Okay, so I've kind of sort of fallen in love with Sabriel (and Destiel and others, but that's beside the point), and I kind of sort of had to do a thing. So I did a thing and, well, here it is. Note that I'm pretty new to Supernatural (crazy, since it's been around literally forever) so this is completely AU, probably a little (read: most definitely) OOC, and absolutely so full of stereotypical clichés and tropes that I should maybe just stick to writing for anime fandoms, but I had to give it a shot. Forgive me.
If you're interested, I was re-watching some of my favorite SYTYCD routines the other day, and this was inspired by one of my top fives. I'd suggest checking out the routine (you can find it on YouTube) because it's really cute and I love Melanie and Marko. So much.
I've Got You
GarryxMrChairFan
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Warning: includes brief mentions of drug/alcohol abuse.
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I
Okay, so the new neighbor kids weren't that lame, but they were still kinda lame. Maybe Sam was just biased 'cause he had such an awesome older brother of his own, but he could grudgingly admit that the Novaks— the new family that moved in next door to them just a couple months ago— had their moments.
Most of them.
Michael, the oldest, was actually probably the lamest person Sam had ever had the misfortune of being introduced to. He spoke like he was above all of them— which was just stupid 'cause he was only two years older than Dean (who was four years older than Sam) and Dean thought they were all cool enough to hang with— he never came out to play with any of them, and he had this face he made like someone had spit on him all the time. Sam couldn't say he hadn't thought about it a couple of times, but his mom probably wouldn't like it if he did that, so he just settled for rolling his eyes when Michael told them to leave him alone 'cause he "didn't have time for such childish nonsense."
Dick.
Anna, the youngest at Sam's age and the only girl of four kids, was alright. For a girl. She never passed up an opportunity to come out and roll around in the mud with Dean and Sam when they wanted to play tackle football, and they let her in every time 'cause she could actually hold her own against all the boys on the street. Honestly, she sort of intimidated Sam and he had chosen early on to never get on her bad side.
Castiel, third oldest (two years older than Sam), was probably the shyest person Sam had ever met. He was skinny and small, with dark hair that looked like he never brushed it and wide blue eyes that gave Sam's own puppy eyes a run for their money (Dean had told him he could get their mom to do anything when he gave them to her, and Sam definitely used this to his advantage whenever he could). Seriously, he just had to stand in Cas' presence and he felt guilty and compelled to do whatever it was he wanted. Thankfully, Cas liked to use them on Dean more than Sam, and Sam took pleasure in being able to laugh at the way his brother completely bent to his will.
Sam may have only been eight, but he knew his brother was whipped.
The last of the Novaks was Gabriel— between Michael and Cas; Dean's age— and, okay, he was actually kinda cool. He was a big ol' ball of energy, he never stopped talking, and he always had candy. Like, always. Sam wasn't sure he could really say anything, though, seeing as how they'd only been there two months and that really wasn't enough time to know anybody too well, but still. He had a feeling seeing Gabe without some form of sugar wasn't a very common occurrence. He was also sure that Gabe was probably magic or something, 'cause he never seemed to run out of it, either. It was like he could conjure it up out of thin air, and Sam was sorta impressed.
Anyway, yeah, Sam supposed the Novaks weren't actually all that lame— except Michael, but nobody liked him anyway— and that was heavily due to the fact that Sam and Dean had just been shown the Novaks' new treehouse, recently finished by their dad and sitting like a palace up in the large tree that was so close to the fence that it practically hung over into the Winchester backyard even though it was technically in Novak territory.
It. Was. Awesome.
"You like?" Gabriel was smiling widely at them, sucking on a sucker like always, Cas off to his side and smiling as well, though much more timidly. Anna was beaming up at it with the air of a proud mother, and Sam couldn't help his enthusiastic nod as Dean whistled in appreciation.
"It's so cool, Gabe!" he exclaimed, staring up at it with awe. "Can we check it out?"
"Sure thing, kiddo! It's our secret base!" Sam and Dean shared a smile as Anna whooped, Gabriel pulling the sweet from his mouth. "Last one up leaves again for snacks!"
The race was hardly fair as Gabriel took off towards it behind Anna and Dean, while Sam and Cas followed along, sharing a look of exasperation: older brothers. Castiel fell back farther, saying he'd go ahead and get the food that Naomi and Mary had prepared for them for the big reveal, and Sam nodded as he continued to the ladder, waiting as the others scrambled up and in.
