They watch with careful eyes (watch my hands that can kill, can murder) for any more sticks that I happen to find lying around the ship, or maybe pine cones that are hidden deep in Jayne's bunk, because both their minds and eyes know I could make our lovely home into a blood bath with a flick of my wrist.

(but they forget, like always, to ask if want to, if I could ever do such a thing, they always forget)

I watch as they try to cover all those nasty little thoughts (ones that sting to hear) but as always it's no use, they still come breaking into my own like the sea waves that I've been trying to find upon this ship, because if I left it all would be lost.

(hands of blue, two by two, would come and rip me open all over again)

"Stop staring at me girl, or this time I'll be the one doing all the knife cutting, got that?"

'I could kill you with my brain' came to mind, that thing I wish I could do to the man before me, the one that stares, wide-eyed, at me more then I at him but my hands would be doing the killing (in seconds, seconds I would love to count) not the brain that never seems to rest.

"Got it, Jayne (which is a girl's name, hehe) but you have to do the same, and stop thinking all those nasty thoughts about me, Simon would blush at such things."

(yes, he would blush but also throw punched that the man he hates most in world, besides the ones that want me as their own)

-

"May I?"

Months ago he would never have let me put a pinky toe into the control room (which Wash used to be the king of), would have cracked a 'isn't she crazy' joke, never as many as Jayne does (along with a hell no), but instead he welcomed me with open arms.

(as Simon would say 'a little too open for my taste' that's what he does worry about me while I worry about him)

"Go ahead, darling, wheels all yours."

(darling, sugar, sweetie, it's like I'm a girl of eight in his eyes, just a little girl)

"My pleasure, captain, oh-my captain."

But this little game of 'father, daughter' which I can't stand one single bit always comes to a end when Inara walks in, it's like their magnets to each-other and when one comes in the room they must stare, and keep staring till those lovely eyes of theirs start to bleed.

As you can all tell this doesn't leave anytime for our brief moments together, which I get less and less of these days thanks to Inara and his true soul mate, serenity.

"Me and Inara got to chat, why don't you scoot off and go bug Simon some, okay darling?"

At least these few seconds I get are better then being watched by the others, eyes sharp on my skin and making marks without even knowing it (marks on the thing that still works, my heart), or being stuck with Jayne and all of those bad thoughts of his.

('River, that crazy little thing, has grown into quite a woman, damn' 'maybe I could have my go, if she doesn't start all of her rambling.')

-

"You need to stop it, you son of a bitch, stop thinking about River in that way!"

(those rambling words of mine started no being so pretty and of course Simon who is listening close had to know where those nasty things came from)

As always Simon is one of the only few that doesn't stare, or tries not to (when I dance upon the graves of our enemies) oh-so hard, and is by my side ready to take my side in everything and because of that, all that love that he likes to send my way, he is the one I love most of all.

(the only one to help me in my time of need, snatched me from the hands of blue without a thought of his own well-being)

"Don't be cussing at me boy, I can't control my own thoughts and I shouldn't need to, is it my fault that she comes into my noggin uninvited, I don't think so."

With those two (cat and dog, one bites with teeth and the other with words) it's like a play every day, full of angst, drama and so much more but I doubt they like it, it's all over and done with, when I loudly clap 'bravo'.

"Stop, I like the show a lot but there is no need for this episode. I've already made my choice, honey-bear, I'm not mad at you. No, not at all, I decided I'd take you up on your offer, after all it's about time."

Since the start of our journeys, which right now are stuck on our home alone (serenity, her and me share a bond above all others), instead of falling for the right one, my oh-my caption because he was already falling for the sane ones.

I fell for the wrong one that had almost handed me off to the hands of blue and insulted me like no other, but now he thinks of me rather then a crazy a child but a insane woman.

(and he has no idea how flattering that is, because I'm still a child in the rest of their eyes)

"Honey-bear? River, what offer are talking about?"

"Being his woman, or at least sharing his bed, it is quite a pretty one."

-