To all the people who are waiting for a conclusion to my "Fun With Droids" South Park fic, I promise it will be finished within the next couple of weeks or so. This story was just an idea I got into my head recently that I had to put down. Yes, I know the whole Brian as a human thing has been done a million times before, but it's my turn damnit!
Nausea. That was the first thing Brian Griffin seemed to notice, an overwhelming sense of nausea. It crashed over his body like a title wave, and forced a very audible groan from his mouth. He felt like shit, his eyes were burning, his head was spinning, and he was struggling to even stand up. What the hell had he been thinking, drinking so much? Normally he could handle his drinks but this time it was simply overkill, even for him.
The last couple of hours seemed to be a foggy haze, he had remembered leaving the bar and wandering into a local Quahog park, but that was it. Brian didn't even have the slightest semblance of passing out. As he struggled to get up off of the filthy patch of grass, another wave of nausea hit him, worse than the last, and caused him to fall to the ground again, doubling over in pain.
Brian began to feel the hot bile rising up into his throat, knowing what was coming. Fuck, he was going to puke, and Brian loathed puking! He dry heaved a few times before it all came, and he released the contents of his stomach onto the ground beneath him. He felt slightly better, albeit still very queasy, and his burning eyes were still plastered shut. Before his upset stomach could release its contents yet again, Brian began to peel his hazy eyes open as the two orbs took in the sights around them.
Everything was blurry and shaking at first but soon images began to come into focus. He was definitely in the same park alright, although there was one thing that was a bit off putting. The trees in the park looked as if they had grown taller by several feet overnight, which was impossible, wasn't it? Brian chalked it up to being out of it for the last several hours and slowly rose to his feet. Was he taller all of a sudden? He looked down at himself and let out a shocked gasp.
He was human, and a naked human at that. His ass and genitals exposed for the whole world to see. Brian rubbed his eyes and spun around, immediately being showered in shocked and horrified expressions from pedestrians. Brian just stopped, like a deer caught in the headlights. A thousand different thoughts seemed to be whizzing through his mind, the most common one being that this was simply a surreal, alcohol induced dream.
Suddenly a local screamed at him. "Hey buddy, unless you're from a frat party or planning to sleep with me, you better put some clothes on!"
Brian panicked and took off running, deciding to process why he had spontaneously turned into a human overnight later, and heading to the Griffin house first. As he ran down the street, suddenly a middle aged man with a cigar in his hand steps up to the screen. "Why is Brian griffin a human? Why are the trees in the local park suddenly taller? Why did my wife leave me for a Filipino man after ten years of marriage? All of these questions and more will be answered in the scary-
"Futurama already used that title!" Another man called out to the one holding the cigar.
"Oh fuck Ronald, why don't you tell me these things? I had everything planned out and now you fucked it up!" He screamed throwing his cigar to the ground in anger. He then straightened out his shirt and composed himself. "Alright then, you are about to enter the extremely fucked up zone." He exclaimed.
There was a pause and the man looked to be growing impatient. "Now?" A man in the background asked. "Yes, now Ronald!" the one with the cigar yelled. Suddenly a button was pressed and over the top cheesy, eerie music began to play.
After running past hordes of screaming gawking people, Brian managed to make it to the Griffin house, nearly out of breath at this point. A streak of horror shot through him when he realized that now that he was a human, no one in the house would recognize him. An idea struck him a second later as he walked up to the front door and knocked a few times. Brian waited for a moment before Lois answered it.
The day seemed to be getting stranger and stranger. Lois had several gray streaks strewn though her red hair, as well as a few crow's feet under her eyes. Not only that, but her breasts seemed to be sagging a bit, and she looked as if she had gained around ten or fifteen pounds. Nevertheless, she was still a hot ass MILF whom Brian would gladly fuck day in and day out until his testicles ran out of sperm.
"Oh my god!" She screamed, stepping back several inches upon taking in the sight of Brian's naked body.
"Get the fuck off of my property, pervert!" She shrieked, attempting to slam the door in his face.
"Wait, I can explain!" Brian shouted attempting to prevent her from shutting the door. "I was raped!" He screamed, a little too loudly. Lois stopped dead in her tracks and her expression changed from anger and disgust, to sadness.
"What? I'm so sorry, I didn't know. Where do you live? Do you have a description of the person who did this to you?" She asked, horror taking over her face as her voice changed to the tone of a very caring and concerned mother.
Brian went along with the act. "I don't remember, he drugged me and I passed out." He offered up, desperately trying to make it sound as if he were on the verge of tears. Lois was eating it up like candy.