When Sam reached the top, he smiled, taking it all in. The treehouse was less a house than it was a platform with three walls and a roof, encasing it against the tree and leaving the opening for them to sit at and gaze down on the yards. As he pulled himself in, Sam could see a few beanbag chairs set up along the back wall, a small table sitting in the middle of them. There was a cooler against the left side, housing what Sam assumed was cold soda drinks and water, and the right wall had a small box where a laptop had been left for them to watch movies on until it died and needed to be recharged. He assumed it needed to be brought in every night.
"This is epic, guys," Sam breathed, standing straight up— he was surprised the roof was at normal room height, and he grinned— and looking out at their yards, watching through the glass backdoors of the Novak house as Castiel grabbed plates full of sandwiches and chips that their moms had made up for them. To his left he could see into his own living room, where his dad was sprawled over the couch watching TV with his friends and shouting at it.
Castiel finally made his way out, balancing all the food with him as he scurried to the treehouse, frowning in thought as he glanced between the food and the latter. Sam knelt down, seeing as the ladder wasn't too high, and reached his hand out. "Pass me the plate, Cas. Then you can climb up without losing anything."
With a nod, Castiel held the plate up as high as he could, though with as short as he was, it just barely grazed Sam's fingers. Sam huffed, blowing some of his hair from his face.
"I don't think I can reach, Sam."
"No, no, we got it," Sam insisted, bracing himself against the edge of the floor and extending his arm just a bit more. "C'mon, Cas. Tiptoes."
"I am, Sam." Castiel huffed, straining his arms.
"Be careful, Sammy," Dean called, and Sam could feel the concerned gaze he was getting from his brother. Leave it to Dean to just watch from the sidelines.
"Come help me then, jerk," Sam grunted, looking over his shoulder. "You can hold my legs and I'll be able to reach farther."
"I got it!" Sam rolled his eyes as Gabriel piped up, and he could feel the vibrations of his steps as he came closer, before huffing again as a weight settled on his legs. "There! Reach away, kiddo!"
Laughing, Sam wiggled forward, reaching his arm out as far as he could. He was nearly hanging upside down out of the treehouse, but he was determined to get those snacks. His fingers were still just brushing the plastic wrap around the plate, and he grunted again as he scooted farther forward. "Almost…"
Sam had never been afraid of heights, at least as far as he could tell, but he had to admit that the feeling of falling wasn't one of his favorites. Like those dreams where he woke up after feeling like he was freefalling through the air— it left him breathless and wide-eyed, thinking he was gonna hit the ground and never wake up again. Wiggling enough to throw Gabriel off his legs just slightly, Sam found himself experiencing that exact feeling, but this time it wasn't something he could just wake up from.
He heard Dean shout as he tipped forward, Castiel's eyes wide as he registered exactly what Sam suddenly coming closer meant, and Sam— well. He was sure it was gonna hurt like a bitch when he hit the ground.
Except that he didn't. He was really hanging upside down now, dangling out of the treehouse as a body wrapped around his lower half, throwing its weight on his legs again in time to keep him from faceplanting right into the dirt. Breathing heavily from the rush of adrenaline, Sam stared at the ground for a moment before turning his face to Castiel, who was frozen to his spot, and then up as much as he could to see what was going on above him.
Gabriel's face grinned down at him, though Sam could see a wild panic receding from his amber eyes. "Don't worry, kiddo. We won't let you fall."
With the help of Dean, Gabriel managed to pull Sam, the food, and Castiel up into the treehouse, all of them sitting silently for a long moment before they all started laughing, though it was probably more hysterical than of genuine humor.
Dean's hand smacked Sam hard on the shoulder before he was pulled into a tight hug. "Don't scare me like that again, Sammy," he said sternly, looking into Sam's eyes.
"Yeah, sure," Sam choked out, still panting for air. He turned to Gabriel then, smiling shakily. "Thanks, Gabe. Wow, talk about a rush."
"Anytime, kiddo," Gabriel chuckled, waving his hand and putting his sucker back in his mouth. "But, uh, let's not make a habit of fallin' out of the treehouse, okay?"
"Sure thing." They all relaxed after that, Anna moving to put one of the DVDs laying around into the laptop and all of them sitting back to enjoy it— or make fun of it, in Dean and Gabriel's case. Sam sat between them, leaning heavily on Gabriel as his heart slowed, and he rested his head on Gabriel's shoulder.
"Seriously, Gabe," he murmured quietly, unable to completely shake off the experience just yet. "I think you just saved my life."
He really was the coolest Novak Sam knew.
