Heart of Steel, a smallville fanfic

Title: Heart of Steel (3/3 of Glimpse of the Future Trilogy)

Author: k3josai

Pairing: CLOIS

Spoiler: Inspired by Infamous episode (but not quite). The last part for the Glimpse of the Future Trilogy.

Rating: PG-13

A/N: Thanks to those who read and/or reviewed Parts 1 (In a Rush) and 2 (Rush over Me). Now, I posted Part 3 as the conclusion. This Clois fic is simultaneously posted on FFnet, Ksite and DI. Maraming salamat to lawz500 for betareading Heart of Steel and providing I Didn't Mean to Make You Mine especially made for this fic. I personally asked her to do this CLOIS vid using one of my favorite OPM (Original Pilipino Music) songs as the background. "Despite of your busy schedule, thanks for doing it without any hesitation. You're an Angel from the Land Down Under." (Hmmm… There's no double meaning for that aside from the country where you came from. But it can also be interpreted the other way. Ah… where's your halo? Peace! Just kidding! lol)

I Didn't Mean To Make You Mine (lyrics)
by Nina

Don't give me a second chance
It'll be the same
You will be the consequence
And I will have the pain
You are something else
I have, I have to survive
That is why I say
With tears in my eyes

I wish I never opened up my heart
I didn't mean to love you baby
I wish I never let it get this far
I didn't mean to love you baby
If I could have a single wish
I'd turn back time
I didn't mean to make you
I didn't mean to make you
Mine

Don't look at me like I'm mad
I thought you would know
I was getting way too sad
It was gonna show
There was no way I could hide
I could hide the truth
So I took the risk
And fell for you

I didn't mean to make you hold me
I didn't mean to get so lonely
I didn't mean to say all this to you
I didn't mean to make you need me
I didn't mean to love you like I do
Look at what we've put us through

Disclaimer: I own nothing (except for my ideas). The characters are owned by Warner Bros., CW and DC Comics. Superman created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. No copyright infringement intended. This is mainly created for entertainment.

Summary: No matter how close we were to someone, sometimes we couldn't read the lines in between. It was either you were too blind to see or too scared to face the situation. A sequel for In a Rush and Rush over Me. CLOIS!!!

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Heart of Steel

1. Intro

I called him… much to my own surprise, but then I never thought that he would pick up after the first ring!

"Hello Lois," Clark's voice greeted me. Thanks to caller ID, he already knew who it was, even before I got the chance to change my mind and hang up. Funny, I thought sarcastically. But hearing his voice calmed me a bit.

"Hello Smallville," I replied.

"It's nice to hear your voice again," he told me truthfully. I could tell from the tone of his voice that he was happy. Or so I thought.

"Yeah, long time, no communication. What's up?" I asked.

"Nothing new," he responded with few words but he added before I could continue, "I've missed your talkativeness. My whole world became so quiet when you were not around."

"And you liked that tranquility?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Maybe." He said in a mocking tone. I pictured him shrugging and grinning while he answered.

"Really?"

"I can tell from here that you're raising your eyebrow, with a huge frown on your face." He was in a teasing mood, I sensed. And I missed those moments with him.

"Hmmm… You don't miss me, whoa! So why did you answer this call on the first ring?"

"I ah… I was typing a text message when you called." I smirked at his awkward babble.

We fell into an awkward silence. "So if you have time, maybe we should have a chat, 8 pm tonight at that café round the corner. But of course, it's completely up to you. You know I always go to that place with or without company." I whispered, "Caffeine addict." I laughed a little which made him chuckle on the other end. I didn't know where I found the guts to invite him for a coffee.

Just like before, he didn't promise anything. I chose to end the conversation.

"Bye Smallville. I need to pick-up another call." I lied.

He didn't reply at first, but I heard him sigh on the other end and then he spoke. "Bye Lois. Be careful always."

"Thanks. You too." I pushed the end button.

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This cafe had been my favorite spot ever since I found it. I sat on my preferred chair. It was early. About fifteen minutes before eight. I tried not to be so transparent on how nervous I was. The waitress got my order and I took out my cell phone from my purse. I readied myself for his call or text message that said he couldn't come. But still, I couldn't let go of this tiny hope that he would be here this time.

I stayed there for hour-and-a-half. My second cup of coffee was icy cold now. I made myself take one last look around the place, already knowing that I wouldn't see him. So I decided to leave. Just like a few years ago, right on the same spot, he hadn't shown up – he didn't then and he hadn't now. However, tonight, I didn't receive any text message from him. If I could turn back the hands of time, I wouldn't ask him to come, I thought to myself. It was a foolish hasty decision that I would regret forever. In the end, I was the one who suffered the pain. Why? Because I expected him to come when he hadn't said that he would.