"Oh you poor thing, come on in and I'll give you some of my son's clothes to put on and some hot chocolate." She cooed, putting her arm on his shoulder and leading him into the living room Brian was all too familiar with. The inside of the house seemed to look the same, but something weird was definitely going on, and Brian was determined to get to the bottom of it.
Lois disappeared up the stairs for a few minutes as Brian sat on the couch. She came down a few minutes later with a pile of clothes.
"Here, you can wear these for the time being. Do you know your parents' phone number sweetie?" She asked in a voice that had nothing but pure honey in it. Brian had to think fast. "Ugh… no my parents are gone, er dead I mean. Yeah, my parents are dead." He lied. That just resulted in Lois gasping once more. "What happened to them?" The redheaded woman asked holding her hand to her mouth.
"They died in a car crash years ago, I live in an orphanage now." Brian replied, feeling a little bit guilty for telling such a lie.
"Oh honey, that's awful! Does the orphanage know that you're missing?" Lois questioned, growing more and more anxious by the second. Fuck, Brian hadn't thought this far ahead yet, what was he going to tell her? Well Lois, my parents are actually dogs, and I used to be your pet until one night I got drunk and awoke to find that I was a human. Yeah, that would go over really well.
"I think so, but I forget where it's at." He lied again, getting up off the couch and putting on the pair of jeans and green shirt Lois had lied out for him. They were actually a bit snug, so that ruled them out as Chris's clothes.
"That drug really did a number on you huh?" The redhead asked, voice oozing with concern. "Listen, I'll call the police right now and you can explain to them what happened to you." She proclaimed, heading into the kitchen.
"No!" Brian screamed, startling Lois. "I mean, ugh, I really don't want the police involved in this." He sputtered nervously.
"Nonsense! You've just been raped, I can't let some perverted sick weirdo like that get away." She shouted with determination, walking into the kitchen and grabbing the phone, dialing 911. Brian sat on the couch in defeat until Lois eventually hung up the phone. A few minutes later the authorities arrived and Brian had to come up with more lies until they eventually left, promising to track down a criminal that never even existed.
Lois sat down on the couch next to him and put a comforting, reassuring arm around him. "Don't worry hun, they'll track down the sick fuck who did that to you, and you'll be back to your home at the orphanage soon enough, until then though, you can stay here for the next couple of days." She stated warmly. Brian inwardly sighed, realizing he was off the hook, for now anyway. "Oh, I almost forgot about the hot chocolate I promised you." Lois suddenly exclaimed, rising to her feet and heading back into the kitchen.
"Do you mind if I use your bathroom?" Brian called out. "Sure thing, it's up the stairs to your left." She answered.
Brian practically flew up the stairs and into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. He flicked the light on and examined his new form in the mirror. He looked to be around seventeen or eighteen years of age, and he had to admit that he had a very handsome face, with bright pink lips and piercing blue eyes. His hair was dark brown, and wavy and lifting his shirt up, he found out that he was somewhat muscular, with a very sharp and defined body, and two bright pink nipples one either side of his chest.
"Well, at least I'm a good looking human." He remarked to himself dryly, exiting the bathroom and walking out into the hall. His eyes fell onto Stewie's bedroom, which was completely rearranged from when he saw it last. The crib was gone, as was the changing station, the toy chest, and any other object that might be in the bedroom of an infant.
Instead there was a full sized bed, a television, and two bookshelves. The walls were a completely different color now, a light green, and the baby border that was once up was gone. It looked like the bedroom of a teenager. That though echoed in Brian's head a dozen times, and an epiphany dawned on him. He ran into the room, noticing that there was a calendar on the wall.
Brian's mouth fell open as he studied it. His eyes nearly bulged out of their human sockets when he realized that he somehow had been transported fifteen years into the future!
Brian was still in a nearly catatonic state from the amount of shock overwhelming his body when he heard Lois calling him about the hot chocolate being done. "Of course, the trees in the park mysteriously growing overnight, Lois looking much older, Stewie's room being completely different, although that still doesn't explain why I'm a human." He pondered to himself, descending down the stairs and back into the main room.
"Oh, I can't believe I forgot, I didn't ask you what your name was." Lois said, handing Brian the cup of hot chocolate and wrapping a blanket around him.
"My name is Brian."
Lois smiled softly. "You know, I used to have a dog named Brian." She reminisced. Brian's ears perked up.
