A/n: Okay... when you have to write a memoir with THREE FLIPPIN' DRAFTS BEFORE FINALLY DOING THE LAST FREAKIN' ONE AND NEARLY BREAK YOUR FREAKIN' KNUCKLES WRITING THE FIRST DRAFT AND THEN FIGURE OUT THAT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE FLIPPIN' SEVENTEEN FREAKIN' PAGES LONG!... it's time to whip out the parody... ;) Btw... It's a sue... but not a sue parody, English teacher parody ^^ !

Here I was, on another miserable Monday, filling out my thirty-fifth character creation for my book, sitting between my friends Katie and Brad, when Ms Loose's voice rang out, "Let's go over the list of demands again..."

Everyone in Ms Loose's, the 7th grade English teacher at the Academy of Hell, 7th period honors class groaned, and I even banged my head against my desk a few times. This was the twenty-third time in that HOUR she decided to go over it...

She stepped up to the front of the classroom trying to get our attention, but half the class had glazed over expressions. "First, you... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A vortex-like-thing opened up in the back of the classroom, and sucked everything in. The desks, the books, Ms Loose... us...

It was like riding a roller-coaster that was on the max speed of fastness and had so many twists, turns and up-side-down-turns, someone could get whip-lash. Everyone in the black-hole thing went like 'Huh?' when we all heard "Please keep your hands and feet inside the vortex at all times. Your roller coaster to Middle Earth is not responsible for any stolen or lost items..."

"MIDDLE EARTH!" I cried, turning to Brad who had a equeally (if not a little less) eager look on his face. Hey, I've grown up around Lord of the Rings! When your mom claims to be in love with Aragorn, you fall in love with Legolas and watch the appendix version of the Lord of the Rings ever since you were four... yeah, you still wouldn't be as crazy about Lord of the Rings as I am!

"No! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Ms Loose wailed, "We don't have any field trip slipsssssssssssss!" Her 's' was drawn out as we were sucked through the vortex and pushed into Middle Earth.

Everyone landed with a hard collision on the ground, and looking around, I realized with a shock that we all weren't ourselves... WE WERE ALL ELVES, MEN, DWARVES, HOBBITS OR ORCS! I grabbed a fist full of my hair, and found it too be silky, long burnette hair with black streaks... and instinctively, I knew that I was Havain Nightstrider, the character I created and felt envy over. FINALLY! My mind screams. AFTER MONTHS OF PRAYING IT FINALLY HAPPENED! I'M HAVAIN NIGHTSTRIDER!

I realized with a laugh that the popular kids were all looking around in bafflement, looking down at their clawed hands... and I laughed when they came to sudden realization they were Orcs. I laughed so hard I couldn't stop myself, until I was clutching my side in hylarity.

Katie had turned into a Dwarf, she was really strong and stubborn... and Brad had turned into an Elf, too... my two friends Jollie and Jess were both Women and the majority of the class that weren't popular were men, too... me and Brad shared a grin. How I could tell it was Brad? He was the closest dude, I'd been sitting next to during the ride, and was the closest one dumped next to me.

I heard a shrill scream, and burst into laughter again when it came from the lips of a really ugly Orc. That scream could only belong to one person... Sam... She was supposed to be my friend, but I didn't trust her at all. Now, seeing her in Orc form... let's just say that's something I'm never going to foget...

Ms Loose, who was now a Orc who was even more ugly than Sam, stood up, and began calling out names. "I-erm... Daniel?"

Daniel's responce came out in a black-tongue-ish grunt that sent the entire class into hysterics again, especially me. I had a special disliking for the dude ever since fifth grade...

"Right, then..." Ms. Loose grumbled, "Jollie?"

"Here." Jollie looked like she came from Gondor. She had dark hair and pale skin, she could have been mistaken for an Elf. Maybe she was a numenor...

"Carisa?"

"Here." I called, my voice no longer the same. This time it was melodic and beautiful. Daniel even gaped in my direction and I snickered quietly. If you've ever seen a Orc gape... it's a pretty humourous site...

She called out the rest of the names when suddenly the three hunters appeared and Brad and I turned toward them with eyes the size of skills.

"Gimli..." He murmured in awe.

"Legolas..." I breathed, feeling like I was about to faint. He looked WAY hotter than he did in the movies! He looked even more fair than however J.R.R Tolkien could have ever described him!

"Aragorn..." We finished together, and with look at each other and a nod, we dashed off in their directions, I was faster than Brad, so I reached them first.

When I reached them, Legolas suddenly stopped in his tracks and Gimli collided into him. Aragorn studied us, when he suddenly gasped. He appearently saw the Orc-kids and Orc-English teacher (I always knew she'd be the best Orc ever...). Before he started to charge them, I spoke.

"There's only one there that's evil..." I spoke in a whisper of a voice. Aragorn gave me a questioning look, but I just replied, "I'll tell you later, now let me 'borrow' Anduril..." Reluctantly, he handed his sword over and I began to laugh manically.

The Orc kids already had clubs (I don't even want to know WHERE they got them from...) and we all shared evil grins. Brad had a Bow and Arrow and Katie had an axe. Ms. Loose looked in our directions, saw our evil smiles and gulps. "Umm... two, you must..."

With a battle roar, I heard Daniel cry out, "FOR DEATH AND GLORY!" Everyone stopped and turned to stare at him with questioning looks, but he just shrugged, "It's dramatic... right?"

I shrugged, "It's okay... but it should be more like: 'FOR LUNCH AND NO HOMEWORK!'" With that, Ms. Loose's 7th period honors class, as Elves, Men, Dwarves, Hobbits and Orcs... all chased her around the border of Rohan until..."

"Ah crap!" I shouted out in the middle of the class, "WHO THE HECK TEARS A PAGE OUT OF SUCH A GOOD FREAKIN' BOOKS! GREAT! Now I'll never know the ending!"

A/n: And neither will you;) Reviews are welcome, just know I wrote this in like... thirty mintues to take my mind off of that CURSED memoir... (shudders)... I think it just blinked at me...