Summery: What if Voldemort was never born? The life of two young pranksters who move to Hogwarts. Please R&R. GeorgexO.C FredxO.C By the way it's set in today's society not in the 90's.

Disclaimer: Well as you know… I'm not J. so that mon amis (my friends) means I cannot make any money out of this fanfic. But I do own all the made up characters (sucked Step-on-wee I own you!). Oh and the plot! The End..

Chapter 1. Two Plus Two

Thrid Person View (i.e. nobody's view)

"If you start selling those things I'll have to confiscate them!"

"Oh no George! The little prefect is gonna steal our stuff!" Fred put his hands to his face in mock horror.

While the fight between the twins and Hermione started to get heavier the huge double doors of the Great Hall creaked open and a small (well small because it was so far away) blonde head came out and looked around before uttering.

"Steph, I think this is the right room."

"Got the sky for a ceiling?" questioned a small voice.

"As big as a elephants arse, oooh it's a new moon tonight!"

"Whatever, go in already."

"Sure thing." A blonde stepped out into the Great Hall followed by a huffed looking brunette. The blonde swaggered up the aisle towards Dumbledore and the brunette, well she sort of trotted up behind her, cheeks red as a red bottomed baboon and look around at the staring school, fascinated by the two girls.

"Professor Dumbledore, right?"

"Right." Dumbledore was not fazed by the situation (though nowadays he isn't fazed by much).

"You must be Miss Cummings," he said smiling as he turned to the brunette who was fiddling with her fringe.

"And that must mean you're Miss Gregor.:

"Right you are sir." Miss Gregor replied.

At this point McGonagall decide to join in their 'private' conversation.

"Alright you two. Sorting time!"

"With everybody watching! That's a bit dramatic." Cummings was startled

"For your own information, Miss Cummings, everybody was and is sorted this way and you are no different!"

"Whatever," she murmured as she sat down on the chair, "No different my arse."

"Lets see now…" the hat started when he was placed on Cummings' head.

"WTF! It bloody talks" screamed Blondie as she clutched her heart. Gregor had taken a leap back.

"Yeah, I ruddy well do." Grunted the hat, a bit hurt.

"Sorry, I didn't know (obviously), carry on."

"You have quite a bit of brains and kindness (at this point Brunette had trouble to keep from bursting out in laughter and Blondie gave daggers) in you as well as courage."

"Really! Wow!"

"You could be in any of them."

"Are you sure?"

"Well yeah."

"OK I pick red!"

"You pick! OK, yeah … all right then… GRYFFINDOR!"

"What the hell, I do have bloody ears you know! You don't need to shout!"

"The rest off the school needs to know."

"Oooh. Your turn Step-on-wee! Have fun!" Blondie leaped off the chair and patted her friend on the back.

"I ruddy well told you not to call me that, Jizz! Ouch!"

"Yeah! Well mines worse, it's rude. I'm gonna kill Lucy and Jo for making it up! Grrrr."

Cummings grumbled on her way down the steps. Stopped when she noticed Malfoy. Stared. Sniggered. Giggled. Controlled herself. Then went and plopped herself next to Hermione.

Gregor rolled her eyes and put her head in her hands, then realized that McGonagall was tutting and waiting for her to sit down.

"Sorry … ummm… errr …" She stuttered as she sat down on the seat and the hat went over her eyes. She started to turn into the a tomato again…

"Lets see, you have a wonderful nature (Cummings sniggered again and Brunette tried to give her a death stare forgetting that her eyes were under the witch's hat) as well as excellent English (Blondie then applauded and everybody rolled their eyes) but where you belong, this is hard."

"I … ummm… you can put me in… ummm…" Clearly she didn't really know which house to be put in or she would of said.

"Alright… here we go… GRYFFINDOR!!!"

"SCORE!" Cummings' voice rang over the loud cheer of the crowd and patted the seat next to as the brunette came closer.

"Hey guys I'm Steph and this is Jas" The brunette explained. She clearly had the initiative out of the two.

"Please to meet you, I'm Hermione." Hermione said.

" Umm wanm." Spluttered Ron, Jas and Steph looked at him in puzzlement, he swallowed.

"I'm Ron, and this is Harry."

Jas asked what the twins names were.

"Gred and this is Forge." Steph looked astounded as Jas rolled her eyes.

"Right, and I'm the tooth fairy." Jas added sarcastically. "No, But seriously who are you?"

Steph nodded as if she couldn't believe that there were such names. They decide not to answer.

