Prologue

"I don't want to do this David." I complained as I paced back and forth at the designated meeting point. "I know, but we have to. For the sake of the pack and the treaty." Stupid treaty, and stupid Meyer for getting another one right. I growled and heard David laugh beside me. "I'm not a fan of it either you know." He smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, he wasn't so hot to me anymore now that our bodies were the same tempture. "You don't like it because you want a reason, all you boys want a reason, to rip the Kollins apart. I don't like it because I have to face the Kollins now, on this side of the fence." I groaned and leaned against David. "Would you rather be on the other side, a blood sucker like them?" It was one of the pack, his name was Nick and he was shorter then David and not as broad and a bigger jerk then David could ever dream of being. "Not a bloodsucker no." I still hated it when they called the Kollins names but I had started to get used to it. But you'd still rather be with him. I heard David inside my head and sighed. We had found a way to block our minds from the others if we wanted to, so we could have our own private conversations. I'm sorry David, I still love him. Even if all of you think he's the enemy. I did feel sorry, I felt even worse when I admitted to myself that I loved David too.

Chapter One: On the Run in Collage

"You're going to have to face them eventually, I don't like it but it's true." David was saying one day as we were running in the woods around my collage. "I know that already, I'm just not ready for that yet." I sighed. I knew I was being stupid, I didn't need David to remind me of it. I had gone back to collage, to get my degree, and had been dodging the Kollins every time one would come looking for me. It was usually Emmett, Allison, or Tatiana who would come look for me. I could always hear Emmett coming, I would have to smell for Tatiana and Allison. I couldn't hear their thoughts so they were more likely to catch me.

I had only gotten caught once, and it was by Tatiana. "Come home, please? He misses you so much." She had begged me, hugging me tightly ignoring the smell I knew she didn't like. "I can't, not yet. He still doesn't want me to be what I am. I've seen it in his mind, he is still repulsed by me, deep down. It's not just the smell, it's all of it." I sighed and watched Tatiana step away from me, "You don't smell so bad, those other dogs smell worse. Opps, I mean your pack. You still have that same floral smell, just a little bit of dog mixed with it." She smiled and hugged me again, to prove her point she breathed me in deeply. I had to laugh and hug her back. "Thanks I guess, you don't smell so bad either. Still like sweet-grass, just a little to strong a sweet." I crinkled up my nose in faux disgust and watched her laugh. "Come home, please?" She asked again and I shook my head. "Not yet, besides I have to finish collage. Freak monster or not, I promised my parents."

She had left after that taking a simple message to Emmett for me, "Tell him I still love him, but I'm not ready to be with him yet." She had agreed to pass it on, even though I knew it hurt her to do it.

"It hurt you more." David said, I hadn't realized he was listening in on my memory. "I hate it when you do that." I muttered as we came into view of the campus. "Sorry, you were just looking so sad I had to see why. See if I could make you better." He smiled and hugged me with one arm. "You being around makes me better." I smiled and hopped up on my toes and kissed his cheek. "Are we ever going to get past the friendly cheek kisses?" He asked, I knew he was teasing or at least part of him was. He still wanted to be with me, but I wasn't ready to push Emmett aside yet. It had only been eight months, I had kept adding the time because it never seemed long enough to give up on Emmett. "I know, I know." He muttered and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry David, I can't just turn it off. You know I love you, I do, but I still love him. I can't give you what you want when my heart still wants him." I always felt tiny and worthless when I had to say these things to him. "I know, I can wait. We've got forever for you to come around." You always say that. And he did, he would always say just the right thing to make me feel better and yet worse.

"So what sort of homework do you have to get done today?" David asked as we entered my dorm room. "Finals nonsense, and filing paper work to get into another collage. I want my Masters, well my Doctorate actually, in Archaeology so I have to get into a good school for that." I sighed as I dropped my bag on my bed and started un-packing books and laying them on my computer desk. "Washington has a great Collage and, hey, you know a Professor from there. He did promise to get you in." David reminded me. I hadn't forgotten about Michael's promise to get me into his collage, and neither had he. I looked at the mail in my hand, that my roommate had left on my desk for me to find, and there it was a letter from 'Professor Michael Kollin'. I opened it as quickly as I could, and found paper work that needed to be filled out and a hand written letter.

Dear Renee',

Like I promised, here are all the papers you will need to get into Washington U. I have already filled out a recommendation and filed it with my department, all you need to do is file these forms when you are finished with them. I don't see any problems with you getting in.

