Okay.

Here we are.

Chaptah 1.

Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERY FREAKING TIME?!
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A powerful storm was raging outside.

"Mmph."

Naruto groaned and turned over in bed.

It was after two o'clock in the morning, and he'd just gotten to sleep fifteen minutes ago.

Now he wanted to sleep peacefully, but he was uncomfortably uncomfortable.

Something just didn't feel right.

And what is that poking sensation in his thigh?

He opened his eyes a crack and turned over, cursing the Sleep Gods as he did so.

He was instantly hit with a blast of warm, minty freshness.

Oh. It's only Sasuke.

He turned back around and proceeded to--waitaminit!

SASUKE?!

He leapt out of bed like he was on fire, managing to pull every blanket off with him and--

He narrowed his eyes.

…okay, now he was disturbed.

It was one thing Sasuke just suddenly materialized in his bed without invitation, but suddenly materializing in his bed without invitation and naked--now that was taking things to a whole 'nother level.

Now he knew what was poking him in his thigh. Sasuke's 'little friend'. He shuddered, disgusted.

Sasuke opened his eyes and gave Naruto the copyrighted Uchiha Glare. "Do you mind?" He growled.

But Naruto couldn't be glared down that easily. He gave Sasuke one of his own glares-- The Uzumaki Stare of Death.

"What are you doing in my bed?!" He shouted.

Sasuke rolled his black eyes--as if the answer wasn't obvious. "Sleeping--or at least I would be if you'd give me back the freaking blanket!"

Naruto was pissed. How could Sasuke just barge into his home, into his bed, and still be so disrespectful and bastard-y?!

Answer: He couldn't.

"Get. Out. Of. My. BED!" He shouted.

Without a word, Sasuke got up and marched his naked tush out of Naruto's bedroom…but not before giving him 'the finger' on his way out.

Naruto shook with fury.

HE COULDN'T STAND HIM!

He angrily hopped back into his bed, and resumed his tossing and turning.

"…"

But he still couldn't get to sleep.

***

6:00 a.m.

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Naruto woke with a start.

The sun was just beginning to rise over the hills and--wouldn't you know it--beamed right through his window and into his eyes, practically blinding him with its beautiful sunny glory.

Naruto hated the sun right now.

He wished he had a gun--he'd shoot it down.

He was pretty grumpy--he'd only gotten one hour of sleep--and that constant ringing he was hearing wasn't making his Bad Day™ any better.

…where was that ringing coming from anyway?!

Naruto leapt out of bed and looked around frantically. When he found whatever was making that blasted noise, he was gonna--

IT WAS THAT DARNED ALARM CLOCK!

Naruto destroyed that poor alarm clock with one look:

Picture it! Naruto glares at the alarm clock, which suddenly stops ringing as its battery's life passes before its eyes. The alarm clock takes its last tick before it spontaneously combusts into eleventy billion pieces.

The funeral was lovely.

Naruto padded barefoot down the hall to the kitchen. He snatched a package of beef ramen out of the cabinet and put a pot of boiling water on the stove.

He was eating his breakfast the fancy way today!

He sits on a barstool as he waits for the water to boil.

"…"

The recollections of what had happened earlier that morning suddenly came back and hit him like a pillowcase full of bricks.

Stupid Sasuke and his Uchiha-like Uchiha-ness.

There were no words he could use to express the contempt he felt towards Sasuke at this time.

But he swore he'd find some.

The water started to boil, and Naruto dropped the brick of dry noodles into the pot.

He waited three minutes and poured them into his bowl.

And now he was going to watch some TV.

He walked into the living room slowly as to not drop his ramen, but dropped them anyway (and scalded himself) when he saw what was on his sofa.

Sasuke.

The Uchiha.

The Naked Intruder of the Night.

Naruto screamed--in pain and in anger.

Sasuke's eyes snapped open, startled awake by Naruto's sudden outburst.

"Dude, could you be any louder?" He grumbled.

Naruto was this close to punching Sasuke in the eye. "WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" He bellowed.

Sasuke stood up and stretched. "I have postvaccinal encephalitis."

Naruto had no idea what postvaccinal encephalitis was…but he knew Sasuke didn't have it.

He narrowed his eyes at him.

"Plus, the power's out at my house. I couldn't stay there, so I came here."

"Sasuke, I don't care! Go home, you dumbfu--"

Sasuke, suddenly beside him, clamped his hand over Naruto's mouth. "Shhhh!" He whispered harshly into his ear.

"Mmph?!" That's Muffle Speak for "What the--?!"

Sasuke threw Naruto to the ground. "GET DOWN!" He shouted.

Then everything happened in slow motion:

Naruto fell to the ground, landing with a painful thump! as Sasuke leapt into the air, turning three somersaults. Naruto watched in awe as something--he couldn't see what it was, as it totally defied the Law of Slow Motion--flew through the mail slot of Naruto's front door. Sasuke assumed an awesome midair stance and stealthily caught the--thing, blinding the readers with his Super, Naked Uchiha Glory--or SNUG, for short.

And, just like that, the action was over.

"That was a close one," Sasuke sighed. "You could've been killed by this UFW (Unidentified Flying Weapon, for those of you who didn't know)."

Naruto glanced down at the object in Sasuke's hand…

It was a newspaper.

Oh. My. God.

Here, he'd feared his life, and Sasuke had gotten worked up over a NEWSPAPER?!

Naruto wanted to stab him.

"Sasuke…that's just my mail."

Sasuke looked down at the object in his hand. "Hn," was all he said.

He couldn't believe it. Usually Naruto was the stupid one.

"Sasuke, get out of my house," Naruto commanded.

Sasuke stared at him like, "Whatever, Uzumaki. I play by my own rules."

"Get. Out. Of. My House!" Naruto yelled again.

"And what if I don't want to?" Sasuke said, walking towards Naruto. He'd activated his Sharingan.

Now that wasn't fair! He knew that scared the crap out of Naruto!

Naruto backed away from Sasuke. "!" His words jumbled together, he was so afraid.

Sasuke kept coming closer. "Stop what?" He asked in mock innocence.

Naruto was on the verge of tears. He ran in the bathroom and locked the door.

He leaned on the door for a minute, until he heard Sasuke's footsteps become faint. He heaved a sigh of relief and turned around and--

HOLY CRAP.

Sasuke had magically appeared in the bathroom with Naruto and was now pinning him against the door.

Naruto's heart almost stopped. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to look into Sasuke's eyes.

That made him a little less afraid.

He could feel Sasuke leaning closer and closer.

WHAT WAS HE GOING TO DO?!

His breathing quickened as he felt something wet on his ear.

…

What the--?!

He opened one eye and peered curiously at Sasuke. His Sharingan was no longer activated.

But now Naruto was disturbed. Why was Sasuke licking his ear?!

Gross.

Now Sasuke was trailing his tongue down the side of his face.

Oh, God.

He began to push him away, thinking Sasuke had lost his mind, when he felt something poke him in the thigh.

He looked down and--

Holy--!!

"Sasuke," he whispered. "There's something wrong with your…with your…"

And then he fainted.

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Chaptah Two is coming soon to theaters near you!!