A/N: I was talking... What would happen if Fake Karakura town, in its entirety was wiped out? No one survived. Not Aizen, not any captains, not the Vizards, not a single Shinigami? Eight captains and vice captains would remain, divided as such: Kenpachi Zaraki and his fukutaichou Yachiru Kusajishi, Byakuya Kuchiki and his fukutaichou Renji Abarai, Mayuri Kurotsuchi and his fukutaichou Nemu Kurotsuchi, Retsu Unohana and her fukutaichou Isane Kotetsu. That's over half of the Gotei 13 captains, so the remaining fukutaichou would be promoted to captain. What happens afterwards? How do some people react to their new found captaincy? If you want me to keep going, tell me and I'll consider it. This is just the one I really wanted to do. :] (the other 5 would be various; for example, Kiyone Kotetsu and Sentarou Kotsubaki.)
Why weren't you happy? You were finally a fukutaichou, of the seventh division no less! You were high ranked and out of the fourth-division. You were no longer a laughing-stock to the divisions, no longer had to do menial chores.
A piercing voice came from the other room. "_____-fukutaichou!"
You sighed. THAT'S why you weren't happy. THAT monster. You entered your captain's office and averted your eyes as you quietly asked, "H-Hai, taichou?"
"... You know, you're so upset all the time! You're a downer! You need to be more excited! So go out and come back in and say, 'Heya, Yachiru-taichou!'"
You bit your lip. You weren't going to get anywhere until you did as she asked. She would ignore you like you didn't exist until you did as she wanted you to.
You sighed, defeated, and exited to re-enter, greeting the little pink-haired witc-- captain as she asked.
"Better!" She smiled and paused. Several seconds passed before she cocked her head at you. "Why are you here?"
You widened your eyes and rubbed your forehead with your fingers. Oh, may the old captains (rest their souls) give you the patience you need. "... Kusaji-- Yachiru-taichou, you called me."
Yachiru widened her eyes and gasped. "That's right! I did!"
She rummaged around in her desk for a few moments before locating what she'd been looking for. "_____-fukutaichou, I need you to go get me candy. I'm out."
This was said with such an earnest look that you just COULDN'T laugh at it. She really had called you in here to get her more candy.
You bit your lip and counted to ten in an attempt to calm down. "...Yachiru-taichou, I can't."
Her jaw dropped as she considered you with an emotion almost close to hatred in her eyes. "... Why?"
"Unohana-taichou said you weren't to have any more candy, that it's bad for you..."
"I don't care! I want candy!"
You sighed and were on the verge of tears. What had you done to deserve this? Who had you angered and why were they so cruel?
"No, taichou. I won't. I'm sorry."
She pursed her lips in thought and immediately brightened. "It's okay, _____-fukutaichou, I know what you can do instead!"
You sighed in relief. "Really, Yachiru-taichou? What is it?"
"Ummm... Well...." A cute blush almost matching her hair covered her cheeks. "You can go get me Byakushi!"
...
"... But... Yachiru-taichou..."
"No buts! Candy or Byakushi! Leave now and don't come back until you have one of them with you."
Then she jumped up and, with surprising strength but nothing unexpected from someone raised by Kenpachi, pushed you from the room, the door to her office (and yours) clicking closed and locked behind you.
You rested your face in your hands, sighing and trying to calm down and stop from hyperventilating.
The question your captain posed to you was, "Are you really suicidal or just suicidal, _____-fukutaichou?"
You tapped your fingers together and sighed.
The Kuchiki manor it was. The stoic Byakuya was so much less scary than an angry Unohana.
And that said something.
Byakuya, thank the old captains (again, rest their souls, they were so nice to you and your prayers to them), was not averse to helping you. You believed it was pity more than anything, his manor desecrated and mauled by the pink-haired then-fukutaichou. He, equipped with sweet buns to keep her busy, came with you when you got on your knees and (you felt no shame for this) cried. You really needed back in your office, you pleaded, and she wouldn't let you back in until he came with you.
Perhaps it was just to shut you up, you reflected as he walked silently behind you, rubbing your slightly swollen and red-rimmed eyes.
"..." You knocked on the door quietly. "Yachiru-taichou," you thought you saw Byakuya looked disgusted at the familiarity between you two, "I brought Kuchiki-taichou for you... Please unlock the door."
The door flew open and she grinned at you, throwing herself at Byakuya. He caught her and set her down, shoving the first of many buns in her mouth.
She glanced at Byakuya then at you. She grinned at you and threw herself at you, hugging you tightly.
"I love you, _____-fukutaichou~!" She got some of her food in your hair, but it was heartfelt.
And those moments were the only reason you didn't quit.
Well, that and no matter how much she annoyed you, she was attached to you and she would surely complain to Kenpachi if you left.
You really didn't want him to convince you that you needed to stay under Yachiru.
"Thank you, Kuchiki-taichou." You bowed deeply to him and started back toward your offices.
"..._____-fukutaichou."
You turned to meet his eyes and cocked your head curiously. "Yes, taichou?"
"This makes the fifth time this month. You still need to repay me."
You sighed, whined pathetically, and nodded weakly. "I understand..."
Five times this month. God, she was so incorrigible. What was worse was that it was only the thirteenth and she was given candy at the beginning of every month—not only had she eaten all the candy she had been given, she had given you this ultimative five times since.
Tomorrow would make six.
All in total, you were up to twenty-six.
You were practically Kuchiki property. You closed your eyes and rubbed the bridge of your nose.
Maybe paperwork would help you forget, you decided to go back to your desk and sit.
When you opened your eyes, you wished you hadn't.
Apparently, your captain had gotten bored and... Reorganized your desk. It would take you hours to fix it all and you had no patience.
The day was too long already and the clock hadn't even hit four yet. You let your head connect with your paper-strewn desk and cried in frustrated, silent tears.
And those moments were the moments you really wanted to quit. Or kill yourself. Or kill other things.