A/N: So this was obviously born due to the Thor DVD and Blu-Ray being released. And yes I did rape the replay button on my PS3. XD Religiously for 3 days with my sister. GANGBANG.
HAHA anyways.
This wouldn't leave me alone. I loved how much emotion Tom Hiddleston put into Loki; he is my favorite character because of it. I like strong emotions.
So I'm not quite sure where/when this takes place; obviously after the events of Thor, but I'm not quite sure if it can be counted in the Avengers universe, so I'm gonna label it AU, like Thor joined the Avengers much later.
Warnings: Thor/Loki, slash, (and if you count them as brothers, which I don't) incest
I bear no shame in saying that I listened to I Don't Want to Want You by Lesley Roy on repeat while writing most of this. XD Other songs I listened to included Photograph as covered by Daughtry and Santana and Set Fire to the Rain by Adele (which is surprising because I don't usually like her music.)
Enjoy!
EDIT: The sequel to this story is now up. "Keeping Promises". Go read and review please!
o-o-o-o-o
The comfortably brisk autumn day was perfect for a walk downtown. A tall blonde man had his arm around a small brunette woman, holding her close and smiling.
"Come now, Jane. Tell me where we're going." The man laughed. Jane shook her head, a playful smile on her face.
"Stop asking me. You'll see." She promised, wrapping an arm around his waist and squeezing affectionately. Thor smiled and sighed in defeat, letting the woman lead him down the street. He had a pretty good idea of where they were headed anyway.
Jane had recently been going on and on about a bookstore that opened downtown. She said it had so many books that she had first thought it was a library when she stepped inside. Shelf upon shelf of books on every subject; some subjects of which she had never even heard of before.
Magic among Books it was called. Jane visited it daily, always coming back with at least one new book, more often than not with more.
The pair turned the corner and sure enough, Jane was leading them to the bookstore. Thor noticed the elegant sign above the door, written in black and outlined in green and gold. They entered and a bell sounded, causing the teenager at the counter to look up.
"Hey Jane. Welcome back!" He said, flashing the woman a smile and closing the book he was reading. Jane smiled back and approached him.
"Hi David. How are you today?"
Thor looked around. The inside of the store was just as Jane had described; there were hardly any walls, just books, books, and more books. There were two black arm chairs in a small sitting area with a coffee table between them and another small table next to the front counter, but aside from that, there was little else but shelves.
Thor was never really a fan of books. He preferred fighting and training to the written word. That had always been Loki's area of interest.
Thor stopped his train of thought abruptly. He didn't want to think about his brother. It still stung; not only his betrayal but his death as well. He still found himself waking in the middle of the night, panting and sweating after seeing his brother's forlorn expression before he fell into the abyss of space.
Jane noticed both the sky and Thor's mood growing dark, so she grasped his arm gently, pulling him away from his dark thoughts. The quiet thunder stopped but the sky remained an unhappy shade of grey. She turned back to David, smiling.
"This is my boyfriend, Donald Blake." She said, using Thor's false name. David turned his gaze to the tall blonde man. Thor almost smiled when he saw his eyes widen slightly as he extended his hand.
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Blake." He said. Thor took his hand, careful not to grip too hard lest he break the poor kid's hand.
"David was it? Pleased to make your acquaintance." Thor responded with a nod. David pushed his glasses back up on his nose and ran a hand through his curly brown hair.
"If you don't mind me saying, has anyone told you that you look like the Norse God Thor?" Jane laughed and Thor grinned.
"Yes, quite often." The God chuckled. The mortals would never cease to amuse him.
"Is Judas here today?" Jane asked, leaning over the counter slightly. David smiled apologetically.
"He's here but he doesn't want to see anyone. Sorry Jane." David shrugged. Jane sighed and slumped slightly.
"Alright."
Thor looked at her questioningly and Jane's face lit up once more.
"Judas is the man who owns the shop. He always helps me find new books. He seems to always know exactly what I'm looking for." Jane said, reaching over the counter to grab a piece of paper. It was a newspaper clipping talking about the opening of the store. She handed it to Thor, who took it and read the title slowly. Midgardian English was a bit difficult for him to read since it was written in such weird characters.
