A/N: This one shot was created by Matty1 and I when we spent the afternoon with her nephews at Chuck E Cheese's. The story is a spin off of The Animal and the Photographer so if you're not sure who some of the characters are go check that story out (you should check it out anyway). Enjoy reading as much as we enjoyed creating! Sorry that I didn't edit this earlier.
Dave
Whose 'brilliant idea' was it to give all the women an afternoon off and baby sit the kids? Oh wait… It was mine… SHIT! And I have absolutely no idea what on Earth I was thinking when the words Chuck E Cheese came out of my big mouth. The three brands were together for a pay per view and Alex had come into town for the event as well. So we sent Jamie, Alex, Stephanie, Sara and Rebecca off shopping for the afternoon, after all how hard should it be for 6 grown men to look after 4 girls and 5 boys? It didn't matter than 8 them were toddlers and the oldest was 7. Anyway every loves Chuck E Cheese and that place is like a built-in baby sitter, how much work was it really going to be?
Shane, Paul, Shawn, Mark, Jim and I were discussing what to do with the kids while they played nearby. I stupidly suggested Chuck E Cheese in ear shot of Cameron, Shawn's 7 year old son, once he got the others interested in the topic we were screwed. Then Shane decided that if we were going to be forced to go to Chuck E Cheese we should be able to rent it out for the afternoon; after all as the champion I could afford it. Yes, since it was my idea I was going to be the one who had to pay, so I went online and found the number for the closest Chuck E Cheese restaurant, they weren't keen on us renting the place however once I offered them a nice sum of money they softened.
Because of the number of toddlers and thus the number of car seats we all took separate cars, except for Jim and I. Jim had been involved with Alex for a while and as I was talking Jimmy in my car with Eli he decided to come along for the drive. We arrived at the local Chuck E Cheese, at the same time as Shawn and Paul,
"Why do I have to come? My kid can't do anything!"
"You need practice for when she's older," Jim replied patting the other man on the shoulder and heading for the entrance just as Mark and Shane joined us. Once we'd showed identification and entered the restaurant, Cameron who had seemed to become the unofficial spokesperson for the kids announced that they were hungry and wanted to eat. So we connected some tables together and sat the kids down before Jim and I went up to order 5 munch and play deals each consisting of a large cheese pizza, three drinks and 25 tokens, we also ordered 2 large pepperoni pizzas. This resulted in us getting 7 pizzas, 15 drinks and 125 tokens, the staff must have loved us at that point.
While waiting for our pizzas we took the kids to play some games,
"Davie I wanna play dis game!" Eli announced sternly, finally speaking up like he was known to do. I headed over and helped the young boy onto the car ride, noting as I did that he wouldn't be able to touch the pedals that would be required to play the game.
"Hang on buddy, you wont be able to reach so you can sit on my lap and we can do it together"
"YAY!" Eli cried as I pulled the chair out as far as it would go and sat down. My legs were still cramped but I still stuck Eli on my lap and allowed him to play the game. Unknown to the rest of us Jim had bought his camera and was quick to snap a photo of the young boy and I. I had no problem with the photo but I knew he'd share it with all the Divas and they'd fawn all over me. There was only one female I wanted doing that and she just happened to be mother of the child on my lap. We finished the game and headed over to where Cameron and Mark's oldest, Chasey, were riding a roller coaster simulation.
"Davie I want to ride too!" Eli announced making his way over to climb on the ride as well, I pulled him back to stop him hurting himself,
"When Cameron and Chasey are done you and Declan can have a turn," I explained still holding on to the child. After the rollercoaster the kids old enough to headed for the playground ripped their shoes off and began to play. They continued playing there until the food arrived. While the kids were on the playground us men took the opportunity to play some of the games in an attempt to gain tokens to get our kids prizes.
