'It doesn't matter how far you run your past always catches up with you.'

Chapter 1

The warm morning sun streamed through the open curtains, gliding across the room and wrapping the wrought iron queen sized bed in a bright wave of delicate white light. On top of the well worn mattress, an angel lay peacefully on her side, her knees curled in slightly towards her chest. A white sheet draped itself over the small of her back leaving her shoulders exposed to the middle of the bed. Her left hand rested under her cheek as it cupped her right hand in its palm. A strand of dark curly hair had fallen during the night and was resting across her eye. As she lay there, oblivious to the world around her, her dreams filled with relief and satisfaction. It had been so long since he had held her, since she had felt his skin, warm and comforting, against hers. Many a night she had laid awake, longing for his touch. Her bed always felt so empty without him there. She replayed every detail from last night in slow motion, the awkwardness, the suspense, the first touch, feeling him inside of her, his hands combing through her hair and kissing her neck as she climaxed, his arms around her as he held her tight afterwards, the sound of his voice when he told her he loved her.

Beside her lay the figure of a male, strong, late 30's, the remnants of an athletic build drowned in bourbon, with slender black curls and a rugged scar down the left side of his neck. His thoughts also revisiting the precious moments they had spent in each others arms the night before, remembering her sweet scent, the curl of her lip when she smiled and the glint in her eye when she was embarrassed. He lay there watching her body rise and fall subtly as she breathed gently in the morning air. His fingers recalled the feel of her skin from the night before, so silky and warm. He wanted to reach out and touch her, to run his fingers up and down her long sleek body from her hips to her shoulders and back again, to roll her over and hold her face in his hand, to brush back her silky brown hair revealing her warm brown eyes beneath and to feel her blood filled lips against his but he was afraid she would melt if he touched her. Was this just an illusion? A cruel dream sent to torture his lonely soul some more. He feared that when he woke and reality returned that it would it all just disappear.

In the distance a lawn mower could be heard and the sound of the local kids piling into minivans before their weekly soccer games. As he looked around the bedroom he noticed the large pile of clothes that had been built up in the corner, he had been meaning to wash them for almost a month now. In the wall above the dresser by the door, there were three distinct holes born of despair late one night. He didn't think he would ever be at the time but now he was glad he'd rethought it out at the last moment and had decided after that night to keep his gun in the kitchen draw just in case. Closing his eyes to wash the memory away, he opened them again and found himself looking to where the pizza boxes and empty bourbon cans littered the floor accompanied by several stains on the carpet from where they had spilled out. The house had not been vacuumed or dusted in weeks and the air was stale. Embarrassed by what he saw he realised that he needed do some cleaning, she didn't deserve to come home to this and he knew he needed to do right by her. He kissed her gently on the cheek and carefully got out of bed. After pulling on some pants he'd found lying on the floor he opened the bedroom window to let in some fresh air and picked up the pile of old clothes before quietly shutting the bedroom door as he left to place them in the laundry.

The woman began to stir, pulling the sheet over her chest and tucking it under her arm as she sat up and looked around. The bed was still warm where he had been lying beside her. She could see some of the old clothes thrown into the bottom of the cupboard in a rushed effort to clean up and an empty spot on the rug where a pizza box had once lived. Slowly she began to remember where she was. She noticed the open window, and the bottle of air freshener on the ledge. She smiled, it was the same thoughtfulness that made him so endearing and first caused her to fall in love with him. Her clothes had been picked up off the floor and were neatly folded and placed at the end of the bed so she would have something to wear when she woke up. As she glanced back across the room, she noticed the picture on the nightstand. He stood behind her with his arms wrapped lovingly around her. She was wearing her long white wedding gown, and he was neatly dressed in his black tuxedo. That day seemed so far away and for a moment, she wondered if they would ever be that truly happy ever again. As her finger traced over the photo and slid down towards the ebony bedside table, she noticed the distinct sticky ring that sat in front of the picture, once occupied by an overused whisky glass. She circled the ring with her finger imagining all the nights that he had drunk himself to sleep. Her heart ached at how she had hurt him when she'd left, how he had hurt her. Could they really put it behind them? Taking a deep breath to compose herself she could smell something cooking in the kitchen. Pulling on his shirt which was draped across the end of the bed, she went to see if she could find him.

