It was quiet. Appa and Momo had finally stopped teasing each other, Toph was in her rock tent, Sokka and Suki in their makeshift tent. Aang on the ground snoring softly, each exhale creating a breeze. Zuko was also laying on the ground - not asleep but eyes closed and dead quiet.
Katara was on watch - not because they really had to, it was more to do with the fact that she couldn't sleep. Confusion gripped her mind. The past few days had been insane - the invasion plan foiled, running away, Combustion Man, reuniting with Dad - not to mention the Southern Raiders. It had been a rough couple of days.
The invasion was one of the most harrowing experiences of her life. She saw so much in such little time. It was surprising none of them was dead. A soft rustling came from behind her she looked around suddenly ready to use her water. It was just Aang shifting in his sleep, softly muttering something which sounded like "Flameo Hotman". Katara smiled then quickly frowned. Aang. The kiss. He knew better than to send her into battle with that. It somehow felt like a promise that he will be back - that he won't die. A promise that she knew he could not make - it wasn't really up to him. She felt stupid that she returned that promise when she kissed him back. She pulled back but not as soon as she should have. It was just the pressure and the tension of the battle - the fear of losing her best friend - the fear of failure. Things hadn't really got awkward between them. There was a tacit agreement to not mention it; at least not yet. She hoped that this was the case for him too. Maybe it was just the nerves and the pressure. The whole world is counting on him. She couldn't even imagine what that must feel like.
Which is why she felt so guilty. The second kiss was another mistake. It was just something which happened after he helped her get the closure she so desperately needed. Had it been Aang in Zuko's place she would have done the same. Right? Zuko was the Fire Nation Prince, the rightful heir to the throne. The very same Prince who had hunted them down throughout the Earth Kingdom - he was not the person she wanted to be with. Right? Unlike the kiss before the invasion, she initiated this one and he had not stopped it. It was full of emotion, as though a whole year of pain and anger passed through it. Katara remembered feeling the same way in the catacombs of Ba Sing Se. That night she felt like things could be so different, that she could actually forgive and forget all those things that he had done - her mother's necklace, that fight at the Spirit Oasis in the North Pole - all of it. Of course, it was too good to be true. But this Zuko was not the Zuko in Ba Sing Se. This Zuko knew what he wanted. And so did Katara.
The kiss before the invasion was nothing like the kiss after the ordeal with her mother's murderer. The second kiss, as she had named it in her head, was different. While the first was more of a promise between two friends, this one was nothing but raw emotion - a different kind of promise - that of a new beginning in which water and fire could become one. Thinking these things almost made her laugh hysterically. Queen Katara wife of Fire Lord Zuko. It felt wrong. It was wrong.
Shifting noises brought her back to reality. Katara never let her guard down and she quickly sprung to her feet, a tentacle of water ready for the attack. "Relax it's just me". Zuko. "Can't sleep" She sat back down and he slowly sank next to her. She didn't speak. He didn't either. He was looking down, his face dark in the moonlight. He was terrified. What he had done after the journey felt like he was stabbing the Avatar in the back. It was so clear that he loved the waterbender and what did Zuko do? He went and kissed her. Ever since Ba Sing Se he knew that she was going to be a bigger part in finding his destiny - maybe she was his destiny. He was thinking too much like his Uncle these days. He loved her. That part he knew. How much? Enough to foil the Avatar from defeating the Fire Lord? No. Maybe. He didn't know. New things were happening every day. When he joined their group he knew that she would take it the worst. She even threatened him the first night. He shouldn't have kissed back. When he was writing his letter to Mai, he knew she was not the one. He knew that she could never be the one. Could Katara be the one? Looking at her now in the moonlight he thought maybe she could be. Katara of the Southern Watertribe and Zuko ex-Prince of the Fire Nation. Absurd. But then again she kissed him. So maybe she wanted it too? In the North Pole he had promised himself to never ever live in a cold climate but somehow it didn't seem so bad if he had her by his side. He shook his head. He was the Crown Prince - he could not leave his path. There was so much going on in the world he almost felt selfish thinking about what would happen after the war - if they won.