Gabriel gave him a smile, genuine and much more reserved than his normal one. Sam felt a warmth rush through him at it, and he couldn't say he didn't like it. "Like I said: anytime, kiddo. I've gotcha."
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II
Of course the first thing Gabriel did when he got his license was shove it in Sam's face to show it off. Sam really shouldn't have expected anything less.
"Look at it, Sammich!" Gabriel cooed, and Sam rolled his eyes as he turned back to his Algebra book. "It's so shiny~!"
"It's plastic, Gabe," Sam laughed, picking up his pencil. "What'd you expect? Congrats, though." He smiled at his best friend, who was still looking at his new proof of ID with awe and fondness. "I'm almost surprised they gave you one."
Gabriel tossed a smirk his way. "I'm a wonderful driver, kiddo," he beamed with a wink. "They just couldn't resist my charm~!"
"You mean 'bribe'?" Sam countered, rolling his eyes.
"Details, Sammykins. Details." Gabriel waved him off, flopping down on Sam's bed while Sam returned to slaving through equations. It wasn't that they were hard or that he didn't understand; it was just tedious.
Surprisingly, Gabriel managed to stay quiet for a whole fifteen minutes, which Sam was sure was a new record. He didn't count the popping of the bubblegum as noise, and the rhythmic thump of whatever Gabriel was tossing up and catching or throwing at the wall or whatever wasn't as annoying as it should have been. Or maybe Sam was just used to it now, having put up with it for four years now.
But it definitely didn't last forever, and Sam was on his last problem when the silence became too much for his best friend, who thrived on noise and commotion and people and not studying and definitely not homework.
"Okay, Sammy," Gabriel finally said, and Sam heard him push himself off the bed. He dropped his pencil, smart enough to know that whatever Gabriel wanted, he was going to get whether Sam wanted to go along with it or not, and it was easier to just suck it up and deal.
"What, Gabe?"
"We're goin' out! Grab your coat— I wanna show you something."
Sighing in defeat, Sam did as bid and stood, grabbing his jacket and following the bouncing teen out to his new car— well, new enough. It was a hand-me-down from Michael when he turned eighteen and bought one for himself, handing over the keys to his younger brother. Michael had actually mellowed out a lot since Sam first met him, though he was sure that was more to do with Luce Milton than by his own choice, but hey; Sam wasn't complaining.
Sam walked beside Gabriel, grinning when he once again pointed out that he was now as tall as Gabriel, despite a four year age gap, teasing the teen that he wasn't gonna grow any taller and Sam was still shooting up in height.
"You're gonna be a moose one of these days, kiddo," Gabriel sighed dramatically, sliding into the car with a smirk as Sam got in the passenger seat. "It's not fair."
"That's life for ya," Sam grinned, buckling his seatbelt and slouching into the seat. "Poor Gabe, cursed to be short for the rest of his life. Whatever shall he do?"
"Hey," Gabriel shot him a warning look. "I'm not short— I'm fun size." He waggled his eyebrows, and Sam devolved into a laughing mess as Gabriel looked smug and pulled out of the driveway, taking them into the dark night.
Sam was glad his parents were never very strict, letting him and Dean go out whenever and do whatever as long as it wasn't hurting other people or placing them in Juvie. Dean took advantage of that as much as he could, constantly out with friends or Cas, depending on how chick-flick he felt that day. Really, everyone knew exactly what was up; like, c'mon—they were like a frickin' married couple and Sam was sure they were the only two who didn't know it yet.
Frickin' brothers.
Looking out the window, all Sam could see were the outlines of buildings as they drove, the night sky pitch black with the new moon, and the stars twinkling faintly. The little town was asleep, or getting there, and Sam couldn't help his curiosity. "Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise, Sammich!" Gabriel replied cryptically, and Sam rolled his eyes with a fond smile. Gabriel was always one for dramatics and theatrics, and again, he really shouldn't have expected anything else. "Trust me," he added after a moment, smiling brightly. "You'll love it."
Nodding, Sam settled back against his seat, closing his eyes and drifting out and in as Gabriel drove, singing softly to the music on the radio, which Sam found unusual— Gabriel was always belting out obnoxiously loud— but nice, and he let his mind wander to what Gabriel could possibly be wanting to show him. They lived in a small town, and there wasn't much there that Sam hadn't already seen. Any attraction that was worth seeing was in the next town over, and Sam wasn't sure Gabriel was allowed to take him out of town without permission. Not that Gabriel ever bothered with permission; he followed his own set of rules, and Sam couldn't help but admire his self-assurance and brashness.
It was always an adventure with Gabriel.