I knew my eyes were misty again. The only thing I could do was wipe them away before they got the chance to fall. Since the day I fell for him, I never got tired of loving and waiting for him, that is, until tonight. I realized that I should let go of my feelings for him and find happiness, even if it was without him in my life. I stood and walked away….

Someone whispered to me… "Be careful what you wish for, love."

That was it. No warning or flashes - everything changed in the blink of an eye.

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2. Movie Night

A year ago…

I knew I had suffered so much from my past relationships but I also knew that I had managed to get over them with a tub of double-fudge chocolate ice cream and a night of crying. It would be the same this time. I always worked overtime; anyone could see how I loved my job. I treated it as a professional. Although there were tons of pressures in order to give my editor the best headlines and uncover the truth about the news.

Well, the Pulitzer that I had won would always push me to do better than ever before. I wanted to capture and print every detail of information, even at the cost of my own life. It was hard to admit but through my job, I could almost forget how alone I was.

Yeah, I knew deep down that even with my co-workers or friends, I could never totally escape this feeling of emptiness. Now, all alone in my apartment while hugging my favorite pillow, I sat on my bed, watching "The Lake House". I saw myself in Sandra Bullock's character. She had gotten everything that she had wanted: a well-paid job as a doctor, helping people; a boyfriend ready to marry her; and yet she still ran off. Too bad - but that was what I usually did when I met someone who wanted to give me his everything. I would run away. The biggest problem for Sandra was that she was in love with a guy she had never even met and yet, crazily, she was willing to give her whole heart to him anyway. The movie was already finished by now but I was still awake. The characters' dialogue was still echoing in my mind.

"There's always something better to come around the corner."

"Maybe. But if she's not careful, she could spend her whole life waiting. What if there's no one? What if you live your life and there's no one waiting?"

I slept fitfully, mulling over those thoughts, hoping that tomorrow would be a brand new day.

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3. The Klutz, the Steel & Me

Another "normal" Monday morning came. What else was new? Well, I wore my new three-piece corporate attire. Ah, my purse too. But, I was still the same old me – nothing new.

"Good morning Lois!" Jimmy, a friend and co-worker of mine approached me. He was a photographer for The Daily Planet where I worked too, of course. "I like your aura today," he added which made me frown a little.

"Well, it's a refreshing one. Where did you spend your weekend?" He said in a joking attitude. I smirked.

"Thank you. Maybe I should throw the question back at you." I laughed so hard when I saw him scratch his head.

"With Chloe." He answered shamefully.

"Gee, I knew it." I whispered. "She called me."

"Yeah, right. By the way, Chief told me to tell you to wait for him in the Conference room." He slowly moved towards the dark room.

"Ah, okay. Thanks. But Jimbo." He spun around. "Take good care of my cousin."

"Is that a threat? But yes, I will," he answered hurriedly. I could sense he answered me truthfully. I smiled. I put my things on my desk. I looked around and noticed that Claude had already vacated the table across mine. I shrugged as I remembered that I had to go to the Conference Room. It was just few steps away. I opened the door, noticing that the Chief was not yet there. I picked up a copy of The Daily Planet's morning edition. I grinned as I read my by-line. I heard the door open and it seemed like two pairs of feet came. With the sounds of their shoes in my ears, I pretended to read my news article.

"Meet my hard-headed but brilliant reporter, Lois Lane." Perry White, my editor-in-chief said.

I heard a loud thud. I put down the newspaper, my eyes immediately noticing his luggage. With that thump, I rolled my eyes on how clumsy the new guy was. I surveyed him from foot to face… Oh my, my heart stopped in surprised. Was I really seeing what I was seeing? As his shocked blue eyes met mine, I shook my head.

"This is Clark Kent. Your new partner." Perry introduced me to him, not realizing that the geek in front of me was once a teenage friend of mine.

"Wait! Wait! Wait! Rewind… What did you say?" I waved my hand in protest.

"Your new partner." The old man stated with much determination on his face.

I stood and looked again at the man before me with his puppy-dog eyes. This was great. I felt the urge to tease him again.

"My new partner? But…" Clark stuttered.

"No buts. Come on Kent. Lois is just like that but she's kind."

"When sleeping." Clark added which Perry agreed with blissfully.

"Yeah, that's right.'" They turned around to go outside the room.

I arched one of my eyebrows as I saw him look back with a huge grin on his face. I hid my smile for him. Somehow, I felt something was rushing over me. I followed them.

"That's your table Kent, across from Lois."

"Thanks chief."

