I own no one but my own people
Regina dreaded May eighth.
Everyone in town was either overly pitying towards her or just avoided her altogether for fear of falling victim to her legendary anger for the week leading up to it and on that exact date whatever option they had gone with was put into overdrive.
God, she hated this date…
On this May eighth, she awoke with tears already falling down her face thanks to the all too familiar nightmare she had suffered during the night.
She had watched it happen. An observer in the corner watching him jump in front of her and absorbing the blue light that filed the room. Regina screamed at him not too, to just let her die, to take Robyn and run but he never heard her. He always did what he thought was right for the woman he loved.
They never said it to one another. Not once. Others had inferred it, 'you love him' 'she loves you' 'the woman you love' and they had even declared their love for one another to others, but they had never actually spoken the words to each other. That single solitary thing was the only regret she had ever had in her life.
Regina rolled over in her bed, clutching the pillow she had slept with to his chest. His pillow from his tent that she had enchanted to never lose his smell. Often times it just laid there beside her undisturbed but on May eighth, she always needed it close by.
After the tears form the nightmare ceased Regina stood up and climbed into the shower. Normally when she was feeling down she would just magic herself clean but there was no magic on May eighth. Not when magic had been what took him from her. Not when she was the second most powerful practitioner of it in this land and she couldn't use it to bring him back.
On her way to the tub she grabbed his favorite bodywash. Normally Regina smelled of apples and spices and an exotic flavoring, a scent that radiated wealth, but not on May eighth.
On May eighth she smelled like pomegranates.
Regina had Robin run to the store to pick up her usual bodywash once and he had come back with the inexpensive soap that cost $2.99 rather than the $50.00 bottle that, the Queen did admit, looked quite similar to hers, a deep red tall bottle with a dark red liquid inside. Even the fruits on the label looked almost the same if one didn't look too closely.
Instead of correcting him or laughing at his mistake she accepted it in stride and used it just the once so that she didn't hurt his feelings. That night as they laid in bed together he asked her about a new perfume he thought she had purchased. Regina just smiled and kissed him.
She climbed out of the shower after she washed herself and went back into her closet. She choose the same outfit she always wore on May eighth; a simple black dress, tight but not obscene, a pair of plain black stockings and plain black heels.
Many thought it was because she was in mourning but truthfully, this was the same ensemble she had worn the first night they spent together when she got her heart back and she told him about the night she had been too scared to walk into the tavern and meet the man Tinkerbell said was her soulmate.
She fixed her makeup the same and her hair the same, as close as possible with her now shorter length, double checked herself in the mirror, decided he would have loved it, he had loved it, and walked out of her empty home.
The first pitying look came form Archie who gave her a sympathetic smile and told her that no matter what he would be there if she wanted to talk. It took everything she had not to roll her eyes but she knew deep down that the former crickets offer was genuine.
The first avoidance came from Hook and Emma but that was expected.
May eighth was the worst day of Regina's life but it was also the best day of Emma and Hooks life and even now, after all this time, she felt the sting of jealously every time she saw him on this date, thinking of how unfair it was that Hook got to not only live but come back to life when Robin didn't, that if he hadn't of died in the first place then they wouldn't have even been down in the Underworld.
The second May eighth Regina walked into Grannies after she had gone through her daily ritual and saw the Charming's along with Emma and Hook and several others celebrating. They were laughing and drinking and having fun, celebrating the pirates return to life.
They invited Regina with large beaming grins and a promise to pay for the first round but she just forced a polite smile to her face and told them no thank you before she headed to the counter, seething when she realized they had forgotten what this date meant to her.
Regina ignored it as best she could as she sat at the bar, finishing up her miserable day with several whiskeys, the same brand he had wanted to share with her on their first adventure in Storybrooke. For the most part she managed to ignore their presence but when she heard Emma make a toast; a toast to Zeus for 'recognizing a true hero and letting him live out his life' and that the King of the Gods 'wouldn't do that for someone who wasn't worthy'.
The next moment a glass half-full of ice and whiskey shattered above their booth and the entire diner grew deathly silent as they all whipped towards Regina who was standing up from her seat, her balled up fists shaking, hot furious tears streaming down her face.