"What happened to him?" He asked curiously, carefully taking a sip of the hot cocoa. Lois's expression turned remorseful and serious. "Well, one day he simply disappeared, we think he ran away."
"Wow, that's awful." Brain proclaimed, taking another sip as his expression also soured. "Yeah, everyone was heartbroken, especially my youngest son Stewie, he took it the hardest." She sighed.
"That's so weird, it's like I was simply wiped from existence." Brian thought to himself, become more and more puzzled by the moment, although he decided to change the subject. "So, ugh, how many kids do you have?"
The redhead perked up again and emitted a radiant smile. "I have three, my oldest son and my daughter moved out several years ago, and my youngest son is in school at the moment, though he should be home within the next hour or so."
Brian assumed she was talking about Stewie, and he yawned quite loudly as he continued to sip the hot beverage. "If you're tired Brian, you can lie down on the couch for awhile." Lois offered kindly. "No, no I'm fine, I'm just a little out of it is all…" His words wandered off, eyes closing as he let out another yawn, placing his cup onto the floor and passing out on the couch within a matter of minutes.
Brian awoke around and an hour and a half later. He peeled the blanket off of his new human frame and yawned. "I guess I was more tired than I thought." He said aloud, standing up and stretching. The house was deathly quiet, so much so that Brian could hear some of the floorboards creaking as he walked to the kitchen, which was illuminated with bright, orange afternoon sun. As he entered into the familiar kitchen a picture on the wall beside the telephone caught his eye.
It was a photo of a girl who looked to be in her late twenties or early thirties, and she was drop dead, supermodel gorgeous. So much so she was even more attractive than Lois, which was really saying something. She had full, ruby red lips and long, flowing chocolate brown hair that went down to her shoulders. Her eyes matched her hair color and her breasts were a scrumptious, perfect size, not to big, but definitely not small either.
Then it hit Brian full force. "Meg? Is that really Meg?" He yelled out loud in a somewhat shocked stupor. "This future is more bizarre than I thought, maybe I really am dreaming."
There was a note from Lois laying on the kitchen table. Brian I went out to run some errands, I should be back win a few hours, if you get hungry there is some food in the fridge.
Brian opened the refrigerator door only to hear the front door open and close, and the sound of a high pitched giggle, cutting through the silent air like a razor.
"Mommy, I'm home!" The effeminate joy filled voice shouted, causing Brian to cringe and slam the refrigerator door shut. "Who the hell is that?" He mumbled under his breath. He lumbered over to the main room and gasped out loud.
Brian's jaw nearly hit the floor and he had to rub his eyes a few time to make sure what he was seeing was accurate. The person who had entered the house was none other than a sixteen year old Stewie Griffin, looking not even remotely close to how Brian pictured he would look fifteen years older.
First, there were his features that weren't really out of the ordinary. He had bright curly red hair, the same shade as Lois's and vibrant forest green orbs. His lips were very pink and puffy, and he was of average height, around five foot- eight inches.
What completely made the former canine aghast however was the way the boy was dressed. He was wearing pink cut off shorts that only went down to his knees, as well as a rainbow shirt and the rainbow colored LGBT bracelet around his right wrist.
"Oh my god! Who are you!?" Stewie screeched in a high pitched voice that sounded identical to a stereotypical gay guy. "Wait, the clothes, the bracelet, the voice… no way he could be….? Brian's thoughts were shattered though as the teen let out another frightened squeal. "Who are you and where is my mother?" Stewie exclaimed, cowering near the door like a frightened mouse.
Brian gawked for what seemed like a day until he finally managed to gather his vocabulary. "Stewie? Is that really you? Jesus, what happened to you in fifteen years?" He asked, somewhat amused, but mostly shocked and frightened. "First of all, I go by Stewart now, second of all, how do you know my name, and what are you doing in my house?"
Brian was having an internal struggle inside of his brain. Should he blow his cover or remain hidden under his new identity? There was a long pause, and Stewie's emerald eyes seemed to be awaiting anxiously from a response from him. He ultimately decided to go with the former, simply due to the fact that if he had to keep up this bullshit act 24/7 he would blow his brains out.
Finally, he took a deep breath and let it out, nearly slurring his words. "I'm Brian Griffin, your pet dog from fifteen years ago."
There was a second pause and Stewie fainted, collapsing to the ground. "Oh shit, this day just gets better and better." Brian grumbled.
Well, I hope you enjoyed that quick first chapter, and if I get enough reviews I promise I'll put a lemon in the next chapter!