Stay On My Right
This fic is rated pg 14, okay? It's SLASH!!! I warn because I care, ABOUT MY BLOODY SELF. If you flame me, it's because you were too stupid to read this!
After Xander lost his eye in battle, he had become more and more nervous about his left side. He hated to have people there, and at the same time, he wanted someone there to protect it, but he couldn't seem to trust anyone on his left side anymore. It was only a few days after he lost his eye that he started saying it.
"Stay on my right."
He first said it to Anya. He thought she would understand, but she didn't. She got angry at him and made a huge scene. Everyone just watched, and in the end, Xander stormed out. He was so embarrassed he couldn't stand it, but he couldn't stand Anya, or anyone, on his left side. He just thought that she would understand more then anyone else. But that was tossed in the dirt.
When he got home, things had calmed completely. Giles wanted to talk to him, but Xander didn't feel like talking, he just wanted to sleep. He hated Anya for what she did, and he didn't want to talk about it with anyone. But in the end, as always, he caved and told Giles he just couldn't take people on his left side anymore. It scared him, and he didn't like being scared. Apparently, Giles told the others, because the next day Anya apologized to him. But that phrase seemed to become his official quote.
"Stay on my right."
"Stay on my right."
"Please stay on my right."
"Stay on my right."
People by and large agreed, some of the more snotty potentials would roll there eyes, or huff and mutter under their breaths, but they still moved. It went on for weeks. He developed the urge to wrap his arms around his body tightly whenever his left side wasn't against a wall. When they watched movies on Saturday nights, a new tradition amongst every member of the house, he always took the seat next to the wall, pressing his entire side against it. He hated how he was acting, but he couldn't stop. But one day, Buffy, her hair in a pony tail and her nails perfectly manicured, took his normal seat next to the wall when they were going to watch a movie Xander liked. He looked around, trying to think of somewhere else to sit where his left side would be protected, but there was nowhere.
"Um…. Buffy?" he asked, hoping that no one else would hear. "Can I… Sit there?"
"I'm going to sit here, you sit somewhere else." She said, sipping a diet coke through a straw. Xander blinked.
"Buffy, please." he begged quietly, wondering now if he was even willing to watch the movie.
"I'm sitting here." she repeated.
Xander sighed, looking around again, wrapping his arms around himself. He felt a surge of anger towards Buffy, but swallowed it and walked out of the room. He didn't want to make a scene, but he couldn't pay attention to the movie if he wasn't protected by that wall. He decided to go to his room, his new favorite place in the house, to curl up under his blankets. Warm, safe blankets… But then, someone grabbed his shoulder.
His left shoulder.
He jumped away instantaneously, letting out a small yelping noise against his will. He turned and slammed his left side against the wall, seeing that it was Buffy. She didn't look happy.
"Xander, this has to stop." she said sternly, her eyes looking annoyed.
"What?" he asked, even though he knew exactly what she was speaking of, he just hoped that he was mistaken. He wrapped his arms around each other, crossing them over his chest.
"Look, I know you're all upset about losing your eye, but this is getting out of hand. I mean, how long are you going to hang this thing over my head?"
Xander just stared at her for a minute, astonished. He couldn't believe her right now. Her speech was enough to prove she didn't care at all about him, or what he had given up when she threw them into that trap. But this… This just made Xander want to hit her!
Scratch that, he did hit her. He was so fast that even she didn't expect it. She was off-guard. She stayed on-guard for almost everyone in the house except for Willow and Xander. But he couldn't hold himself back. He couldn't believe her. He didn't hit her hard, he just hit her fast. It went over fast, but after it was over, everything seemed to freeze. Buffy looked like… Well, like she had been slapped across the face, which is exactly what had happened. Xander couldn't move, he was frozen.
"Buffy… I…." His paralyze seemed to have moved all the way to his mouth, because he couldn't summon himself to speak, either. He was as surprised as Buffy.