Magic among Books: New Bookstore to open downtown
There was a picture of a man next to the article, whom Thor assumed was Judas. His dark hair was short except for the fringe that hung over one of his eyes, hanging just below his chin. He wore a collared shirt and a tie, both dark colored; a rather morbid- looking fellow, Thor thought.
He looked away from the picture to try and read the article when he paused. His gaze returned to the picture. The man's eyes… They were filled with fire but held a hauntingly sad look in them.
They looked like Loki's eyes…
His stomach dropped slightly. It wasn't possible… was it?
Thor continued to stare at the picture; at the man named Judas until Jane grasped his arm once more, looking at him with mild concern. He smiled and returned the clipping to David.
"Very interesting." He said, ignoring the look he knew Jane was giving him presently.
On their way home, she tried to question him about his behavior. He shrugged it off and said it was hard for him to read still, temporarily satisfying her and avoiding the topic of the slight change in weather. He decided that he would have to meet Judas, if not to simply meet him then to see if the picture was playing tricks on him.
o-o-o-o-o
A few days after the visit to the bookstore, Jane had to go to the next town over for a Physics presentation, meaning she'd be gone for at least two days. Thor opted to stay behind, apologizing and saying that Physics didn't hold his attention for very long. It was of course a lie and an excuse. He wanted to meet Judas alone, without Jane.
That afternoon, Thor ventured into town, finding the bookstore easily. Upon entering he was greeted by David.
"Mr. Blake, good to see you again." He said, smiling. Thor smiled back, glancing around the store.
"I'm looking for a book. I was wondering if you could help me."
"What kind of book?" David asked.
"I don't actually know." Thor replied, pinning David with a look. It took a second for David to realize what Thor was asking before sighing and running his hand through his hair.
"Sorry Mr. Blake but Judas doesn't want to be bothered today." Thor said nothing and David withered slightly.
"Look, normally I would tell you but he was very clear about not letting anyone bother him." Thor leaned forward slightly, staying silent. David looked like he was going to protest but instead he sighed and let his head drop slightly.
"His office is in the back." He pointed. Thor broke into a smile.
"Thank you. I promise your help will be rewarded." He strode down the aisle of books, trying not to seem too eager. David watched him before shaking his head and going back to his book.
"He's gonna fire me for sure…" David mumbled.
Continuing to make his way through the aisles, Thor couldn't help but notice that the shop was far bigger on the inside than it looked on the outside. He smiled; another piece of evidence that he hoped would result in a positive outcome.
As he explored, he managed to figure out a few of the titles of the books.
How to Make Peace with your Inner-self
Spirituality: A Self-Management Guide
The Two Faces of the Soul
Given the manner of the subject matter, Thor could have assumed two things; either he was in the religious section of the store, or Judas had a serious issue with his soul. He pushed the thought from his head for the time being.
After what seemed like an hour, Thor reached the back of the store… and Judas' office.
He knocked twice before opening the door. Like the rest of the store, the room had a dark, rich atmosphere. Everything was covered in gold, dark green, and black. There were no electric lights; instead a large amount of candles in jars sat about the room, covering all the areas that weren't currently occupied by books. The carpet was a dark forest green, as was the fabric on the black wood chairs.
Thor's attention was caught by the figure in the chair behind the mahogany desk. Both his feet up on the desk and the book he was reading blocked his face.
"David I said no disturbances." The classy American accent said.
"My apologies." Thor watched as the man tensed. There was a long pause before the feet removed themselves from atop the desk. The book closed slowly and was placed on the desk, revealing the man named Judas. He surveyed Thor for a moment before smiling thinly.
"Can I help you?" He asked. Thor did his best not to grin too widely.
"I certainly hope so." He looked at the chair in front of Judas' desk.
"May I sit?" Judas looked perplexed but motioned for him to sit with a small smile.