"Okay. Welcome to the Daily Planet. So, I have to go. I have a meeting with the CEO." Perry looked back at me. "Lois?"

I displayed my famous Lane smile, "Yeah, I know."

When Perry left, I got tongue-tied but as I was about to speak so did he.

"How are you?" We said at the same time.

"You first." He said.

"No, I think you should. It has been three years. And those glasses?"

He showed his cutest smile, making my stomach fall out. 'Hey Lane don't lose your grip on your heart,' I reminded myself. "I traveled all over the world," Clark continued. "I met people from different races. Learned from them. Explored beautiful places. These glasses, well, I'm nearsighted."

I nodded. That was our last conversation for that morning. We were busy all day long. There was no time to catch up. But then, something happened. Right before my very eyes, later that day, I saw a man in a red cape! An old man yelled from the top of a burning apartment and I knew it was unbelievable! I had already forgotten about my dreams from all those years ago. However, there he was flying almighty. The one who had the three primary colors… People were clapping, as he saved the old man. I tried to interview the red-caped guy. Yes… The red-caped guy who had always visited my dreams ever since high school, but he disappeared even before I opened my tape recorder.

"Hey Lois, did I miss something?"

I rolled my eyes when I saw the dorky farm boy in front of me. I couldn't help but roll my eyes whenever Clark came back from nowhere with a lame excuse for his disappearance. Did he honestly think that I didn't know it was him in the red cape?? Honestly!! But I could never ask him… Or blackmail him just because I knew his secret. Actually, a day before he bid his farewell all that time ago, I dreamt about the hero for the tenth time and I had known at that moment that it was Clark up close and personal. I never told him about my discovery because deep down in me I knew that the time would come when Clark would be the one who would tell me about the whole truth. But for now… I was contented that he came back… even if it was not for me.

"Lo, are you okay?" I heard his worried voice.

"You only missed the new superhero in town." I exaggerated my reaction for his benefit.

"Really? What's his name?" I could sense how excited he was. Or maybe it was surprise over the reactions he had gotten from the people. An idea popped into my mind about the name, which would be the tag on his 'S' emblem.

"Super… Superman… Yeah, that's it."

I saw him nod. Well, that was the start of another journey. We worked together, that was a given fact. We became the best of friends, just like the old times. I never gave away my feelings even with the closeness that we shared. My strange feelings for him - I buried them deep inside. I neither paid attention to them nor shared them with anyone, especially Clark. I enjoyed being close to him again. I was really comfortable being with him. Although, sometimes he was very annoying, I knew I was safe with him. And from what we had right now, we were in a safe place. No strings attached. Just a bond of friendship.

"Lois… Lois…"

From the whisper that I heard, I opened my eyes slowly. Seeing him with that warm smile across the news room, well, I supposed, that it was enough to keep me going even in my most pressured of days. But hey, back to reality.

I gently rubbed my eyes. "Sorry, I dozed off."

"It's okay to take a nap, since it's almost midnight. Our report is almost done. It needs editing on that last part. We can pass this to the chief tomorrow." He blinked and focused his attention to me. "Coffee?"

"Ah.. . No, thanks. I need to sleep. Can I take your bed? I don't want to go home right now. I'm too tired."

"Sure Lo."

That was it, he smiled again. I tried not to notice much, but my heart leaped a million miles every time. I playfully punched his arm, which made him laugh. I rolled my eyes as I headed towards his room. We were too comfortable with each other. I let him sleep at my place and me at his. Sleeping in the literal sense. We were like brother and sister, I realized with a smirk. Aside from Chloe, he was the only one who could crack my GREAT WALL around my heart.

Morning came… I opened the door and stepped down from the stairs. I smelled the coffee aroma from the kitchen. I lightly moved towards the dining area. I saw his back, hmmm… he was wearing an apron on top his office clothes. He spun around while holding a plate of pancakes.

"Hey, good morning Lo! Hey… Hey… Hey… What's with the frown?"

"I don't know." I slightly pouted my lips.

"You don't… Aw, come on Lo. I know you."

Hell, that was it… How well he knew me. Sometimes I couldn't hide from him and sometimes I really wished I could.

"Uh… oh… don't glare at me like that." I poured a cup of coffee so I would be able to break eye contact with him.

Clark stared at me, waiting for me to speak.

"Nothing, really." I took a sip and realized that the liquid was too hot. It almost burned my tongue. "Ouch."

"Oops, sorry. Is that too hot?" He moved closer. I rolled my eyes, 'don't move too close Kent.' I silently complained. "No, it's not." I blurted out.

"Really? You're not telling the truth Lois Joanne Lane. First, with what made you frown this morning; and second, with the very hot coffee." He exclaimed and crossed his arms on his chest.

