A/N: These characters are the creation of Stephenie Meyer.

This story is something I wrote late at night, so it may not be as humorous as my first story. Well, I was going towards a little bit of comedy, but not as much as the first one. There's more towards the middle of the story.

Pretty much the reason I'm here at FanFiction is to write stories about predicaments that no one has ever placed these storybook characters in. I find it interesting that you can make the most hilarious story off of the simplest things (as I've seen with my first story). I wasn't expecting such great reviews. Thank you all!

Well enough chitchat, here it is, but I'm sure you'll have plenty to say what's wrong with this one(again, sorry for any grammatical errors, I typed this up in about 5 minutes – I was in a hurry):

Weekend Workout from Hell

This weekend was going to be long and dull for me. I had until Monday to occupy myself with something and it was only Saturday.

Edward had gone away; hunting, of course, with his family. I knew he had to go, and I accepted that, but it doesn't mean that I had to like it. Now, I feel deeply ashamed and selfish for what I'd put him through.

Edward hadn't gone hunting for about a month and a few weekends ago he told me that he was going to go up to the mountains with Carlisle and Emmett. I cried and begged him to wait and not go yet. He gave in, denying his thirst for a week more. Then he told me the next weekend that he had to go the upcoming week or he didn't know how he could be around me.

That put me into a shock, like the ones I get into if he says something that might hint at him leaving me. After awhile, he gave in again; because I wasn't eating or drinking until he did.

Finally, I had to let him go after he couldn't even spend the night with me anymore for the desire being too great. Friday morning before he left, he couldn't even kiss me good-bye, it was so bad. He just stood there and gazed at me with the most tortured expression, his eyes filled with a great sadness that I sobbed after he left over my selfishness.

So now, at ten in the morning I lay sprawled on the floor, flipping through old magazines that Renee had sent me in the mail. I had just never found the time to look at them, but now, time was all I had.

The beauty of the models disgusted and amazed me at the same time. I had to keep reminding myself that they were probably airbrushed and made-up for hours beforehand.

Even with all their fake beauty and glamour, the Cullen's still got my vote.

I still don't understand why Edward chose me. Ever since the day he first started talking to me I asked myself "why me?" I mean, there are so much prettier girls in the world. I often wondered if it was because he couldn't hear my thoughts. Because, now that I think about it, it would be pretty annoying (and weird) to have a girlfriend or boyfriend that always admired how 'hot' you are. Don't get me wrong, I think about that side of Edward a lot, probably more than I should. So, maybe he only chose me because he wouldn't have to hear my ogling over him all the time. Then again, he has told me he wants to hear everything I'm thinking, even the bad things. But does that include the countless lusts after his mind-boggling body?

I read an article how men find women who are weak and helpless, cute – because then they can save them. But then there was another guy who found it repulsive; wishing that the girl had at least some muscle mass to save her own ass.

Did Edward find me repulsive? Did he wish that I could save myself for once?

For some reason I began to panic, my heart racing and my breathing shuddered in my chest. I rolled over, off of my stomach, and felt slightly better.

Then, in that moment, I decided that I was going to stop being such a wimp. That I was going to go out and get some muscles.

I flexed my arm where there should have been biceps, but were just small mandatory muscles in its place. Seeing how pathetic I looked in the mirror, I groaned.

But then I puffed out my chest and decided that I was going to show Edward what I could do; what I was capable of.

I decided that I was going to do workouts around the house for today, then take a hike tomorrow morning on the trail.

First, I did crunches, jumping jacks, then about 30 push-ups. I tried jogging around the house, but my toe connected with the corner of a wall, which scratched that idea.

As I ate lunch (and massaged my sore toe), I looked again at my arms to see nothing had changed. Well duh! They're not going to change within a few hours!...Did I just say 'duh?'

By the time Charlie got home around six I was nearly passed out on the living room floor.

"Bells?" He called from the kitchen. I never got that…I mean, who else would it be?

"In here." I croaked.

I heard his footsteps cross the floor then stopped once he'd caught sight of my sweating, exhausted figure on the floor.

"What did you do with yourself today, Bella?" He asked rather suspiciously.

"I was working out." I rolled over slowly, my whole body aching, to look up at him and his eyebrows rose.

"Working out?"

"Yes. For Edward."

He scowled at the name, but his voice remained merely wary.

"Why were you working out for…Edward?"

"Well, I read today in a magazine that some guys don't like girls who have no muscle mass." I really don't know why I was telling him this…

Now one eyebrow went down and the other stayed up as he walked back out into the kitchen.

"Bella, you should want to be more physically fit for yourself, not for Edward." I noticed the difficulty he had saying the name.

Standing, I followed him to the kitchen then went to the fridge and pulled out some fish for our dinner.

I put the cooked fish in the oven again, hesitating and prolonging before asking,

"What do you have against Edward, Ch-Dad?"

Luckily, he didn't notice my almost use of his first name as he sat down at the table.

"I don't have anything against Edward, Bella. It just pains me to see you spend so much time with him. You can't expect any father to be happy once their daughter starts dating."

He smiled up faintly at me, but with a slightly meaningful gaze in his eyes.

I rolled my own eyes, "Dad, Edward and I are not…er…doing it." I blushed because I couldn't even say the word to my own father.