"Yes of course. It's a chair, it's what it's meant for." He turned to put the book on the shelf beside his desk.
"I just thought I should ask, since you never liked it when I sat on your furniture without permission."
Judas froze before turning back to the grinning man in the chair. Knowing he was caught, Judas let a smile spread across his face. Small wisps of green magic curled around him and Thor found himself face-to-face with Loki.
"How did you know." Loki's smooth accent was music to Thor's ears. The God chuckled.
"As masterful as you are with illusions, you could never change the look in your eyes. I would know your eyes anywhere." Loki's smile faltered for a second but he recovered before Thor could notice. The blonde looked hopeful.
"Can we talk?" He asked softly. Loki hesitated. Thor didn't move, afraid that Loki would run away or lash out at him.
Figuring that the sooner they spoke, the sooner Thor would leave him alone, Loki stood and extended his hand, a gesture Thor was familiar with and knew that it meant they were teleporting elsewhere. He took the offered hand and in seconds they were enveloped in light, and gone the next.
When the light faded from Thor's eyes, he found himself standing in the middle of the New Mexico desert. It was nothing but endless sand and sky, save for a huge tree that stood a few feet from where he was standing. Loki had walked over and was sitting beneath it, leaning back against the huge trunk with a thoughtful look on his face. Thor joined him, leaving a little space between him and his troubled brother.
The silence was comfortable. The sound of the wind rustling through the leaves in the tree made both men relax a little.
Thor quickly grew impatient of waiting for Loki to speak so he turned his sapphire gaze on his brother, startled to find a pair of icy blue eyes staring back, analyzing him. He smiled.
He was right; he could never forget those eyes. In all his travels, in all the worlds he had visited, of all the people and creatures he had seen, never had he seen such eyes as Loki's; they held a silent intensity that was staggering.
Loki continued to watch Thor. He was smiling, so hopefully this 'talk' would not be an angry confrontation. Thor didn't look angry at all; in fact, he looked extremely happy to see him. It was unsettling to say in the least. One of Loki's eyebrows drew low on his forehead.
"Why do you welcome my presence so warmly?" He asked. Thor chuckled.
"Because my long-lost brother has been returned to me." He replied easily. Instead of putting Loki at ease, he only looked more confused.
"After all I did. You still call me your brother?" He asked warily. Thor's smile faded slightly. His brother's question seemed ridiculous.
"Yes of course. Why would I not?" He said, watching Loki carefully. The raven-haired man looked down at his clasped hands.
"I am hardly worthy to be called such; hardly worthy to be in your presence." He looked at Thor sideways out of the corner of his eye. Thor smiled slightly.
"Many years ago I might have taken that as a compliment." His smile faded, leaving his expression solemn.
"Now I only view it as an insult." Loki looked away from him once more, confusing him further. He touched the younger man's shoulder.
"Why do you say such things?"
That turned out to be the wrong question to ask. Loki's head snapped back to Thor and his eyes flashed dangerously. Thor retracted his hand from its place on Loki's shoulder.
"Do you think me a fool?" Loki hissed, leaning closer. Thor remained silent.
"You cannot tell me that your anger with me has vanished, simply because you now know I am still alive. Do you not remember what I tried to do? To you? To our friends? To Jotunheim?" His tone was venomous, his words loaded. Thor thought carefully before he answered.
"Of course I remember. Loki, why do you say these things? Where does this anger come from?" Loki tossed his head back and laughed, a cold pained sound.
"Where does it come from." He repeated, setting his gaze back on Thor.
"This anger has been my companion since I was a child; my only true friend; the only thing I could run to." He searched Thor's face, unsure of what he was looking for; if he was looking for anything at all.
"Seeing you always so exalted, even at a young age… it only fueled my desire to make Father see my worth. I couldn't stand being thrust into the shadows while you were bathed in the golden rays of glory." Loki spat. Thor couldn't handle the torment in Loki's voice.
"Loki, brother—"
"I am NOT your brother!" Loki shouted, suddenly standing with his fists clenched at his sides. Thor looked like he had been slapped.
