****Please do not read this unless you've seen 4x16 or don't care about spoilers – because the opening two lines are the biggest spoiler of the end of Season 4 – you've been warned!****
A/N: Ok, I've watched that scene twenty times and it's Jan's job to take over next Season. In the meantime I'm going to write something to fill that black screen I've been screaming at before I go a bit mad! I can't continue the other Rizzles story that I started 'Wicked' until I get this written! I'm also slightly scared to touch this because so many people have different opinions on what should happen, so just keep in mind this is only mine. And I'm only one little person!
"What's in your hand?"
"I think I'm pregnant"
Maura moved to Jane's side in an instant taking her into her arms as the dam broke. Jane's tears fell and her body shook as Maura held her up, held her together. Maura turned slightly so could rest both their bodies against the counter allowing Jane the time she needed to be held, to process. Rubbing up and down her t-shirt clad back and into her hair Maura did her best to soothe her broken friend.
After a few minutes she felt the shaking subside as she lifted her weight and pulled back from Maura. But she didn't move away, she remained in her friend's arms, needing the closeness.
"Have you done the test?"
Jane shook her head and Maura took her hand that was holding it.
"Go. Do it"
"I'm so…" Jane began to cry softly again.
Maura squeezed the hand she was holding "Go and do it and we'll talk"
Jane sniffled, nodding again. As she made her way to the bathroom she looked back over her shoulder at Maura who smiled the most reassuring smile she could possibly muster, even though her insides were in a knot.
Hearing the door close she walked back around the counter to stare at Jane's laptop. Casey's e-mail was still open on the screen. She reread it and scowled. Maura knew the literal meaning of the word vindictive but she didn't know what it felt like, never experienced such unrelenting hatred and the need to be vindictive as she did right in that moment. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard but she reprimanded herself. Thinking out loud she looked at the ring box on the counter
"She's strong, she doesn't need him"
"What?"
Jane's voice startled her.
"I was just… uh… nothing" Maura tried to smile reassuringly again but she couldn't manage it as she saw the pain in Jane's eyes.
Jane sat on the high stool in front of her laptop and slammed it shut. She felt a hand on her shoulder rubbing in soft circles. She let out a long sigh as she tried to relax to allow the hand reassure her. It worked, for a bit. Until her gaze returned to the bathroom door
"Why Maura? What the fuck? I never… I mean we…"
Maura's stored knowledge of the effectiveness of contraception jumped to the forefront of her mind but she bit the inside of her mouth to stop it coming out. Jane was slowly but surely teaching her what was appropriate in certain situations. She hadn't encountered this exact situation before, but she'd encountered circumstances where people were on edge and scared countless times and this was clearly one of those. And scientific facts were not a suitable way of reassuring her friend right now. So instead she stepped forward and rested her chin on Jane's shoulder, feeling Jane lean her head sideways against hers. Moving her hand down Jane's side she reached in and took the hand resting in her friends lap, intertwining their fingers.
"How long does the test take?"
"Three minutes"
"It's been one"
"It feels like ten"
"No I checked the clock, it's been one minute and …"
Jane cut across Maura, smiling a small smile "I trust you"
"I'm glad. So you'll trust me when I say whatever happens next, I'm not leaving"
She felt a small tear trickle down her cheek, not of sadness but of relief.
"I know, thank you"
"You never have to thank me Jane" Maura placed a kiss through dark curls against the detective's temple.
"Jesus Ma is gona kill me"
"You don't know that yet Jane. Even if it is pos…"
"Don't say it. It feels like you're jinxing it if you say it"
Maura squeezed the hand she held tighter. Her facts on superstition stayed put inside her head too. Instead she muttered a quiet "Ok"
They sat in silence for another minute before Jane took a deep breath and stood.
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"Yeah"
Maura never let go of her hand as they walked towards the bathroom. Jane faltered at the door so Maura took the lead and opened it.
She saw the test resting on the cistern of the toilet. The hand she was holding began to shake as if they were approaching some kind of device that could detonate at any moment.
Maura turned to look at Jane, unsure whether she wanted her to check the result. However, Jane stood stock still her ability to do anything but breathe gone. That gave Maura her answer.
She picked up the stick and looked at the result. Her face gave nothing away, a trait that drove Jane mad. She could usually read something, a flicker, but Maura was giving nothing away. And Jane was terrified.
"Am I?"