He heard footsteps, coming down the stairs right beside them. Xander just stood still, as did Buffy, until the person came into view. Xander saw them with his good eye, it was Giles. He felt a pain in his spine, and shifted his weight. He winced, as it seemed Buffy had found her voice before he could.
"You hit me." she said, not sounding like she believed it. "You hit me."
Xander closed his good eye. He couldn't believe what was happening. He had always loved Buffy, and Giles was like a father to him. But he was going to take Buffy's side, Xander knew it. Giles always thought that Xander was just annoying, and now Xander had slapped the woman Giles thought of as a daughter across the face for no reason at all.
Before anyone could speak, Xander took off. He didn't want to hear it from Buffy or anyone else, he knew what they were going to say. He just ran out the door, off the porch and into the night without a word. He was terrified, but he was away.
There was a blizzard outside, a strong one. There was already about a foot of frozen snow on the ground. He ran straight to the most dangerous part of the town, the park. Going through the park after dark by yourself in Sunnydale was the literal equivalent to signing your own death warrant, but Xander didn't seem to care. That was, until he got there.
It was so dark and cold. He kept his arms wrapped around himself, but his fingers already felt like ice over his loose orange long-sleeved shirt that provided absolutely no warmth. His feet were freezing to the bone. He hadn't bothered to grab shoes on his way out, and so his socks were his only defense from the cold, hard snow, which felt like needles. His hair was still wet from his shower, even. He was certain that hypothermia would take to him like butter to bread. He had only just reached the park, but he was shivering so much that it made his entire body ache. He felt so miserable, he just wanted to curl up under something warm.
He slowly moved over to a tacky green park bench, slowly being the operative word, because he could barely move through the shaking of his limbs. He plopped down on the bench, pulling up his legs to his chest and wrapping his shivering arms around them. It was so cold. He sighed and closed his eyes.
He could never go back now. He had blown it. He had a free home, a place to eat and sleep, somewhere were he was safe and warm, and he blew it. Even worse, he had a family, people who cared about him, and he destroyed it.
'I'll never have a home again… I'm going to die out here. Not that I wouldn't deserve it… What have I done?'
He was so cold. He curled up, and closed his eyes. He had to try to ignore it, ignore the cold, make himself numb… It was surprisingly easy.
"There you are."
Xander jumped. Did he fall asleep? Spike came out from behind him, from his right side to be exact, which Xander appreciated, but he didn't appreciate Spike bursting in on his death.
"Everyone's been looking for you." Spike told him, climbing over the bench. Which was stupid because it was only a three-foot bench, so he could have just as easily walked around it to sit down, possibly with less effort. But Spike was always one for appearances. There was a silence, and then Spike spoke again. "I heard you socked the slayer."
Xander lowered his head a little, almost screaming at Spike that he didn't want to speak, but Spike didn't seem to care. He slapped Xander on his shoulder, his right shoulder, and congratulated him on 'not being a bloody pussy for the first time in his life'. Xander just rolled his eye, and shuffled away. But then Spike asked a question.
"So what did the bitch do, pet?" Xander jumped, but kept quiet. "Oh bloody hell, did she make fun of your eye or something?"
'Shit! How did he guess?' Xander thought, tensing. He was still shaking from the cold.
"So that was it, then?" Spike guessed, pulling off his jacket. "That little harlot…"
Xander felt leather pull over his shoulders, and the little warmth it provided was a blessing. He just swallowed what was left in his dry mouth, and looked up at Spike.
"She didn't…. Say anything about my eye." he said. "Well… She did, but… She touched my shoulder… On my left… And I jumped… She asked how long I would 'Hold it over her head.', like I was doing it just because of her…. But I'm not. It's always about her. I lost an eye, Spike, and yet I can't be even a little bit freaked out without it being about her."
