Warnings: slash, MPREG, random stupidity...
Summary: Harry finds out some interesting facts about his parents, their best friends, and himself. SB/RL, hinted L/J
Genre: humour/angst
Disclaimer: Don't own HP or its' characters
A/N: Consider this an alternate reality where Sirius didn't die. It's also a bit AU because I don't think that Harry's parents...erm...you'll find out. Anyway, this fic takes place after the defeat of Voldie...probably. Not too sure about that. I apologize if anyone is insulted by the contents of this fic and hope that you all read the warnings. FLAMES ARE ACCEPTED.
"I'm fine," Harry stated. "Go away."
Ron and Hermione exchanged worried glances. Harry didn't look fine. His eyes were staring blankly ahead, and his voice sounded dull.
"Harry, maybe--" Ron began desperately, hoping that his friend would just listen...
"I'M FINE."
...and that was the end of it. Neither Ron nor Hermione was willing to argue with Harry when he used that tone.
Trudging up the winding stairs of the Burrow, the two friends began a whispered conversation, wondering just what had happened that had caused Harry to be so...zoned out suddenly. He'd seemed to excited when he'd left to visit Remus, why was he so miserable now? Harry let out a relieved sigh when Ron and Hermione were finally gone. He knew that he'd hurt them with his sudden distance, but he wasn't willing to share the knowledge he'd gained with anyone yet. Make that ever. He wished he didn't know it! Why didn't he knock before he went barging into other peoples' houses?! Why oh why...
FLASHBACK
Harry whistled softly as he made his way up the weed-laden path leading to Remus Lupin's small cottage.
It was a pleasant day, with a soft breeze gently stroking the teen's already messy black hair, and sunlight pouring down through the tree boughs overhead to add a sparkle to his bright green eyes. It would have been difficult for anyone to imagine the traumatizing experiences that lay in Harry's near future, beginning with him walking through the cottage door only to fine two of his fatherly figures sitting on a rather shabby couch making out.
Harry wasn't too keen on asking what they'd been doing before hand to make the piece of furniture so worn.
"Harry! We can explain—"
"You're early!"
"—must be very surprising—"
"—haven't you ever heard of bloody knocking?!--"
"—so sorry we never told you—"
"—took ten years off of my life dammit!"
"SIRIUS!"
"WHAT?!"
"SHUT UP!"
As you can probably guess, Harry wasn't the only one a bit stressed up by the turn of events.
After Remus had calmed down slightly, he escorted Harry to the kitchen, where he made some tea and sat down at the table with the younger man to explain the situation.
Harry sat in silence as the werewolf told him that the two had been secretly 'together' since their 7th year at Hogwarts. Only Dumbledore, Lily, and the other Marauders had known, which was the way that Remus and Sirius would have preferred it stayed.
Harry couldn't remember much about those first few minutes of the conversation. He'd been dazed, his vision blurred, by the pure shock running through his veins. His clearest memory was of the table, which was circular and roughly constructed. It had a blue flower vase on it sitting in the exact middle, which had three red roses inside. 'It must have been placed there by magic, to be so perfectly centered,' Harry thought, his mind welcoming the small distraction.
Then he looked up. Remus had finished talking, and both he and Sirius were now watching Harry nervously, waiting. He smiled weakly, his green eyes looking weary. "Sorry," he said, not entirely sure what he was apologizing for. Barging in, interrupting their 'fun', not responding quickly enough, being a bother, or discovering their secret? Maybe all at once.
"I know it'll take some getting used to, Harry. I—we, that is—hope that you don't mind that we're..."
'That they're gay,' Harry thought. They're gay. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, the two men who were more like fathers to Harry than anyone alive, were gay. But did it really matter?
"It's fine," said Harry, and it was. It was fine. Perfectly fine. Everything was perfectly fine, at least until Sirius opened big, stupid mouth.
"Well, of course you wouldn't mind, what with your parents and all," came the rather relieved reply after a moment, accompanied by a grin and a wink. An obvious attempt at lightening the mood.
That wasn't what Harry was focused on, however. "What about my parents?" he asked, his eyes narrowing. He barely noticed Remus kicking Sirius wildly under the table.
"Nothing important," Remus laughed, still attacking Sirius with his feet. He was sweating.
"WHAT about my PARENTS?"
