John couldn't sleep it was late at night, so he decided to go take a shower, maybe if he cooled a bit he could fall asleep. He clearly knew which, was the cause of his sleepless nights, his Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. He couldn't stop thinking about him, the thing was that he knew he was his commander, and that he can't have a relationship with anyone in his crew, but he was fighting with himself not to fall.

For several weeks, he had started to feel a very strong attraction for his lieutenant. He had tried in any possible way to get his Lieutenant out of his mind unable to do so. Each passing day it was getting more difficult to treat him as any member of his crew. Kaidan was suffering from constant headaches, and when he see him suffering, he felt bad, which he had never felt before by anyone.

John had always been a hard man. He had not felt the need to be with anyone but for pleasure into now. He couldn't deny that he liked sex, hell he was a man. He used to go to bars meet someone have a good time, and then every man for himself, of course he didn't felt proud of that, but so far he had not had that chemistry with anyone but Kaidan. His lieutenant knew how to leave him without breathing only with his proximity.

He could see on Kaidan, that look of desire when for some reason or another their eyes met. Many times he has found Kaidan blushing when their bodies accidentally brushed one to the other, and he looked cute when he does.

John left his cabin toward the bathrooms. He entered the bathroom, and immediately he began to hear a whisper. John approached the showers realizing someone was taking a shower, but what make him more curious was that someone was moaning his name.

"Shepard ..."

John bit his lips as he recognized the voice of his lieutenant. He turn around to exit the bathroom, but then his lieutenant moaned his name heavily, John knew that tone of voice, because he used as he gives pleasure to himself while thinking of his lieutenant, he knew Kaidan was close to cum.

Yes, he was commander, but he was also a man, and he couldn't stand the temptation, so he put the towel on one of the benches, and headed for the shower opening the curtain abruptly.

"Shepard!"

John just grabs Kaidan's cock then pushed him against the wall of the shower. He stared at him while begins to strokes his cock. Kaidan cock was hard and big as he liked, he could not describe the pleasure he felt when he touch it.

"Commander-"

John interrupted him with a passionate kiss. He is not surprised when he felt Kaidan's hand behind his head, corresponding to his kiss with the same intensity, the man was moaning his name few seconds ago. John didn't care that his clothes were wetting wet with the water, he was finally doing what he had been wishing for a long time.

His own cock was screaming to get out of his pants, so he moaned when he felt Kaidan unzipping his pants and pulling out his cock to stroke it faster. Definitely his Lieutenant know what he was doing, by the pleasure his hand was making him feel. John moan loudly

It had been years since the last time he felted the touch of other hands that were not his own on his cock, and Kaidan's hand felt perfect it felt right. He was lowering his lips to his lieutenant's neck, kissing his neck softly.

"Shepard this is-"

"Shh ... just enjoy it Lt." John demanded with his voice hoarse with desire before biting his neck tightly, listening to him moan with pleasure. He knew that in the fast way they were touching themselves they would not last long. John didn't know how much time had passed for Kaidan, but for him, several weeks had passed since the last time he pleasures himself.

Kaidan's moans were wearing him to the edge of madness. He moved his head to the side, so that Kaidan could kiss his neck easily. It was exciting and maddening, to feel his Lieutenant tremble with desire in his arms. Who knew that his shy Lieutenant could make him feel so much pleasure?

By then his clothes were soaked, but he could not feel it, the only thing he could feel was Kaidan's hands on his cock, and his moans in his ear. They started rubbing their cocks together making the sensation biggest. It wasn't long when they joined in a groan, when they came together, smearing their cocks with cum.

John leaned his forehead in Kaidan's shoulder for a moment, breathing hard like Kaidan. Then he pulls away from him to cleaning his cock, and without a word he left the shower his body was satisfied, but full of guilt, not by what had just happened, that was absolutely wrong, but because he wasn't feeling regret for the contrary, he wanted more much more of his lieutenant.

He looked at Kaidan for a moment before leaving, and he could see the same look of guilt, but his eyes did not indicate to him if, he was sorry for what just had happened between them, and he hope not.