"What are you lot in?" Steph question after a while of silence.

"Us?" Gred asked. Jas raised her eyebrows at him as if to say boy this one's slow!

"Well who else would she be talking to?"

"Oh. Right. Very good point. Ermm… 6th year I think… Forge?" Gred nudged his twin before they bust out into hysteria. The two girls stared blankly at them.

"Jizzmine, what's wrong with them?"

"I donno Step-on-wee. I really do not know." At this point it was the twins turned to astonished by wacko names.

"Did you just say Jizzmine?"

"Did you say Step-on-wee?"

"No, you idiots. My name is Jasmine. If you ever call me Jizzmine again I will personally murder you!"

"And my name is Steph-an-ie, not Step-on-wee. If you called me Step-on-wee again, I will bring you back to life, then murder you again!"

The boys' smiles were gone. Then they started to think.

"Actually…. We aren't Gred & Forge."

"What?" Steph-an-ie was looking as she hoped it wasn't another weird name.

"We're… we're-"

Dumbledore's speech interrupted their conversation, and afterwards they were too tried too speak that much. Steph almost went up the wrong dormitory stairs, which caused the group hysterics. Jas started to wonder if this would be normal life from now on.

Steph POV.

Dear Diary,

Oh. My. God. You will not believe the day me and Jas- sorry, Jas and I have just had. I think I'd best start at the beginning. This morning, we were ordinary witches, attending school in New Zealand - Merlin's Institute for Witches and Wizards (it's a private school… very clean, sophisticated, so on, so forth). Anyway, Jassie and I are the brains of the school. Which is why, two months ago, when we got an invitation to try out for a scholarship to Hogwarts, we thought 'oh hell, why not!' Obviously we both got in… except that the Hogwarts Express left on September the 1st… and today happened to be September the 1st!

So we floo-ed ourselves to England and in a last-minute dash tried to get all our stuff. When we got all our stuff- including my cat (his name is Betty) and Jasmine's owl (his name is Poofta)-we decided to drop into the broomstick store and buy, well, a broomstick. Because that's what you buy in broomstick stores. Anyway, so we were hanging around, eating really yummy ice-cream and dawdling like we usually do, when I happened to glance at my watch. I did a double take. Was it really 11:03? I wasn't completely sure that my watch was right, so I asked Jasmine the time. She said that my watch was probably wrong. And that it wasn't 11:03. It was 11:05. I grabbed her arm.

"Jas!"

"What?"

"It's 11:05"

"So? Why should I care about the stupid-" Jas stopped. She thought. "Oh." Her eyes widened. "Crud!" she yelled, dropping her ice-cream. I would've laughed at her, if I hadn't done the exact same thing 5 seconds earlier. "There's only one way, Stephie."

"Yes, Jas?"

"We must fly there on broomstick." "Err… what?" "C'mon, Stephanie! There's no time! Let's go!"

So we hopped on our newly-bought brooms and kicked off, flying to Hogwarts.

We were careful to stay above the clouds so the muggles couldn't see us. I love riding on a broomstick. You feel the air rush past you, you look down and you can see all the lights in the city sparkling, wherever there was a break in clouds. It was beautiful, but it took a while. I never bothered to ask Jas why we didn't just floo there, because I knew the answer: we Merlin girls love to make an entrance. And an entrance we certainly made.

I was sort of shocked when I learnt about the Houses at Hogwarts, from the Welcome to Hogwarts brochure. We didn't have Houses in New Zealand. We had Quidditch groups, but that was about it. I was in the Gold Team with Jas and a couple of our other Merlin mates. And… wow. The Hogwarts grounds are huge. When we got here, we didn't know where to land our broomsticks. Eventually, we found a spot and got into the main hall. I got put in Gryffindor, which is apparently the good house, so I'm happy. Jas is in Gryffindor too. Anyway, I didn't know where to sit. Jas sat down next to this girl with manic, brown hair. I asked her what her name was. She told me her name was Hermione. Then some red-headed crazy bloke told me his name was

"Wanm." Eventually, he swallowed his food and told us his name was Ron and that the boy next to him was named Harry. Harry had glasses. And green eyes.

Anyway, I was sitting there, watching Ron eat and being bored, and then I saw some cute bloke. Sitting straight across from me. I turned around to Jas.

"Jas. Who's he?"

"Err… I dunno. Let's ask." And before I could stop her, she turned to face the guy and said

"What's your name?"

"Gred." He said. He then pointed over at his brother.

