Warning: Spoiler alert for Chapter 794
He's ten years old and recovering from burns that cover the whole of his body. He feels the pain but doesn't remember its source; knows he has a past but doesn't remember it. All he knows that he doesn't want to go back. But at the same time, his heart whispers that he's leaving something behind that he doesn't remember. He ignores it.
He's eleven years old and the doctors are still asking him if he has remembered anything. He says no, and leaves the infirmary the moment the checkup is done. He doesn't need to remember.
He's twelve years old and he meets Koala. Koala, who smiles and smiles, and sometimes it's real and sometimes it's sad but other times it's brittle like she's forgotten how to not smile.
He's thirteen years old and Koala finally tells him about her past. About the slavery and the years of pain; the fishmen and the days of joy and remembering how to cry; about the betrayal and how it turned her home into somewhere she couldn't live. She asks about his past and he admits that he can't remember. He expects her to look at him with sorrowful envy or even anger, for surely she must find it unfair that he could live with a blank slate while she was haunted by her memories. He doesn't expect the pity in her eyes.
(He doesn't want to remember. Koala doesn't want to forget.)
He's fourteen years old and the Revolutionary Army is all he has ever known. It's all he'll ever need, his mind tells him, even as his heart cries that no, there's more.
He's fifteen years old and he is the youngest official member of the Revolutionary Army. He'd been wheedling Dragon for years, who finally relents with a small mission. He goes with Bunny Joe, a simple information gathering mission in a small kingdom they were planning to liberate. Why did his heart stir as he gazed upon the slums that sat on its outskirts, those grey, dust-filled streets? Perhaps it was disgust, horror that man can do this to their own. But there was more than that. The stench of trash and refuse snaked around his mind, tempting the memories within. Bunny Joe calls him then, and he turns away.
He's sixteen years old and in his dreams he still sees Koala's eyes from that day, looking at him so sadly. The next morning, he throws himself back into his work.
He's seventeen years old and his heart is trying to tell him something. Trying even harder than usual. But even as his heart twinges while watching the New Year fireworks at the Sabaody amusement park, and one day in March in the middle of a mission…his mind doesn't give him the answer. And that's alright, he tells his heart. He doesn't need to remember.
He's eighteen years old and Koala gets him a top hat for his birthday. It suits you, she teased laughingly when he raised an eyebrow at her. They celebrate his birthday on the day Dragon found and saved him, which gave him a strange feeling because he knew that in a way, that was the day the old him had died. He must have been staring at the hat for a little too long, for when he looks back at her Koala is frowning, forehead creased in concern. He smiles at her, a disarming grin that brings a matching smile to her lips, and places the hat upon his head as he head to where the others were waiting with the cake. It fits just right.
He's nineteen years old and sips coffee as he browses through the morning papers. Koala wanders in with a yawn and a drowsy good morning, idly riffling through the latest wanted posters as she waits for the kettle to boil. He asks her without looking up if there's anything interesting, and she shrugs and tosses the stack back on the table when the kettle whistles. A stray wind through the window sweeps a few off the top, revealing a wanted poster of a grinning youth with freckles and an orange cowboy hat.
(He doesn't remember.)
He's twenty years old and is the Chief of Staff of the Revolutionary Army, Dragon's right hand man. He's made it so far in so little time. Whispers traveled among the new recruits, of his strength, his determination, his utter dedication to the cause. He takes pride in it, knowing that he had earned his position. The Revolution is his life.
He's twenty years old and for the first time in ten years, he remembers.
And it's too late.
...Why have I been writing this type of fics about Sabo recently?
Don't get me wrong, I love Sabo. I just find it fascinating to explore how his ten years without memories would have affected him as a person, a Revolutionary and a brother. Just think about it. Waking up in the Revolutionaries' ship with no memories of his past; growing up in Baltigo surrounded by members of the Army; no known ties outside the Revolutionaries... He's like the perfect soldier, it's almost like those secret super-army scenarios where they either kidnap babies or brainwash the kids into forgetting their families. Like seriously, Chief of Staff at twenty years old? It takes serious drive to get to that kind of position, let alone so young, and I believe his memory loss contributed to it. For ten years, he lived for the Revolution. Then all of a sudden, two years ago, his memories came back and threw him into a loop. It's not an easy thing to come to terms with, not to mention the additional trauma of Ace's death.
He's had two years to bring his two lives into some sort of balance, and that's what we see in the current arc. But his appearance was too short to really make a conclusion - when push comes to shove, who will he choose? The Revolution or Luffy? (though it's unlikely to reach that point, given who the Revolution's leader is). In Dressrosa, he went single-mindedly to Luffy's aid (Sabo being chewed out by Koala about it is one of my fav scenes in this arc, hahaha, but I digress), but that is under the confidence that Koala and Hack have Revolutionary matters well in hand.
...And my A/N is almost as long as the fic itself again. I'll stop my ramblings here, but do leave a review~! Till next time!