The bedroom opened up into the hallway that linked it to the kitchen just around the corner and she could see the washing machine spinning in the laundry opposite. She smiled, appreciating the gesture. Moving forward just a little before pausing, she leaned into the wall as she watched him picking up the empty beer bottles and chip packets from the lounge, and straightening up the magazines. After placing them in the bin, he moved over to the kitchen where he had something bubbling on the stove. All hesitation gone, she snuck up behind him and placed her arms around his waist, pulling him tight against her and kissing him gently on his neck.

"Oh!" he said, startled, reaching for a cloth to clean up the water he'd just spilt, "I didn't think you'd be up so soon." He quickly looked around the room to see if there was anything he had forgotten. He felt as nervous as a school boy.

"I got lonely" she answered hesitantly as she pushed her cheek into his back and wrapped her arms tighter around his waist.

"I'm sorry."

"I take it you had a good reason for leaving me all alone."

"I thought you'd like something to eat."

"What did you have in mind?" He could feel her smiling, he loved it when she smiled and he could imagine the way her eyes lit up and the twist of her lip.

"Look Michelle." He said turning around to face her, God she was beautiful, standing there in his white shirt, barely covering her gorgeous behind as it showed off her long tanned legs, the undone buttons at the top of the shirt revealing the tantalising glimpse of the supple breasts beneath. Every instinct in his body told him to take her, to satisfy the fire she ignited inside of him. Biting his lip as he pushed the desire deep inside he continued, "I'm sorry if I took things too far last night…" He knew she had been through a lot lately. She had watched him die yesterday and she'd been placed in the same position that had seen him sent to jail two years earlier. Added to that there had been little chance to talk about what had happened when they had last been together. He had caused a lot of damage and it was going to take everything he had to earn back her trust. Before she had woken, he had left a message for the fiery red-haired bartender that sometimes shared his bed, to tell her that it was over and not to come home, a benign gesture considering she had walked out on him the morning before.

"Last night was perfect." Her soft voice comforted him, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." He said, pulling her closer. It was nice to have her in his arms again.

"What are you cooking?" She asked, looking into the pot.

"I wasn't sure what you'd like" He said stirring the contents with one hand and shaking the pan on the hot plates with the other, "So I made scrambled eggs and bacon just the way you like it." He said, biting his lip like a school boy waiting for his teacher to mark his oral report.

"I forgot how much you spoil me." She said, moving away to help grab the plates and glasses.

"Uh, not those ones." He gestured, grabbing the ones from under the far cupboard and placing the glasses she had grabbed, putting them in the sink to be washed. She just smiled. He was trying so hard. She placed the clean glasses on the table and poured some orange juice as he brought the plate of scrambled eggs and bacon over.

The kitchen table was small and round with four rickety old chairs squished around the edges. Michelle sat down first. Tony placed the plate down in front of her then sat down in the chair opposite. There was an awkward silence as he watched her eating, hoping she was pleased. She swallowed a mouthful of scrambled eggs and smiled shyly like a deer in headlights.

"What's wrong?" She whispered, the last fork full of egg still rolling around on her tongue as she covered her mouth with her hand in embarrassment.

"Nothing" he smirked, rubbing his chin and trying to hide his grin. She was so beautiful. "I was just thinking." He told her as he reached out, scooped up a fork full of eggs himself, and let it hang in mid air. She smiled, the innocent smile of a child who didn't understand the joke. He loved that about her.

"Tell me." She insisted, trying to break the ice.

"Remember I told you that when you left everything just fell apart…"

"Mmm…" She listened intently. Watching her fork chase the food around her plate, too scared to look him in the eye.

"Well, things got pretty dark for me, a lot darker than you'll probably ever know about…"

"Tony I…" She didn't really want to go there. These last few months had been so painful the last thing she wanted to do was dredge them up again. Why wreck a beautiful morning with regrets?

"No Michelle, I don't blame you, you had every right to leave me when you did." He took her hands in his and focused on her eyes, looking for any sign that he was screwing things up again. "What I'm trying to say is that I never thought I'd be lucky enough to experience this again, sitting here at the table with you, just eating breakfast."