Everything went quiet for a second, and Spike slipped down onto the actual bench, his black t-shirt was tight on his abs, and Xander couldn't help but stare at Spikes perfect body for a moment. His black jeans looked as though they had been painted on, but Xander just closed his eye and tried to think of other things. Then he took a deep breath.
"I'm not… trying to hold this over her head…" he said. "I just can't… have anyone on my left anymore… I don't like being out in the open like this…. But she thinks I'm just--"
"She thinks it's all about her. That little tripe thinks the world revolves around her." Spike interrupted. "It's the way her head works, pet."
Xander sighed, and looked up at Spike, wrapping the leather jacket around his shoulders tighter to retain it's warmth. He wished Spike had more body heat, then it would be warmer in his coat. He tried not to think about Spike too much, but he looked so sexy. Xander always knew he was bi, but he always told himself he was just curious. Everyone did it, right?
"She still doesn't understand, but you have to go back, puppet." Spike said, and made a move to stand up.
"I can't."
Spike turned to Xander, he looked so pathetic, with his knees to his chest. He was still wearing that eye patch, the black one that made him look like a pirate. He hadn't seen Xander without it since that night. With his good eye, he was looking at the ground. Spike's coat was wrapped tightly around his shoulders, down his legs, with his bright red socks poking out from beneath the leather. When Spike saw Xander's feet, he sniffed the air, and shook his head.
"Bloody hell, your feet are… bloody hell!" He said, moving closer. Sure enough, those socks used to be white, but were stained with Xander's bright red blood and dirt. Xander looked down at them and shrugged.
"I can't feel them anymore." he said, and lowered his head onto his knees. It was true, he barely even felt the freezing cold that surrounded him anymore.
"Let's get you back." Spike said, rolling his eyes.
Xander shifted, and looked up. He couldn't tell Spike how much it hurt to move, how terrified he was to be out in the open like this. It wasn't just a slight fear, he was petrified.
"Oh, bloody hell." Spike said. "You can't move, can you?!"
"… No." Xander admitted, he couldn't feel his body anymore, let alone try to move it.
Spike cursed very loudly, and moved closer.
"You've been out here for three hours, you dolt!" Spike said, hitting Xander on the back of his head. Scratch what he had said before, he felt that. "We all thought you had the brains to find shelter! They sent me out here because I can't die, you moron!"
Xander just lowered his head, he did feel pretty damn stupid. He saw Spike move over, and felt pressure under his knees. But it took him a few moments to realize Spike was actually picking him up. One arm under his knees, the other behind his back, cradling Xander in a wedding-style fashion, and started walking. Xander couldn't help but notice that his left side was pressed against Spike's chest, and for the first time since the incident, he wasn't worried that there was someone on his vulnerable side. He just figured it was part of the hypothermia that he didn't care, but in his mind he was thinking of how Spike's body reminded him of the walls he pressed himself against. Strong, and protecting.
"You bloody dolt." he whispered, looking down at Xander. Xander just looked up at him with dark hazel eye.
Xander knew his mind was slipping, he could feel it just dripping out of his ears like water. He wasn't sure if he could speak. But then he spoke, even though he really wasn't sure he was trying to.
"Spike… Where am I?" he asked, honestly not knowing.
"Stop talking." He commanded. "You're just wasting energy. Bloody…. I have to get you back to the house."
"I-I'm scared…" Xander said. His shaking had completely stopped now, and that terrified him. He knew the signs of hypothermia, and this was one of the big ones. "Spike, I don't wanna die!"
He buried his face into Spikes chest, not feeling his patch rising off and falling down to the cold ground. Spike didn't stop for it. Soon, sobs echoed out from the young man, and Spike looked down at him. He was crying. Loudly. Spike started running fast, wondering why the boy would cry, when he said he felt no pain anymore. But the fear of death is much worse then any pain.
"Early one morning…
Just as the sun was rising…
I heard a maid sing..
In the valley below."
