The thing Ianto Jones hated most about the Torchwood "gang" was how they just glazed over all the deep, dark human feelings. They never tried to look further than the surface even when there was glaring proof that your co-worker needed you. Desperately.
Instead they looked at you warily from a safe distance,(even Gwen albeit with a guilt-ridden look on her face) and never broached the subject again. and in that awkward silence, you are forced to put up a front. a brave face. carrying on as if nothing has changed when everything most certainly had. Ianto found this out the hard way after losing Lisa. Again. During the fall out of that heart-rending incident his co-workers seemed to care about how he was coping. except only in that frivolous way people have when they sympathize entirely with you, but only during work hours.
Alone, he dealt with his broken heart and grief. The unrequitedness of it all. He'd had her, and was so close. But then it was over. So fast, he never even got to catch his breath. And that was the part that he couldn't come to grips with.
Martha Jones, newly ex-compantion, and current Unit Medical Officer in Training, was not coping as well as she pretended to be. When she left the Doctor in a whirl of confident words, and airy demands when she tossed him her cellphone, she thought to herself that this was the right thing to do, that she was stronger for it. but as soon as the Tardis started to disappear her resolve crumbled and less than 10 minutes later she could be found sobbing like a baby in her sister Tish's arms. Broken in ways even she didn't realize.
Everyday since, she felt less self-assured, less whole, less there. She kept on progressing in life not because she was moving on but because if she stood still then, then all that she'd been through during "the Year That Never Was" and those unwanted overwhelming feelings would threaten to consume her.
She saw so many horrible,terrible things during that year but the one thing that could surely make her come undone was thinking of the Doctor that last time she saw him. He'd heard her words and yet didn't even entertain the idea of fighting for her to stay. Never begged for her to reconsider. Never even entertained the idea that she was a contender for his heart. and all she'd wanted was just a chance.
It was that knowledge, that she was never that important, nor was she ever going to be, even if she stayed with him for a hundred years, that kept her up at night. That stopped her from moving on and letting go. She just couldn't seem to come to terms with it, so she had to pretend until then.
Pretending in front of others was the easy part, both Ianto and Martha realized from early on. but trying to fool yourself, now that was the hard part. Being alone with just your memories, thoughts and all those terribly annoying feelings that tear your soul. You couldn't fake it when it came to your own broken heart.
Ianto tried to find ways to deal with his loss and grief. He thought of trying to put all his energy into dance, but that was Lisa's talent. She was the dancer, he was always too stiff and it would make her giggle to see him try to shimmy along with her. He tried fishing, but that just made him feel even more tragic and isolated. And the yoga class he tried? Well, he never wanted to think about that unfortunate event ever again.
Walking home, one particularly dismal and dreary day, taking an often unused shortcut, he passed by a dusty old pub. it sported a sign for its first ever Karaoke night. Ianto thought to himself "Hey I'm Welsh, which automatically makes me a great singer. Why not?" and wandered in.
Martha, now stationed in Wales as she finished up her expediated training, had the very same idea. she strolled absentmindedly down the same quiet street that Ianto only 10 minutes earlier vacated.
She'd seen the unremarkable looking pub, the night before on her way to her temporary home, and she'd noticed the sign and made up her mind to come back the next day and to sing her heart out. so now She bustled towards the entrance with the firm intent of singing " Love Fool" by the Cardigans. Her mother always told her she had a sweet, clear voice. and she planned on testing that opinion.
Martha entered the pub as the chords of music started up. she instantly recognized it as "Lover, You should've come over" by the oft imitated but never duplicated, Jeff Buckley.
She smiled wanely at the pale man that stood, awkwardly in an impeccably tailored suit, on the stage. she internally groaned because she never cared for amatuers or professionals trying to sing over this particular favorite of hers. They seemed to never fail to disappoint, but as the sad man on stage started singing the first verse, she quickly changed her mind.
"Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water And maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong But tonight you're on my mind so you never know"
Martha swiftly found a seat in the mostly empty pub. besides the strangely compelling man crooning out the tragic romantic song, there was only 2 other patrons. They didn't seem as equally enthralled by the singer as she was, but that didn't dampen her feelings on the matter.
"Broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run"
Ianto was singing the words at his most heartfelt, letting out all his pain and yearning with each note. Even if he never did this again, he wanted to be heard just this one time.
"Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun And much too blind to see the damage he's done Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one"
Martha knew that she was listening to a kindred broken spirit. someone who knew about love, and loss. so much loss. someone who knew that sometimes even though theres no going back, your heart still yearns that it isn't actually true.
"So I'll wait for you... and I'll burn Will I ever see your sweet return Oh will I ever learn
Oh lover, you should've come over 'Cause it's not too late"
Martha sat listening with tears endlessly streaming down her face, as the stranger kept on singing to her soul. singing to the singed bits that used to be her unruined heart. It was as if the words were the final nails in the coffin that she refused to acknowledge.
"Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him My body turns and yearns for a sleep that won't ever come"
Ianto sang, his soul aching into each and every lyric. In hopes that somewhere in the deep, mysterious beyond, Lisa might hear him and know.
"It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever"
both Ianto and Martha knew that the object of their devotion was never coming back to them. Alive or Dead, it didn't matter. neither of them were going to get their happily ever after with those particular people. and that stung more than they ever realized.
Well maybe I'm just too young To keep good love from going wrong
Oh... lover, you should've come over 'Cause it's not too late
Well I feel too young to hold on And I'm much too old to break free and run Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage I've done Sweet lover, you should've come over Oh, love well I'm waiting for you
Lover, you should've come over Cause it's not too late"
As Ianto sang those last few notes, tears pouring down his now red face, Martha stood up applauding him with all her might, sobbing hard. The 2 current strangers, future colleagues, looked at each other in knowing misery and saw hope. Hope that they weren't alone in their pain and that it would get better. eventually.