Hi, mina! Farcie is writing yet another fic-let to keep you occupied until I update AIC. I don't own Psychonauts, etc. Have fun!
warning EXTREMELY STUPID!
Sasha Nein and the Amazing Mr. Special
Chapter One
"You can't arrest me! I'm Alfonzo Brian Magicofocles!"
"Of course I can. I have Psitanium handcuffs and three hundred fewer pounds to drag around." Sasha's sarcasm reached new heights as his eyes narrowed in a condescending manner towards a morbidly heavy-set, mustachioed brunette who had made it his life's purpose to kill the Grand Head of the Psychonauts, Truman Zanotto. Milla Vodello, wearing her magenta, migraine-inducing dress and not a hint of shame, to her own indifference and Sasha's overwhelming frustration, stood by her partner with her usual stalwart enthusiasm and confidence. Fortunately for the dynamic duo, the villain did not have the brains to accompany his extra weight, and he was caught plotting to bomb Headquarters within the hour. It used to anger Sasha intensely when he was coerced into missions with no point, risk, or need for any talent whatsoever, but when Zanotto's life was in question, no matter how moronic the adversary an his or her threats, the Psychonauts' two best agents were dragged along with a few rookies, and there was nothing Agent Nein could do about it. Unfortunately, this mission was the most pointless experience of all. When Sasha and Milla imagined a diabolical madman, Alfonzo Brian Magicofocles was not, even in a relative sense, what they had in mind. The sickeningly obese, five-foot-tall nutcase squirmed like an ornery child in Sasha's strong grasp.
"You…You…You'll never get away with this! I'll change into my ultra-super-special-magical-crazy-cool form!" The nasal voice of his "adversary" along with the ridiculous notion of his words made Sasha smirk evilly. Milla eyed him nervously. Although sightings of emotion were rare, once in a while, Sasha Nein was inclined to give in to caprice and mocked his captives, an action usually unspeakable in the German's opinion. In special circumstances, however, and the man writhing in a pair of Psitanium-laced handcuffs was certainly special, a split second of humor would not harm anyone. Actually, it would cause a great deal of harm to Alfonzo Magicofocles' pride, but egos did not lead to lawsuits unless the parents of private school students were involved.
If Sasha had an active imagination, he would have prevented what could be the strangest moment in Psychonauts history. If Milla harvested the mushrooms that grew in her backyard, she could have seen it coming as well. However, it is very clear that Sasha's imagination does not exist, and Milla lives in an apartment complex, so unfortunately, they were subjected to ten minutes of absolute chaos and stupidity only matched by Psychonauts parody fan fictions.
(A/N: Wait a minute…)
Suddenly, Alfonzo Brian Magicofocles raised his manacled hands high above his head, shook the fat hanging from his already hefty jowls, and made the most disturbing of guttural noises. Sasha and Milla covered their ears and backed away from the madman slowly, still mildly amused yet faced with a growing concern for the situation.
"BurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrAAAAAHHH! Transform into…the Amazing Mr. Special!"
To be continued….maybe not.
This is it, kids! I have stooped to your level of stupidity!!! GAH! Why me!? Well, since you won't read AIC, I guess I am just giving you what you want to read. Pure nonsense. Well, I did have fun writing absolute idiocy. It reminds me of my Yugioh fanfic. Chapter five of All Is Calm is coming soon, so stay tuned!
The Farce Hunter