True to thought, the next time Sam looked out the window, he just barely recognized the lights of the city, lighting up the night around them with life. Sam watched the tall buildings fly by in a blur as Gabriel drove through, deeper and deeper until he was heading out the other end, the lights starting to become more infrequent and the night sky opening back up to them.
Sam frowned, turning to his friend. "Seriously, dude. Where are we going? I'm not sure I should be out this far this late."
Gabriel groaned, shooting him a look before turning his attention back to the nearly deserted road. "Jeez, kiddo, way to be a spoilsport! Live a little!" he laughed. "Besides, I already told your mom I wanted to take you out to this place, so she knows."
Sam felt his mouth drop, and Gabriel looked over in time to cackle. "You didn't think I didn't plan all this out, didja, Sammy?"
Sam shut his mouth so he didn't look like a fish. "I-I— Well…"
Gabriel gave him a condescending look of disapproval, and Sam shrunk in his seat. "I'm ashamed, kiddo. I thought you knew me better than that." His lips quirked at the edges, and Sam breathed a slight sigh of relief.
"Sorry," he muttered, looking back out the window. His lips quirked up too. "I know you'd never accidentally get me in trouble, Gabe."
"Always on purpose," Gabriel agreed brightly, and Sam smiled.
It was another fifteen minutes before Sam felt the car slow, pulling off to a road he hadn't ever noticed on his trips in and out of the city travelling with his dad and mom when they went to visit family friends. The highway faded behind them gradually, and Sam could make out tall objects in the dark. Gabriel eventually pulled the car over, parking and getting out, Sam following hesitantly behind.
Now outside, Sam could hear the faint crashing of waves, and his eyes widened as a bright beam of light came on, turning in their direction before exiting again and repeating.
"The lighthouse?" Sam asked, awe in his voice as he followed Gabriel down to the piers. Sam had never spent a lot of time in the fishing district of their city, but he'd always been curious; he'd mentioned to Gabriel several times that he'd like to see it in person one day, but he hadn't thought he'd ever actually get to.
"You like?" Gabriel asked, leading Sam along the thin path up to the building, worn with the weather but still standing tall and proud. The paint, from what Sam could make out in the rotating light, was white and blue.
"I love it, Gabe!" Sam breathed, smiling widely and running to the entrance. "C'mon! I wanna see it from the top!"
They raced up the stairs, taking the spiral staircase to the room with the light, and Sam could feel his heart beating fast in anticipation as he stepped out onto the landing surrounding the top, letting visitors see out to the ocean without the interruption of walls. Gabriel panted behind him, gasping through laughs.
"No fair, Sammykins!" He pouted playfully, slumping against a wall. "You're legs work faster than mine!"
Sam shot him a grin. "It's not my fault you'd rather sit on your butt eating candy and playing video games while I'm actually active."
"Touché, kiddo."
They stood at the railing, looking out at the crashing waves, catching their breaths. Sam had never seen something so vast, and he was completely rooted to the spot as he looked out at the horizon, the inky black of the sky meeting the deep indigo of the water with just a hint of the sun illuminating where they met.
"This is amazing, Gabe," he breathed after a while, the calm of the night making him want to keep his voice down. He looked over to the smirking blond, who was pulling a sucker from his pocket. "I didn't even know you paid attention when I talked about it."
"Of course I did, kiddo." Gabriel shrugged it off, turning to look out at the waves. "Just thought it'd be a neat first test drive, y'know?" He turned around then, looking up at the roof of the lighthouse for a contemplative moment before moving to the rail. "C'mon! Let's get up there and see what the view's like roof-side!"
Sam blanched at his friend's whims, watching as Gabriel jumped up on the rail and gripped the edge of the roof, intending to swing out and on top. "Gabe! We can't do that!" Sam wasn't sure whether to be impressed with Gabriel's daring or to panic. "If you fall, you're likely to die!"
Gabriel scoffed, huffing as he got his arms on the roof, and Sam could only see his torso. "I won't fall, Sammy," he grunted, shifting farther up. Sam was actually really impressed with his upper body strength. "I've done this lots of times."
"Climbed to the roof of the frickin' lighthouse?" Sam didn't believe him.
"Well—" he huffed again, getting his legs up and turning to hang his head over the edge, beaming at Sam. "— not the lighthouse, exactly. But roofs in general." He held out a hand. "C'mon! The view's even better!"
Sam was tempted— stupid, stupid childlike curiosity— but looking over the edge of the railing brought to mind that time when he was eight with the treehouse. He still wasn't scared of heights— really, he was on a lighthouse—but that didn't mean he exactly wanted to put himself in a position to repeat it.