But I saw the sheer relief spread across his face and he grinned as he cut the fish.

Again, I was disgusted.

"Dad?! How could you even think that?"

His face slowly turned into a scowl again, "Bella, it's perfectly reasonable for me to think that. I mean, I hope you two aren't…won't - I'm just worried about you." He paused, looking down and I wanted to hug him now for my rudeness. Until he said what he did next;

"So you mean he hasn't pressured you…or asked you to-…?" He trailed off suggestively.

My cheeks were blazing even though I was furious.

How dare he! It was as if he were saying that Edward didn't want to. As if he would say no even if we could engage in that…activity. Like I wasn't even pretty enough, or worth it.

"Dad," I growled through clenched teeth, not really wanting to have this conversation, "He and I discussed it and we decided we're both not ready yet. So if he can wait, then so can I. I suppose…" I shrugged, the anger slowly draining away as I looked down at him.

The rage seemed to be flowing through the air, right to him.

Whoops. Maybe I should have added the 'I suppose' at the end. Now he probably thinks that I'm some sex-crazed teen who wants to throw off my clothes for my boyfriend.

"Dad, I-"

"Bella!" He roared. "Are you telling me that if Edward asked to have sex with you right now, that you would say yes?!"

I flinched at his yelling then decided that now would be the time to get out of there.

"Uh, I'm going to go take a walk." I said quickly, grabbing my keys to the truck and dashed out of the house.

"Isabella Marie Swan you get back here!"

Ignoring him, I raced to the truck and slammed the door, starting the engine with ease; to my astonishment.

"I'm sorry Dad!" I called, "I'll talk with you later!"

So I drove on, leaving a purple faced Charlie on the porch. He probably thought I was going to be with him right now.

Man, was I going to have a night.

The sky was darkening and I realized my stupidity at wanting to take a walk this late at night. It was already seven-thirty and I was just now parking near the trail.

I wouldn't be able to walk too far, but at least I would get in some distance today. That, and I hoped that Charlie would be calmer by the time I got back.

As I started in on the paved trail I sighed and looked through the trees to the setting sun.

Then my mind began to replay what had just happened with my father.

Would I say yes though?

If Edward wanted to throw off my clothes –and his fear of hurting me- would I say yes?

I shook my head, willing myself not to think about it, as it wasn't important. I mean, it wasn't like we'd be doing it any time soon.

After awhile of walking, I figured that I wasn't going to get muscular legs just walking on a flat trail, so I decided to do a little off-road hiking.

I went through a bush to trip over a small fallen tree. Ugh! Why do I always manage to find something good that goes bad?!

I examined myself to see I just had a scraped knee. Hallelujah, now Edward couldn't be mad at me for getting myself in trouble.

I figured that if I watched where I was going that I would be fine. Of course I tripped a few times as I went.

When the sky began to get too dark for my taste, I decided to turn around. When I did though, I realized I had no idea where I came from or where I should go.

With a slight panicked breathing I walked quickly, trying to retrace my steps.

A crack, as if someone stepping on a branch, made me squeak and run for my life.

I can't die. I can't die. I can't die.

I repeated like a mantra in my head, for I knew if I died; Edward would kill me.

Looking behind my shoulder I saw a dark shadow then sped up and ran through a grove of plants, tripping on a root to be tickled by the greenery.

I thought I noticed the shape of it; but I didn't pay enough attention; or have the time to.

Finally I reached the clearing, and my truck; jumping in and sped out of their.

I pushed the truck to the limit of speed and once home; jumped out, running towards the porch.

Charlie eyed me, somewhat calmer I saw, once I was in the house.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I fell into a chair and fell asleep, not bothering to tell Charlie what had happened.

The next morning, I found that I was in my own bed.

Charlie must be the one at fault, even though I know how hard it is for him to carry me.

Yawning, I kicked off the covers and padded to the bathroom with new clothes and my bag of toiletries.

My skin seemed to be unceasingly itchy as I walked and scratched my arms.

When I reached the bathroom, I flicked on the lights and looked up into the mirror.

A scream echoed throughout the house, and after my ears popped; I realized it was mine.

Red dots covered my face. No, bigger than dots. And they not only covered my face, but my whole body. I stripped off my clothes to find that I had them everywhere.

Oh. My. God.

What did I do last night? What happened? As I was panicking I through on my shirts and tank-top.

Then I remembered that I had fallen into a plant. And now I knew how I had recognized it.

It was poison ivy.

This was great! No way would this go away before Edward got back; so he'd have to see me like this!

Maybe Charlie had some of that aloe stuff you put on mosquito bites. Hopefully he was still there.

I ran out of the bathroom and down the stairs.

"Dad?! Dad! Do you have any aloe? I hit some poison ivy last night and-"

When I reached the kitchen I gasped, because there was Charlie – and the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen cooking eggs on the stove.

Edward.

Charlie turned towards me, "What Be- Holy shit!"

I didn't have the time to scold Charlie for cussing, something he almost never did, because Edward turned and smirked.

That smirk told it all and I knew now who was in the forest last night.

"Hello, Bella. Sorry, about the poison ivy, but I know something that can help the itching." Edward smiled and held out the pan towards me. "Eggs?"