January

Friday 1st January 2010

Ugh, my head kills and my daughter has just run in my room at 10am – you cannot be serious. I got to bed at 9am. Why do six year olds have to be so noisy? Ah, yes, well it is an improvement on the younger years I suppose. I couldn't even keep a diary then. Mark bought me this for Christmas. Ooh – I just looked at him pick Lily up (my little girl's name). Well I better tell you what has happened – actually there isn't that much to tell apart from I am engaged now, had a baby and my mother is still crazy about the fact we had a child before marriage. Well I know I won't end up dead and being eaten by Alsatians. I think I will make some toast.

I click my, I mean our, answer machine. We have four messages, three from my mother, and one from Jude. 'Darling are you, Mark and Lily coming to the Turkey Curry buffet? Please let me know.' 'Darling I do hope you are coming – it is 6am and I have had no call back.' 'We must get your colours done for the wedding darling, and I have had the most splendid idea! We will do Lily too.' 'Hey Bridge – hung over like fuck. See you soon, if I ever get up again – I am NEVER drinking again. Ooh there is some wine in the fridge. Want to come over?'

Some things never change. The phone starts to ring again. I let it go to answer phone despite Mark screaming 'Pick the bloody phone Bridge!' My mother's voice starts to ring 'The buffet starts at 12pm. Come now!' I decide to pick up the phone and my darling mother – whilst bellowing to Una about the gravy – persuades me to get in the car. The good conscience inside me (yes, I have developed one because of Lily. I'd say it was a good thing but right now…) agrees to go. Rushing up the stairs shouting 'Dress Lily my hair is awful.' As always that sadly has not changed. Even after my hairdresser claiming he did wonders.

In the car we speed to my parents' house. We run in and my mother grabs me and tells me to go get changed. I don't know what is wrong! All I am wearing is a sweater and skirt. Although Mr Darcy my fiancé had been laughing a lot when I got out the car. I went into my old bedroom and looked in the mirror. My skirt had a big rip down the back. Why? I rushed to the closet to find curtain clothing and nothing NORMAL. How come Mark didn't tell me? Ugh men. I find a safety pin and do up my skirt. I technically haven't lost my pregnancy weight but who cares. OK a lie – I do very much so but I have no time for dieting. My TV career is too hectic plus a child. Well my TV career is still problematic even with my sleazy boss gone.

I calmly and gracefully glide down the stairs. I like to think I did anyways, and met up with Geoffrey. Ah, my uncle who is not really and uncle and still has a perverted obsession with my arse. 'How's my little Bridget?' I play scenes of me asking how his marriage is going as it broke down last month. He did always ask me about my romantic situation when I was single. However Lily saves the day and drags me away. Children – don't you love them. I move swiftly with her pulling an I'd love to stay but Lily… face. I love doing that. I also love the excuses for Jude and Shazzar to come over – it works when I say to Mark I need help but he is going away.

We struggle through the buffet being courteous to everyone. Letting Lily mess around with the other young children. We go home and relax. My life is pretty much perfect despite the little normal niggles.

Monday 11th January 2010

Work day – damn. It is a new year, I will be positive towards work.

Shit, shit, shit! Where the fuck is my hair brush?

Found my hair brush, now where are my shoes?

Problem averted found them. All I have to do is drop off Lily and go to work. Ah. Shit – where are my keys?

OK. Have just dropped off Lily and am entering work a high powered lady, loved my all. Ooh, I have just been informed we have a new boss. We have to go into a meeting and see him/her.

My life is over. Completely and utterly over. I have to get a new job. We entered the office to someone with their back to us. They span around and who was it? Daniel fucking Cleaver. What am I going to do? He scanned us all and laughed. He said 'well I know some of you a lot more personally than others, don't I Bridge!' The nerve, the fucking nerve. He then added 'Oh and I never got to thank you for your card from, what was it, 13 years ago now or something. I loved reading how much you cared for me.' The whole office was in hysterics. At least I didn't look thirteen years old unlike him. He was greying, no longer a heartthrob but an old sad man, and by his fingers, unmarried. Although Daniel – my boss again? Weird.

Friday 22nd January 2010

I am still livid about my new boss. He came over to congratulate me and patted my arse I mean we were over a long time ago. He has invited himself around for dinner. He rang in a muffled voice and asked Mark as my new boss if he could come for dinner. What am I going to do? Mark doesn't even know that is was Daniel and after what happened with them. What am I going to do?

We are sat at the dinner table. Mark is still pissed off, he isn't looking at me and Lily is scared of Daniel even though she is the chattiest girl ever. What is going on? Daniel is sat there and suddenly pipes up. 'So Jones you're going to become a Darcy – maybe I will have to shag you too hey Mark.' Mark suddenly flies up and screams at Daniel 'Stand up and get the hell out of my house.' I thought my life was going too smoothly. When they got to the door Mark smacked Daniel which led to a whole fist fight.

I hauled Lily upstairs whilst the men fought in the hallway. She started to bawl and so I ended up sitting on her bed rocking her to sleep. When I got her off to sleep they were still fighting. If you want something doing – get a woman to do it. 'Daniel get out, Mark get off him' I said in my high authority voice. Somehow it worked and I got Daniel out and Mark in the kitchen holding a bag of icy peas to his head. 'Why him Bridge? You had to find him again,' this really pissed me off. What had I done? Had a job? Maybe I wasn't a fancy lawyer but I still worked and brought money home. I stormed upstairs for the second time and went into the spare room. No one made a fool out of me.

Saturday 23rd January 2010

Mark stood over me looking apologetic. He begged for my forgiveness with puppy dog eyes. He is still in the doghouse though. I made him look after Lily whilst I went shopping with my bridesmaids. Well Shazzar and Jude. I might let him off – I have spent a lot of his money!