Especially five stories off the ground.
"I-I don't know, Gabe," he said, uncertainty lacing his voice. "The view's pretty nice from right here." And it was. But he knew what Gabriel was seeing had to be ten times more awesome.
"I won't let you fall, Sammich."
Gabriel said it softly, but with such conviction that Sam could only sigh, climbing onto the rail himself and turning to grip the edge of the roof. Gabriel's hands wrapped around his wrists as he gave himself a push off the rail and reached forward, pulling himself onto the roof. Gabriel helped haul him up, keeping a tight grip on him as he managed to get his feet flat on the surface and straighten himself up slowly.
The air was just a bit thinner that high up, and Sam's heart was racing double-time as he forced himself to turn to look out at the ocean again. Once he could open his eyes, he stopped breathing entirely.
Without the rotating light passing behind them every minute, Sam could now fully appreciate the scene in front of him. He could see for miles in all directions: the expanse of the ocean, the lights of the city in the distance to his left, and even the lights of the city across the bay, lit up like fireflies along the coast.
"Wow…" His voice was soft, and he kept a tight grip on Gabriel's arm as he carefully stepped to the edge and looked down, swallowing thickly as a wave of vertigo hit. "Gabe, this is…"
"I know, right?" Gabriel squeezed his arm, and Sam felt some of the blood return to his face. "Hey, I'm right here, Sammy." Sam nodded, but he was still a bit lightheaded. "I'm not gonna let you fall."
They stood for several more minutes, taking in the sights as Sam calmed, becoming comfortable up on top of the lighthouse he'd always wanted to visit, and he couldn't thank his friend enough for taking him along and showing it to him. When Sam began to shiver slightly, Gabriel let go of his hand to climb back down onto the rail.
Sam followed, his anxiety creeping back up slightly as he lowered himself over the side. He managed to get his feet back on the rail, and Gabriel's arms were around him when he let go, jumping down onto the landing, safe and sound.
"See?" Gabriel teased, stepping back and shoving his hands in his pockets as Sam ran a hand through his hair. "Wasn't that worth it?"
"It was," Sam admitted, his heart slowing down again. "Thanks, Gabe. Really." He looked back out over the railing, and suddenly the height didn't seem so daunting. He turned a smile back on his friend. "I'm sure I'd be dead without you."
Gabriel gave him a soft, small smile, linking their arms as he headed back down to ground level and to the car. "You probably would, kiddo," he said lightly, winking at Sam as they slid back in. Sam felt that warmth again, spreading through his limbs and chest and everywhere, but he shook it off as the heater coming on. "But I won't let that happen. I've gotcha, Sammich."
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III
"Dammit, Sammy, don't you walk away from me!"
"Fuck off, Dean!" Sam was done with this shit, absolutely done. He was seventeen, for fuck's sake! He could very goddamn well take care of himself! He didn't need Dean babying him anymore! "You're not my mom!"
Okay, that was a bit of a low blow, even for him, but Sam was past caring at this point. Turning on his heel, Sam stomped out of the room, wishing he could slam the door in Dean's face.
"No, I'm not Mom, Sammy." Dean's voice was like ice as he followed his brother through the house. "But neither are those deadbeats you've been hanging around with! You really think Mom would approve of those druggies? That she'd be proud of where you've let yourself go?"
"You don't understand a fucking thing, Dean!" Sam shouted, turning and getting up in his face. "You were always closer to Mom! But now she's gone!" Sam felt the hot prick of tears behind his eyes, but he wasn't going to cry in front of Dean. Never in front of Dean. "She's gone and I don't need you to take her place! I'm fine!"
"Fine?!" Dean yelled, throwing his arms out. "In what fucking world is this—" he gestured toward Sam, shoving him back a step, "— fine?! These guys are not your friends, Sammy! They don't care about you like I do— like Cas and Jo and Anna and Gabe!" Sam jerked unconsciously at the mention of his best friend, but Dean kept going. "They're just using you! They don't wanna help you— you're just another source of fucking income, another little bitch that comes running for his next fix!"
Sam clenched his fists, breathing hard. "Shut up," he muttered lowly, but Dean spoke above him.
"That's all you are to them, Sammy! They're ruining your life—"
"Shut up!" Sam shouted at him, shaking his head. No. Dean was wrong. "Just fucking shut up! They've all been there for me! Ruby—"
Dean snorted, rolling his eyes. "That bitch doesn't care about anything more than the next time she can deal to you, Sammy!"