"Jane, I never asked what you wanted the result to be?"
Jane was about to bite back with a smart remark but she realised it was a fair point. She'd been dreading it all day, knowing there was something wrong. She realised after feeling ill all day that she was late. And picking up the test on the way home she hadn't allow herself to think what might happen if it was positive. Frankie was there when she got home and then Maura arrived so she'd had no time to think about what she wanted the result to be.
Jane began to cry again, pure fear gripping her. Maura placed the stick back on the cistern and wrapped the taller woman into an embrace.
"I don't know what I want Maura. I'm so scared" Jane was mumbling into Maura's shoulder, tears staining her shirt.
"I know you are my darling, I know. But what does your heart tell you?"
Jane hadn't missed the fact that logical practical Maura had left the room, replaced by emotional, feeling Maura.
"I don't want his baby. I can't… I just can't be…"
Maura cut across her "It's negative"
Feeling Jane sag against her, the tears were still falling but this time out of sheer relief.
"Ssshhh, it's ok Jane." Maura pulled back slightly after a minute rubbing her thumbs across high cheekbones, drying the last of the tears.
Jane stood up straight, running her fingers through her hair and wiping the last of the tears from her face, trying to resemble a human again.
"Are you sure?"
Maura looked at her as if she had two heads
"You really asking me if I'm sure that I read it right before I gave you the result? I would be a truly awful doctor if that were the case"
"Trust you to make this about you"
Maura was about to object when Jane nudged her shoulder lightly and laughed, the first time she had all evening.
"I'm going to let that one go. You've had a terrible a day"
"The worst"
Jane made her way towards the living room stopping to scratch Jo behind her ears before sitting on the sofa.
Maura grabbed two beers from the fridge, remembering she drank the last of the red wine she'd left at Jane's last night.
Finding the bottle opener she removed both bottle caps and handed one to Jane as she sat on the sofa beside her.
Taking a mouthful of the cold liquid Jane looked at the contents as if contemplating a Shakespearean sonnet. Shakespeare however was far from her mind.
"I couldn't have gone 9 months without this"
Maura could hear the relief in her friend's voice. But she could also hear the sadness.
"Studies show a glass of red wine on a rare occasion actually does no harm to the unborn foetus"
"Doctor Isles are you advocating for drinking during pregnancy?"
"Advocating no. Stating a medical fact, yes"
Jane took another swig before placing the beer on the coffee table. Maura did the same, noting Jane had bought different beer, beer she hadn't tasted before and didn't care for. As if reading her mind Jane spoke
"It was Casey's. I can't stand the stuff. Didn't notice what it was until I took the second mouthful, I was just so relieved I didn't notice"
"Relief? Is that the overwhelming feeling you're experiencing right now?"
Jane thought for a moment before responding.
"I can't think of a better word for it, so yeah, relief"
"Only about the pregnancy?"
It took Jane a minute to understand what Maura was talking about. Her brain had been so focused on the possibility she was pregnant she'd almost forgotten about the ring.
"I don't know. Wow I'm saying that a lot tonight. Maybe someone should take my badge. I'm nearly getting to the stage where I don't know more than I know. That makes for really bad detective work"
"This isn't detective work Jane. This is about you. And only you know what you feel"
Jane pulled her feet up underneath herself and placed and elbow on the back of the sofa, running her fingers through the curls at the front of her hair which were knotted from tears. As she worked through the knots she spoke quietly, thinking about all that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.
"I cared about him. Maybe I even loved him. But he was never going to give up the Army and I was never going to give up BPD, and never the twain shall meet"
Maura reached out to stop the brunette before she pulled her hair out trying to unknot it. Moving closer she gently began to undo the tangles, watching Jane's head fall against her arm resting on the back of the sofa.
"You need to get some rest Jane. You've been emotionally demolished by today"
Jane let out a soft 'mmm' as Maura tucked the unknotted but still unruly curls back behind her friends ears.
Leaning forward slightly more she placed a kiss on Jane's forehead.
Jane didn't move and Maura thought she had fallen asleep.
She whispered her name quietly and the taller woman stirred opening deep brown eyes to look straight at her.
"Come on, it's time to get you to bed"
"Will you stay?"
"Of course" Maura didn't hesitate. She hadn't even contemplated leaving.
Jane stood with Maura's help and they made it to Jane's bedroom, their progress slow as the weariness of the last few days set in.
