to puke just looking at you," the owner of the establishment shrugged.

Five minutes later Panic left the KF Center, pondering the life of a male commoner in a drow city. It was a life of constant betrayal, mortal danger, offensive attitude towards his gender and - above all - exploitation, but there still were some small entertainments in it.