"Tony." She blushed, she didn't know what to say. He held her hand so tight that she had to fight the urge to pull away.

"You make me want to be a better person Michelle." He told her, placing a hand on her cheek to prove to her how much she meant to him.

"I don't know what to say?"

"It's okay Michelle, you don't need to say anything."

"No, please Tony I think I do." She said as she took a deep breath, squeezing his hands and placing her right hand on his cheek in symmetry with his. Tony sat up a little straighter, he wasn't sure where she was going with this. "I'm so sorry that things turned out the way they did. There wasn't a day that passed where I didn't replay everything that happened in my mind. Whether or not I should have tried harder, I could see you were hurting Tony but I just couldn't breathe. I needed some space"

"I know sweetheart, I know." He moved the chair beside her so he could brush the tears that had started falling down her face and to hold her close.

"Maybe If I was a better wife, or if…"

"Oh sweetheart, no." He pulled her closer and kissed her on the forehead. "Listen to me okay, this was not your fault. It was my fault. I pushed you away."

"But If I hadn't made the decision to go into that hotel then you would never have had to do what you did…"

"Sweetheart, there was no way you could have known what was going to happen. If I had to do it over again I wouldn't change a thing."

"Don't say that Tony." She felt like she was betraying him all over again.

"Michelle, if I had to make the same decision I'd still put you before the job. You mean everything to me, you always have." She pushed her plate away and started crying uncontrollably. He sensed there was something deeper going on. So he held her tight until she was ready to talk. He had put her threw enough and he was willing to wait as long as it was going to take. If they were going to work, they needed to have a clean slate.

"Things fell apart for me too Tony. It wasn't easy walking away."

"I'll never forgive myself for putting you through that." He said wiping some more tears from her face.

"You weren't the only one to blame Tony. I kept secrets from you too."

"Shhh. None of that matters now."

"Oh god Tony, I'm so sorry, I let you down."

"Oh Michelle. No" What could she have done that was so bad, he already knew that she had been faithful while he was inside and after they separated. Nothing she had done could have warranted this. "It's okay honey, It's okay." He tried to clean her face and calm her down but it wasn't working, he was getting worried. "Talk to me sweetheart, please your scaring me."

"I'm so sorry.."

"Whatever it is we can work through it."

"You don't understand Tony." She pulled away from him and stood up to look out the window. Her eyes closed, her heart pounding in her chest she put her head in her hands and cried, "I lost the baby."

"Baby?" Tony sat back a moment. What was she talking about? He had so many questions, when was she pregnant? Why didn't she tell him? He stood up and went to stand behind her. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Michelle?"

"It was just after I left" She began, "I wanted that baby so much, and I wanted to tell you but things between us were so messed up and then we had that fight…"

"Oh god Michelle I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you." Michelle didn't know what to say or do, she felt so exposed, but she was glad he knew, he deserved to know, not so he would feel guilty but because it was his child too.

"Oh Tony…"

"Shh. It's okay Michelle, it'll be ok. Whatever happened it's all in the past. We've both said and done things that we regret but the important thing is that there are no secrets between us now so we can have a fresh start." She nodded in agreement, she knew he was right and she was already starting to feel calmer. "It's going to be okay." He promised her.

"I know, I know" His embrace made her feel so safe, like a little girl in her daddy's arms.

"I'm going to make us some coffee." He interrupted, he still had questions but didn't want to push it, "Then we can talk, or not talk all right. It's up to you."

"I'd like that, to talk I mean." She smiled looking at her cold eggs and taking a deep breath.

"Are you going to be okay?" He double checked before leaving her, grabbing the nearby tissue box and handing it to her.

"I'm fine. Go." She took the tissue from his hand and went to wash her face.

"I'm sorry I broke down like that." She apologised as she took the coffee from him and sat down on the couch, "I guess being here with you is just bringing it all back for me."

"I can understand that." He said sitting down beside her. "I'm here for you Michelle and I'll always be here for you no matter what. I swear to you that all that drinking and everything else that happened is behind me now. I don't ever intend on being that man again."

"I appreciate that." She said taking a sip, the caffeine surging through her veins like an instant rush. "Since we're talking and being honest, do you have any questions?"

"We don't have to do this now." He insisted, his need to know more could wait.