When the finally reached the bedroom Maura rummaged through the drawer she knew contained some nightwear belonging to her. Finding a pair of silk pyjama bottoms she realised she had no top. Jane had begun to strip, finding her pyjamas easily, on the floor where she'd stripped out of them that morning.
Maura eventually found a Red Sox t-shirt that was faded from countless washes. It smelled like Jane as she pulled it on over her head.
Jane had collapsed in a heap on her side of the bed by the time Maura finished getting changed. Climbing into bed beside her, Maura decided to forego her nightly cleansing routine. She wanted to make sure Jane didn't need to talk before they fell asleep.
"Maur?"
"Yes?"
"Am I a horrible person?"
Maura was taken aback by the question. Her friend, her confidant, the woman she trusted with her life was asking her if she was horrible. She couldn't contemplate what would put a thought like that in her head.
Instead of answering Maura moved over on the bed, lifting Jane's chin with her index finger so that she was eye to eye with Jane.
"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer"
"But I mean, what…"
"Stop talking"
Jane saw a slight flare of anger in Maura's face, saw her eyes darken to a deep hazel. She tried to look away but Maura held her in place by moving her hand up and cupping the side of her face.
"You Jane Rizzoli are the least horrible person I have ever met"
The witty retort Jane died on her lips as Maura closed the gap between them moving her hand from her cheek to the back of her neck to pull her into a strong, fervent kiss. Jane's initial shock gave way to desire as she reciprocated, willing Maura to allow her access to her mouth, pushing her tongue past open lips causing a groan to escape the doctor. Tongues battled for dominance and fingers began to scrape and scratch skin in a desperate effort to get as close as they possibly could to each other.
When finally the need to breathe caused them to separate the shock registered on both their faces. But it was replaced by a smile from Jane a grimace from Maura.
"I'm sorry Jane"
"Gee, I hate to see what you do if you've something to be sorry for"
Maura's brain tried to process the meaning of the sentence but was cut off as Jane leaned in and kissed her again, slower this time, not demanding.
When she pulled back to look at Maura again the doctor was slightly dazed.
"The least horrible person you've ever met?"
"I meant the most beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring person. But I lost my train of thought"
"So you thought you'd just kiss me instead?"
"Jane, I just… I wanted you to know I'm here"
"I know Maur, you didn't have to kiss me to tell me that though"
"I meant I'm here as more than a friend"
Jane pulled Maura close and kissed her forehead.
"Why now?"
"I realised when I saw the pregnancy test that no matter what I was going to be there to see this through with you. The thought that you were leaving once before scared me so much I cried myself to sleep for two nights"
Jane pulled Maura closer so that every part of their bodies was touching; the heat was a comfort for them both. "Oh Maur, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you"
"I could never leave you Jane, I never want to. I love you"
Jane kissed the soft skin of Maura's cheek as she whispered, "I could never leave you either and I love you too, so much"
Settling into Jane's arms Maura chuckled softly trying to disguise it as a cough. It didn't fool Jane however
"Kissing me that funny was it?" Jane leaned up on her elbow to look down at Maura
"No, kissing your brother was though"
"Tommy?"
"No Frankie"
"What the… Maura what… when?"
"Earlier in the hall"
"So you decided you'd complete the set tonight?"
"Well I don't believe I've kissed your mother or your father so it's not technically a set"
"Eugh, Jesus Maur, do me a favour? Please don't ever say that again!"
Maura giggled against the brunette's shoulder as curls tickled her face. "Only if you promise me something too"
"Depends on what it is"
"No more dating anyone else"
"That was a given, no promise needed"
Maura kissed Jane's neck as she lay back down and they slipped into each other's arms as if they'd done it a million times before.
"I love you so much Jane Rizzoli"
"I love you too Maura Isles. Now can we get some sleep? Cause I have to be up in six hours and no amount of coffee is going to make dealing with Homeland Security and the NSA on six hours sleep easy"
"I promise to make it up to you tomorrow night"
Jane smiled as she kissed the top of Maura's head.
"I can't wait"
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A/N 2: Ok, that didn't go where I was planning on it going – blame Maura! Anyway I can but dream this is what Jan has in store for us! I'm getting back to Wicked now to take my mind of what in God's name is going to happen in Season 5. And also to give my hand a rest cause the swelling is quite bad! Hope you enjoyed this x