"Don't talk about her like that!" Sam snarled. "I love her and she loves me—"
"She doesn't love you!" Dean scoffed, looking at him as if Sam had grown a second head. "She knows she can manipulate you, and that's all she's doing!"
"Fuck you!" Sam screamed, advancing again on his brother and shoving him back. "Just fuck you!"
"You're fucking up your life, Sammy!" Dean shouted back. "You don't need those assholes! I wanna help—"
"Well, I don't want your help!" Sam was finding it harder to not punch his brother in the jaw, the little voice in the back of his head trying with all its might to tell him that, just maybe, Dean was right. But the other part of Sam argued back— Dean didn't understand. "You can take it and shove it up your fucking ass for all I care! Those assholes are my friends now! They are the ones helping me 'cause you weren't around to!"
It'd been two years since Mary Winchester was diagnosed with cancer, a rare type that nothing the doctors could do would help. They'd all been devastated, Dean just getting into his first job after graduating, and Sam still adjusting to high school without his friends around all the time. Gabriel had moved out and to his own apartment across town, and Castiel was two grades ahead of Sam and they didn't see each other often.
For a while, they were fine. They weren't thrilled by any means, but they were coping as best they could. When she finally passed a couple months later, everything sort of went to shit. John started drinking away his pain, and was gone more and more as the year dragged on. Dean wasn't much better, not drinking but drowning himself in his work, spending all his time at the auto shop working on whatever his boss would let him get his hands on. Sam was left alone at home, only maybe seeing his brother late at night, but he'd become withdrawn as the year wore on.
The first year, Sam spent the time he didn't want to at home with Gabriel. When Gabe had gotten his own place, it had pretty much become a second home for Sam, a place he could go just to hang out with his best friend, with no expectations, crappy movies, and lots of ice cream. Gabe always knew how to make him feel better just by being his goofy self, but there was still that sense of family and familiarity that wouldn't let Sam just forget no matter how hard he tried.
It was halfway through his sophomore year when he was kind of at the end of his rope and he was approached by a few of the kids he'd never really gotten to know. Ruby, Lilith, Meg, Azazel, Alistair— they were part of Luce's crowd when he'd been at school, and Sam had had a bit of a crush on Ruby for the better part of his freshman year. She'd actually been the one to approach him, offering him a reprieve from all the heartache and grief he was going through with no one else there to bother.
At first, it was just a place to hang where he could get away from home and Dean and the memory of his going-to-shit life. He'd sit with them at lunch, sit around with them during breaks, hang with them after school. But that wasn't enough after a while, and Ruby seemed to know just what he'd needed. She offered him more, showing him the soothing effects of the different drugs he'd sworn he wasn't ever going to touch, but they helped. They took his mind off things, let him forget for a while just how shitty a hand he'd been dealt.
And they all cared. Ruby was supportive, giving him whatever he needed to keep the pain of losing all his family, his friends, his best friend. Sam had stopped visiting Gabe the night he lost his virginity to Ruby, unable and unwilling to see the disappointment in his amber eyes that could see through Sam like they could read his fucking soul, the same disappointment in Dean's eyes Sam had been avoiding, too. He'd left all his friends, because they just didn't understand that what Ruby had provided was what he wanted, what he needed to keep himself sane.
And now Dean was finally pulling his head out of his ass and yelling at Sam like it was his fault everything was absolute shit.
Sam shook his head at his brother, who'd remained silent, staring at Sam like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. "You haven't been around since Mom died," he seethed quietly, lowly. "So fuck you and whatever hero-complex notion you have of wanting to help me. You're a little fucking late, jerk."
Dean didn't stop him when he turned around and headed out the door, didn't chase after him as he stormed down the street, his anger boiling through him and the burn of his tears still stabbing his eyes. The sun had finally gone down, and the night was chilled with the first hints of winter. Sam couldn't stop the shiver that rattled through him, crossing his arms as he made his way down the street as far from the house as he possibly could.
Fuck Dean, he thought angrily, frowning as the hot tears he'd been holding in started running down his face. He just doesn't fucking understand.
Sam let his feet carry him down dim streets that had become a familiar path to him over the last year, taking him to the place the gang would meet up when they were sneaking out from their parents, getting away from the rules and the world. They knew what it was like living under people who only wanted to control them, people who didn't care.