"Robin was more of a hero then your pirate can ever be!" the Queen shouted at the stunned group.
As Emma realized where the sudden outburst had come from the blonde's face fell, as did the rest of their group.
"Regina," Emma began, her voice trembling with regret. "I am so sorry, I didn't mean-."
"I know EXACTLY what you meant, Ms. Swan," Regina spat, watching the blonde cringe as she used the name reserved only when the brunette was truly upset with her which hadn't occurred since the prior year. "You meant that Robin wasn't worthy enough to come back, but Hook was." Her voice shook as she spoke. "But let me tell you something, he was more worthy, more honorable, and more deserving of life than any one of us! Your pirate VERY much included!"
Unable to stand looking at their faces any longer Regina stormed out, their pleas for her to come back and talk to them falling on deaf, and slightly drunk, ears.
After that incident the Charming's and Hook stuck with a party at Emma's home to celebrate the return of life while Regina claimed Grannies to mourn the loss of it and they had an unwritten agreement to avoid one another as much as possible on May eighth, and this year was no exception.
Regina walked into Grannies, thankful that the old woman already had her order ready to go. A plain bagel with cream cheese, the first food she and Robin had eaten in Storybrooke together.
She had spent the night at his camp for the first time and rather than have him cook for her, she suggested they just eat at Grannies since Regina needed to be there anyway to help deal with the first Wicked Witch dilemma.
It had been his first time eating at the famed diner in Storybrooke. It had actually been his first time eating something he or his men hadn't shot with an arrow or 'borrowed' from Prince Johns royal garden and personal stores in years.
Not wanting to overwhelm him with the vast array of breakfast food choices all at once, she simply ordered him a plain bagel with cream cheese, trying to ease him into modern day eating.
"This is a rather strange pastry," he said as he examined the bagel. "Why is there a big hole in it?"
"That's the way they're supposed to be," Regina had explained as she spread out the cream cheese on her own bagel as an example. "They're good, try it."
Robin had appeared slightly apprehensive over eating something he had not personally killed or stolen himself but he took a small nibble to appease Regina, absolutely sure he wouldn't find it at all appetizing.
The next morning Regina awoke in his tent to Emma chastising Robin for, as he put it, 'borrowing', several bags of bagels from the Storybrooke grocery store. He had explained he simply wanted his Merry Men to enjoy 'what was probably the most delicious morsel he had ever tasted.'
With the bagel in tow, the Queen headed off to her next ritualistic stop.
Regina grabbed a 'Bon Jovi's greatest Hits' cassette tape and put it in her cars tape deck for it to play as she drove to the next place.
She had never really been a big car person so she never bothered upgrading her cars audio system from what the original curse had given her, an incredibly modern system for 1983, meaning she had a single tape deck and a vintage style car radio.
Her first time she gave Robin a ride it had been from her home back to his camp and he had been the one oddly enough to request it.
"I can just magic us back there," she told him as he pulled on his clothes from the night before and she pulled on a fresh clean outfit for the day.
"You could," he offered as he pulled his boots on. "But if we take your metal carriage that means we get to spend some more time together." He got up from the bed he was sitting on and walked over to her, wrapping his strong arms around her slender waist. "I think we can both agree that's something we both want."
If Regina had been made of ice she would have melted.
After a kiss which led to them having to get redressed for the second time that morning they both piled into her car and drove off in the direction of what the towns-folk had dubbed 'mini Sherwood'. Robin was enthralled with the car, convinced that she had to be using some type of magic to make the 'metal carriage' move.
"I mean it's incredible," he gasped as he rolled down the window, allowing the crisp breeze to hit his face for a moment. "You're moving without horses, you can make it hot or cold, and it's far faster than a horse, much more maneuverable… I wonder if anyone's ever thought of using one of these to escape during a robbery before," he mused.
Regina couldn't help the laugh that escaped her, hoping he didn't think of her as cruel for laughing at his question.
"Uh yeah, it's actually quite a common term, it's called a 'getaway car'," she explained. "One person waits outside while the others go in and rob the place, they keep it running so the second they get in the car they can take off, and no, you cannot use my car as one," she added as she practically heard the gears turning in the outlaw's head.
