Kirsten was a mess when Cameron died. He was dead for what felt like an eternity before there was a small, barely noticeable blip on the EKG. She was completely inconsolable. She didn't speak to anyone. Camille would drive her to the hospital where she would sit at Cameron's side, waiting rather impatiently for him to wake up. Eventually, Camille or a nurse would force her home. She rarely ate, barely slept, barely even breathed. This went on for days.
She couldn't image what Cameron had gone through for her. It was so hard for her to understand. Cameron quite literally died for her. This wasn't like he took a bullet for her. He knew he was going to die and planned it on the off chance that Kirsten could possibly find something useful. She didn't understand why, but she knew she would've done the same for him. She knew he felt about her and it made her understand how she felt about him. She would do anything to keep him safe, just as he would for her. She constantly wanted to be around him. When he touched her it was different than when other people did. It was better. She trusted him more than anyone. She could tell him everything and anything, and the vast majority of the time she did.
Kirsten hadn't pictured herself as the type to be a doting housewife. Domestic bliss wasn't her forte. When Liam proposed, in all honesty she could not picture growing old with him. She liked Liam, sure. She found him attractive, he treated her well, he really was a wonderful guy. He had everything going for him, but at the end of the day she knew she had to keep secrets from him. She couldn't be open with him. She knew he was getting frustrated with her barriers, but she really and truly could not speak to him about the thing of the utmost importance in her life: her job. He could never understand her past, either, and she wasn't quite sure if she really wanted him to. It didn't feel the same way when he touched her. She didn't get warm fuzzies, butterflies in her stomach, or anything like that. It was just the weight of a hand. When Cameron touched her, she felt at ease. It was vastly different. She tried to impress Liam, but he seldom noticed. Cameron always noticed. He complimented her, he noticed when she put in effort, he always tried to understand her feelings… and at the end of the day, Cameron was the only person who she really felt comfortable around. He really understood her. He wanted to help her, but never threw her a pity party. He was there for her always, even when the topic of conversation was about something as agonizingly painful as Kirsten's love life. Even though he was inexcusably over protective and psychotically hovering all the time, she didn't actually mind. She could imagine keeping up their flirtatious banter forever. When Kirsten thought about her husband, she just kind of assumed it would end up being Cameron. She didn't know how or why, but she just had a gut feeling that Cameron was the one. With Cameron, she would not have to be a doting housewife. First off, Cameron was a foodie. She would never have to step foot in his kitchen. Secondly, they knew how to handle their fights. They fought constantly and always resolved it. Most importantly, Kirsten knew she would not have to change to be with Cameron. That boy adored her, temporal dysplasia and all. He worshipped the ground she walked on even when she wasn't even giving him the time of day. She wouldn't have to hide her work. She wouldn't be confined to a lie or even have to quit. They could be partners in every aspect of life. They could wakeup together, shower together, eat breakfast together, stitch together, bring justice together. He was the only one that made her think about having domestic bliss.
As much as she knew that Cameron was the one for her, she couldn't help but think that she wasn't the one for Cameron. She was not capable of giving Cameron what he deserved. She knew what Cameron wanted. He wanted her love and affection. He wanted to be with her and have her disconnect entirely from her work, which she knew she couldn't do. She didn't know how to be in love or really how to love anyone else. She didn't know how to be a real girlfriend, or eventually a wife. She was like a robot. She was cold and distant and sometimes extremely cruel. She knew she'd just end up getting his hopes up and then letting him down. One of them, if not both, would leave heartbroken. He had a fantasy worked up about the two of them and she knew damn well she could never live up to that. She would hurt him. She couldn't do that to Cameron.
That being said, she still couldn't stop herself for throwing herself on top of Cameron when his eyes fluttered open. She couldn't help kissing him so hard, so passionately, that for a moment the world felt like it had stopped turning. Even in his mild consciousness he managed to kiss her back, his hands cupping her face and drawing her closer. He was savoring the moment. He wasn't sure if this was real or just a dream, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let it pass him by. She tried to pull away but he didn't allow it, leaning up towards her and pulling her even closer. He stopped just to smile, then whispered, "Kirsten," while their foreheads were still touching.