"No, it's okay." She insisted, "It's actually making me feel more at ease, talking about it I mean. It's no longer this big secret that I have to keep from everyone."

"I don't know where to begin or what to say…"

"I know" she sad, swiping the tissue across her nose, grabbing the dry tears as they absorbed into her skin. "It took me a while to get use to it as well."

"I'm just glad you're okay. Michelle." Tony said trying not to make too big a deal of it, "You are okay aren't you?" Tony wasn't a fool, he knew there could be serious complications from miscarrying, not to mention the reason behind the miscarriage and if she'd ever be able to get pregnant again, "Can you still have children?" Then Tony realised that it sounded pushy, "I didn't mean that, I meant..."

"No, it's okay really." She comforted him. "Remember I told you about the outbreak in DC."
"Before we met."
"And that things got out of hand and in the chaos a guy fired into the crowd,

"I remember you telling me you were shot." His blood boiled when he'd heard that story, the thought of her injured, that he may never have met her.
"The doctors said it left some scar tissue, that's why they said I miscarried, but that it doesn't mean I won't ever have a child, just that it might take a while before I conceive again and that when I do I need to be careful."

"Oh my god sweetheart I'm so sorry." Tony just sat back. It was a lot to take in. "How do you feel about that?"

"I'm still getting use to it, I always thought I wanted kids, I just never considered that there would be this big an obstacle in the way. You know. I mean you grow up as a little girl planning your wedding and how many kids you're going to have, it all looks so easy on TV."

"I know we never really had a serious conversation about children. I guess we were both so invested in our careers that we thought we had plenty of time to think about it later."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm trying to say that with everything that's happened lately I've re-evaluated some of my priorities…"

"Tony..." this was all starting to move way to fast. She'd only just gotten back together, what if he couldn't change? What if things went back to how they had been before?

"What I mean is, whatever you decide, if you'd like to try again I'm here for you. Ok."

"That means a lot to me. Thank you." Tony put his coffee mug on the table and grabbing hers, placed it beside his. Then taking her hand and placing his on her cheek he leaned in and kissed her. At first she resisted not sure it was the right time but almost momentarily she let her guard down and kissed him back. Caught up in the moment he gently lowered her back onto the couch and began to unbutton her blouse.

"I'm sorry." He said realising he had taken a liberty that wasn't offered, letting his primitive urges get the better of him.

"Don't stop." She whispered, surprised herself as she gave into temptation and started undoing his jeans.

The quaint little café diner was unusually quiet tonight. The waitress kept herself busy serving meals and refilling the salt and pepper shakers. He came here every night, his own little ritual, not just for the food which was of the highest quality but because truth be told he loved watching Maggie at work. She was always so graceful, the way she moved, the way she always made you feel welcome. He had no one else, no family, no friends, to him Maggie was as close to home as he could get. He scooped up another fork full of the fettuccini cabonara and placed it in his mouth as he watched the man enter. Medium height, dark coat and a serious demeanour he was exactly as the man had described. He swallowed his pasta. It was almost seven o'clock. He allowed himself one hour for dinner and then he had to return to his studies. His parents had saved up enough money for him to go to university in America, studying molecular physics. He did well and understood most of the coursework but that perfect score always eluded him. The man sat down opposite him.

"Hi hon. Can I get you anything?" Maggie smiled as she came over with a cup and a pot of coffee.

"No. Thank you." The man replied coldly.

"Well. Let me know if you change your mind." She smiled at him, giving him a wink as she walked over to the bench to put the coffee pot back. Damn it. He though to himself, why didn't he smile back.

"Do you understand your instructions?"
"Yes."
"We'll be in contact." He wondered if this guy ever practiced small talk. He placed the paper bag under the table then stood up and left.

"What if…" He had no way of contacting them, what if something went wrong? But the man left without even turning around. He kicked the bag closer with his foot then reached down and picked it up. The crisp fifty and hundred dollar notes looked like a pot of gold, more money than he'd ever seen in his life, more than enough to pay back his parents and to buy his own home, one Maggie would approve of. He closed the bag up quickly and pushed aside his plate.

"Thanks." He smiled at her, handing her a twenty.

"Same time tomorrow."
"Tomorrow. Yes." He nodded then left.

- 12 -