Robin just chuckled as he gave her a polite nod. "Understood, M'lady."
He reached out and gently fiddled with the buttons on her radio. "What do these do?"
"That actually creates music."
Robins eyes went wide with shock. "Music? Actual music, like from players or in a ballroom? Without anyone actually playing any instruments?"
"Yeah, real music. Of course, no one listens to ballroom music anymore or any of the folk songs you're used too and unfortunately the only radio station we get in Storybrooke has Happy on as a shock-jock during this hour, but I do have some tapes if you're interested."
Regina opened her center counsel and glanced down at the collections of tapes, choosing one at random and put it in the tape deck. It took a moment for it to start but when it did Robins eyes lit up to the size of the dinner plates she had at home.
Turns out the tape had been Bon Jovi's Greatest Hits and Regina had to laugh as he bobbed his head to the sounds that were coming from her, in all honestly, rather mediocre speakers.
"This is incredible!" he told her as 'You Give Love a Bad Name' came on. "Regina, I've never heard such beautiful sounds anywhere! Well… Apart from your voice and laughter I mean."
She smirked as she glanced over at him. "Ya know… Music isn't just for listening in the car, it can actually help people get in the right kinds of moods…"
Robins eagerness and childlike excitement was replaced with a similar seductive slyness. "Oh? What kind of mood would that be exactly?" he asked, having a pretty good feeling of what she was talking about.
"Well…" She reached out with a hand and stroked his thigh. "Why don't we go back to my place and I can show you?"
That had been the day Robin discovered the magic of what she had referred to as 'mood music'.
That was why when Regina pulled up to his former camp, her 'Bon Jovi's Greatest Hits' tape was currently playing.
The camp now was nothing more than a bare stretch of land in the woods where even after nine years the grass wouldn't grow where the fires had been lit.
There was no music, there was no loud shouts, there was no drunken friendly banter, no crackling of fires nor the clang of practice swords or the swift 'swoosh' of arrows being released followed either by jubilant cheering when the archer hit his mark or uproarious laughter when they missed.
Regina never would have in a million years thought Robins men would grow to like her. Grudgingly accept her because their leader loved her, sure, but not like her. Many still thought of her as the Evil Queen, the same woman who sent her black knights after the thieves, who plastered the Enchanted Forest with wanted posters of their leader and even at Robins urging they struggled to see her as anything but the person she used to be.
One of the nights she showed up at Robins camp his men were playing their all time favorite drinking game. The rules were simple; you down a beer, shoot an arrow, down another beer, shoot another arrow. First one to miss the tree that the target hung on loses.
Regina approached the group that had gathered to watch Little John and another of the Merry Men, a man named Alan Dale, start to engage in the competition.
Robin smiled at her, giving her a quick kiss on the lips as a greeting.
"Hello, my darling. You are just in time to watch one of these two men get their ass rightly handed to them."
Robin himself hardly ever engaged in this game. It wasn't as if he didn't enjoy it but his men had decided he had to already be well enough drunk before they would play against him. Even then he still won nine times out of ten. The times he did lose it was mainly out of forfeit because he and his competition had gotten so drunk neither could stand.
Little Johns face fell when he saw the Queen walk up to the group but he knew first hand what his leader would do if he commented on the Queens presence so he held his tongue. Alan, who had been one of the Merry Men to actually be captured by the Black Knights, had temporarily lost his common-sense senses.
"What's she doing here?" asked Alan as he fixed an arrow to his bow.
"I invited her," Robin told him, wrapping his arm around his love, his voice still relaxed and friendly.
"To what? Turn us all into pigs before she hangs us?"
"Well at least with you I wouldn't have to bother with the transformation," she snapped at him, her outburst being met with laugher from the men surrounding them.
Alan glared at her for a moment before he threw down his bow and stormed up to her but before she could lift a finger Robin quickly got in-between his friend and lover.
"Unless you want a fist shaped hole where your teeth used to be, I strongly suggest you reconsider whatever it is you had the intention of doing," Robin told him and although his voice was even the fire in his eyes told Alan that the leader fully prepared to make good on his threats.
