"Hey Phil", I called for him and knocked on the door of Phil's bedroom. "Phil?"
Phil wasn't in his room. He had left in the morning, I'd guess. I don't know where. He wakes up much earlier than me. I haven't contacted him during the day, because I've been so busy with work, but know I'm wondering about his absence.
Now it's already midnight and he's still not home. I'm starting to really get worried. He wasn't answering my calls or texts. I've been trying not to think about the worst and tried to preoccupy my mind with other things. But it's been a long time now and he still isn't home.
There's a sick feeling in my stomach from being so anxious and stressed out.
I should call PJ and Chris and Louise and his parents to ask if they know where he had gone.
...
"Louise, please... I don't know what to do. I'm scared." I'm crying into the phone. No one knows where he is. They haven't heard anything.
"Calm down, Bear. It's going to be alright. Phil has probably just forgotten his phone somewhere and is late. If you don't hear from him in the morning, maybe you should call the police department. They can help you. But I'm sure Phil will get home before that", Louise said as to comfort me. But the sobs didn't stop cursing through my body.
"Go to bed and try to get some sleep. It won't do you any good to be worrying about him at this time of night. He'll be home before you know it."
I mumbled my apologies and said good night, then hung up.
I couldn't go to sleep. I was too worried. I tried calling him yet again, but there was just his: "leave a message after the roar".
I sat down onto my bed and clutched my bear tightly to my chest in a vain attempt to comfort myself. Tears wouldn't stop streaming down my face.
I hadn't seen him all day. I didn't know if he was okay or where he was.
I lied down onto the bed, but it felt wrong. I was tense and uncomfortable and ill. I was trembling.
I needed to find him.
I wrote a message on a paper that I left on the kitchen table to let Phil know I was looking for him outside if he came home before that and he should stay here until I came back. The tears make the ink smudge.
...
The streets are dark. The lampposts glowing harsh white light onto the pavements wherever they are put. I'm scared and worried and I want to curl up into a ball and sit down and wait for Phil to come and hug me. I will never leave him alone if I just get to find him tonight. He's the only thing I can think about.
But I can't find him.
...
The morning dawns on me on the cold park bench.
I've left hundreds of messages on Phil's phone wherever that or he is.
I'm tired, but the worry is lacing over my mind like caffeine that makes you shake from the energy.
It rained at some point. I'm drenched now. I'm really cold. I'm going be sick. But I rather be sick than have lost Phil.
I've prayed. Many times after a long time. I hope He can hear me. I really need Him to.
I have to call the police.
I double over and cry my heart out.
...
I wish he could see me. I wish I could touch him. I wish I could speak to him. Just let him know that it's alright and he doesn't have to wait for me anymore.