Mark won the monster bonus on one game which scored him 50 tickets and the rights to brag as the rest of us had only been winning a few tickets at a time. That was alright until he was still bragging 5 minutes later,
"Oh shut up Mark! It's only 50 stupid tokens," Shawn rolled his eyes starting to get annoyed at the man,
"You're just jealous Shawny, you couldn't get the monster bonus if you rigged the machine"
"Mark I could get the monster bonus two times in a row if I wanted to"
"Then why don't you?"
"Because I don't care, its just 50 tickets"
"Yea which puts me 50 tickets closer to getting kick ass prizes for my girls,"
"I don't need 'monster bonuses' to get kick ass prizes for my kids, I can get tickets another way"
"Oh really?"
"Yes really!"
"Alright let's make a 'friendly' bet than shall we?" Mark said indicating to the rest of us,
"The man who gets the most tickets will be king of the locker room tonight and every joint pay per view until the end of the year." Mark smirked; he must have been confident as everyone knew he was the one and only king of the locker room,
"Also the man who gets the least amount of tickets will become the King's slave!" Paul added with a smirk, to which everyone agreed,
"Just one rule, whenever you buy more tokens they must be split between the group evenly." Shawn added seeking fairness.
"Agreed!" The 6 of us piled hands, the deal was set.
Not long after the bet was made our copious amounts of food was delivered by 4 staff members. We called the kids back as each man went and got drinks for the children in his care. Suddenly the children who could talk began going a mile a minute, each excited to tell their parent and any one who would listen about playing on the playground. The noise was horrendous but no one could be stuffed attempting to shut them up.
"Davie, where's the other kids?" Eli asked,
"What do you mean? There are kids all around you"
"When mommy and Aunt Alex take us here there are heaps of other kids. Aunt Alex calls them Obosious little shits"
"Watch your mouth young man!" I growled trying to refrain from laughing, I'd met the woman on several occasions and that was definitely something she'd say,
"But that's what she says, isn't it Jimmy? Aunt Alex calls the other kids Obosious little shits," Eli called to his best friend who just nodded,
"Yea but only the ones at Chuck E…" Jimmy replied with a mouthful of food.
"ELI! Don't swear! Jimmy don't talk with your mouthful!" I growled and Jimmy swallowed his food before apologising while Eli apologised mouth full of pizza.
"ELI! That's gross"
"Daddy, what's an obosious little shit?" I overheard Declan asking his father; clearly he'd overhead his 'cousin'.
"Where did you hear that?"
"Eli said it, I just heard him!"
"Dave are you teaching that boy bad language?" Shane asked glaring at me,
"Hey he's just repeating what he heard from that man's girlfriend" I replied moving the blame to Jim who was sitting two seats down.
"What? What did I do?" Jim asked confused,
"You teaching that girl of yours foul language?"
"Hell no! She had that trash mouth LONG before we ever met!" Jim shrugged.
"So Daddy what is an obosious little shit?" Declan asked again beginning to get impatient with his father,
"You are," Paul laughed from one end of the table.
"PAUL!" Shane growled trying to not laugh,
"What? He's my nephew; I'm allowed to say that"
"DADDY! Tell me what an obosious little shit is"
"It's something you shouldn't be saying and the word is obnoxious not obosious"
"Why shouldn't I say obosious?"
"Obnoxious and you shouldn't say obnoxious little shit! It's rude and not very nice"
"But you just said it!" Declan cried defying his father,
"Just eat your damn pizza!"
"Daddy you just said another bad word! I'm telling mommy!"
"Alright that's it! Kids while you're eating we're going to play the quiet game," Shane sighed.
"Good idea Shane! And anyone who isn't quiet has to stay with Uncle Paul and Aurora," Mark added as the jaws of every child dropped, no one wanted to stay with Uncle Paul and Aurora. They weren't any fun.
"Wait why do I get stuck with them? Coming here was Dave's idea!"
"Yea but you have the kid that can't do anything, remember?" I replied smirking at my friend. Sure enough the threat worked, there was not a word from the kids while we finished our meals and the second they were given permission to talk they began the begging,
"Daddy will you come on the playground?"
