disclaimer: i own nothing.

TREATED YOU LIKE A SHINING STAR

I should have told her sooner, I should have warned her. But no, I did not want to hurt her. I knew that the task I was sent her to complete was not the pain I had expected it to be when Queen Leclerq sent me. Yet, I wish I had warned her. I should have known that humans do not take kindly of information being concealed from them.

Now all I can do is watch her from a distance. Unable to speak that which burns in my heart every second of my hell on Earth. Every day, she haunts my dreams, I had never had dreams before her, not since Lorena….

Damn Lorena, if she hadn't called, if I hadn't had to leave to start with, then I would have this enormous weigh of regret over me for almost killing her. For… for raping her. She was smart, under such situations and she was smart, I may have been dying of thirst, but she managed to get me thinking of hunger for sex rather than my thirst when she was unable to reach a blood bottle. I may have been famished, and her scent was as luring or more than always, but I did it. I should not have done it.

I can see the way Eric and her are… When he was 'amnesiac' and afterwards. She has no love for me anymore. And that makes me want to hurt Eric, but I do not want to die either.

Did I not do everything in my power for her? To please her? To make her feel safe in this horrifyingly dangerous world? I have risked so much to be with her.... and she no longer cares.

I've been thinking about you, my love
And all the crazy things that you put me through
Now I'm coming around, Throwing it back to you

Were you thinking of me when you kissed him
Could you taste me when you licked his skin?

It should be me, everday i see her with anyone else the single thought fills my head and enfuriated me. How can she be so unforgiving when i have done so much for her? I started the database as a security for us to be able to be together, I expose myself every time i go out to collect information or silence money for every person on the database. I trusted her alone with Sam, docile and love sick as he was, and later with Eric. And she repays me how?

I thought I knew you
Once again, you used me, used me

When he was amnesiac, he would look up to her as if to ask her what to do. For some strange reason it was her that he trusted. In the battle of the witches, he saved her, not me, him.

I wanted everything for her, even after I had promised to myself to never become attached, she crawled up to me unexpectedly and I still have not been able to shake it off. Because I do not want to, her love, her passion and her feistiness is all I love. Love, I never thought that was real. Until her.

Now that I know what it feels like to love, and be loved in return. I writhe in pain thinking of all that I have lost. It may be my own fault, the way things were set from before we met… but that did not matter to me after I met her. She saved me, in more than one way, even if she does not know it. I don't think I would have had the strength to mainstream on pure true blood, and I know that if it wasn't for her, my lesser morality would have broken out again.

I never wanted to be a vampire, and I felt damned all those years… before her. And I tried my hardest not to be a vampire. I started mainstreaming within the same week that we came out of the closet, though not in Bon Temps. I have never turned a human either, I do not wish for this curse that flows through my veins to infect anyone else. And still, knowing the history behind being a vampire, I am not constantly thinking with my penus.

All the while I showered you with trust and promises
What I'm needing now is some sweet revenge
To get back all that I lost then
I gave you all I had to give, but I could never reach you

I know that she loves me still. That's why I bring Shelah over, I know it affects her. And that small, even if there was another vampire at Merlotte's they would not notice this as I do, small increase in her heartbeat, the augmentation of her blood temperature, her strong feelings for me. That's the only clear thing: she still wants me. And I will always want her. shelah might fancy herself my girlfriend, and she might whisper nothings in my ear. But I do not listen to her, she knows that I still love Sookie, and hates her for it. But that's how I know that she realizes how stupid she was to let me go, to leave me wanting so much more.

I should have left you
Long before you used me, Used me up

Spent my money, drove my car
I treated you like a shining star
But in my sky all burnt out you are
And I'll have the last laugh, when I see you walking with
some other guy

Eric, Eric. He cannot give her what I can. He does not care for her like I can. To Eric, she is just an enticing lay and a sweet, honey like blood. I would move the world for her. In fact, I have done so much to be able to keep her as mine, even if she hates the term.

It is also because of Eric that I stand in this dilemma today. I still love her, and she loves me too. But I hurt her, when he made me reveal something that he did not know well. Something that would only help him further his advances on her. I still remember Pam's unbelieving glance between us as he made me tell her.

I had talked to Sophie Anne, and my database gave me power over Eric, she was more interested in me when I proposed the project. She still let me to my things, but when I addressed 'her' telepath, as she called it, she decided that as long as she wanted, she'd be mine, and that no one, not a single soulless vampire, could have a claim to her.

That's when he went and did the worst thing he could do. Because of his age and rank, I had to obey. Though it pained me to hurt her, I had to obey.

Now all I see is her with anyone but me. First her tension with Eric, the lies to him when he was no longer amnesiac. I feel that she betrayed me, when it was me who had not been honest to her.

I still love her. But she won't let me explain. And I have so many things that I want to clear up, she won't listen. I wonder what I did wrong, but then I realize it is her. She is the one that does not let herself take another chance with me. She sees that I have been the first one to hurt her, when it was really Eric. Eric in his dumb pursuit that as soon as he fucks her again will no longer matter. I cannot protect her if she is not with me, and that angers me so much. I cared for her like I have never cared for anyone before, not for Lorena, not for my wife…

'Cause I know you're gonna end up all alone

So take these words, some good advice
All you've done's gonna come back twice

You never cared how much it hurt, I really need to tell you

I thought I knew you
Once again, you used me, used me

I should have left you
Long before you used me, Used me up

What I'm needing now is some sweet revenge
To get back all that I lost then.

I see her with Eric, without Eric and thinking of Eric. I introduced to this messed up world. She then had a thing with the tiger, still I stand in the background.

Nobody will ever love her like I do. She will be lucky to realize all that we could have been.

I will wait with open arms. For many centuries to come. All I want is her.

I gave you all that I had to give, but I could never reach you

 I thought I knew you
Once again, you used me, used me

I should have left you
Long before you used me, Used me up

She's going to end up all alone, if she's not with me.

So, first off you have to understand that songfics are not my forte, but the anger this guy had in the song towards this undeserving girl made me think of Bill. How do you think he felt when he saw her with him when he had amnesia? And afterwards? What about Quinn?

Anyways, please review.