Best Wishes,

Michael

P.S. He misses you, and he's sorry. Even if he can't say it himself.

I read and re-read the letter over and over again, mainly the last line. "He's sorry?" David read over my shoulder. "He needs to learn to say it himself." He scoffed as I sat the letter down, trying to fight the emotions that were building inside me.

David seemed to notice my change and moved to sit next to me, wrapping on massive arm around me, holding me next to him. "Breath, it's okay, just breath." He kept whispering to me, rubbing circles on my arm. "Why is it always his damn family pleading his case and never him?" I said as I started to calm down. "You never give him a chance to talk to you." David said and I knew he was right. "He doesn't even think it, or if he does he doesn't let me hear it. If he was so damn sorry he would be screaming it, at least inside his head." I was trying to stay calm but it wasn't working. "He's an idiot, I've always said so." David tries to tease, and it actually seemed to work this time. "Total idiot." I agreed and rested my head against his chest. "Wait, did I just hear you agree with me?" David laughed and poked my rib. "Shut up, it was a fluke, don't get you're hopes up." I said poking him back.

"To late, you already agreed with me. I win!" He laughed and began to tickle me, I squealed and screamed fighting back. "No, I will never surrender!" I yelled as I started to tickle him back. Before we knew it I was on my back on my bed and he was hovering over me breathless. "You'll never just let me win, will you?" He asked as he leaned closer to me. "It's against my nature." I laughed breathlessly, putting my hands against his chest to keep him at bay. He scowled at me as he took wrists in his hands, "Let me kiss you." it wasn't a question. He moved my hands away and leaned closer, his lips merely inches from mine. "No David, you know I can't." I said, feeling my heart skip a beat as his breath blew over my face. "Yes you can, just this once." He whispered as he trailed his lips over my earlobe. I felt my breath catch in my chest and my heart beat awkwardly. He heard it to and chuckled as he moved his lips to my jaw then to my lips.

I couldn't move, his lips were hot against mine and I could feel his tongue brush against my lips willing them to open. "Stop." I tried to say, but the minute my lips parted he deepened the kiss. My head started to swim and my urge to fight him away was being over powered by my urge to pull him near. He had dropped my hands and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly to him. My hands made to move around his neck, I grabbed handfuls of his hair and pulled but I wasn't pulling him away I was pulling him near. I heard him growl deep in his throat as I warred inside my head over what was going on. No, stop, please. I can't. I cried into his mind and was finally able to will my limbs to push him away. He moved willingly, looking down at me with sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I just can't." I could feel the tears well up inside my eyes as he moved away, sitting in my computer chair. "I'm sorry." He whispered and I could tell he was, I could hear him yelling at himself for pushing me to far. "It isn't all on you, I didn't make you stop. I didn't want you to, but you had to." I looked away from his face and down at my hands.

I heard him move and felt his weight on my bed and his arms around my shoulders. "I won't push myself on you again, if you want to kiss me I'll wait for you to decide." He whispered into my hair and that was all it took, I began to cry. All the emotions I had been holding in just spilled over. "Shh, shh don't cry. It's okay, I promise." He kept whispering but I kept crying. "I shouldn't keep doing this to you. You deserve better then me, I hate myself for what I do. I pull you in just to push you away, and you let me." I cried and tried to pull away from him. "Stop it, I knew what I was getting into. I knew you had baggage and I don't care, you can push and pull me all you want. I'm not going anywhere." He said as he turned me to face him. I looked up into his eyes and they were burning with resolve. "I'll never get over Emmett, I'll always love him and it isn't fair to you. I'll never be able to give all my heart to you, he will always hold a part of it, and you deserve a girl who can hand you her entire heart." The tears were slowing and I could breath normally again as he reached up and took my face in both his massive hands. "I'm. Not. Going. Anywhere." He said, kissing my cheeks with every word, kissing away the remaining tears. I leaned forward, resting my head on his chest, and listened to his heart beat. "You are such a masochist." I muttered and felt him laugh.

"You know I like David, but can't you at least listen to Emmett? He is going crazy without you, he is always calling and asking me how you are. Apparently you have been avoiding him every time he tries to come see you." Kalley was saying over lunch one afternoon. "There is so much more going on then just David, besides I'm not 'with' David. I'm not with anyone right now." I sighed and stabbed at my food. "You seem pretty 'with' him." She said as she watched me stab my food. "Well I'm not okay." I groaned and looked over at her. "Kalley get to the point, you know I hate it when you beat around the bush." She sighed again and put down her fork. "I know I don't know the whole story, but I do know you still love him. Whatever it is that is keeping you two apart, you need to work out. You are only ever, almost, happy when you're with David but you can't always be with him. You still dream about Emmett, your roommate told me about you talking in your sleep." She clarified when I looked at her in shock. Had I really been talking in my sleep again? "You love him, he loves you. I just don't understand why you can't work it out." She sighed and reached out and placed her hand over mine. "There are things he needs to work out before 'we' can work out." I said and stood up. "Renee'? Give him a chance?" She pleaded as I picked up my plate and turned away from her. "Some day I might." I said and walked away.

