Forgive and Forget

This oneshot-story was inspired by the works of J. R. R. Tolkien and many fanfiction writers, especially the Celegorm/Aredhel shippers out there. Rated K+. Please, review! I own nothing.

The sons of Fëanor have their camp near Lake Mithrim as does those whom they abandoned on their journey to Middle-Earth: the house of Fingolfin and those of Finarfin his brother. Celegorm waits for Fingolfin´s embassy hoping for a private apology to Aredhel, his dear cousin, who had always been his friend back in Valinor.

~o0o~

The cold winds of Mithrim tangled Celegorm´s fair hair. He looked out on the fields from the hilltop they were standing on. He was half-eager and half anxious to meet them. Curufin stood at his side and Huan sat by his feet.

"If they never forgive us..." Curufin said again, "it´s their loss, not ours."

That was Curufin´s way, Celegorm knew. Ever proud. Well, Celegorm was proud too. In fact, all the sons of Fëanor were - especially Curufin and Caranthir. But now Curufin´s statement had become more of a saying. Celegorm didn´t think his brother really meant what he said. He knew that they both missed them. All those times the grand-children had together gone out for a journey in the woods. The joy of being together - the very thought would have angered father. Father was a good man, but he didn´t like his sons being with their cousins. Ah, the happy days of Valinor: long gone.

Two days ago messengers had come to the encampment of the folk of Fëanor. They had brought word from Fingolfin who had had asked if he could come today. Maglor had long foreseen that they would eventually come. They had themselves been too ashamed of leaving the others on the shores of Aman so they hadn´t taken the first steps of reuniting. Maglor obviously regretted that and he was quickly to say yes. The Ambarussa had shrugged, Caranthir had agreed after persuasion, and Curufin had said nothing. Celegorm had been nervous but said yes. It was unnatural of him to be nervous, and he wouldn´t have been if it hadn´t been for his shame.

Now he could see them coming. They had to ride around Lake Mithrim but that was all. Strange to be so close yet so far away. There were only a few dozens of them: most had apparently not wished to see the Fëanorians. Celegorm knew about the grievous loss of elves on the ices of Helcaraxë. He assumed he would have in their place been as unwilling to meet the traitors.

Four elves rode at the front. Celegorm recognized them. Fingolfin, Fingon, Turgon and Aredhel. Five elves rode behind them, all fair of hair: Finrod, Orodreth, Angrod, Aegnor and Galadriel. After them rode the small troop carrying banners with the emblems of the houses of the younger children of Finwë on them. When they came nearer Curufin descended from the hill and Celegorm and Huan followed him.

~o0o~

The lords and ladies of Noldor jumped off their horses and Maglor stepped forth to greet them. Normally it would have been Fëanor or Maedhros´s part, but... Maglor handled it gracefully. He bowed low and humbly. Fingolfin bowed too, but not as low as if to show he wasn´t yet in that friendly terms with the sons of Fëanor. It was apparently as Maglor had intended it to be. The other Fëanorians bowed too and their cousins followed.

Celegorm was shocked - although not surprised - at how rugged they looked compared to when he had seen them the last time. Their eyes shone fiercely and as brightly as ever, but they looked weary and grieved. Maglor cleared his throat awkwardly and asked in his gentle voice whether they would like to tidy up before the formal meeting.

Fingolfin looked at his group. His son Fingon looked around observing his surroundings. His eyes sought his friend Maedhros and a moments panic was to be seen in them. How to break the news? Or how to anyway say: ´After we deserted you we got into war, Fëanor died, and Maedhros was taken prisoner.´ But hopefully Fingolfin would open the conversation. After all he was both the oldest and the one who had taken initiative to this occasion.