They care, he told himself, Ruby cares. Sam tried to refuse to acknowledge the little voice when it told him again that Dean was right, that he was just being played, that Ruby wouldn't give two shits what happened to him if he wasn't buying what she sold and fucking her through a mattress; tried to tell himself that Dean was wrong, that Ruby loved him and was helping him. Because Dean didn't fucking understand.
But that was a lie, and Sam knew it. That was the worst part of it all: Sam knew, deep down, that Dean was right— that every single fucking thing Dean had shouted at him was the absolute truth, from Ruby using him to him screwing up his life by thinking she loved him and the rest of them cared, that they were helping him by getting him high and drunk to forget, that the hole in his chest was being filled by narcotics and alcohol and sex, with late nights out partying and messing with people who couldn't stand up for themselves.
God, he was so fucked up.
A cry wrenched its way out of his throat as he stumbled in the opposite direction of where he was originally headed, suddenly sick at the thought of seeing any one of the people he'd been calling friend for the past year. He stumbled down the silent streets of the town, his feet carrying him along as he struggled to breathe. At some point, the dark clouds that had been stirring had opened up, and Sam honestly couldn't blame the universe as the freezing rain started beating down on him. He wanted to laugh at the irony, and the stupid fucking cliché, but the only sound he could muster sounded hysterical and broken.
He was soaked through when he felt his legs pull him to a stop, the tremors in his muscles from the cold making him shake so bad he could hardly stand up straight. Sam curled his arms tightly around himself, trying to preserve what heat he could as he glanced up at the building he found himself in front of, before another mangled laugh forced its way out. It didn't take but a second for Sam to make a decision and make his body move to the stairs, forcing his joints to bend as he climbed the two flights up to a familiar door he hadn't been to in, well, he couldn't even remember.
His knock was soft, and Sam stopped fighting the shivers as he listened to movement from within, sniffing pathetically as the lock on the door was slid open and the door swung inwards. He felt his lips— no doubt nearly blue now— turn up at the corners as he saw amber eyes, like warm honey, looking out at him, unreadable in the moonless night.
Sam shuffled on his feet as he and Gabriel stood in silence, the rain continuing down around them. Absently, Sam thought about how he now had to look down slightly whenever he talked to Gabe, because, as the blond predicted, Sam had shot up to tower over just about everyone, while Gabe himself had remained the same height he'd been when Sam was twelve. Sam hadn't realized how much he missed teasing his best friend about it and getting called a moose or Sasquatch in return until now. He wiped his dripping nose on a wet sleeve, his mouth twisting up in a wry half-grin before he broke the silence.
"Still cursed to be short, huh?"
Gabriel remained silent for a long moment before a wry smirk spread on his lips. "I'm not short—" Sam managed a short laugh as Gabe pulled the door open wider and stood to the side. "— I'm fun size."
And it was like the last year didn't matter as Sam walked in and was ordered to the bathroom for a hot shower, told to strip along the way so Gabe could wash and dry his clothes and that there was still a change Sam had in the spare bedroom that was pretty much Sam's with as much as he'd stayed over in the past. Sam was immensely grateful to Gabriel, for everything, as he let the hot water warm him up and wash away the traces of cold and tears.
They ended up on the couch when he was dried and dressed, Gabriel sitting with his feet propped up on his coffee table and Sam stretched out, his head in Gabe's lap while Gabe stroked his hair soothingly. The TV was on low, some cooking show that Sam didn't recognize and didn't care to as he curled up into his best friend's warmth.
He'd missed it all— sitting with Gabriel and watching TV, laughing at nothing and everything, and just being. Sam couldn't remember why he'd ever thought Ruby could offer him what he needed when everything he needed was right with Gabe all along. He couldn't remember why he ever thought it wasn't exactly enough.
"I'm such a fucking idiot," Sam mumbled, frowning over at the TV as he felt the tears prick at the back of his eyes again. Gabriel hummed in agreement, his fingers carding through Sam's hair gently. "Dean was right about everything."
Gabriel snorted. "That's a first," he quipped, and Sam could hear the smirk. "Deano's usually the idiot between you two."
Sam scoffed mirthlessly. "Yeah, well." He was quiet for a moment, before continuing. "I should've listened to him. He only wanted to help me. But I was just so mad at him, Gabe." Sam sat up, turning to his friend, pleading with his eyes for something he wasn't sure of. "He— he just left me, just like Dad… Just like Mom." Sam's voice broke, and he gasped in a shuddering breath as Gabriel pulled him into a hug, and Sam buried his head in his shoulder.
"They left me all alone, Gabe," he whimpered, clinging to his best friend as he let out all the pent up frustration and anger and heartache he'd built up since Mary had passed and John walked out and Dean took to working, the tears coming back fresh and endless. "I'm falling apart."