I almost choked on the second sip of coffee when I saw his facial expression; he was too serious and very eager to squeeze me for an answer. Panic seized me. "Clark Jerome Kent, I promise I'll tell you when I'm ready."

He sighed. "Okay, I'll buy it. But you have to eat your breakfast."

I pulled a seat out and put the table napkin on my lap.

"Thanks. Pass me the syrup."

He winked and I smiled at his gesture.

Then the telephone rang and since it was near me, I volunteered to answer that early morning call.

"Smallville, I'll take it."

When I heard the familiar voice, I realized that a part of me was torn into pieces. I couldn't explain what I felt at the moment. I handed him the phone.

"Clark, it's Lana."

I feigned my smile. But still, I saw how his face lit up when he heard her name. Since that day, I knew I must accept the fact that I couldn't have his attention the way I had before. Lana was always his down fall.

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4. Same Old Brand New Couple

"So how was your dinner date with Lana?" I asked, too curious about his answer.

"Well, that was fine." He replied.

"Fine? That's it?" I couldn't believe what he just said.

But he added immediately, "Actually it was magical. I didn't know but… It was kind of like regaining what we had before."

I got tongue-tied; I was stunned with the excitement in his voice.

"Hey Lo, are you still there?"

"Yeah… Well, ahm… I'm so happy for you."

"Thank you. I'll hang up. I have to go."

"Be safe." I whispered, but I knew he wasn't there. He was already gone. A tear fell from my eye as I held my phone to my chest. It was like I lost my best friend again. When it came to Lana, I had no hope of winning. I settled myself on the couch, looking at the wall clock, I remembered what he had said before…

"I came back for the one that I love."

I looked back at him. We were on the rooftop of The Daily Planet that night, trying to unwind from another stressful day. He answered the question that I had burst out of nowhere. I shot another one.

"Do I know her? You know… Curiosity suddenly kicks in." I chuckled.

"Yes, but she's out of my reach." He was too serious with the topic.

"Ah… She's like Superman, a star that is million light years away from all of us." I followed the direction where he gazed. It was a dim night with billions of stars out there. I sighed with him.

I must be genuinely happy for him because he found her again. Now I stared at my wall clock for the tenth time.

"Five… Four… Three… Two… One… Happy Birthday Lois." I said to myself in a loud tone. I blew out the cake's candle and opened a tub of chocolate ice cream.

"Geez, Lois… I've told you, nothing's new tonight, you have to celebrate again… ALONE. At least, I have ME. But hey, I can still walk outside." I breathe in and out to calm myself. "Don't pity yourself. Lois, you only need some fresh air."

I stepped outside after I locked my apartment. I made a sluggish saunter around the block. I took in a lungful of air; it made me lighter all of a sudden. But then, I was attacked by three thugs. They surrounded me. I wasn't that afraid because I could take care of myself through the self-defense that I had learned from The General. Fear must not consume me right at this moment.

"Give me your money." The leader of the group whose eyes were almost bulging took out a knife from his pocket while the others laughed in a devilish way. Tattoos were seen on their arms.

"Money? I don't have money." I retorted while doing my best not to show how nervous I was. In my head, I must call Superman. But hey, who said that I couldn't handle them myself. As I said, I was the General's Daughter. Maybe I didn't need Superman. I glared at them with much determination to fight back. I was about to kick them when somebody spoke.

"Leave her alone."

I saw again his hood, shades, bow and arrow. The thugs ran like cowards.

"Thanks Green Arrow. And… Welcome back."

"Your welcome."

I smiled at him as a sign of relief.

"Come on… I'll bring you to your apartment. It's getting late."

Before I could protest, he carried me away from the scene. At the side of my right eye, I thought I saw Superman flew away, but maybe it was just my imagination.

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Morning came… It was nice to see Green Arrow again. I knew he was Oliver Queen. As far as I could remember, that was the primary reason why we broke up years ago. Since then, we hadn't seen each other until last night. I wonder why he came back. Metropolis already had Superman while his territory was Star City. But then again, I was still lucky because I benefited from him. He had saved me again. I opened my voice mail. Chloe had called… Followed by Jimmy… and Perry. He confirmed about my special day-off request. I smiled. But I wondered, Clark never made a call this morning. I shrugged. I picked up the phone, dialed his number and heard his recorded voice mail. I decided to put the phone back. This was a start of a new day. I took a one-hour warm shower and then I decided to drive back to Smallville. At least, I could celebrate with Martha Kent. Oh my, I forgot to call her. Maybe, I should give her a surprise visit. I packed some of my things and started the car's engine.

