A/N- I apologize for not updating my other story yet, but I was working on this one, which I really hope everyone likes just as much if not more. It seems that everyone just loves those stories where Ed takes a suicidal turn for the worst, so here I am writing one! Just a warning, that this story has a really horrible twist in which I'm going to describe the destruction of my favorite character. (Tear.) Oh well.

Disclaimer- I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters.

Prologue

Edward Elric's mind had long since retreated to an eternal darkness, in which it had found a home to exist in. His past wasn't one he wished to remember, so he tried not to, and it was working to the best ability, one of those forced-to-forget actions he often used. Now he lived with the Rockbells, who knew nothing of what he had done. Obviously not, at least, or they probably would have exiled him to the outside world to be alone quite some time ago, being that the act he had committed was nothing to be proud of.

Being eighteen wasn't easy, as Ed was now figuring out, there were quite a lot of setbacks to being an adult. He had his 'aunty' Pinako to help him through them, but she honestly didn't offer him much comfort from all of the stress. And there was quite a lot of stress surrounding the elder Elric. All of this talk about getting himself a girlfriend, getting married, having kids... None of it made any sense to him. Ed actually never really had too much of an interest in settling down with a family. He was pretty frightened something terrible would happen to him, that he would snap, simply lose it and go on an all out killing rampage.

It was Tuesday morning, and Edward had been disturbed from his semi-peaceful sleep. There weren't any nightmares involved, and that was something he prayed for every night- No nightmares. This might have been the best night he'd had in a long time, and yet Winry chose Tuesday morning to bother him about his automail, and his brother.

"Morning Edward!" She'd said, excitedly placing a plate with bacon, eggs, and toast on the nightstand next to him. And, which Edward had commonly sneered at, a glass of milk. Trying to ignore her, Ed quickly grabbed the covers and yanked them over his head. He wasn't ready to wake up yet. "Aw, come on! I've been up since three this morning working, not to mention I made you breakfast! And all you can do is lay around all day, complaining that you're too emotionally hurt to do anything. The least you could do is eat for once. It might help a little." Finally pushing the covers off only as much as he had to, Edward got into a sitting position, readying himself for a much-needed breakfast. It wasn't that he was never hungry. More like he didn't want to admit he needed Winry to cook for him. He was pretty helpless, after all.

He shoveled food into his mouth until there wasn't any left, and when he thought he was finished, Winry simply scowled at him, then averted her gaze to the still full glass of milk. Ed glared at her in pure hatred. "And you wonder why you haven't gotten any taller..."

"Shut up! That's not why I'm... God, Winry, now you're making me insult myself!" He complained as Winry broke into uncontrollable laughter. How could some one so small eat so much anyway? Well, that wasn't her concern at the moment. Really, she should be making sure he drank his milk, and that didn't seem like it would be much of a bother when she saw him quickly chugging it down, as to avoid all the distaste he could. And Ed still looked sick when he was finished. "Is there a reason you're still sitting there? I'm not too helpless to take my own plate into the kitchen..."

"You act like you are! Honestly Ed, I'm not sure whether to think of you as mentally challenged or emotionally challenged! You could probably even get away with physically challenged, if you wanted to..."

"Alright Winry, what is it you want to hear from me this morning? You want to hear about Al, or the automail!" He was losing his temper. These were actually some important reasons for Winry to need to speak with him about, especially the latter. Ed had spent most of this month with damaged automail. He'd managed to acheive screwing up the wires in his arm somehow, though he wasn't exactly positive as to why this had happened, and had been living with the problem of his arm not responding with his nerves as good for a while.

"The automail, of course." Winry's expression faded away a little for the next sentence. "I won't bother you about your brother, since I know you don't want to talk about it..." And her face brightened up once more, trying to bring some happiness to Edward as well as get him to allow her to fix the automail as soon as possible. "I can't understand why you haven't let me repair your arm yet! Granny and I are worried, you know!"

"Well I..." There was a reason, and in Ed's eyes, it was a pretty important reason. "Just stop worrying about it! It's back to normal now!" She didn't fall for it.

"I can clearly tell by the way you use that arm that it hasn't gotten any better. We have to repair it now, or you could permanently damange your nerve system, and you don't want that. You realize your nervous system is irriplacable." Ed nodded, hoping she'd stop questioning him like he was under her or something. "Like I told you before, automail is replacable but you only have one life, like you only have one nervous system!"

"Alright Winry, I get it! You can leave now." He saw the clear unhappiness in her eyes, and decided something would have to be done soon, or Winry might start to suspect something was wrong with him. Knowing he had to say something, the thought hard, weighing his chances. Eventually, he came to his conclusion. "I guess... You should take a look at my arm soon then?" Finally, Winry was showing some sign of contentment, obviously pleased that Ed would finally negotiate with her. "You can later today. I really would like to use it for a little longer before I become physically challenged again."

"That's fine. Come down at one." She walked out of the room happily, as Edward sighed from behind her. There were many reasons he hoped she wouldn't need to fix his automail, but with the way things were working out, he wouldn't have his right arm for much longer anyway. And he needed that right arm. It was an absolute nessecity for everything he did, everything he craved, everything about this new, horrible addiction he'd grown quite fond of in the past couple of days.

It had all started when Al had dissapeared, or been killed... No, best not to think about that again. Ever since that day, Ed had been unable to get over his past. It haunted him, ripped and tore at his pride, and all he knew to stand up for or against. No one else knew of exactly what had happened, because there hadn't been anyone else at the scene who'd lived to tell the tale. Edward was stuck telling it to every reporter who asked for the gruesome details of a massacre. But after all of this...

He walked into the bathroom of the Rockbell house, completely intent on doing something drastic. No one he knew would accept him doing this, even if he tried to tell them he needed help quitting the addiction, and they probably wouldn't believe it until he showed them his arm... Which he really wanted to avoid.

Fixing his automail meant removing his shirt in front of Winry, which meant his other arm wouldn't be covered either. The flesh. It was so fun to look at blood dropping off of it, always so fun to know that he had done this to himself. And yet he had nothing to show for it. He'd always thought it would help heal his past, make him feel better about the many sins he'd committed in his life, always thinking of this as a punishment so he wouldn't have to continue mentally punishing himself by remembering or sharing an unwanted story with so many people. It always, always, always came back to haunt him in the end. Always.

Instead, he'd inherited an addiction he didn't want, but loved to set in motion. And as he cut himself directly down the vein, pushed a rag that had long since been white over the bleeding wrist, he realized he would probably be found out soon enough. But before this could happen, he'd really like to have a try at getting out of it. Winry wasn't stupid, but neither was Ed. And he was determined to make up for his sins, no matter how much cutting or convincing it could possibly take.

A/N- Just a fun little prologue for everyone! Oh joy! Please review whether it's anonymous or not. I really appreciate reviews.