Xander's sobs stopped instantly at the sound of the song. It was more like a humming then a singing in Spike's deep, quiet voice. But at the same time, it calmed him. He had heard the song only once before, back when it drove Spike insane just to hear it. But that was on a CD, and it was happy and bright. For some reason, he liked the way Spike sang it better. Quiet and slow, calming.
"Oh, don't deceive me…
Oh, never leave me…
How could you us…
A poor maiden so?"
The song continued, and Xander felt safe. Every time he thought enough to be frightened, the song echoed in his ears, and he knew that Spike was there. When normally this wouldn't make him feel safe at all, this time, he knew Spike was going to get him home safely.
Suddenly, in the middle of a verse, the song ended. He felt the pace they were going slow down, and become stronger, and they moved upwards. He tried to look up, and saw the porch for a few seconds before he felt a surge of warmth. It hurt.
"Xander!" Willows voice burst out. "Oh my god, Xander!"
"Go get a blanket, red." Spike said, and to someone else, "Clear the bloody couch!"
He was lowered unto the couch, whimpering. He got a clear view of his hands before a blanket was draped over them, and they were completely red.
"Should we get him a heating pad or--"
"Three." Spike snapped. "To the neck, chest wall, and groin."
Xander smiled, he didn't know he was smiling, but he was. Spike knew more then he gave him credit, and now he was going to keep him alive.
"Get him somethin' warm to drink, too." Spike said, and placed the heating pads over the blanket at the areas he had stated earlier. "Not alcoholic."
A few minutes later, Xander's head was lifted up, and was lowered on a muscular leg. Spike's leg.
"Xander, can you hear me?" Spikes voice echoed in Xander's skull softly. He nodded, not his tongue felt strange, so once again he thought he couldn't speak. "Okay, just try to swallow, okay? Not terribly hard."
He felt something warm enter his body. He wasn't even trying to swallow, really. It just slid down his throat.
"Good boy." Spike said, and ran his hand down Xander's cheek. "Drink this, and try to stay awake. Don't fall asleep."
Xander nodded, but that was harder then he thought it would be. Everything had changed into a lullaby, all the voices, all the sounds, everything that normally kept him awake was suddenly just trying to lull him into sleep.
"Stay AWAKE." Spike said, and then Buffy's voice entered.
"What did he do n--" it started, then he must have seen her friends sorry state. "Oh god…"
Xander looked up, and smiled.
"Hey Buff." he said, almost mockingly, but he didn't mean it that way.
"Xander, don't talk." Spike snapped again, and told someone else to grab another blanket.
"Can't talk… Can't sleep…." Xander said sleepily. He felt another blanket wrapped around him, and smiled even more. He felt better, even though he was pretty sure he wasn't actually in better health. "What can I do?"
"You can shut up and listen, you bloody dolt!" Spike said loudly. "You almost managed to get yourself killed back there!"
Xander looked up, feeling a pain in his chest that he blamed on the heating pad under one blanket and over the other. He buried his face in the blankets a bit, and sighed.
"I'm tired…" He said, closing the one eye that opened.
"Fine then, go into a bloody coma for all I care."
Xander's eyes burst open as quick as they could.
"No coma, please…"
"For god sake," Spike said angrily. "Sleeping in a blizzard! Might as well pack yourself in a bloody freezer!"
Xander sighed, and looked up.
"I don't wanna die…" He said. "But… I'm so tired…"
"Spike's correct," Giles said, nodding and walking over, glasses in his hand. "You should stay awake for at least an hour so we can be certain you don't slip into a coma."
Xander just looked up at the ex-watcher, frustrated that he agreed.
"Look, Xan, did I ever tell you about the time I helped your favorite Farraral demon turn back into this annoying librarian?" Spike said, and Xander looked up.
"You were evil at the time." he mentioned.
"And still am." Spike told him with a smirk, and their eyes met casually. "But yeah, I guess I couldn't have told you. So here it is, I was walkin' back to my crypt after picking up so blood, right?"