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Martha was so excited when she saw me standing in front of the door when she opened it. But on my part, it was doubled.

"Hi, Mrs. Kent!" I displayed a wide grin on my face.

"Oh my… Lois! It's good to see you again!" She wrapped me in her arms. I loved the feeling of a mother's embrace.

"Where's Clark?"

"Busy at the Planet. I just dropped by. I'm looking for some stories here." I lied a little bit.

"Come in." She held my hands while walking towards the kitchen.

"I missed you and Smallville." The last word I said was more in reference to Clark and less in reference to the small town.

"I missed you too." I felt the sincerity in her voice and the gentle squeeze she made on my hand.

We spent the whole day trying to catch up. We talked. We laughed together. We were almost teary-eyed when we both remembered our days with her husband, Jonathan Kent. I didn't notice that it was getting dark until….

"Mrs. Kent, I'm sorry but I need to go. I have to go back to Metropolis."

"You can stay with me."

"Thanks… but no thanks. It's nice to have a healthy laugh again with you but I need to go." We hugged each other again, never wanting to pull back.

"Okay… But Sweetie…" She paused. "Happy birthday! I'm sorry I almost forgot."

"It's okay… but thank you." I released her from my embrace.

I waved back as I entered my car. This was gonna be a long-drive back to Metropolis.

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5. Changes

Daily Planet, 7:30 am

Now refreshed and with a huge smile on my face, I greeted every person in the newsroom. I spotted Clark at his desk with a big frown on his face.

"Hey Smallville, good morning!" I displayed a sweet smile for him.

"Good morning!" He never smiled and that was very intriguing.

"Hmmm… Do you know what?" I put my left hand on his right face and tapped it slightly. "The power of staring at me might result in you falling for me. Don't fall for me, farm boy, because I don't have time for that." I winked and I noticed that he blushed. "Just kidding!" I chuckled and punched his chest. I went to my desk and opened my desktop computer. It was a little slow so I shifted my gaze from my computer to him. He was trying to hide his smile.

"Lo." He focused his attention to me.

"Yes?" I put down the pen that I was holding and lent my eyes and ears to what he was about to say.

"Nothing." I raised one of my eyebrows from his sudden change of tack. I followed where he was looking at.

"Lana." He said.

Lana Lang. The Pink Princess walked in dressed in her famous color.

"Morning Clark! I dropped by to ask you for a nice breakfast."

Clark glanced at me, I didn't know if he was asking for my permission or not. But then, I saw again the familiar far away worried look on his face – like he was listening to something far away.

"Ahm… Clark. I think you should go first. I'll follow." She interrupted.

I watched Lana whisper 'be careful' to him. He nodded while never breaking eye contact with her. Then I saw him running away. I blinked and analyzed the situation. I couldn't hide the hurt from my eyes. He had told her his secret. Few seconds after, I heard her voice.

"Lois, I better go."

I didn't know if I nodded or if I stayed staring on the elevator where he had exited. How could that be? She knew his secrets. Of course, she was. I should have known she would. Maybe he told her. Did I have the right to react this way? Open your eyes, Lane, she was his girl. You? You were just his best friend. Come on, you shouldn't feel anything huge about that. That was nothing. Although I tried my best to convince myself that it was nothing, I ended up with the conclusion that he was not willing to share his secrets with me. That hurt me so much. Lo, that was bad, you must be a supportive and understanding friend, nothing more, nothing less. Let your feelings go.

Since then, everything had changed. We might not be aware of that but it was happening right now. I devoted most of my time with my work and with Oliver. The Lane-Kent partnership became less visible in print as we worked out our relationships with other people. Yeah, we had our own lives. It took months, we had our hi's and hellos. We were both professional with our work. I saw him in his tights and cape and still got my exclusive interviews with Superman. It was because he was one of the members of The Justice League with Green Arrow.

Last night I received a wedding proposal from Ollie. I accepted half-heartedly. I wasn't so sure of my decision. I wanted to be happy and I knew how he felt. He was handsome, rich, famous, and good-hearted. He had everything that I wanted. I had loved him before, more than once, but now I had doubts. I needed to clear my mind. I called my best friend… much to my surprise. But I needed to talk to someone. I never thought that he would pick up his phone after the first ring.

"Hello Smallville," I replied.

"It's nice to hear your voice again," he told me truthfully. I could tell from the tone of his voice that he was happy. Or so I thought.

"Yeah, long time, no communication. What's up?" I asked.

"Nothing new," he responded with few words but he added before I could continue, "I've missed your talkativeness. My whole world became so quiet when you were not around."

"And you liked that tranquility?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Maybe." He said in a mocking tone. I pictured him shrugging and grinning while he answered.

