Ben cradled Adam in his lap as he sat propped against his trail kit. The former sailor had resorted to pointing out constellations and singing sea shanties to his two year-old son while hoping against hope that his disconsolate child would finally give up and go to sleep. It had been a normal day in the life of a toddler, testing limits and boundaries, but for a single father trying to drive a wagon, it had been hellish. No amount of counting, reciting the alphabet or scriptures, or singing ridiculous songs had kept his son's attention for long resulting in untold scoldings and causing Ben to question whether he had made the right decision.
It had been Ben's good fortune that Mrs. Callahan's sister lived in Albany, New York. He had been employed for the past year and a half by a shipping company which allowed him to save sufficient funds to begin his journey west. Mrs. Callahan had graciously cared for Adam during that time, but now that his son was out of diapers and quite stable on his feet, Ben felt it was time to move on. She had questioned the wisdom of doing so with a child so young and had given Ben a multitude of instructions on child rearing. Though he had accepted her words of wisdom and experience politely at the time, his own experience as a first mate on an ocean going vessel and owner of a chandler's shop had given him confidence that now only two days into his journey was wavering.
He had visualized Mrs. Callahan's skeptical expression numerous times today. A light swat to the backside had brought on considerable wailing and sobbing, but Adam was now down to the occasional hiccup and shudder. Finally he turned and snuggled into his father's chest.
Ben ran his fingers through his son's dark curls and whispered. "Oh Liz, Adam and I need you so much. Dear God in heaven, when will this ache in my heart go away?" Ben heaved a great sigh as tears welled up in his eyes. "Your father once spoke of losing your mother. He likened his memories to ghosts that he allowed in. He did not fear them but rather embraced them. I've tried, Liz, but it's just all so painful - my memories of losing you, my dear Elizabeth - and now seeing the way Adam favors you - makes me want you all the more…."
Ben scrunched his eyes tight shut trying to relive the feel his wife's touch and breathe in the scent of her hair and perfume. "You gave me the confidence to pursue my dream. You made it all seem possible. How can I be certain without you?"
Opening his eyes, he scanned the purple-black star-laden sky. Suddenly, a streak of bright light shot across the expanse bringing a smile to Ben's lips. Whether Liz or Providence, he felt comforted by a presence from beyond.
Ben rested his chin on Adam's head. "Your mother was an amazing woman. She loved you so much! I pray you can feel that love, son. I won't allow myself to forget, not for your sake or mine!"