"Davie you've got to come on the slide"
"Yea Davie you've got to!"
"Uncle Paul come play with us"
"Yea Uncle Paul and daddy and Uncle Shane you've got to come too"
"Jim come with us PLEASE!" It was clear that the kids wanted us, six professional heavyweight wrestlers, to play on a playground that a 10 year old would be too big for.
"Chasey I can touch the top of it. There is no way I'm going to fit in there"
"Yea I'm sorry guys Uncle Mark has a point, we are just way too big for this playground"
"PLEASE, you've got to!"
"I'm sorry we're just way too big"
"Typical that you'd say that Paul, you wouldn't be able to get your foot in the contraption," Shawn smirked. I swear he knew where this would lead and him being the smallest put him at a clear advantage.
"Oh really? I bet that I could get up, around it and then down the slide while your still trying to get that big ass of yours through the entrance!"
"In your dreams Paulie, Shawn would have it all over you! That is if he could beat me." Shane smirked,
"Alright boys, lets make this interesting. Earlier you showed yourself to be betting men so lets put a little wager on it, shall we?" Jim smiled, he like me had realised that Shawn had sparked the competitive side of our friends and this was going to be very, very interesting.
"Good idea Jim, I'll put $1000 on Shawn kicking Paul and Shane's butt"
"Ah it doesn't work that way Davie, you bet you got to compete," Shawn smirked figuring if we were going to go through with the bet he'd make plenty of money. I took a look at the playground and decided what the hell, it was only $1000.
"Alright I'm in" I smiled pulling $1000 out of my wallet and dumping it on the table,
"Whoa, you walk around with $1000 in your pack pocket?" Jim asked in shock,
"Only on pay per view weekends, you guys don't?" I asked shrugging; the others shook their heads and all, bar Jim, threw $1000 on the table,
"I've only got $500, but I'm going to win so I'm in," Jim smirked, this sort of bet was normal for the Extremists. But most of them, including Jim, were good for the money.
With that the competition began, Mark offered to time us and I'd time him when it was his turn. Paul and Shawn pushed each other around for a moment before Paul won supremacy and the right to be the first competitor.
"You know my dad is so going to beat your dad and your Uncle Paul" I heard Cameron gloat to Declan and Kenyon.
"No way, my dad is so going to leave all your dad's in the dust,"
"Dude your dad's the Undertaker; he's not even going to get his head in that thing!"
"You're all wrong! Davie is World Champion and will be playground champion"
"HAH, Jim's an extremist he does this sort of thing for FUN!" I couldn't help but smirk at the competitiveness of the kids; they were just as bad as their fathers. Then I heard the sentence that would haunt me for the rest of my life and I couldn't believe it was coming out of the innocent mouth of Shawn's youngest,
"Well mommy says that daddy is real flexible and real good at getting in tight spaces, so he'll win." If only Cheyenne knew the implications of what she had just said. I took a glance over at her father and saw that he hadn't heard his daughter so I stored the information away for embarrassment at a later date.
THIRD PERSON
The kids quickly tired of watching the six men battle for supremacy over Chuck E Cheese's playground. Gracie wandered over to the table where the men had left there betting money,
"Hey Tasey, moneys!" She smiled at her sister and held some of the money up.
"Cool find Gracie, let's play some games. I'm oldest so I'll split it up." Cameron automatically put himself in charge and handed out piles of money to the kids old enough to play games. After that the kids paired up with their siblings and headed off to play.
Eli and Jimmy quickly found the token machine,
"Hey look, you stick moneys in and coins come out! COOL!" Eli cried as the two of them kept inserting money, by the time they'd spent $100 and had 400 tokens in their possession a voice cried out from the playground,
"CRAP I'M STUCK!" The first victim had fallen and Paul was now stuck in the playground.