"Loki!"
"NO!" Loki shouted again, taking a step back. "Do not call me such things! I am not!" Thor stood as well, his expression wounded, but the dark sky and rolling thunder broadcasted his true feelings towards Loki's outburst.
"So do you no longer love me then?" Thor asked vehemently, his question accompanied by a flash of lightning. The anger that had been shielding Loki's eyes fell, revealing the soul-crushing sadness behind it.
"Oh but I do, Thor." Loki said quietly, his hands relaxing and hanging limply at his sides.
"It is because of my love for you that I tell you all this."
Thor grasped Loki's shoulders, looking pleadingly at him.
"Loki I forgive you for what you've done! I understand why you did it and I forgive you. I wish to have you back in my life! Why do you reject me so?" Loki jerked out of his grip, tears beginning to shine in his eyes.
"Because I do not love you." He snapped, looking like an animal that had been backed into a corner.
"You just said you loved me!" Thor exclaimed exasperatedly, thunder booming again.
"How can you say you love me and then turn around and say you do not? I don't—"
"BECAUSE I DO NOT LOVE YOU AS A BROTHER." Loki bellowed, his voice full of aggravation. Thor was shocked into silence and watched as the first of Loki's tears fell.
"My love for you… is far more complex than that of a sibling." Loki said. The thunder stopped but the sky remained a melancholy shade of grey.
"I always knew that my love for you was unnatural… even before I knew what I was…" Thor was confused as to what Loki meant, but he didn't speak. Loki took a deep shaky breath before speaking again.
"When I would see you with the women in Asgard…" Loki closed his eyes, tears running down his handsome face.
"My soul would catch on fire with jealousy and betrayal." He swallowed thickly and opened his eyes again, immobilizing Thor with their shocking color.
"And when I saw you… with her… and when I see you now… holding her…" His voice shook more with both rage and frustration.
"And loving her… the burning intensifies…" He choked back a sob.
"It scalds my insides… and rises white-hot in the back of my throat, sitting upon my tongue like a thousand red coals… And I can no longer bear it…" He took another deep breath, closing his eyes against the pain.
"I simply cannot bear it…"
Thor was filled with compassion for the man in front of him. There was no telling how long he had been keeping this secret. How much pain and agony had he endured over the years? Thor had often bragged of his conquests to Loki of the females he invited into his bed, and never once had the younger man said it bothered him.
Thor opened his mouth to speak but Loki's eyes opened and they locked gazes once more.
"So at last you know the truth and I will be leaving this place as soon as possible." He stared into Thor's sapphire eyes, rememorizing them.
"I will torture myself no more." He said softly.
Thor stared. Loki was running. From him. Had he expected Loki to react violently? Yes, but to run away? Although it was Loki's nature, Thor hadn't expected him to ever feel like he needed to retreat from him. He had lost this man once. He wouldn't lose him again.
Loki flinched involuntarily when Thor's hands lifted from their place at his sides to grasp Loki's face, but he relaxed when Thor did nothing more but smooth the tears from his face with his thumbs. The man's hands were calloused from years of fighting and wielding Mjölnir, and the rough skin felt good on Loki's own smooth skin. The God of Thunder's face was soft as he looked at Loki.
"All this crying, Loki…" His thumb continued to idly brush the smaller man's cheek.
"It doesn't suit you." A gentle smile graced his features, making Loki's stomach flip.
"And you said I was soft." Thor's voice was affectionate and comforting. Loki searched Thor's eyes, seeing nothing but love and caring.
"… I don't understand you, Thor." Loki said softly, not allowing himself to hope but not despairing either. Thor chuckled and shook his head.
"I don't think you ever really tried." He leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss on Loki's forehead as the clouds parted and the sun showed her face once more. Loki's eyes fluttered closed with a sigh at the feeling of Thor's lips on his skin. Thor's mouth remained against Loki's forehead as he spoke.
"I have a question Loki." Loki made a small sound of acknowledgement. He didn't trust his silver-tongue at the moment. Thor leaned back and looked at him, his hands sliding down to rest on Loki's arms.