Regina swallowed hard at the sudden change in atmosphere. She knew every man here wouldn't hesitate to fight one of their own if it meant defending Robins honor, but she didn't want them to have to fight amongst themselves on her behalf.
"Maybe I should go," Regina said softly, not wanting to intrude on the friendly game nor cause Robin to lose his temper with one of his men.
Robin looked between Alan and Regina before he shook his head. "No… No, we're gonna put a stop to this once and for all. John!"
"Yeah, Robin?" the ironically named second in command called out.
"You're sitting this round out," Robin informed him. "Regina and Alan will be going against one another."
The Queens eyes went wide with disbelief and judging by the murmurs of the others surrounding them they were in just as much shock.
"Robin, I've never held a bow in my life," she informed him. She had learned to fence during her later years of being Queen but her mother never taught her to fight with any weapons then when she had magic she didn't see the need of learning to shoot sticks when she had unlimited fireballs at her disposal. "I'd lose the first round, drunk or sober."
"Not if you used magic."
"Oh, that's bloody well fair!" Alan cried. "I get a regular bow, she gets magic?!"
"Magic can make arrows fly far enough to reach the target, it can't give her good aim," Robin argued.
"How do we know she won't cheat?" John asked.
"Because my Queen has honor," he argued, daring anyone to contradict him. When no one did he gave a curt nod and handed Regina a beer and a bow "Drink up, M'lady. You get the first shot."
So that was how Regina found herself playing a drinking game with one of the Merry Men. Robin was right, magic couldn't give her aim and aiming sticks was far different then throwing a fireball in someone's general direction and usually hitting her target.
The first few times she had hit the target with the skin of her teeth, ignoring the laughter from the men, some of it cruel but most of it the same laughter they would throw at anyone else who was dismal at shooting a bow and that was what Robin wanted; for her to be accepted as one of them.
Eventually she self-corrected herself enough to be able to get it closer to the center of the paper they had nailed to the tree, even with the alcohol numbing her senses. Once she actually managed to hit the bullseye and a loud roaring cheer went up and she couldn't help but grin as she threw back another bottle.
Alan more or less did as well as she expected hitting center or just off center with arrow after arrow, but the more he drank the more they started to drift to the side as did hers until both their arrows were hitting the far sides of the tree..
Twenty-three beers later both Regina and Alan could barely stand. Regina, with the help of Robin and Little John, managed to get to the line. Regina swayed dangerously as she lifted the bow and struggled to even see the target much less be able to aim at it. Somehow, she managed to pull back the bow string and released the arrow towards the general vicinity of the tree.
It managed to hit the very last possible inch of trunk.
Then it was Alans turn. Like Regina he too needed help to get to the standing line. Everyone watched with baited breath as he took his aim, struggling to stand like the Queen had done before him. With glazed over eyes he released the arrow from the bow and the camp watched as it soared past the target, past the tree and embedded itself into the pile of fire wood they had stacked.
The roars of the cheering that erupted was enough to cause deafness within half a mile.
Regina felt herself surrounded by the men, all of them hugging her and clapping her on the back, both of her arms were raised in triumph by them.
"LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!" she heard Little Johns boom over the rest of the cheers, to which the rest of the men roared in approval and then they began chanting the line and she noticed that even though it was slurred to the point of almost non-recognition, Alan had joined in with the chanting.
Robin approached her through the throngs of the Merry Men, a ginormous grin on his face as he pulled out a bouquet of the wild flowers that grew in their camp from behind his back.
"To the victor go the spoils," he told her as he handed her the flowers. She smiled at him before she grabbed his shirt and yanked him towards her, her lips crashing against his to even more cheers and suggestive whistling.
Regina had never felt more at home as she did right in that moment.
Now though, the clearing was as silent as it was before the Merry Men arrived. As silent as the grave.
She made her way across the camp to where the wild flowers grew, the same ones he had given her that night when she won the love and admiration of his men. Regina plucked the most beautiful ones the land had made available to her and once she had gathered enough to make a bouquet she headed back across the clearing to her car, unable to look at the tree riddled with holes with one just on the very edge of the trunk and began her drive to the cemetery.
