A/N: At the end of my last story, Shattered Memberries (which I highly suggest you read, it's a crossover with South Park and though it isn't perfect and it got a little preachy towards the end it was a fun experiment and I'd like for more people to read it), I put in a joke about Peridot running for President of the United States. That mental image was so god damn funny to me that I decided to write a story where she runs for Mayor of Beach City. Can you tell she's my favorite?

Anyway. Same schedule as last time. Updates every Wednesday, unless some other circumstance gets in the way of that. Reviews are appreciated, my plans for the last story were changed drastically as time went on to account for current events and though I don't plan to reference current events this time (because who wants to open that whole can of worms again, right?) I still do write on a very last-minute weekly schedule, because that's just how my brain works, so your feedback will help improve this story greatly.

Loud banging rang through the Crystal Gems' temple, which was, presently, empty. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl were all elsewhere. Perhaps they were deeper in the temple, or off on some sort of mission, or maybe they were simply helping Greg move something.

Whatever the case, Peridot wasn't here for them. She was here for somebody who definitely should have been home today. "Steven!" she yelled as she continued banging on the door. "Steven, I need you to come out here and help me with something! I think my tablet is broken, or has a virus, or something! I went to that video archive sharing site you showed me because I wanted to show Lapis that video you showed me where the two grumpy humans play video games, but every video on the front page is just the same video, with some different minor variation each time. Am I being 'hacked'? Is this what being 'hacked' is? WHY am I supposed to look at the net? What is so special about that net that the human just found?! Steven! I need answers, Steven!"

Peridot continued smacking the door with her fist. Lapis, who was leaning on the wall next to her, looked up from the copy of the Delmarva Post she'd been reading. "Maybe he's not home," she said, pointing out something that was obvious to absolutely everyone besides Peridot.

Peridot glanced in through the window. "He SHOULD be! He told me he'd be here!" She looked up at Lapis. "We haven't seen Steven in months, there's no way he'd forget!"

Lapis shrugged. "Maybe he stood us up."

"He wouldn't do that!" Peridot denied. "Steven would NOT do that!"

Laps looked back down at her newspaper and raised her eyebrow at the article on the next page. "Or maybe it has something to do with this," she said, pointing to a photograph of a flying saucer over the amusement park.

"Let me see that!" Peridot snapped, snatching the newspaper out of her friend's hands. Dread began to fill every inch of her body as she stared at the photo. Her eyes scanned the words below the picture. Unidentified flying object… took off from Funland… dropped several people in the water and flew away… This was not good. "Lapis, do you know what this means? This… this… this doesn't help us at all!"

"Huh?"

"What does this have to do with Steven?" Peridot reasoned. "The Crystal Gems' spaceship was a Roaming Eye vessel, NOT a Class IV Camo Saucer. Steven would have no reason to go anywhere near this ship." She looked back down at the paper and rolled her eyes. "Besides. Our ship was stolen by that Ruby, 'mem—remember?"

Lapis smiled and nodded. "Oh, yeah, that's right! I remember now! Huh. Wonder what the deal is with this ship, then?"

"Oh, well, pfffft, it's gone now, isn't it? Pearl and the others must have taken care of it." Peridot motioned in the direction of Beach City. "Come on. Maybe Steven and the others are in town."

Lapis raised her lower eyelids as she stared at the town. "Are you sure that's okay? I don't think the people of Beach City really like us that much."

"We saved their butts a million times over!" Peridot exclaimed. "What do you mean they don't like us? What have WE ever done to THEM?"

"Stolen oceans, space invasions, hijacked TV signals, destructive car washes..."

"That last one was an accident!" Peridot snapped. "Besides, that's all in the PAST! WE don't dwell on the past! I bet we're REALLY popular in Beach City! Steven probably talks us up a lot."

Lapis shrugged as they walked further into town. "Really quiet, today. This is kind of nice—" she was cut off as a large van sped around the corner, nearly hitting the two. The van, which sported a large bust of the driver's head on its roof and large text that read "RE-ELECT MAYOR DEWEY" on its sides, continued to barrel down the road, its chanting of the owner's name—"Ma-yor Dew-ey"—getting more distant as it drove away.

Peridot narrowed her eyes. "Rude," she muttered. "Can you believe humans ELECT their leaders? It's the most inefficient way of doing things."

Lapis shrugged. "The humans seem to like it."

"That's the thing! They don't!" Peridot explained. "Every time a new supervisor is elected, it just turns out that half of their constituency HATES them anyway! What's the point in choosing your leader if you hate all of the choices anyway?"

Lapis didn't have an answer. "At least they get a choice," she muttered.

"Every four years," Peridot continued, "humans have to choose between, as Amethyst once put it, a 'Giant Douche' and a 'Turd Sandwich'. ...whatever that means."

Peridot and Lapis approached the Big Donut. "This is Steven's favorite place to be," Peridot explained. "I'm not sure why, they sell 'food', and the concept of eating just…" she stuck her tongue out. "It's not my thing." She tried the door, which wouldn't budge. "Excuse me?" she asked the door, which obviously didn't respond. "Open up. OPEN UP!" she yelled angrily, tugging at the door.

