Disclaimer: I do not own SNL, Celebrity Jeopardy, or any of the video-games, or the videogame characters.
(Celebrity Jeopardy music plays as the camera zooms into the hosts podium)
Luigi: Welcome back to Video-Game Jeopardy. I suppose you are all wondering why i am hosting this show. Frankly, for no apparent reason, the creator of Nintendo asked me if i can host a game show, i signed the contract, but he didn't even say i would be hosting the show with a bunch of video-game people that couldn't even answer a question right. Well, now that has been said, let's take a look at the board.
(Cut to Ness podium)
Luigi: In third place with -2'000 is Ness
(Cut to Sora's podium)
Luigi: In a close second with -1'900 is Sora.
(Cut's to Sonic's podium)
Luigi: And in first place with 0 dollars is our returning champion, Sonic. Who of course has yet to ring in.
(Cuts back to Luigi)
Luigi: It's time now for Double Jeopardy. And once again for this round contestants, I'd like to remind the contestants, please, no cursing. Let's take a look at the board. The categories are:
-Cities
-Theater
-Potpourri
-Potent Potables
-Numbers
-Words That Rhyme With "Dog"
-The Renaissance
Luigi: And you know what, let's just replace that last category with "Shapes."
(The last category flips over, as it reveals "Shapes")
Luigi: Sonic, you're in the lead so the board is yours.
Sonic: Yeah, give me, ah, Theater for $10,000.
Luigi: Theater for $600. The answer is:
-This play by William Shakespeare was about a merchant who lived in Venice.
(Sonic rings in)
Luigi: Sonic.
Sonic: Yeah, that was "Footloose". Good flick, "Footloose".
Luigi: Wrong. And please answer in the form of a question.
(Ness rings in)
Luigi: Ness
Ness: Is this a horror flick we're talking about? 'Cause I'm afraid horror flicks.
Luigi: It's not a flick at all.
Ness: What a relief. In that case, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"
Luigi: No. And please answer in the form of a question.
Ness: That was a question! Who framed him?
(Sora rings in)
Luigi: Sora.
Sora: (Does facial expressions)
Luigi: Sora.
(The buzzer sounds
Luigi: (Confused) I... I don't think we can accept facial ans- er - expressions as an answer. Sonic, it's your board, pick a category.
Sonic: I'll take the dog one.
Luigi: All right, Words That Rhyme With Dog, for $400. And the answer is:
- It's been a "Hard Day's Night" I should be sleeping like a "This."
(Sonic rings in)
Luigi: Sonic
Sonic: Chinese whore.
Luigi: No.
(Ness rings in)
Luigi: Ness.
Ness: Chinese whore doesn't rhyme with dog.
Luigi: That's why it was a wrong answer.
(Sora rings in)
Luigi: Sora.
Sora: I'm the Keyblade's chosen one!
Luigi: For the last time, i know. And the board still belongs...
(Sonic rings in several times)
Luigi: What is it, Sonic?
Sonic: I think, ah, I think my buzzer's broken.
Luigi: No, it's not, you just buzzed in.
Sonic: No I didn't. (He rings in several more times) I think it... I think it's broken.
Luigi: (Shakes head) Ness, why don't you pick a category?
Ness: Cities for $600.
(The Daily Double sound is heard)
Luigi: And it's the Audio Daily Double. How much do you want to wager?
Ness: I'm gonna play it safe. I'll wager $0.
Luigi: (Pauses) All right, for $0. Here's your Audio Daily Double clue: Name this city.
Voice: HYRULE!
Ness: (Pause)
Luigi: Ness.
Voice: HYRULE!
(Times-up buzzer sounds)
Luigi: Time has run out. The answer was "Hyrule."
Sonic: (Pats Ness back) Ah, tough luck there buddy, huh?
Luigi: Okay, moving on.
(Sonic rings in)
Luigi: What is it, Sonic?
Sonic: (Points at Ness) Check out this kid's back.
Ness: What? {He turns around to reveal a "Kick Me" sign.}
Luigi: That's nice, you put a "Kick Me" sign on Ness back.
Sonic: Yeah, ha-ha.
Ness: (Laughs) Hey, that's funny.
Sonic: I did it when he... I did it when he wasn't looking.
Luigi: That's very nice. Good job, Sonic. Tell you what, we're gonna let Sora pick a category.
Sora: All right, um, Number. See, because sometimes it helps to understand a word if we break it down. Let's do that now, shall we? Numb, see, if you're numb, you can't feel. (Pauses for a second) See, yeah if you're numb you can't feel. And then ber...
Luigi: Numbers for $800. And the answer is:
-This number comes between five and seven.
(Sora rings in)
Luigi: Sora.
Sora: (Continues) See and then ber, if you're, you know if you're cold, that's the sound that you would make. I guess I, I guess my answer will be uh, somebody who can't feel that they're, uh, that they're cold.
Luigi: No.
Sora: What is somebody who can't feel when they're cold?
Luigi: No, no, Sora, I know what you're trying to do. Just stop.
(Sonic rings in)
Luigi: Sonic
Sonic: Yeah, I think I fixed it. My buzzer, I think I fixed it. (Rings in three times)
Luigi: I see. You know what, let's just move on to Final Jeopardy with every player in negative numbers. And the category is... (Reads the card, then tears it up) You know what, this is way too hard, I'm just gonna make one up. How about your favorite food? Just write down whatever food you personally like most, any food you like to eat.
(The stage gets dark, as Final Jeopardy music was heard)
Luigi: Keep in mind you can't be wrong. You can even lie to me and just put down a food.
(The music stops, and everyone puts down their pens)
Luigi: It's time for my nightmare to end. (Walks up to Ness) Let's first start off with Ness, and he wrote...
-Miso
Luigi: A type of soup. Excellent. And you've wagered...
-Cool
Luigi: (Pause) Me...so cool. Great
Ness: Come on, that's hilarious! Come on!
Luigi: No, it's not. (Walks up to Sonic) Now, let's look at Sonic's answer.
Sonic: Hey, check out Sora's back.
(Sora turns around, and has a "Kick Me" sign on his back)
Sonic: Ha-ha!
Luigi: Right. Very funny.
Sonic: Yeah, he didn't know it was on there.
Luigi: Shut up. Just shut up. Let's see what Sora came up with. You wrote...
-Xenmas Sucks
Sora: I'm the Keyblade's chosen one.
Luigi: Okay, and your wager...
-Ansem Sucks
Luigi: Well, no one won, apparently.
Sonic: I won.
Luigi: No, you didn't.
Sonic: Sure, I did.
Luigi: (Turns to the camera) Anyways. That's it for Video-Game Jeopardy. Once again, no money will be given to charity.
Sonic: Seriously, I did win.
Luigi: (Turns back around) No, you didn't.
Sonic: Yeah, I did.
THE END