Fingolfin thanked for Maglor´s offer and the Ambarussa lead the guests away to some small houses. Celegorm caught the eye of Finrod. He tried to express feelings of both regret and joy of reuniting in one look, but Finrod raised his eyebrows and walked after the others. Biting his lip Celegorm turned away as well. He couldn´t complain about Finrod´s contempt. Caranthir looked at Celegorm with a questioning look. Celegorm replied in a grim smile signaling `I´m all right.´ Caranthir nodded and smiled back to cheer him up.

~o0o~

A while later Celegorm was sneaking around the houses where the guests had been escorted. He hid behind a wall biting his nail. (He hadn´t bitten his nails since he was ten, but the stress during the last time had sent him back to his habit. He promised he would stop.) He saw Aredhel Ar-Feinel step outside. He drew breath and stepped forth so that he could seemingly coincidentally run into her, his best friend before the - deed that shall not be named.

"Hello," he said. Aredhel looked at him and he looked back. She hadn´t tidied up herself very much; obviously she wanted everyone to see just how much they had suffered. Her curly black hair was tangled, her pale skin was grey with dirt, and her eyes were hollow. He hadn´t remembered her being so skinny. Also he was surprised by her green cloak. She hadn´t worn coloured clothes... ever.

"This cloak is Turgon´s," she said her cold eyes piercing Celegorm´s. "Mine was lost on the ice." She stared him in the eyes and Celegorm became even more anxious. As with most of the house of Finwë her temper was foul when she was angry.

"I-I don´t know if you can ever forgive me..." Celegorm begun. "I have regretted my deeds ever since... the burning. If I could have changed these things I would have done it. I accept if you don´t forgive me..." he fell silent remembering the words of Curufin. ´He´s wrong,´ he thought. ´It is our loss. It is our curse, the very same Mandos foretold of.´

Aredhel took a step closer to Celegorm and said nothing. Celegorm could see a shiny tear in her eye. At least he wasn´t crying himself he noted somewhat content.

POW!

Aredhel punched him. Her fair face turned bitter and her fists clenched. Celegorm groaned under his breath. POW! Aredhel hit him again. Celegorm was prepared the second time. He grabbed the wrist of Aredhel and backed a step to avoid her furious kick..

"You treacherous, evil, arrogant, piece of - Fëanorian!" Her voice rose from a hiss to a shriek as she spat out the the foulest insult she could think of. She attempted to kick him once more. "Let go off me!"

"If you don´t kick me anymore," Celegorm insisted.

Aredhel lowered her foot.
"Very well."

Celegorm let go of her but observed her behaviour cautiously.
"I´m sorry," he said. "I´m sorry for everything, and I understand if you never wish to see me again."

"It would serve you well if I just ignored you," Aredhel muttered. "At first I was angry and disappointed, then sorrowful and missing you, then just sad, and now I´m just angry." she informed him. "The thing that troubles me the most is the way you talk to me."

"I felt as if I have to speak to you. It is the only way for my heart to find rest."

"But you seek for me outside the meeting, do you not?" Aredhel replied. "Why not wait until the council where all can be said?"

"I wanted to speak to you in private," Celegorm admitted. "I know you hate me, and I know I have wronged you. After all our years as friends it was a huge treason and I would only be surprised if you had nothing to say of it. But as for my part of the story I missed you all along. That was the part I regretted most of all: leaving you."

"Save your sweettalk," Aredhel said coldly.

Celegorm grimaced. He was running out of patience.

"After all our years as friends I wouldn´t have believed that you would leave me!" Aredhel hissed. "But I will forgive you because that is why we´re here for. But to go back to the way we were - I wish I could trust you."

Aredhel turned away, and as Celegorm hadn´t any arguments to come up with he didn´t try to stop her and said nothing. But Huan who had stood beside him all the time followed her. Celegorm thought of this for a moment and then he, too, followed them. He would need to become more humble, maybe. Something to win back her trust.

Aredhel Ar-Feinel had always been his favourite cousin. They had often gone hunting together in the forests of Valinor, and it was always with her he enjoyed the festivities of Tirion. He truly had missed her and apparently she had missed him too - if only for a while.

