"Welcome back, everyone, to the Infinity Edge News Network. This is your cute host, Nu. Did you miss Nu? Get ready to have your Taiyaki stolen while watching the 7 PM NEWS BROADCAST!" The girl in business attire yelled while throwing her hands in the air. She sat down and cleared her throat.
"As you may remember from the earlier show, we had an incident in the studio. Nu would like to assure you everyone is fine and we are all here to give you great news for your viewing pleasure." She yelped with that small, but loud voice of hers. The camera people all shuddered at what happened earlier with the man in white armor and decided it was best to just not mention it.
"Ok, so let's get started!" She said as she pressed a button and placed a hand to her ear.
"Litchi, what is going on over there? It sounds like…nothing actually. What are you doing? Are you slacking on Nu's payroll?" She said as she could see the buxom woman appear on screen. It looked like she was standing in front of a transit station with a single man in a red jacket just leaning against a pole.
"You see, Nu, I am not slacking over here. This man has just been standing here all day and it is annoying me. I was on my way to the story about the seventh mystery of Kagutsuchi, but I saw this man and I know it is more important." She huffed looking genuinely annoyed at the situation.
"Litchi, who is that? He looks…" She said as she got a dreamy look on her face. She saw the hair similar to hers in color and the long flowing jacket. The way he was standing without a care in the world. Nu had to meet him.
"Hello, sir, just what is your name, and how can we get together later?" Nu said as he pointed a microphone in the man's face. The man looked surprised at the girl who seemed to come from nowhere and Litchi had a scared look on her face.
"Uh…Ragna…it's Ragna. Am I in trouble?" He asked while looking around. Nu nodded her head in agreement.
"Ragna…You are in trouble for being too hot. Your punishment will be to go out with Nu when she gets off work. Until then, you go to the time out box." She said as she snapped her fingers and Ragna suddenly found himself in a cage underneath what seemed to be a desk. Nu was sitting right above him and looked down and smiled evilly.
"Now, for the next story. Nu is going to be taking tomorrow off because of something that just came up, by the way." She said as she reached down and pet Ragna through the bars. Ragna could only whine like a puppy.
"Uh, Maam, what was th-AHHHH" The camera man was launched from the room with a spring loaded tile. Another man took his place and looked around to make sure nothing was going happen to him.
"Don't worry about it, now where was Nu? Oh, yes." She said as she pressed another button and music started playing in the background. On the screen a girl with pinkish blonde hair appeared on the screen and she was even smaller than Nu.
"Hello, Asshats, this is Luna speaking. So I wonder how many perverts have followed her to this club that has just opened. Luna better watch it or she could be an adult without ever knowing." She said while dancing to the music and speaking into the microphone.
"Hello, Luna. So what is the story where you are at right now? That seems like a fun place." Nu asked while leaning back in her chair and sneaking glances under her desk every few seconds.
"Luna has a good one for you. It seems that a rather famous figure is working as a dancer here at this club and Luna is here to see if that is true. Wait, hold on, the music changed and the lights are going out. I think they are starting." Luna said as she stopped dancing and looked at the stage. She saw the curtains open and out comes a large man bobbing his head.
"Oh my GOD, it's true. IRON TAGER IS A DANCER EVERYONE." Luna squealed as she hopped up and down. Nu formed a sweatdrop as she listened to the girl's fangirlness. She was a big fan of Iron Tager it seems.
"No, Luna was wrong. He isn't a dancer…HE IS A STR-" Was all that was heard as Nu flicked off the screen.
"Sorry, that may have been a little too adult for our young viewers out there. Although, for our older ones, that is plenty of man to go around ladies, all 15 tons of it." She said waving her hand at the screen. Just then an explosion was heard from under them and the floor started creaking. A gaping hole appeared in the floor and up through it came Hakumen.
"Oh, it seems Hakumen has broken free of the slave ca-Nu means re-educati-Nu means happy camp downstairs. Hakumen, just what do you think you are doing?" Nu said with a scary, yet sweet, voice. The workers, and Ragna, all shuddered at the look on her face. This girl was nuts.
"Vile villain, you shall answer to me now. You put me in that God Forsaken camp so you could make me your slave. Well, as you can see, that did not happen. I have come to bring justice to you. On another unrelated note, DID YOU SAVE THE KITTY OR NOT?" Hakumen screamed while slamming his fists down on Nu's desk. Nu just smiled and snapped her fingers.
"Hakumen, you will go get Nu a glass of water and then you will prepare the limo as Nu has a date in a little while. You will drive up there and then you will perform squat thrusts until we finish at the restaurant. After, you will curl up in the trunk of the limo and sleep there for two weeks with no food, are we clear?" Nu said in a monotone voice. Hakumen's hands dropped down to his sides and he lowered his head.
"Yes, Mistress Nu, as you command, I live only to serve you." He said as he walked like a zombie out of the studio. Nu smiled and giggled as she started waving at the camera.
"Well, that is all the time Nu has for today. Nu has a hot date and a slave to put in place. Until next time on the IENN, Bye-Nii" She said while making a sign with her hand and disappearing with the caged Ragna. Ragna just had a face of pure fear painted on it before he vanished…