"Really?"

"I can tell from here that you're raising your eyebrow, with a huge frown on your face." He was in a teasing mood, I sensed. And I missed those moments with him.

"Hmmm… You don't miss me, whoa! So why did you answer this call on the first ring?"

"I ah… I was typing a text message when you called." I smirked at his awkward babble.

Just like before, he didn't promise anything. I chose to end the conversation.

"Bye Smallville. I need to pick-up another call." I lied.

He didn't reply at first, but I heard him sigh on the other end and then he spoke. "Bye Lois. Be careful always."

"Thanks. You too." I pushed the end button.

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Someone whispered to me… "Be careful what you wish for, love."

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I went inside my apartment and threw my purse on the couch, ignoring the ringing coming from my cell phone. Then I heard the knock on the door. I unhurriedly opened it. Immediately and with some surprise, I recognized his baby blues.

"Lois, I'm sorry. I went to the coffee shop and you were not there. I ah…. I found out that it was ten o' clock already, so I called your cell phone twice, but you didn't answer them. I decided to go straight here to make sure that you're okay. I mean if you were here."

I smiled inside as Clark babbled his explanation.

"Clark, it's okay. I understand."

He didn't talk for a while. The floor became our favorite thing to look at.

"Can I come in?" He finally said. I was a little bit surprise with his question. Maybe, because of my reaction, he breathed out. "I won't take long because it's already late."

"Ah yeah… sure, come in."

He entered my apartment; I didn't know how to start the conversation, which was unusual. He was the one who had come to my place; I gave him the right to speak first.

"Lois… I… I… ah…"

I looked at him. We were both out of words. I saw him looking at the gold band on my finger. I smiled bitterly.

"Last night… He proposed to me."

I looked down; I was such a coward to avoid his feelings in his eyes. I could sense the hurt by the way he spoke right after the news, or maybe that was just my imagination.

"Congratulations." He slightly choked.

I met his eyes. Did I see sparks of tears? I wasn't so sure.

"Thanks."

It was a near whisper. With the tension we now had it made the environment cold and rainy. There was a stabbing pain in my chest.

"I'm sorry." I finally uttered. I was too stunned with the words I said. For now, I must allow myself to express what I had wanted to say at The Cafe.

"For what?"

I sighed. "For everything. I spent so little time with you. I haven't spoke to you like I used to. I'm sorry, because you're my best friend but I set you aside." I paused to hide the sob. "And because of that I almost lost you… didn't I?"

With the way he looked at me tonight, my heart crushed into thousand of pieces. I gave in… He reached out for me…

"You always have me Lois… Always…"

I shed my tears… I knew, he cried too in his silent way. His tear fell on my shoulder. In between sobs, I told him…

"I missed you Smallville."

"I missed you too Lois."

How I wished we could go back to the old times while we were in Smallville. Our lives had been so much easier back then. But no matter how hard I wished tonight we couldn't have the life we had before. We had our own lives. I had Oliver. He had Lana. I already gave up my hopes that my premonition from before would come true. That was just a part of a beautiful dream, a future I couldn't have. We couldn't have.

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6. Fly

Months passed, I concentrated on the life that I had. I was still attached to Oliver. We postponed our wedding because he had to go back to Star City. Lana and Clark were still the same. The thing that I put in my head was they were still in love with each other. Whether I could admit it or not, it wounded me that much. I played with the ring on my finger.

"You miss your fiancé? Husband?"

I smirked at the bartender. "A little. And give me another tequila."

"As you wish, Miss." He poured the liquid into my glass, then he continued, "Did you know that a little means you don't?"

I puckered my eyebrow with his statement, "How did you know?"

"We're the first, second to the taxi drivers to know the problems of customers."

"You can also read the feelings we hide."

"Right."

I nodded. I took a sip of my drink. "You know… I had everything that I wanted with this guy. He proposed to me. I accepted. The marriage has been set. I told myself, I must be happy because I am one of the luckiest women living on Earth. No matter what I do, no matter how I convince myself, I am not happy. I can still feel the emptiness even with his presence. Then, there's this other guy who can break the walls I put around me with one glance. He could bring out all the emotions that I conceal. He knew me better than I knew myself.

"But?"

I stared on the glass.

"But we're not meant to be. He's… he's in love with somebody else."

"You are trapped in a relationship. Too bad. But did you tell the guy that you love him?"

"No, I can't risk our friendship. He means a lot to me."

"How about the other guy?"

"He's a great guy. I can't hurt him."