"Don't bother," a tall, pale human with spiked hair muttered from nearby. Peridot and Lapis glanced over at him. "Sadie's been locked up in her house for days, and I haven't seen Lars around, either." He shrugged. "Bummer."

Peridot stared at the human, confused. "So… did Steven come by?"

"Steven? Haven't seen him in a while, either. Man. It's like everyone's taking a lazy week or something."

Lapis and Peridot looked worriedly at each other. "Uh… Thanks," Lapis said. "He's not at his home, either. Do you know anywhere else he'd be?"

Peridot and Lapis ran down the boardwalk, searching Funland for Steven. Peridot was continuing her rant from earlier. "And I get it. Sometimes the people you voted for weren't who you thought they were. But SURELY most humans would see that coming? Anyone who WANTS that much power can't be trusted. End of story."

"Mhmm," Lapis hummed, disinterested.

"And another thing—oof!" Peridot bumped into a human. "Hey, watch where you're—! Oh, it's just Connie."

Connie, who'd been knocked down by Peridot, quickly stood up. "Sorry! Sorry, I was spaced…" her face fell as she looked at Peridot's. "...out."

Peridot smiled. "Hey, maybe SHE knows where Steven is!" she said, looking back at Lapis.

Connie's frown worsened. "You haven't seen him. That means he's still out there…"

Peridot frowned as well. "Out where?" Suddenly, however, she got the feeling that somebody wasn't very happy with her.

Specifically, Connie appeared to be glaring at her for reasons totally unknown to her. Peridot whispered over to Lapis. "Hey, is it just me? Or is she giving me a look?"

"She's giving you a look."

"She's definitely giving me a look." Peridot glanced backwards awkwardly before staring at Connie again. "Uh."

Connie stepped forward. "She said she got the list from you. She came here because of YOU."

Peridot stepped backward. "Excuse me?"

"If it weren't for YOU, Steven would still be here right now."

"Wow, that's rude," Peridot retorted. "I'm not THAT clingy."

"You're pretty clingy," Lapis muttered.

"Look, I don't know what—"

"Homeworld, Peridot!" Connie yelled. "You fed them information and because of you they tried to kidnap me and because of that Steven went out into space!"

Peridot glanced backwards again, then back at Connie. "Do you know when he'll be back?"

"Don't you get it, Peridot?!" Connie yelled. "You…" she stopped, before sighing and looking away. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault."

"What's not my fault?"

"A Gem came to Earth from Homeworld looking for a list of humans that you gave them," Connie explained.

"Oh, I remember that list!" Peridot exclaimed, grinning. "Lars, Sadie, you, the mailman, and 'Onion, I think'. And the one who provided his human DNA."

"Instead of letting her take us," Connie continued, "Steven boarded their ship and left for Homeworld. And now 'Rose Quartz' is being delivered to your crazy backwards alien dictatorship. Probably to be shattered."

Peridot's eyes widened. Lapis just hummed. "Huh. How is that NOT Peridot's fault?"

"Steven did WHAT?!" Peridot screamed, causing several other humans on the boardwalk to stare. "He's going WHERE?! So they can do WHAT TO HIM?! What was he hoping to accomplish?! He should have just let them take YOU, you're WAY less important to ME!"

Connie sighed. "I know, and none of the Crystal Gems have any idea how to-"

"Well, this won't do at all," Peridot resolved. "This needs to be fixed! We need to save him!"

"But the Crystal Gems—"

"WE DON'T NEED THEM!" Peridot screamed again. "WE are the Crystal Temps, and where THEY fail, WE shall succeed. WE have something that THEY don't have!"

"...what?" Connie asked.

Peridot pressed a finger against her temple. "My smarts."

"I don't think—"

"Connie! Lapis! We're getting the team back together!" Peridot declared. "Connie! Take me to your leader!" she instructed, pointing into the air defiantly. "By which I mean the leader of the humans. I'm your leader in basically every other area."

"What's Mayor Dewey going to do to help us?" Connie asked, confused.

Peridot smirked smugly. "He's a leader. I'm a leader. He has resources. I have a problem that needs to be solved. We're going to march in there, and DEMAND he give us what we need!"

Lapis raised an eyebrow. "What do we need?"

"Spaceship parts," Peridot explained. "Nothing on Earth could get to Homeworld in a timely manner, but I just so happen to know how to build a light distortion engine." She paced the floor. "The problem is, there isn't enough in the barn for me to work with. So we're going to need funding, so that I can buy more stuff to work with."

"Steven's dad has money," Connie commented.

"Connie, I hate to break it to you," Peridot signed, placing a hand on Connie's shoulder. "But Steven's dad doesn't trust me with money. I know, crazy, right? Have the other Crystal Gems told him about Steven's disappearance?"

Connie thought about it. "I'm not sure," she admitted. "They're really bad at telling people things."

"Then it's best we don't tell him. Let's be honest, here. He'll likely end his own life. Humans are irrational."

"Oh, jeez," Connie muttered. "I didn't even think about that."

