Santana: Athena, no arguing or I'm going to kick your ass into next week
Me: *very scared* Yes Satan-I mean Santana.
Santana: Course you do.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Legally Blonde 1, 2, 3, or the Musical.
Okay, so I was thinking earlier today how I when I first started watching Glee I couldn't tell Blaine's sexual orientation. Then for some unapparent reason I started to think about the song everyone sings in the court room in the Musical of Legally Blonde and so I thought this song would be funny to put with the cast of Glee. SO I present to you "There, Right there".
"Thank you so much Britt! I got to spend two hours in the ER with Finn. Granted I broke his nose, but still," said Rachel. Brittany smiled over the courthouse phone.
"I told you it work, Rachel. It usually does unless the guy's gay or something," Brittany said and then looked over to Blaine Anderson, the witness they were questioning, and noticed he was filing his nails (I'm pretty sure that Nikos was doing that in the musical). Straight guys don't usually do that, "Yeah Rach I'm going to have to call you back."
"Okay! Good luck with the trial for the rest of the day!" and the two girls hung up. Brittany looked at the folder she had in her hands. She walked a little further down the hall and "dropped" the folder. She turned so her back faced Blaine. She bent down… and snapped back up with the folder in her hands. She looked back to Blaine. He was unaffected by the bend and snap. So just to make sure she dropped the folder again and did the bend and snap. She looked over to Blaine who was still unaffected.
"OOOHHHH," Brittany said and ran back into the courtroom. She ran back up to Mr. Schue, Santana, and the rest of the student interns, "Blaine's lying!" She said.
"Really," Mr. Schue said, "How do you know?"
"Watch." She did the bend and snap, "Did you see?"
"No," said Mike, "Maybe You should do it again. Please?"
Britt smiled. "I did it twice in front of Blaine and it had no effect. He must be gay."
"He did leave a Katy Perry CD in the Pool house one time!" Santana said. The two smiled and did the Delta Nu sign.
Artie looked worried, "How do we prove it to the court though?"
"They'll laugh at us. We can't use a dance move as evidence. Besides we need more proof."
Brittany looked around and saw a young man come in he sat down in the back. Then She saw Blaine come in.
Brittany started singing.
There! Right There!
Look at that tan, that tinted skin.
Look at the killer shape he's in.
Look at that slightly stubbly chin.
Oh Please he's gay, totally gay.
Mr. Schue stared at her.
I'm not about to celebrate.
Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate.
This guy's not gay, I say not gay.
Everyone joined in.
That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to assume
that a man who wears perfume
is automatically radically fey?
Artie:
But look at his coiffed and crispy locks
Brittany:
Look at his silk translucent socks.
Mr. Schue:
There's the eternal paradox.
Look what we're seeing.
Brittany:
What are we seeing?
Mr. Schue
Is he gay?
Brittany:
Of course he's gay.
Mr. Schue:
Or European?
Everyone looked at Blaine then. "OHHHHH"
Everyone:
Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or European?
Mike
Well, hey don't look at me.
Tina;
You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.
They play peculiar sports.
Everyone:
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks.
They will say things like "ciao bella"
while they kiss you on both cheeks
Brittany:
Oh please.
Everyone:
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.
Mike:
Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.
Everyone:
Is he gay or European?
or
Laruen looked back to Blaine who was talking to the girl behind the type writer:
There! Right There!
Look at that condescending smirk.
Seen it on every guy at work.
That is a metro hetero jerk.
That guy's not gay, I say no way
Suddenly Blaine had started to talked the policeman getting very close:
That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to presume
that a hottie in that costume
Brittany:
Is automatically-radically
Mr Schue:
Ironically chronically
Tina:
Certainly pertin'tly
Mike:
Genetically medically
Blaine grabbed behind the policeman's head.
GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY
Then Blaine leaned back with the hat he'd taken from the policeman and kissed the girl behind the type writer's cheek
DAMNIT!
Gay or European?
Mr. Schue:
So stylish and relaxed.
Everyone:
Is he gay or European?
Mr. Schue:
I think his chest is waxed
Tina:
But they bring their boys up different there.
It's culturally diverse.
It's not a fashion curse.
Everyone:
If he wears a kilt or bears a purse.
Gay or just exotic?
I still can't crack the code.
Santana:
Yet his accent is hypnotic
but his shoes are pointy toed.
Everyone:
Huh.
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.
The Judge Heard them and added:
But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday
Everyone started to sit down:
Is he gay or European?
gay or european?
Gay or Euro-
Artie got an idea, "Mr. Schue I want to try something out."
"Go ahead." Artie rolled himself up to the stand
"Mr. Anderson," Artie started, "When did your affair with Ms. Puckerman start?"
"Two years ago," Blaine said with a British accent.
"Your first name is?"
"Blaine."
" And your boyfriend's name is?"
"Kurt." There was huge gasp in the crowd. Blaine realized what he said and coughed, " You said boy friend, I thought you said best friend. Kurt's my best friend."
The man who came in earlier stood up angrily.
You bastard!
You lying bastard!
That's it.
I no cover for you, no more!
Peoples.
I have a big announcement.
This man is Gay and European!
you've got to stop your being
a completely closet case.
No matter what he say.
I swear he never ever ever swing the other way.
You are so gay.
You big parfait!
You flaming boy band cabaret.
Blaine:
I'm straight.
Kurt:
You were not yesterday.
So if I may, I'm proud to say,
He's gay!
All:
And European!
Kurt:
He's gay!
All:
And European!
Kurt:
He's gay!
All:
And European and Gay!
Blaine sighed with a smile and ran over to his boyfriend:
Fine okay I'm gay!
All:
Hooray!
Blaine and Kurt:
Fine. Okay. We're gay!
The two then kissed and everyone cheered for the two. The student interns were high fiving Brittany and Santana gave her a hug. Brittany and Artie smiled happily at each and nodded. They were happy.
A/N: Okay please review and tell me what you think. I was thinking about maybe turning this into part of a fan fiction glee parody of Legally Blonde and I want some opinions on who should play who in the cast. So leave me a review on what you think I should do.