She let out a relieved sigh, "Cameron." They were both completely out of breath from their intense kiss. She had thrown all logic out the window for a minute and let her passions take over. She was unbelievably relieved to see Cameron alive and well. When her senses returned to her after calming down, she escaped his embrace and said she was going to ask the nurse if she could take him home. She ran out the room and Cameron watched her, tracing his lips with his fingers.
He couldn't leave that day, but the next day he could. Camille and Linus picked him up and stayed with him for a few hours, but Camille suggested Kirsten stay for a few days. She packed her a bag, which was filled with more of her own, much sexier, clothes than Kirsten's. Everything was fine for a while. Cameron seemed weak, but he was pretty independent. She watched him as he cooked so he wouldn't fall, she guided him from couch to chair, and she didn't allow him to get up unless it was essential. Everything was normal until Cameron pulled her by the hand and kissed her, wrapping his arms around her waist. He kissed up her neck and to her jaw before planting one on her lips. She jerked back, leaving him completely stunned. He apologized for frightening her, but his eyes were full of confusion. She felt awful for lying to him, but she blamed it on residual emotion. She swore her passionate display in the hospital was the effects of the stitch; that his loves for her was what was running through her veins.
Kirsten saw his heart crush. His body language was as normal as ever, but she could read him like a book. His eyes went from bliss to confusion to total devastation in a matter of seconds. She hated hurting him, but she figured she was preventing him from future heartache. She was a rip the bandaid off type of girl, so she figured lying to him now was easier than easing him off her. He would never give up on her unless he was forced to, so telling him she had no feelings for him was the only solution in her mind.
Cameron put his hand on his heart and sat down, causing Kirsten to panic a little. He shooed her, assuring her that he was fine. She put her hand on his shoulder and he shoved it away, scooting away from her on the couch. He was in physical pain from the realization that his love wasn't mutual. He felt so stupid for thinking he had a chance. He didn't even consider the fact that her kiss was merely a product of feeling his love for her. She must've seen their kiss that she couldn't remember. She must've felt the heat rise in his cheeks and the lust he felt. She must've known how incredibly irresistible she was when she woke up in his apartment. Maybe she saw the way his heart fluttered when she looked at him, or the thrill of knowing she was available again. He wondered if she knew how he often wanted to tell her how much he loved her; if she knew how bad he wanted to grab her and kiss her daily. Upon reflection, Cameron would be shocked if Kirsten didn't feel residual emotion. He felt guilty for not thinking about that before allowing himself to get caught up in her.
Cameron did his best to hide his emotions, but Kirsten knew him way too well to miss how much he was hurting. He continued to treat her as he always did: worrying about her, teasing her, calling her nicknames. Having her in such close proximity to him was pretty painful, but the idea of her leaving was even worse. After being exhausted of keeping up his tough exterior, Cameron excused himself to take a shower. Kirsten insisted on helping him, but he swore he was fine so she just waited in his bedroom. He came out of his bathroom in nothing but his towel and was startled by her presence.
"You're making a habit of watching me naked, Stretch."
"I was just making sure you're okay. Here, I'll go sleep on the couch." As Kirsten stood and started to retreat, Cameron tugged at her wrist.
"No way, Cupcake! I'll take the couch. You're my guest." he gave off the biggest, most fake smile Kirsten had ever seen.
After almost a whole minute of back and forth bickering, Kirsten conceded and agreed to let him sleep on the couch. He dug in his drawers for some clothes and left the room, gently shutting his bedroom door on the way out. Kirsten used his bathroom to brush her teeth and change, but upon laying in his bed she felt a heavy loneliness. She knew it was such a bad idea to be so affectionate with him, but Kirsten couldn't help herself. She wandered out of his bedroom and into the living room to see Cameron wide awake, scrolling on his phone.
"Can't sleep?" she asked, startling Cameron.
Cameron jumped, "I've been sleeping for days."
"It's probably because you're on such an uncomfortable couch." Kirsten teased.
He groaned, "I'm not switching with you, Stretch. I'm not going to let you sleep on this rock hard couch for me."
"Then sleep in the bed with me." she blurted out. He sat up and raised an eyebrow at her.
"Kirsten, that sounds like the residual emotion…" he started.
"No, no. It's not like that. I just want to keep an eye on you." she lied through her teeth. Cameron stood up and followed her into the bedroom.