She went past the small houses and huts. She walked very quickly and Celegorm kept a safe distance. Huan however kept a steady pace beside her and she didn´t mind. She went to a small cliff facing the lake, a bit away from the settlement. She sat down and Huan stood beside her. She patted his back. Celegorm came up to her and after a little hesitation sat down beside Huan as to have him between them, but Huan shifted sides and lay down on the other side of Aredhel instead, which left nothing between the two elves.

"You just don´t give up that easily," Aredhel said bitterly.

"No," Celegorm answered. Aredhel sighed. "Look, Aredhel, how can I win back your trust? Do you need some time first or should I just give up all hope? I want to be friends with you! You know that I´ll always be there for you if you need me."

Aredhel stared over the lake and said nothing. Celegorm ran his fingers through his hair and wondered what else in Eä he could say. Then Aredhel spoke: "You´ve changed! This is not the Celegorm I grew up with who´s talking. This is a new Celegorm. One who betrays and then comes worming back begging for forgiving. The old one I will trust."

Celegorm stared at her. In a way he understood her but in a way he didn´t.

"Do you still remember your old self? The Celegorm I knew and loved?" Aredhel inquired him. "Impulsive and sometimes arrogant, yet reliable and loyal to his friends. Can you go back to that and be it honestly and not just take it as a mask over your new self?"

Celegorm sighed. "How do I start, Aredhel? Help me."

After a moments silence she turned towards him. "Start by looking me into the eyes at least when we speak."

He did so. Aredhel´s eyes were no longer wet. "Now give me your hand," she continued.

Celegorm obeyed and she took it into her hands. "What do you think of?" she asked him "Tell me."

That I want my own realm? Or that I miss my brother? How proud I am to have gotten this far?

"How - how your hands are cold," Celegorm admitted a bit ashamed that he had no wiser thing to say, but that was really what he was thinking of. He tried to spread some his own warmth into her fingers and was glad she didn´t react.

"Now, kneel before me and ask for mercy and it shall be granted," she commanded. Celegorm startled.

"What?"

"You heard me," Aredhel said coldly.

"Aredhel, I don´t think that will prove anything," Celegorm answered politely but could not quite hide his annoyance. Aredhel frowned as if challenging him. Celegorm shifted uncomfortably. "I still have some of my pride left," he said angrily.

Aredhel looked at him from head to toe. "That is such a thing Celegorm would say," she said. He didn´t answer. He didn´t know what to say. It seemed to him that things had taken an unexpected turn. "I´m glad you didn´t do it," Aredhel said. "I wouldn´t have trusted you if you had. But you passed the test."

Celegorm didn´t find words. he wasn´t sure whether to be happy or annoyed.

Aredhel smiled sadly.
"I was afraid that I had lost my friend and that he had been replaced by a treacherous earthworm, but it seems to me it´s still you."

"You didn´t try to be mean, just to turn me into what I had once been?" Celegorm laughed - out of pure joy. Aredhel nodded.

"You did deserve that punch, though," she added and released his hand.

"But now I am saying this as the old Celegorm:" he said. "I really did miss you, Aredhel, and it would have been my loss, not yours." She looked at him with a strange look. "Oh it´s just something Curufin said," Celegorm sighed. "But he didn´t mean it. It was nothing."

Aredhel relaxed and smiled.
"You know that I said I didn´t miss you?" she said. "Well, I didn´t, but I´m still glad we´re together again."

Celegorm watched her. Her raven hair flew in the wind. Shuddering a little she stared thoughtfully into the horizon.

"Are you cold?" he asked her. She shook her head, but he remembered her cold fingers. He put his cloak around her and since she didn´t struggle he drew her close to himself so that his body would warm hers. She sighed and leaned her head on his chest. They sat together in silence and mutual understanding until it was time for them to go back for the meeting. Aredhel slipped her fingers between Celegorm´s. They rose up and went to the others.

~o~ The End ~o~