"You said you loved me before you knew what you were. What did you mean by that?" Loki's face fell slightly. So Thor didn't know after all. And here he had thought everyone knew but him.
"When Father returned from Jotunheim after the war, he brought the Casket of Ancient Winters with him… and he also brought me." Loki could tell by Thor's expression that he didn't understand fully.
"I am Laufey's son; a frost giant."
Thor chuckled.
"Nonsense. No you're not. You look nothing like a Frost Giant." Loki's expression remained neutral.
"I can't explain it, but whenever I'm touched by a Frost Giant or a Jotunheim relic, like the Casket, I revert back to my true form. Being around Asgardians is what keeps me looking this way." He expected Thor to be disgusted or angry but instead he laughed.
"So you are the Prince of the Frost Giants. That explains our rivalry. Having two boys who are destined to be King under one roof? That is a recipe for problems." He said, feeling his heart warm when Loki cracked a smile.
"Well technically since Laufey's dead I would be the King of the Frost Giants." Thor laughed again and continued to smile warmly at Loki.
"Frost Giant, Asgardian, or something in between," His hands returned to Loki's face, stroking the skin gently.
"I love you because you're you, Loki. Nothing else really matters." Loki's heart skipped a beat as Thor leaned forward slightly. His breathing sped up as he curled his fingers in Thor's blonde hair, a small sound escaping him as their mouths finally met. The effect was electrifying.
Thor instantly wrapped his arms around Loki's smaller body and pulled him closer, holding him as tightly as possible without hurting him. Loki kept his hands buried in Thor's hair, afraid to let him go for even a second. The feel of the Thunder God's lips on his own was both foreign and familiar. It felt like it was the one thing that had been missing from his life.
They parted slowly, lingering mere inches from each other before Thor pulled Loki to his chest fully, burying his face in the smaller man's neck.
"I don't know what this means for us, Loki, but I do know this." He pulled back, taking Loki's face in his hands once more. Loki's eyes were shining again, but this time the tears were tears of joy. Thor smiled tenderly.
"I lost you once and it nearly killed me. I won't lose you again." He pressed his forehead to Loki's and a long silence ensued. Loki took a deep breath, soaking in the moment that he had been waiting for his whole life. He shifted and tucked his head under Thor's chin, relaxing when Thor's strong arms wrapped around him tighter.
"What of Jane?" Loki's voice was quiet as he mentioned the mortal woman that had surprisingly grown on him lately. He felt Thor's chest swell with a sigh.
"I don't know what I will tell her. She knows little of you or what happened on Asgard and Jotunheim; in fact she knows almost nothing."
"Perhaps it should stay that way. We could leave this place you know." Thor's brow furrowed slightly.
"I can't just leave."
"You could. There are ways between the worlds that don't require the use of the Bifröst."
"I know of them. But this world; it needs me." Thor admitted, noticing the way Loki tensed slightly.
"Loki, listen." He pulled the smaller God away from his chest and looked at him.
"I will not leave you. I do love Jane. But I know now that my feelings for her will never be the same as my feelings for you, and she will have to accept that." He placed another kiss on Loki's forehead.
"We have an eternity ahead of us, you and I, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I want to live with you by my side, until Ragnarök come." Thor said, his words striking a cord in Loki's heart. That was as close to an Asgardian marriage proposal as he had ever heard. He looked up at the blonde God, questions shining in his eyes. Thor smiled radiantly at him.
"Would you do me the honor?" He said, both hope and hesitation in his voice. Loki's face split into a smile and he pressed another kiss to Thor's lips, holding the bigger man tight. He pulled away and matched Thor's wide smile, his icy blue eyes filled with fire.
"Until Ragnarök come." He promised.
o-o-o-o-o
A/N: Whew my GOD! It's finally done. This is the second longest oneshot I have ever written, being just 1k shy of It Takes A Life Time.
I worked hard on it so please review!
Edit: Also don't forget to go read the sequel "Keeping Promises" and leave a review there as well.