"And this is Forge." No, not his brother, I corrected myself (in my head, of course.)his twin. And oh my God this guy was cute (as far as I know he still is cute but, you know. That greasy-haired Snape bloke could have mauled half his face off. You never know with teachers.). Gred and Forge? I felt sorry for them. Boy, I bet they got teased in primary school. Not that they have primary school for Wizards here. Well, at least, I don't think they do. I'll have to ask Hermione, once she stops making romantic eyes at Ron.

Jas didn't believed them.

"Right, and I'm the tooth fairy. No but seriously who are you?" they decide to skip the question and waited for another. Anyway, so I said

"What year are you lot in?"

"Us?" Gred asked. I think he's cuter than Forge (I could tell the difference, because Gred had no freckle, whereas Forge had one. If you looked really closely. Not that I did...). Anyway, so Gred said "Us?" and Jasmine said

"Well who else would she be talking to?"

"Oh. Right. Very good point. Erm… 6th year I think… Forge?" Gred nudged him, and they both laughed. Actually, they were almost in hysterics. Jasmine and I just stared blankly at them

"Jizzmine, what's wrong with them?"

"I dunno, Step-on-wee. I really do not know." The twins stopped. The sat up.

"Did you say Jizzmine?" Forge spluttered.

"Did you say Step-on-wee?" and off they went again. Jasmine and I rolled our eyes. Jizzmine is what I call Jassie as a pet-name, because in New Zealand, that's how everyone pronounces Jasmine. It's quite hilarious, actually. Jas calls me Step-on-wee because, well, I don't know why. I accidently let slip once that that's what my cousins call me, and she's been calling me that ever since.

"No, you idiots. My name is Jasmine. If you ever call me Jizzmine again, I will personally murder you!"

"And my name is Steph-an-ie, not Step-on-wee. If you call me Step-on-wee again, I will bring you back to life, then murder you again." The boys looked a little scared.

"Actually…" said Gred. "We aren't Gred and Forge."

"What?" I looked at them strangely.

"We're… we're-"

An old bloke with a looong white beard and a dress stood up, interrupting Gred's crazy talk. He didn't even speak, and everyone was quiet. I guessed that was Dumbledore. I found out my guess was right, when I asked Hermione afterwards. I didn't get time to ask about the primary schools. I must remember to ask her tomorrow, though!

"Welcome to our school, both 1st years," he said, looking at the shiny-headed youth sitting near the front of the great hall.

"And 6th years." He looked at Jas and I. How embarrassing. The whole school were gawking at me. And, oh my God, that Draco guy was staring at Jas! Hahaha, he's such a prat. You can tell, just by looking at him, I swear!

So Dumbledore gives this really long speech about school pride and other really nice stuff, and then mentions some loser called Filch. According to Harry and Ron, he has a cat called Mrs Norris. I hope Mrs Norris is nice to Betty. Anyway, so then Dumbledore announced that it was time to sing the school song. Gred and Forge sang it really slowly. Jas and I just spoke it. He then told us all to go to sleep. This is when we reach the climax of my little story.

I was walking up these huge long stairs and I was about to collapse on myself. That's how much my legs hurt. You see, the only sport I like is Quidditch. Oh and football (all the Aussies in the audience know this game as soccer. I call it football because I am unique.) All I wanted to do was go up to my room and go to sleep. But, of course, something embarrassing must always happen to me. What happens when a really sleepy girl enters a room with two identical doorways, no signs and a really cute ginger? She goes mad, and decides to climb the stairs to go to the boy's dormitory. Yes. That really happened. And you haven't even heard the worst of it.

The stairs turned into some big slippery slide, and I fell. With my skirt up around my thighs. And my bum in Fred's face. I looked up at him. He grinned and said "Bit keen, aren't we?"

My face went red. As in, capsicum red. Not strawberry red. Not even tomato red. We are talking a shade of deep capsicum. I got up and ran up the stairs to my room. Which is where
I am now. I am mourning for my loss of the ability to ever go into the same room with Fred without remembering this incident. The day my bum ended up in Fred's face. It's actually topped my list of embarrassing moments (number one used to be that time when Jasmine stuck my gum-covered bum into Sir's face and said "Sir! Sir! She's got gum on her bum! What are you going to do?" That was pretty bad. Unfortunately, this is worse.) Oh… fiddlesticks! I think I'd better get some sleep. I've got a free period tomorrow morning (yes!) followed by potions (no!). Hopefully, Fred will forget all about this by tomorrow. Hopefully…

Until next time, your faithful writer,

Stephanie.