Katara's clattering teeth broke the silence. She was shivering slightly in the night breeze. "You cold?" he asked. She nodded silently. He opened the palm of his hand and a warm flame gradually rose from it. She nodded again this time in thanks. Silence. He hated this. He wanted her to know that he wanted her. But he also needed her to make the Avatar happy and hopeful. She was the key to his happiness - everyone's key to a peaceful world.
"I shouldn't have kissed you." Katara blurted out suddenly in a whisper. The flame flickered as the firebender lost his train of thought. As he regained control of the flame she continued; "I'm sorry. I let my emotions get out of control. I've been doing that a lot lately," she smiled softly as they both remembered the rain of icicles and her bloodbending. "Things are overwhelming - the invasion really threw me off balance. Then you took me on this revenge mission and I guess I got too comfortable." He remained silent only glancing back making sure that the rest of the group were still asleep. Katara's mind was working a 100 miles a minute. The past month came flashing through her head and suddenly nothing was making sense. Suddenly, Zuko was making her angry. He was just sitting there quietly while her brain was working overtime trying to process things. He had kissed her back. He wanted to kiss her, otherwise, he would have stopped. Suddenly she wanted to punch him - he had made things worse. She was already confused about Aang, she didn't need more problems.
Zuko sensed her confusion. He was going through the same thing. He was at a point that he had so many thoughts that not even sleep could stop the exhaustion. "Katara, I understand," he stopped, "I understand completely." Without warning, the flame went out and he put his hand on her cheek and kissed her, once again feeling all the emotions that he felt the first time. Emotions that he never felt with Mai. She pulled back, stood up and walked away. Shame came over Zuko. What was he thinking? He wasn't thinking. He quickly got up and went after her.
"Katara I-" He stopped as he looked at her tear stained cheeks. "You what?" she was angry this time. "You thought that I could handle more? I've been practically raising my brother, a stubborn blind earthbender not to mention the freaking Avatar. I've been battling you and your damned family every day since I left my village all those miles ago. I've been dealing with every problem the world has been throwing at me. I tell you that I regret the thing we did and what do you do? You do it again." her eyes were swimming in tears and Zuko hated himself for it. "Katara I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."
She turned away from him, not wanting him to see her cry. "I'm tired Zuko. I'm tired of having to forgive you over and over again. I thought that maybe I was strong enough but I now know that I'm not." Zuko's feet were nailed to the ground, not sure what to say, fearing that anything he says could ruin his chance in helping the Avatar destroy his father. Fearing that he would lose Katara. "Maybe you shouldn't forgive me that way you don't need to be strong enough," he whispered. She faced him, her face pale, her eyes puffy, her cheeks teary. "I need to be strong. For Aang. And so do you. So I suggest that whatever this is we stop it. We have enough on our plates right now." It was just the two of them now. Alone. Just like they were in Ba Sing Se. Zuko suddenly felt a surge of courage. "Katara, I've wanted this since the Catacombs, since you were willing to sacrifice that little bit of Spirit Water you had for me. Katara I want you. I'm not losing you."
She looked at him dead in the eyes. She looked desperate. "Zuko, we can't." His heart sank. He knew that this was going to happen and yet he still felt like he could pretend. He could pretend that there was no war on. That he could run away with her, make her own engagement necklace, go to the South Pole and be greeted by her Fire Nation-hating tribe. He knew that what he wanted was a fantasy. And she shattered it right in front of him. His face showed his disappointment. She thought she was brave enough to ruin her own fantasy but any feeling that this was the right thing to do was being crushed by her sadness. They made eye contact and recognised the same sadness in each other and all of a sudden their mouths were on each other, each desperately wanting the other. Their melancholy kiss went on for awhile each making sure the other knew what they were feeling. Until the sun started climbing back onto the sky.
They sat back onto the ground in silence. Another tacit agreement was forged. No one will know of tonight.