Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.

A/N: Me again... I don't know where these keep coming from lol

Regret

I stare at Jay's door, my hand rising to knock three times before I finally do.

It's been a week since we ended things in the locker room; Jay phrased it as; 'we'll cool it'. But we know what this is, a break up.

"Erin?" Jay's shock is clear when he opens the door.

"Hey." I whisper at me, trying to smile. We've fallen back into a pattern at work however have been avoiding each other outside of work, not ready to forget the past couple of months ever happened.

"What are you doing here?"

"I just came for my stuff." I hold up a box and Jay's eyes can't conceal his hurt.

"Oh… come in." I nod slowly, fighting back tears as I follow him inside.

"You going out?" I look him up and down noting his jeans and a shirt, different than what he wore to work.

"Yeah. I'm meeting someone."

"Oh." I turn my head so he can't see the look on my face; I swallow back a sob as I think who this someone could be.

"Maybe I should come back… it's not important." I turn to leave but Jay stops me.

"Erin, it's fine. I've got some time." I nod slowly before looking over at Jay's bedroom; feeling like the bed is calling for me and wishing I could give in.

I take a deep breath before I make my way towards his room, my eyes on the bed where I'm reminded of the night we finally gave in to our feelings and desires.

The night Jay helped me experience the most intense orgasm of my life, the night filled with the most pleasure I've ever had.

I open the bedside drawer on the left, the side I always slept on feeling Jay's eyes on me as he watches from the doorway.

I pull out the few items of clothes I had in there, my fingers wrap around small pieces of paper and I feel my throat become tight with sorrow.

My eyes gloss over as I look down at the fortune cookie prophecies, a token from our first official date together.

I bite my lip as my eyes catch sight of the frame sitting by the bed; shocked to see Jay hasn't moved it.

It's a picture we took at the park one lazy Sunday afternoon as we had a picnic, enjoying the sun and each others company before coming home to make love and lay in bed until Monday morning reality hit again.

I drop down onto the bed softly, the frame in my hands and my fingers trailing over our smiling faces.

I wipe away a tear as I hear Jay's footsteps grow distant listening as he walks back into the living room and I pause when I hear talking.

"Hey, I'm going to have to reschedule tonight."

"Something came up. I'm really sorry."

"I'll make it up to you… you can count on it. See ya, Sara." A million thoughts race through my head, from who was he talking to, to why is he cancelling.

Fear grips my heart when I realize it could have been a date.

I stand up as his footsteps come back and I walk into the bathroom, box in hand as I open the cabinet and pull my cosmetics out.

"Erin, you okay?" Jay's standing at the bathroom door and I shake my head.

"No." I whisper harshly.

"What's going on?"

"I'm lying… Who am I kidding? All of this could have been thrown away." I throw the box to the tiles before turning to Jay.

"I don't know how to do this Jay." My voice breaks as tears fall.

"What?"

"Go back. How do I go from having you… to not having you? To sleeping in your arms, to waking up alone? I've been alone my whole life…" Sobs escapes my lips as Jay takes a hesitant step forward, but not reaching out for me.

"I don't want to be alone anymore."

"Erin, you made the decision. I was going to come clean with Hank, be damned with the consequences."

"I regret it." The words barely make it out through the sobs.

I take desperate steps towards Jay before joining our lips, my hands finding the back of his neck.

He instantly kisses me back, our lips moving against each other's as we taste the salt from my tears.

"Erin." Jay pushes me back before running a hand through his hair.

"I can't keep doing this. You're either in or you're out. I'm not going to give in to one night because you're upset, only to regret it tomorrow."

I turn away from him, rejection stinging as more tears fall.

"Have you moved on?" I whisper, gasping for air through my sobs.

"What?" Jay's voice is shocked by my question.

"Whose Sara?" I turn to face him again.

"A friend."

"Just a friend?" My voice is pleading.

"It's been a week Erin, I'm completely in love with you. You think I could go out and move on that quickly? She's just a friend."

"What did you just say?" My hazel eyes wide.

Jay's own blue eyes widen when he plays back what he said.

"Nothing." Jay turns to walk away from me and makes it to the kitchen.

"Say it again." I demand again, pulling him around to face me.

His eyes are full of anger as he pushes me against the wall, his body trapping mine. His lips crash down, his tongue slipping in my mouth as my hands come up to run through his hair.

The kiss is full of anger and regret, passion coursing through my body. His hands hook under my thighs, lifting me and turning to place me on the kitchen bench.

My legs wrap around him as I pull him closer, hands running through his hair. His hands are moving under my shirt and over my smooth skin, leaving goosebumps in his path.

Jay pulls away suddenly, turning his back to me. My lips are swollen, pants falling through my mouth as I stare at his back.

"Erin, I'm not doing this okay? Why did you even come here tonight?"

"To see you… I miss you." I admit quietly sliding off the bench.

"What do you want Erin?"

"I want you Jay. Just you."

"Well if you want me you need to tell Hank, I'm not sneaking around or being some casual fling. Your choice."

"I'm scared." I whisper, a shake in my voice.

"Of what?"

"I'm loyal to Hank because he's family and he saved my life. I know I have his love no matter what… but you? That's taking a risk. What if it doesn't work out, the more I get to know you the more I'll love you and if this blows up in our face I'll be more heartbroken. So I used Hank as an excuse, I used my career as an excuse to run away. I pushed you away in fear for what we could become. I figured having you in my life as a partner and friend was safe… but I didn't know I couldn't go back."

"You can't hide from love Erin, if you don't take a chance you won't ever be happy. Being in a relationship is a risk, but what's you're alternative? Always wondering what if?"

"You're right. It's why I came over with some pathetic excuse tonight…"

"Why did you cancel meeting your friend?" I ask quietly.

"You came for your stuff. That seemed like a clear indicator we were really over. Wouldn't really be up for much after that."

"Say it again." I whisper pleadingly as I step forward, sure he knows what I'm referring to.

"I love you." A smile appears on his face as he takes a step forward and our chests are touching.

"I love you too." I'm smiling until our lips meet again, this time slow and full of longing and love.

His hands tangle in my hair as he angles my head back, gaining a better angle to slip his tongue in my mouth.

A/N: Happy to do a part 2 with smut and telling Hank about them. Let me know if you're keen?

Review :)