"Aww poor baby don't worry I'll come and get you" Shawn called up. He twisted his body around and began climbing the structure, he got to where Paul was and began to climb over the other man to get in a position that he could push Paul down.
"Ah Shawn, you're a good friend but this is taking it WAY TO FAR!"
"I'm sorry but I'm stuck!"
"You know, I always wondered about you two!" Jim called up not even trying to hide his laughter,
"Shut up Jim!"
"Hey Shawny, I guess you're not as flexible and good as getting into tight spaces as your wife thinks you are," Dave laughed, referring to the unheard comment by his daughter,
"WHAT?"
"Ah, I think Austin has that saying copyrighted." Instead of doing the logical thing and seeking help by the Chuck E Cheese staff the men kept piling into the playground structure in an attempt to help their friends.
"Davie this game broke! I keep putting moneys in but no more tokes are coming out!"
At that moment Jim's cell phone rang and he automatically knew the ring, it was Jimmy's mother.
"Hey Jimmy? Can you be a good boy and bring me my phone but DON'T answer it?"
"But why? I know that sound, its mommy!"
"Because I said so, just bring me my phone"
"Is it because you don't want her to know what obosious little shits you guys are being?"
"JIMMY BRING ME MY DAMN PHONE!" Instead Jimmy picked up the cell phone and answered it beginning to have a cheerful conversation with his mother.
"We are so dead!" Jim groaned.
DAVE
Moneys? How did Eli get money and what machine was he talking about? Wait where were the kids?
"THE KIDS!" I screamed attempting to scramble backwards out of the playground as I was the last one in.
"Quick Mark pull my legs, we've got to find the kids and fix this. Paul, Shawn can you see them?" I asked the two men, who were furthest to the top,
"I see Chasey and Gracie, they're at the counter buying something… Wait! That's a $100 bill!" We later discovered that the girl's had seen a toy they liked and held out the bill asking if they had enough. The Chuck E Cheese staff had taken advantage of the young children and told them that was exactly the right amount of money.
With Mark's help I finally got out of the structure and immediately noticed that the money was gone from the table.
"Ah I think I know where the kids got their money… We really shouldn't have left it on the table like that"
"That was nearly $6000!" Mark exclaimed. We couldn't believe we'd been so stupid.
"Well it is now several hundred tickets, tokens and trinkets." I explained as Jimmy ran past me and scrambled up the playground to where his mother's boyfriend was and held up the cell phone,
"Mommy wants to talk to you, you're in trouble!" Jimmy announced dropping the phone in Jim's hands and scooting back down. In his stuck position Jim's hands couldn't reach his ears so he stuck the phone on speaker and we were all privy to our respective partners screaming down the phone at us at how irresponsible we were.
"PAUL HOW DARE YOU LEAVE OUR DAUGHTER ALONE LIKE THAT!" Automatically you heard Paul groan,
"Oh crap, Aurora!"
"AND YOU SHAWN! LEAVING THOSE KIDS ALONE? CAMERON PROBABLY STARTED EVERYTHING,"
"THAT'S IT WE ARE SO COMING TO GET THE KIDS!"
"What about us?" Jim asked nearly timidly,
"YOU CAN STAY STUCK IN THAT DAMN CONTRAPTION FOR ALL WE CARE!" With that the call ended and Mark and I looked at each other in fear, these women were tough and we didn't want to risk their wrath.
"Can we run?"
"They'll catch us and it'll be worse"
"Let's get these clowns out then and round up the kids," Mark said and organised to get the kids while I found some staff members to help.
The women came and collected the kids, leaving without even saying a word especially to Paul and Shawn who were still stuck in the playground.
"Anyone got any money left?"
"Sure…In our bank accounts" the guys replied.
"Looks like a cheap hotel is going to be our safest bet tonight," Mark sighed as Paul and Shawn were finally freed,
"ABOUT BLOODY TIME! No man should EVER be stuck in a position like that!"
End