I was thankful for finals, they gave me something to keep my mind on. It was easier to ignore the searing, pulsating, pain when I had something else to think about it. They were one of the few things left to keep my mind busy, I had already filed all the paper work I would need for all the collages I was trying to get into so that was gone, now all I had left was finals and David. David did his best to keep me busy, but he wasn't always around. He'd had to go back to his pack a few times, it turned out he was the alpha dog after all, to clear up a few issues. The Kollins weren't a problem, they never were, but other vampires and related issues would crop up and he'd have to go take care of it. So I was alone a lot more lately then I had been, though David was only ever a thought away. Though it hurt to think of him that way, because there was always someone else that could be just a thought away and I didn't want to think about him.

It was on one of these lonely days that it finally happened, I hadn't been paying attention to the sounds around me and I had run smack into him, literally. "Oh, I'm sorry." I said before I could take in the man in front of me. "You should be, running from me all this time." It was Emmett, and his voice was harsh even though I could hear the hurt. "Emmett?" I gasped and backed away as quickly as I could. "I guess Rose was right, she said now would be the only chance I could catch you off guard." He smirked and it took all I had not to smile back, or run away. "Thank God for finals then I suppose." I said, keeping my eyes on his face but my ears open to anything else. "Why, why do you always run from me?" Guess we are past catching up. I sighed to myself. "I have to." I decided to tell the truth as I saw it, even if he didn't like it. "No you don't, I told you I still loved you but you still run." He made to move closer and I stepped back. "You still love the old me, the one that was just a normal human. I'm not just some human any more Emmett, and you haven't accepted that yet." I could see the words were hurting him and it was killing me not to reach out and comfort him. "I have." He started to say but I raised an eyebrow and waited for the back pedal, "I would, if you'd just give me a chance. You never give me time to be with you, I don't know what to expect because you don't let me near." He made to move again and this time I stood still.

"You're still my Renee'." He was saying as he moved closer. "I just don't smell like her anymore, and if I wanted to I wouldn't look like her either." I said as I watched him crinkle up his nose as a gust of wind caught my sent and blew into his nose. "I'd learn to live with it." He said and part of me wanted to believe it. "You don't really know for sure, your body gives you away." I nodded at the fact he had stopped moving the moment he had smelt me. I wouldn't lie, he didn't smell so great either, but there was still the hint of the smell of him I had loved. It was just a little to sweet and strong for my nose to enjoy, but if he could learn to leave with me I'd deal with him.

I waited for him to move, it seemed to take forever, but he finally moved. He stepped slowly closer to me, his arms reached out as if waiting for me to make the next step. "Please Renee' give me a chance to prove that I still love you?" The pleading in his voice almost ripped out my heart and it took all I had not to run to him but to walk slowly. "I want to, I truly do, I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet." We were standing in front of one another, just close enough to entangle our fingers and I could feel the drastic tempture difference between his cold hands and my hot ones. He moved closer, pulling me closer to him, lifting one of our joined hands to his lips, kissing my skin softly. "I'll wait forever if that's what it takes to prove you are still my Renee'." He whispered against my skin.

I heard a growl from behind me and knew it was David. Emmett dropped my hands and stepped back, I turned slowly and looked into the angry eyes of David. "What are you doing here leach? Didn't kill her enough the first time you ripped out her heart?" He growled and I saw what he was trying to show him. "Stop it David!" I barked and heard my own growl ring out. "You can't just let him back in!" David yelled and I felt myself cower back. His face softened instantly, "I don't want to see you hurt again." He said in a soft whisper. "I know David, I'm not just letting him back in. I'm not ready." I said this to them both, turning to look at Emmett. "I do love you, I will always love you but I'm just not ready to pretend nothing has changed. Give me time?" I asked and watched Emmett nod. We have eternity to be 'us' again. He whispered into my mind, and I was glad I could keep David out of it, at least in human form I could close my mind to David. In wolf form he could enter my mind any time he wanted, he just didn't.