He arrived at his cabin, and take off his wet clothes, getting into the bed completely naked, closing his eyes; he still could hear and feel Kaidan. He didn't understand, what was going on with him. He wasn't a man of bonds, or sentimentality, then why now he was feeling the impulse to have Kaidan on his bed, just hugging him.

"Damnit!" He left without saying a word, what would Kaidan be thinking about him right now, If it had been another man he wouldn't have minded what Kaidan thought about him, but he didn't want Kaidan to think that he was a moment of passion to him.

He takes his finger to his lips sighing; he had never kissed so tasty lips such as Kaidan's, and had kissed many before. He had never done anything like that before, but he couldn't hold the urge when he hears his lieutenant moan his name like that.

"Stop Commander Shepard, put yourself together," he thought aloud. He need to control himself and stop thinking about Kaidan, before his body started to wake again, then he will have to go in search of his lieutenant. After a while, he could fall asleep peacefully.

After that, the relationship between his Lieutenant, and he could not be more odd. He realized that Kaidan was avoiding him. In they last mission Kaidan only spoke to him exclusively, to ask something related to the mission. Maybe he is angry at the way he left that night, or he was simply ashamed of what happened between them, or worse Kaidan don't care.

He was acting as if nothing had happened between them, and that was bothering him, also the fact that now he is been seeing him talking with Ashley a lot, making he feel terrible jealousy, and he never felt jealous before for no one.

He wanted to approach him to talk about what happened, to tell him the he was dying to be with him all night, and that what happened in the bathroom, mean something to him, it wasn't an adventure, yes it was crazy, but it was what he wanted.

Every time he tried to talk alone with him, he always slipped away with a stupid excuse, and John Shepard wasn't going to beg anyone. For more the he was dying of desire for Kaidan, he was not going to budge to his lieutenant.

Right now he was looking intensely at Kaidan while he worked on his post. His lieutenant was attractive in his ass ... "Shit!" He was getting turning on just looking at him. Suddenly their eyes met, but John didn't see that look full of desire that his Lieutenant used to give him, if not a cold look. That look hurt him.

"Hey skipper!"

John gave Ashley a cold look. "What?" He said dryly.

"Woo, why the bad mood?"

"What do you want chief?" John asks her quickly.

"Nothing. Jesus Skipper! You need to let out some that stress that you have."

"And how you suggested me to do that Ash?" John asked her a little uncomfortable with her comment.

"Well, I can think of many ways Commander."

John looked toward at Kaidan, who now was staring angrily at him, then looked at Ash again. "Chief, you are offering yourself to your commander?" John asks her looking at her seriously.

"No! Jesus Skipper, what kind of woman do you think I am, I meant to share a few drinks together."

John rubbed his neck, thinking for a moment, "I-"

"Why humans have to be so complicated, Shepard don't you see the lady want with you?" Wrex said.

'Wrex I'm not! "

"Oh, I saw how you look at him, and you're not the only one," Wrex said, looking toward Kaidan.

"Oh really," Ashley said.

"Stop," John said. "Another day chief, I'm not in the mood right now."

"That's the point Shepard!"

John only ignored her last comment and headed toward his cabin, after enter he grabs a data-pad in sat on his couch. He had to fill the report from his last mission, but he realized it had been completed, by his lieutenant. "Damnit!" Even in that his lieutenant was perfect. That was one of the things that attracted him toward Kaidan, his dedication to his work. Kaidan was a man of integrity, when he read his personnel file; he realized that he had an unblemished record. Not like him.

John used to be a criminal, he was born in one of the massive cities that have spread across the Earth, and he was raised on the streets. At 18, he escaped his life of pretty crime and gangland violence, enlisting in the Alliance military.

He was a war hero, in his early days of military service, the colony planet Elysium, located at the Skyllian Verge was attacked by pirates and mercenaries in what would be called the Skyllian Blitz. He single-handedly rallied resistance efforts at key positions until Alliance reinforcements arrived; His actions on that day have made him a hero.

He poured himself a drink, sighing at the solitude of his cabin. He had had lovers before, but none of them had caused him insomnia as Kaidan does. He remembers the first time he saw him, he felt a tingling throughout his whole body, after that day he life change.

