Life just seems to fade away,
dirfting father everyday.
Getting lost within myself;
nothing matters, no one else...
Miroku was quieter then normal today was the first thing anyone noticed. He confined to himself, and walked a little slower then the rest of them .
"Miroku..." Sango asked, "Does your wind tunnel bother you?" Everyone turned and stared accusingly at the monk, who did not like to reveal to them his pain, but he shook his head.
"Its nothing you need to bother yourself with." He said, smiling, and they continued to walk forward. But he admitted to himself...his hand DID hurt...he flexed it, hoping to rid himself of the pain, but it only worsened, and he winced. He looked up quickly, to make sure no one had seen, and he thought he saw Inuyasha look quickly away from him. Had he seen? He wondered to himself? Does he know...? I already know that my death is approaching, its not as far away as I lead them on to think. Everyday I feel as though I am slipping away from myself, that one day, I'm going to open my eyes, and not exist. I'll be nothing, trapped within my own void. He sighed, sadly. I act crazy sometimes, but I know that I will never want to produce an heir. I don't want him to have this curse unwillingly if I should fail. No one should be punished for my failure. And my friends...I know one day in the near future, I am to leave them. I don't want the risk of them being taken away too, not when each of them are so close to their goal. I know I am not as strong as Inuyasha, nor as gifted as Lady Kagome. Neither do I have the will as Lady Sango. I have tried to help as best I could, and I know that I may not be around long enough to fight Naraku. But I know that together, they will. He smiled, because he knew that with or without him, they would defeat Naraku.
"Its getting dark..." Kagome commented, "We should find someplace to sleep." They all nodded, and walked into a secluded forest area. Kagome, Shippo, and Sango were the first to fall asleep. Miroku waited until Inuyasha dropped off, and wandered into the forest on his own. He removed the cloth covering his hand, but was careful to keep the beads on. He heard a rustling in the grass, and quickly whirled around. Inuyasha stood infront of him, his arms crossed.
"Baka monk," He said, "Do you really think I didn't notice?" He asked, and Miroku shrugged.
"I didn't want to down the spirits." He replied softly. Inuyasha sat down next to him. For a minute, they sat in silence.
"Monk, I want you to be stright with me, or I'll rip your arm off myself. How bad has it gotten?" His voice had softened a bit. Miroku sighed. No sense in lying, because Inuyasha had one way or another of sensing it.
"Truthfully. Well..." Miroku faltered, how could he put something like this? "Inuyasha...I..." He just couldn't say it, because if he did, it would also be admitting it to himself, and he didn't want to do that quite yet. He strayed off for a minute.
"Spit it out!" Inuyasha demanded, and Miroku sighed.
"Forget it Inuyasha. I don't want to talk about it, my problems are my own, and mine alone to deal with."
"But you are travling with us. You hardly ever tell anyone when you're in pain, and come to mention it, about the only we know about you is your grandfather was the one who started this when he first started hunting for Naraku." Miroku sat back and sighed.
"No, Inuyasha. I realize that avenging Kikyo is your soul goal. And I know that someday, you and Lady Kagome may be together. But you must realize that killing Naraku is life or death for me. You will not die if he is not killed."
"Thats what you think." Inuyasha muttered, and Miroku stood.
"I think I'll go to bed now." And he walked away, while Inuyasha stared after him.
I have lost the will to live,
Simply nothing more to give.
There is nothing more for me.
Need the end to set me free.
Miroku lay awake for a while, thinking about what Inuyasha had said. It was a bit selfish, he knew, to say he was the only one who would die. He knew that Inuyasha would die on the inside from guilt. But wounds can mend. Death cannot. He knew that Naraku would get exactly what he wanted. A weak soul, to tortured with guilt to bear the curse unwillingly upon another life. His father, and his father before that hadn't been weak. Though his father had apologized before he died, telling Miroku as a boy he was sorry. But Miroku had understood. He knew his father had only wanted him to live. They were all lucky, luckier then they realized. Lady Sango was trying to win her brother back, she had someone. Lady Kagome really didn't have any tie in this, other then being reincarnated and helping Inuyasha with his revenge, and she too had family in her own time. Inuyasha? He had a brother, and weither either of them chose to realize it, both of them watched out for each other. Because both refused to kill each other in their own way, of course. He laughed to himself as he recalled their antics, some days were just better then others. He winced, again, because a sharp pain raced up his hand. He knew he really didn't have much longer, because sometimes, even with the prayer beads on his hand, he could hear a faint whistling, and a swirling sound. Uzumaki, he thought faintly to himself, before falling into an unwanted sleep