A/N: Just a quick, hopefully humorous one-shot that came into my head. Hope everyone enjoys! And remember, leave a review, and give a favorite!
Disclaimer: It's probably painfully obvious by now, but for affirmation, no, I don't own Fairy Tail. I have a really shitty car and the phone I type these fics on though, if that counts for anything?
Laxus was hammered. Like, absolutely trashed, shitbombed, white girl wasted, or whatever other term you can think of to describe someone who has consumed way too much alcohol for their tolerance. Currently, he was sitting at one of the tables on the ground floor, too drunk to even make it back up to his usual perch on the second floor. Which, at this point, most of the guild members besides the Thunder Legion and maybe his grandfather would have gladly helped him up to the second floor. Or out the door, into the lake behind the guild, or just about anywhere else other than where he was right now.
See, Laxus is kind of an asshole when he's drunk. Most of the guild knew this but was hoping that with his reformation of sorts that this part of his personality would be repressed. Obviously, it wasn't.
"Heeeyy" the lightning mage whined in a slur as Mira took his glass of whiskey from him. "You can't do that!"
"I think you've had enough Laxus" Erza said from her seat at the bar, quietly munching on her cake until now. Laxus growled at her.
"Those are fighting words I'll have you know." He stood up and walked; well, more like stumbled, toward the redhead with a glare on his face.
Natsu, Gray, and Juvia had been sitting at a table of their own, for once happily minding their own business. The two boys were just slinging insults at each other and Juvia cheering for Gray, you know, the usual for them, but Gray finally had enough of Laxus's drunk attitude. "Will you just go pass out by the toilet or something and leave Erza alone? I'm sick of you running your mouth tonight" he challenged bitterly.
Juvia grabbed Gray's arm in a futile attempt to stop him, but he just shrugged her off. "Gray-sama, Juvia doesn't think it's a good idea to get involved in this. Juvia doesn't want to see Laxus hurt Gray-sama."
"Oh shut up, I can handle him" he snapped at her in what was a lot harsher tone than he intended, as Juvia was hurt by his coldness toward her. However, what Laxus said next caused her to snap.
"Yeah, listen to the Phantom Bitch, Gray-sama" Laxus said in his very loud, drunken slur.
Natsu, who was standing next to Juvia at the time, slowly backed away in fear of the water woman. Everyone else stared wide eyed at her as Erza had flashbacks of Juvia's fight with Merudy on Tenrou Island. Juvia walked behind the bar and grabbed an office chair with wheels on it and threw it over the bar toward where Laxus was standing. "Gray-sama" she started as she began to walk back toward the commotion "Juvia knows that Gray is very frustrated with Laxus right now. Juvia will forgive you, but know that it is not okay for you to take out your frustrations on Juvia. Understand?"
"Y-yes Ma'am" he saluted her as she walked past him toward Laxus. The lightning mage stood with his arms crossed and his ever present cocky smirk on his face. Juvia walked behind him and propped the chair she had threw from the bar up behind him.
"You" Juvia commanded as she stood in front of him, placed her index finger on the tip of his nose "sit down, now." She shoved him back into the chair with her finger, but the smirk never left his face.
"Ah, so the water woman's gonna give me the special tratment then, eh?" He laughed at her. "I want you to call me Laxus-sama while you do it too" he said in a husky voice. This got a lot of people in the guild riled up, mostly Gray and all the women, but Juvia only smiled at his assertion.
"Yes, Juvia is gonna give Laxus-sama real special treatment" she said with a sultry smirk of her own. Leaning in closer to his ear (probably not knowing that she gave him a full view of her ample bust, but he wasn't complaining for now), she said in louder than a whisper "because unlike anyone else here, Juvia happens to know your weakness."
"Oh really?" If it was possible, his smirk grew wider. "And what would that be?"
Juvia leaned back and spun the top of the man's chair around once before bringing it to a stop with her foot. "Remember what you told me during the Grand Magic Games?"
Laxus's drunk mind went into overdrive as he tried to dig for the memory of what she was referring to. Suddenly, he remembered, and the thought made his smirk fade from his face faster than anyone thought possible.
'Just don't tell Natsu. He'll never let me live it down.'
'Juvia probably wouldn't have admitted that if she were Laxus.'
He started to turn green just at the thought of what she was implying. Before he could even make a run for it, however, Juvia already had a sphere of blue magic charged in her hand and unleashed it upon him. "Water Slicer!"
The beam of water struck the armrest of the chair, sending both the top of the chair spinning in circles and the wheeled base of it sliding across the guild hall, before it smashed into the wall across the hall. Laxus had officially passed out in a heap on the floor, covered in a motion sick and alcohol induced pile of vomit. Meanwhile, Juvia brushed her hands off and held her head up high in a manner of self-satisfaction while a stunned silence filled the guild. Until..
"Bahahahahaha! Oh Juvia that was awesome! And who knew Laxus got motion sick! Hahahahaha!"
Natsu.
Juvia found out that if there was anything else in this world that made her more angry than self-righteous men and a mean Gray-sama, it was Natsu's laugh. Quickly growing irritated with the sound of his voice, she realized she needed to shut him up too. "Water Lock!"
Officially snuffing out the fire dragon's flames, she heard one more person snickering in the background, and growing up with the man, she knew that 'gihihi' laugh anywhere. "Does Gajeel-kun find something funny too?" Juvia asked as she turned toward him.
"Uh" he looked around the hall for a second, and upon seeing Lucy and Levy in the corner discussing books that they had placed on the table, seemingly oblivious to the whole conflict, quckly jumped up and ran toward them. "Hey Shrimp! Bunny Girl! What you reading over there? It looks really good!"
"What the hell Gajeel? You don't read?" Lucy exclaimed as the iron dragon wedged himself in between the two women, an arm draped around the blunette.
"Quiet blondie" he whispered "I don't want that crazy pneumonia to try and rust me."
...
"Dad, I learned something today" Romeo said as he walked home with his father.
"Really son? And what would that be?" Macao asked, genuinely curious as to what his son could be referring to.
"Well, I learned that you should never piss a woman off. Especially the strong ones. Don't you think so dad?" It was silent for a moment. "Dad?" Romeo turned to face his father, who had tears in his eyes at his son's statement. Romeo was even more confused when his dad pulled him into a tight hug. "Dad?" Romeo asked once more.
"You kids grow up so fast."