"Being in a cage is bad enough but you already died when you entered it. You trapped yourself when you still had a choice. Free yourself. Fly… Risk… At least you will know that whatever happens it was in your control when you're on the outside. Whatever it may be, there will be no regrets because you live your life to the fullest."

I nodded with the bald black man in front of me.

"Thanks you're a great adviser."

"Professional I guess."

I laughed a little. However, everything that he said left me in a deeply thoughtful state.

------------------------------

7. Fragile

A week later, I decided to do the right thing. I finally let go. After a walk from a nearby park, I went back to my apartment and took a warm shower. This would help me to relax and get some good night sleep. I already put my favorite pair of pajamas when I heard a sudden crash on my veranda. I opened the door and set my eyes on Superman lying, blood on his face and body.

I quickly sat on his side and supported his head. "Oh my God, who did this to you?"

"Lo… Lois… Is that you?" He was breathing heavily and his skin had a greenish glow.

"Yes, Superman it's me. I'll call 911."

"Please stay." He held my hand and tightened his grip on me.

"I really don't know if I can make it. Lois, I wanted to say… (coughing and breathing so hard)… to say… I…"

I glared at him. He wasn't saying goodbye, was he? I noticed the tenderness in his eyes. I softened my expression and discovered that he had been shot twice in his abdomen and right shoulder.

"Oh no, please don't say anything like that again. Superman you can survive this. You're a fighter, come on." I needed to be brave for him although the fear was creeping in already.

He looked at me intensely. His breathing was uneven.

"Superman you can't leave me like this. There are so many people who depend on you." I felt his gentle squeeze on my hand.

"Can you stand?" I asked him.

He nodded and I guided him to the couch. I prepared the first aid kits. Anything that was available in my medicine cabinet. He was getting weaker each second that passed. I needed to do this as fast as I could. I tore his tights. But then, I had second thoughts.

"Are you sure about this? I better call Green Arrow or any member of The Justice League."

"No. They're all busy. They're… They're track—ing, the Phantom Zoners."

He breathed so hard. Right at that moment, I became aware of how scared I was. But there was no room for panic, I… I mean the whole world might lose him. He put my hand on his chest.

"It's alright Lois. I… trust… you…"

With trembling hands and eyes filled with tears, I stared at him. His eyes were set on mine and he never blinked.

"Oh… god… Promise me… You're going to be okay."

With a weak smile, he nodded. I sensed his heartbeats racing so fast. He released my hand.

"Lois… I'm ready."

I cut his wounds, praying I did it the right way. Sweat was coming from my face. I took the bullet out from his shoulder and then from his abs. They were all shallow but they were fatal for him if not removed in time. The bullets were made of Green Kryptonite. I saw him grit his teeth. I knew he was in deep pain. I put the bullets in a plastic bag and kept them in my lead box for the meantime. I cleaned his wounds. And now, he was asleep. Seeing him that way, reminded me of that teenage farm boy I met six years ago. He never changed. He was still the same. The naïve… insensitive… charming… cute… I smiled a little because of that. Despite all of these years that had passed, even with his tights and cape, he was still the same man I fell in love with. Although just like the kryptonite, my feelings for him were kept in the lead box where he couldn't see even with his x-ray vision. I smiled bitterly and took a beanbag out to sit on. I stared at his face freely. I put a blanket up to his bare chest.

I stayed with him the whole night. The same way he took good care of me when I was helpless. He was the superhero who was invulnerable to the whole world. But tonight, just like any other, he needed someone to be at his side. He trusted me with his life. Anyway, I was his best friend. I was thankful for that. Although I wished that we could be more than friends, I knew we couldn't. I whispered…

"I don't know if you have a heart made of steel. It's like you can't feel the same way that I feel for you. You cracked my walls so I would let you in. However, you're not aware that I already opened my door for you. I never realized how broken I was until I saw myself bleeding from wishing so hard, hoping that one day you will love me the way that I wanted you to." I wiped away the tears the fell from my eyes.

"Lois."

I looked at him. I realized that he called my name while he was sleeping. Did I hear him say my name?

"I'm here, Smallville," I whispered.

----------------------------

8. You're My Sun and My Kryptonite

I woke up the next day in my own room. I remembered what happened the other night. How did I end up here? I went to the living area and heard a familiar voice.

"Good morning Lois."

"Good morning Superman. Are you hungry? What can I offer you?"

He gave me a weak smile. Then he stood up.

"No… No… No… You're still weak. You may stay here as long as you want." I stopped in front of him.