The story continued for about an hour, and for some reason, even though Xander had heard it from the source (Giles), Spike still managed to keep his complete interest. Maybe it was the way he would 'act out' some of the more versatile scenes, or how he made it seem just plain more interesting then the way Giles had told it in the past, but he really just loved the sound of Spike's voice. Of course, whenever Spike let his vamp face pop out by accident, Xander jumped a bit, but then he smiled when he realized he was able to jump a bit. Once the story ended (anticlimactically with 'then he paid me'), Spike looked at the clock.
"There we go, luv." he said, and smirked down at Xander smart-alecky. "One hour, gone in an instant."
Xander looked up, he still felt a little dizzy, but he was beginning to feel with his limbs again. He had a drowsy expression, and it looked like he would fall asleep on a dime. But first, he lifted up his hand, happy that he could move it. He moved it up to behind Spike head, and pushed, forcing Spike's face close to his.
"Now hang on a second, pet." Spike said with a smile. "It seems you still haven't gotten your mind back completely."
Xander just pushed down more, and because Spike put up no resistance, their lips met. Not once, but three times. The third time they met, Spike pulled away, kissing Xander right on the forehead, and looked around the room with a smile.
"Now look at the spectacle you caused." he said. Xander had forgotten there was anyone else in the room, and now he was drifting t sleep, not caring that anyone had just seen, not feeling any gravity over the physical contact that had just occurred. "Once you get your head back, you're gonna kill me, pet."
Xander wasn't listening anymore, though. He had fallen to sleep.
He woke up three times that night, and every single time Spike was there. He would open his eye and there he was, a blond haired demon watching over him like an angel. If he were thirsty, Spike brought him hot chocolate, if he were hungry, Spike gave him some warm toast. But he really wasn't hungry or thirsty, Spike more forced those things on him then served his every whim. But there was one thing he did that Xander had asked for.
"Can you sing to me?" Xander had asked, his head propped on Spike's leg. He was still in a slight stupor from earlier, but that wasn't the only reason. Spike looked down with a sigh.
"What, first you smooch me now you need a song?" he asked with a laugh. "You have a bloody parts, mate, but I am seriously considering the fact that you are a woman."
"Please?" Xander asked, the insults not quite breeching him at all.
"Bloody hell…" Spike said, rolling his eyes. "Fine!"
Early one morning…
Just as the sun was rising…
I heard a maid sing…
In the valley below.
Oh, don't deceive me,
Oh, never leave me,
How could you use
A poor maiden so?
Remember the vows,
That you made to your Mary,
Remember the bow'r,
Where you vowed to be true,
Oh, don't deceive me,
Oh, never leave me,
How could you use
A poor maiden so?
Oh Gay is the garland,
And fresh are the roses,
I've culled from the garden,
To place upon thy brow.
Oh, don't deceive me,
Oh, never leave me,
How could you use
A poor maiden so?
Thus sang the poor maiden,
Her sorrows bewailing,
Thus sang the poor maid,
In the valley below.
Oh, don't deceive me,
Oh, never leave me,
How could you use
A poor maiden so?
Xander's eyes grew heavy, and he smiled up at Spike before drifting off.
A/N Hey! I'm sorry about how disgustingly fluffy this is. XP But I just HAD to write a Spander fic. I've been dying to for awhile now, since I think it's a cute pairing. It took me about five days to write, so expect the next chapter anywhere from one to two weeks, but DON'T count on it because school's starting soon! Let me axplain one or two things though.
#1) Spike and Xander are not and never have been together in this fanfiction. I know it seems like they have, but Xander's just a little tipsy from the hypothermia.
#2) In my opinion, Buffy becomes a COMPLETE BITCH in the last season. I'm sorry, but it's completely true. --
#3) Yay for Spike singing!! Smexy!!!
Okay, that's it! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment!!! I really need some feedback!! Next chapter, Xander is going to snap out of the haze and... Well, I'll just let you read it from there.