Regina parked at the beginning of the footpath that would lead her quickest to Robin's grave with a bag of bagels in one hand and the bouquet of wild flowers in the other.
Regina tended to his grave once a month. She cleaned the brush form the headstones, she made sure there were new flowers laid in front of it, she cut the grass around the tombstone that the groundskeeper missed with her own scissors... She always managed to hold herself together. After the years of visiting her emotions had equaled out when she saw his name chiseled onto the gray stone.
Not on May eighth though.
The sight of it today, as it did every May eighth, brought back a hurricane of feelings and pain and emotions, one she thought she had under control but as this day proved they were merely festering and were waiting for this date to break free.
Regina took a shuddering breath as she approached the stone, her eyes already betraying her as tears sprung free and fell to the ground beneath her.
"Hey, you," she whispered as she kneeled in front of the grave. She held up the bag, a sad smile on her face. "I brought you a bagel from Grannies. Plain, lightly toasted with cream cheese just how you like it."
She set the paper bag down on the base of the stone before she put the flowers opposite the breakfast bread.
Regina traced the letters on the smooth stone as more tears fell to the earth. "I talked to John. He said Roland is growing up to be a good man, he's following in your footsteps. He planned his first robbery on Prince Johns tax carriage and they pulled it off without a hitch."
A shaking breath. "Your daughter is so beautiful. She's terrified of not being able to live up to her name but I know you'd be proud of her. Zelena's bringing her by later, I know she has some things she wants to talk to you about and I promised I wouldn't say anything and you know me and keeping promises."
Regina placed her hand onto the lion crest that carved into the rock.
"I miss you, Robin," she breathed. "So much. It should have been me, you shouldn't have done this. I wasn't worthy of this sacrifice, you should be here right now, I'm the one who should be paying the price of everyone's mistake, not you. You should be here now with your son and your daughter…"
More tears left her as a broken sob escaped her lips. "If I had gone into the tavern when Tinkerbell first showed you to me, none of this would have happened. We were each other's second chance, it wasn't supposed to end this way for us. I'm sorry… Robin, I'm so sorry."
Regina leaned her head against the stone, taking a shuddering breath. They had put him near the woods on the edge of the cemetery. She had briefly considered putting him in her family mausoleum in a beautifully crafted coffin worthy of the king she saw him as, but Little John talked her out of it. He told her Robin would have wanted to be outside under the stars near the trees and close to the earth in a simple pine box, not encased in a concrete structure.
She told him that he would have wanted to be alive most of all.
Regina inhaled deeply; the smell of pine and earth and forest invading her senses but even that smelled artificial compared to him. His scent was genuine and real. Everything about him was real; he had never lied to her, he had never tried to deceive her, he had never done anything to hurt her or anybody.
He may have been a thief but to Regina, Robin was more the hero than even the Charming's.
"I wish I could have saved you," she whispered to the stone. "I would have done anything, I TRIED to do everything, I swear to God I did, Robin…"
It was true. After Zelena had destroyed Hades and Regina had a moment of clarity she had tried true loves kiss until her lips were red and raw, but he hadn't moved a muscle. Then she had ripped her own heart out of her chest and split it, forcing it in his chest but all that had accomplished was a pain equivalent to someone squeezing her heart and if Zelena hadn't acted quickly and fused it back together she probably would have joined Robin in death.
Although, in the weeks following May eighth, she had considered joining him, but Henry had been the reason she kept her heart beating. After they got back from New York he had spent every waking minute available with her, he had made breakfast for her, he ate dinner with her, they had Star Wars movie marathons, played video games, and he had graciously ignored the sobs coming from her bedroom that she failed to cover up that lasted into the night.
Then one Friday night Regina had overheard Henry tell Violet that he couldn't go out with her that night because he had to be with his mom. She told the boy to get dressed and go have fun, that the way to make her feel better would be to find his own happiness, create his own true love.
Regina kissed the top of the stone as more tears leaked out.
"I love you, Robin Hood," she breathed. "I always will. In a way I guess I always have, ever since Tinkerbell showed you to me." One last kiss. "I'll never forget you."
Gods how she hated May eighth…
Please Review.