Unknowingly, my hands were on his chest. His heart pounded so fast. Without any word, he showed me the lost look I had always seen on him every time we got this close, whether he was the mild-mannered reporter or the superhero. With just a few seconds, I found myself enveloped in his strong arms. This was home. We stayed this way for minutes; this kind of comfortable silence was the one that I searched for. I nestled my head on his shoulder while he held me like there was no tomorrow. I heard his sighs, then he spoke…

"Thank you… I wish I could turn back the hands of time and do everything that it takes to have my future back."

I gazed at him and searched for the meaning of his words.

"I can trade even my powers just to have her in my life. If… If…I only have even the smallest chance. I will take it. But I won't. I can't hurt the people around us."

I tried to process his words, then he continued.

"I will always be your…" I understood that he was trying to find the right words to say. "…best friend. I'll always be around Lois."

He kissed me on top of my head. He turned his back on me. His shoulders were slumped. I couldn't stand there without saying anything. He opened my apartment window.

"Clark Kent, am I not worth fighting for?"

It was barely a whisper, but enough for him to hear. I looked down on the floor because I knew at any moment I would break down. The future that I had was slipping away on my hands. Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn't want to see him go. I turned around but I heard a sudden swoosh of air as he disappeared. However, not a few seconds later, a pair of familiar arms were around me again.

"Lois." He gently turned me around so I could face him. He steadied me by holding me too close. My heart skipped a beat. Upon seeing his face, the tears were freed from my hold. I cried a lot and he cried too.

"Superman doesn't cry." I wanted to lighten the conversation.

"Lois, Clark does." He smiled a little.

"Clark I'm s--" He stopped me by putting a finger on my lips.

"Ssshh… Don't say sorry because I also had the share of fault." He paused and tore his gaze for the meantime. "I tried to distance myself to you. I tried very hard not to see you… not to talk to you… not to get this near to you…since the day you unknowingly broke my heart into pieces." He fixed his eyes on my confuse face.

"When?" I muttered in a low voice.

"When I saw you with Oliver on your birthday, I was a little late back then. That's when I realized my feelings for you had grown so much stronger than before. And definitely much stronger than my powers to suppress."

Seconds pass without my answer.

"And now you're quiet, it frightens me more." His displayed his worried looks on me.

I placed my right palm on his chest, his heart beat rapidly. "Smallville, I never realize that the Man of Steel has a fragile heart."

"You're my sun and my kryptonite." With his kind words, another batch of tears came out from my eyes.

"Hush, Lo. I'm just too much in love with you that's why I let you go even without trying to tell you how I feel. I thought…"

"I don't feel the same way. I also thought you didn't."

I smiled between tears. He wiped them away.

"What took you so long?"

"I recharged in the yellow sun. Then I wore my glasses and changed my clothes because I was a little messy."

I laughed.

"Lois, I love you." He focused his eyes on me. I punched his chest.

"I love you whatever clothes you're wearing." Then I whispered, "Even without."

He turned a crimson red. I laughed a little harder.

"What about Oliver?"

I glanced at the floor and sighed deeper. Then I stared on his deep blue eyes and took away his eyeglasses. He was on the edge waiting for my reply.

"He understands. He's a good man. We broke up last night because we both realized that it would be best if we were friends rather than lovers."

"About Lana… I…"

"Sshhh… There's nothing to explain. After you laid down all your defenses to me, I already knew the answer."

"And Superman."

"Ahhh… The red-caped guy?!?"

He nodded and displayed his puppy-dog eyes.

"I can deal with that. I already had the hard training with The General."

"Lois!!!"

"What's wrong with that? By the way, do you remember how many times I told you that I dreamt of the red-caped guy while we were still in Smallville?"

His face lit up. "Several times, I guess." He caressed my face that sent a thousand sensations to me.

"I knew that he was you."

"What? Since when?" His eyes grew wide.

"The night when I broke up with Grant, I dreamt of you and Superman as one. Did you remember that you stayed with me the entire night because I drank too much?"

"Wow! And you didn't say anything."

"Yes, I wanted you to be the one who'd tell me the whole truth. I didn't wanna force you."

"Thanks. You are really special."

"Am I?"

"Yes. And… Lo." He fixed his blues on mine.

"Hmmm."

"Do you believe in destiny?" I could see the small smile he hid on his face.

"I think so, why?" I puckered my eyebrows at his question.

"Because when I'm with you, I always feel this strong connection. It's like I can't live without it."

"Sugary words Smallville, but I like that. I felt this kind of déjà vu when I'm close to you. It feels like it happened already."

He held my chin and he kissed me tenderly. "How do you feel about that?"

"Just hold me closer, that's all I ever wanted in my whole life."

He grinned and pulled me closer. He gently stroked my hair and I put my head on his right shoulder. This was it; I saw my true future shining wonderfully right next to me once again.

The End (3/3)

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