"Yup," Peridot continued. "Incredibly irrational. I mean, just look at you! You got so mad at me over something that is clearly someone else's fault. When you think about it, it's actually all STEVEN'S fault!"

Lapis blinked. "Maybe you should stop talking," she said.

"Now! Where is Mayor Dewey?" Peridot demanded. "He's going to help us save a life."

"You need HOW MUCH?!" Mayor Dewey asked, astonished at the Crystal Gem that had just entered his office, who was staring at her tablet.

"The Internet says that NASA is receiving $19.5 billion in funding for the 2017 Fiscal Year," Peridot said, still reading the web page she pulled up. "I have absolutely no idea what any of that means," she admitted, shrugging as she spoke, "but if NASA is, in fact, the current Earth authority on space travel, and you humans," she began to chuckle condescendingly here, "haven't even colonized another planet yet, then I'm going to need at least three times as much. Possibly more. I'm ballparking it. But at least three times as much."

Mayor Dewey was at a loss for words. He sputtered and struggled to get anything out, but finally was able to respond with "No! Are you out of your mind! We don't even HAVE that kind of money, and if we did, we certainly wouldn't give it to YOU!"

"Why not?"

"You've nearly destroyed this town on at LEAST two separate occasions!"

Peridot shrugged again. "First of all: the plan was to capture the Crystal Gems and leave, any damage to this settlement was collateral and FAR outside of normal mission parameters. Second of all: Can't we let bygones be bygones? I've forgiven you for the months I spent trapped on Earth with no friends."

"That's- how is that my fault?"

"Well." Peridot tried to think of a reason to blame Dewey. "You weren't there for me."

There was a moment of pause between the two as Dewey tried to process the absolutely nonsensical and irrelevant piece of information he'd just been given. Finally, he decided to simply skip over it. "What do you need all of that money for, anyway?"

Peridot crossed her arms. "Steven Universe has been kidnapped by gems from Homeworld and they're going to shatter him. And I need money to buy junk to build a light distortion drive to get to Homeworld to save Steven."

"I feel like this plan is missing a few steps," Dewey commented. "Regardless, that's not really my problem."

"What do you mean it's not your problem?!" Peridot exclaimed. "One of your citizens is in DANGER!"

"A non-voting citizen," Dewey corrected. "And the Crystal Gems don't vote either. So, when you think about it, are they really my responsibility?"

Peridot was appalled. "You're a horrible leader!"

"Not according to my approval ratings," Dewey said. "I keep the people happy. And that's all that matters. Besides, you all seem to know how to get yourselves into and out of trouble. I'm SURE you'll figure something out. Now, if there's nothing else, I'm a very busy man and need to get back to work getting re-elected. Excuse me." Dewey stood up from his desk and walked over to the door, opening it for Peridot. "Why don't you run along?"

Peridot just glared at Dewey. "You're a really, really bad leader. No better than the Diamonds!"

"Hey, listen, I'm REALLY torn up about Steven," Mayor Dewey said, "but I can't allocate those resources. You are one and the taxpayers are many. That's politics. If you don't like it, vote for the guy who'll do things your way." He feigned surprise as he smacked an open palm to his face. "Oh wait!" he said. "That's right! You CAN'T vote for the other guy, because this year, I'm running unopposed!"

An idea formed in Peridot's head. "What."

"Yup. I'm the only one people CAN vote for. What a shame!" He grinned as he motioned for Peridot to make her exit. "Goodbye."

Peridot glared up at Dewey with a determined look on her face. "You aren't running unopposed," she said.

"Excuse me?"

"Mayor Dewey," Peridot proclaimed, "consider your days as the sole ruler of Beach City numbered! I, Peridot 5XG, am announcing a DEMOCRATIC COUP!" She began to march out. "I'm running for mayor! See you at the polls, Dewey!" She slammed the door on her way out, leaving Dewey in a state of shock.

"One of the Crystal Gems… is running against me," he recapped. Suddenly, he burst out into laughter at the absolutely ridiculous concept, and began slamming his desk with his fist as he fought back tears.

This was going to be a fun election cycle.

Peridot marched out into the hallway, meeting up with Connie and Lapis. "So?" Connie asked, hopeful. "Did you get the money?"

"Forget this plan!" Peridot yelled. "Mayor Dewey won't give it to us."

Lapis and Connie groaned. "Now how are we going to get Steven back?" Connie asked.

"We're still going to get the money," Peridot said, smirking as she and the others continued to walk out of the building. Connie glanced at Lapis, confused.

"Are we going to rob the treasury?" Connie asked. "Ooh! Or a bank? Are we going to pull off a daring heist and make off with billions?"

"Please. Heisting is SO 2013," Peridot said. "We're going to get that money a little more officially. And much easier."

"How's that?"

Peridot turned around and grinned at her friends. The look was pretty scary, Connie thought. "I'm going to become the mayor!" Peridot yelled, laughing as she did so. She turned around and continued to cackle as she walked away. Connie and Lapis stopped in their tracks and again shot each other concerned looks. Connie started to run after her.

"Peridot! Wait! I don't think you're thinking this through!"

It was too late. Her mind was already made up.