Apart from all, Kaidan was his friend, he know how understand and obey his orders without cynical comment like some of his crew, like Ashley, she was an excellent soldier, but often she infuriated him with her words of double meaning, besides her religious opinions were sometimes were out of place or wasn't the right time.

A few minutes later his torment walks through the door. John saw Kaidan stand in front of him, putting his hands behind him; he looked like a soldier that came out from a TV ad. He looked divinely handsome.

"Commander, forgive my boldness to enter you cabin unannounced, but I need to talk to you."

"Now you want to talk to me Lieutenant, the last few days you had been avoiding me," John said coldly trying to keep his emotions in check.

"I needed time to think about what happen... I need you permission to speak freely."

John took a deep breath and settled back on his couch, staring intently before answering. "Sure Lieutenant, shoot ..." John noticed that he was looking up, avoiding his gaze.

"What happened between us wasn't right, it was against the Alliance's rules, and against the principles that my parents gave me ... You are my commander, and there regulate against fraternization. I think is better it's not happen again. That was all I had to say now with your permission I should go."

John saw him turn around. "You are a coward," John said.

Kaidan turned around again, "What you just say to me sir?"

"Oh, cut the formalities Lieutenant, just a few days ago you were moaning my name in the bathroom."

'Sir!"

"I told you to cut the crap, with your absurd formalities. You're a coward for not have the guts to admit that you have feelings for me-"

'"I don't-"

"You don't what?" John said getting up from the couch to face him. "Do you think I'm going to walk through my ship masturbating my whole crew? No Damn! Your moans awakened in me the desire I have been repressing for you all this time, and don't tell me you don't know what I mean, because you also feel the same for me, if not, I would haven't found you masturbating in the bathroom obviously thinking about me," John shouted in his face. He didn't want to yell but he couldn't help the anger he felt, seeing the way he wanted to deny that something was going on between them.

"Okay Shepard, I admit, I like you, but it is wrong, there are rules -"

'Yes, I already hear you; oh you don't think I know that as Commander is wrong for me to set my eyes on someone in my crew, but I don't care about those rules, I want it all with you," John openly said, as he had never done with anyone else.

"No! I can't, it goes against all my principles I told you-"

"But you let me touch you Lieutenant, or I have to remind you of how you came in my hand, or moaned in my ear. Where were your principles that night Lieutenant Alenko?" John said looking at him furiously. He just screaming that he wanted everything with him, and he was rejecting him, nobody had ever said no to him.

"I... I get carried away by what I feel for you ..."

"What do you feel for me?" John saw him move away from him.

"I don't know damn it!"

"I'm not going to beg you Lieutenant. It hasn't, yet, born the man who makes me humiliate," John lied; he was so close to beg him.

"I don't want you to, and yes, I imagine that a man like you, Commander Shepard, will not beg to someone as insignificant as me."

"By God's saints I didn't mean it like that Kaidan," John said quickly, whether, he was proud to have a man like Kaidan in his crew.

"Forget what happened, please Shepard."

"No!"

"Shepard!"

'"What I'm going to do is, order you to go in sleep on what we just talked here tonight, and in what I'm about to tell you." John approached him. "I'm sorry for leaving without saying a word, but I was confused. I want you to know that what happened between us meant a lot to me," John grabbed his cheek, "think about of that tonight. I really want to be with you, so tonight think carefully it is worth it throws away something as strong of what we're feeling about each other."

"Shepard-"

John interrupted him with a tender kiss. "I've never begged anyone, but I'm asking you that you think about it. Now go," John said then he moves away from him.

"Shepard-"

"Go sleep on it Lieutenant, "John said, returning to the couch. He saw him hesitate for a moment, and then leave the cabin.

He took a deep breath, and then he grabs his glass of whiskey. He didn't know what he was doing, the only thing he knew was, that everything he had told Kaidan was the pure true, he wanted his Lieutenant, he was no longer confused.

He don't understood what he was feeling for his lieutenant, the only thing he knew is that this feeling was strong enough to go against any rules.