Remus winced, replying, "I really don't think you want to know, Harry..." He flinched again at Harry's deadly glare. "Alright...since we were on the subject of...homosexuality when this subject came up," ("I thought Dumbledore had already told him! OW!! Don't kick so bloody HARD!"), "I'm sure that you're assuming that this has something to do with your parents being gay. Don't worry, Harry, they were both completely heterosexual and loved each other very much."
"BUT?" asked Harry, growing impatient at Remus's slow-moving story.
"Well, what you may or may not know about wizards and witches is that occasionally it is possible for a man who is sexual involved with another man to bare a child, and likewise for two women. We have a different internal anatomy than muggles, you see." Remus paused here, waiting for a response, but when Harry simply looked at him, he sighed, and continued, now with worry and nervousness lacing his words. "In cases such as these, the partner with the weaker, or rather, less dominant spirit is the one to become pregnant." Here Remus coughed, his intense discomfort growing. "Erm...I'm sure you've been told this before, but Lily, your mother, had a very dominant personality..."
Harry froze, his breath coming short. Suddenly he had a feeling he knew where this was going...
"...And well...Harry...Lily didn't give birth to you. James did."
Harry was an open-minded person. He accepted Remus and Sirius' relationship, and now that he was over the shock, he even realized that they looked kind of...sweet together. If that had been the only news, he would have gone back to the Burrow a little surprised, but still happy. This, however, was just a little bit...over the edge.
"But," he said after a moment or two, his brain still processing the information, "my mother was a girl, so the gay thing wouldn't apply to them. She was female...right?"
"Of course, Harry!" said Sirius hurriedly, a little horrified at the mental image of a male Lily. Those slaps had already hurt enough, thank you! "It's just that, well, with wizards and witches, whether or not you're male or female doesn't really matter in to child bearing business. It's more a matter of dominance and expectance. See, in the past, women were considered less than men, so males were dominant, and because of the way muggles work, women were expected to be the ones to become pregnant. Now, even thought women are considered equal to men, they are still expected to be the child bearers, so they are, dominant or not. Lily and James, though, were close friends of Dumbledore, which tends to cause minds to escape the boundaries of expectations. Without expectations, dominance took over, so...James went through 9 months of complete hell, while Lily laughed her head of at him."
A joke. Another attempt at lightening the mood. The last one hadn't turned out so well, and this one didn't either, but at least there were no negative effects.
When no one spoke for several minutes, Remus and Sirius began to throw worried glances at the green-eyed teen, concerned about his lasting silence, but Harry didn't notice. He was staring at the flower vase.
It was a shade of indigo (not blue) really, and small white dots speckled the shiny surface. Harry supposed they were stars, and the indigo colour was representative of the night sky, but there was no moon. Odd, but not surprising, considering the full moon was what Remus feared the most.
"Harry?"
A more detailed inspection revealed that the dark, rich blue background had multicoloured spirals littered across it that blended into the indigo.
"Harry?"
Fascinating, really. He'd seen this vase on many occasions, but never had he noticed how interesting it was.
"Harry? Are you alright?"
Beneath the vase was a light blue doily, which complimented the indigo rather nicely, in his opinion. Maybe he should get one...
"Harry?! Harry?!"
"I'm going," he said abruptly. He would have winced at the dead sound of his own voice, but he was beyond caring.
The vase was really pretty. So later we find Harry, as we know, in the Burrow, sitting on the couch, alone, because he chased his friends away. He continued to sit, alone, on the couch for a few moments after the memories lifted, before, he abruptly wondering, "Why do I care?"
OK, so maybe finding out that his dad was really his mother, and his mom was really his father was a little...unsettling. But surely it wasn't worth all this drama! Why was he making suck a big deal over it?
Slowly, he made his way up the stairs to the familiar room at the top of the steps. Entering, he found Ron and Hermione sitting on the Quidditch- emblemed bed, talking quietly. They both looked at him, and nearly collapsed with relief when they found him smiling. They weren't going to get yelled at!!
Harry said, "I'll explain everything to you later you guys, but right now I'm gonna go back to Remus's house, 'k?"
"Erm...Harry," Hermione began carefully, as thought worried that he'd suddenly break into an awful shouting fit, "it's a bit late...are you sure that he won't mind?"
Harry glanced out of the small window. The sky was already dark. He must have been thinking for hours. "I'm sure." "Harry, before you go, if there's anything you want to ask, don't hesitate to come back over. And don't worry about interrupting anything...Sirius," Remus glared at his lover, "will be sleeping on the couch for the next month."
Sirius gulped.
FINISH