Gabriel shushed him softly, running his fingers through Sam's hair soothingly as Sam let the tears fall against his shirt. "I'm right here, Sammich," he said softly. "It'll be alright. You'll be okay." Sam felt him press a kiss to his temple, and he held on tighter. He didn't deserve Gabe, but he was damn glad his best friend thought he was worth it. "You'll be okay."
Eventually, Sam felt the tears stop and his eyes get heavy, and Gabriel adjusted them on the couch, his head once again in Gabriel's lap as he slipped into sleep to the feel of his best friend's hand combing his hair and the sound of soft humming. He rolled over to bury his face in Gabe's shirt, breathing in the familiar and calming scent of laundry detergent. "Thanks, Gabe," he murmured, his breathing slowing. "For holding me together."
He could've sworn he felt a soft caress on his cheek, but he was too far gone to be sure. "Always, kiddo. I've gotcha."
.
.
IV
They say the first time's the hardest, that it gets easier as time goes on, and Sam had to agree; while his chest still clenched, it wasn't as hard to breathe, and he didn't feel the urge to just give up on life as he listened to Dean over the phone:
"He's gone, Sammy. Heart attack. Bobby found him too late."
They both knew it was a long time coming, really. Hell, they were all still getting over Mary's death, and that had been almost six years ago. Sam was actually almost surprised it had taken that long for John to join her— hell knows he certainly hadn't remained with his family when she left.
Maybe it was the distance; Sam had pulled himself together after that shitstorm of a night yelling at Dean before storming out and crashing for the first time in nearly a year and a half at Gabe's, breaking off from Ruby and the rest of them and leaving his pride behind long enough to say sorry to all of his real friends and taking the loving abuse from them like a man. Dean had been the hardest and the easiest to apologize to: crawling back with his tail between his legs, but not actually having to say anything because Dean was just that awesome.
He really loved his brother sometimes.
Finishing high school at the top of his class and getting a full ride to Stanford was probably one of the greatest moments of his life, and he'd packed and taken his ass out to Cali as soon as the summer was over. He'd spent the summer with Dean and Cas and Gabe and Jo and Anna and all of the people he'd come to call family before heading out, taking with him happy memories of his small hometown to think back on late at night when homework and studying just wasn't gonna happen.
Moving had helped, let him breathe on his own and figure himself out. He'd made a couple new friends in Charlie and Chuck and Becky, and he still talked to Dean at least once a week just to keep in on everything that was happening, but it was nice being away from everything.
Sam gripped the phone tight in his hand as he and Dean took a moment of silence together, no words needed. Though they hadn't been close to their dad in the last half decade, Sam knew Dean had tears running silently down his cheeks just like he did, tears more for the missed years than because of the fact John was gone.
After a long moment, Sam blinked and turned from his blank stare out his window to head for the kitchen of his small apartment. "When?" he asked, and he knew Dean would understand.
"Next weekend." Dean's voice was controlled, hiding the pain Sam knew he was feeling. "Bobby's getting it taken care of right now."
"I'll be in on Saturday," Sam informed, grabbing his laptop to look up exactly how much he was going to have to pull from his savings to get a flight home so soon. "Have you talked to Cas?"
"Said he's comin' in on Thursday," Dean sighed over the phone. "Can't get a hold of Gabe, though. Midget's MIA right now."
Sam smiled at that, putting his phone on speaker and setting it down so he could more easily use the computer. "He'll show up like he always does, jerk. You know how he is."
Dean snorted, and Sam chuckled. "I'd hope he has more tact than to show up to a funeral blaring Party Rock Anthem with confetti blowin' out his ass from a stretch limo."
Sam cackled on his end; he could feel Dean's sneer. "That was epic and you know it!"
"Whatever, bitch. I'll see you Saturday."
"See ya, jerk." Sam ended the call, tossing his phone aside as he booked the first flight that would get him in on time, groaning on principle at the price before closing the computer. He tossed it aside as well, slumping back into the couch as the phone rang again, and he leaned over lazily to pull it to him. Jess the screen said, and he sighed, running a hand over his face as he thought about just not answering it. He didn't really wanna talk to anybody at the moment, even his girlfriend.
Sliding it to "accept" anyway, Sam brought the phone to his ear. "Hey, Jess."
"Sam!" Her voice was bright, and Sam closed his eyes as his head fell back. "Hey, I finished early and I thought we could go grab lunch or something! How 'bout it?"
"That sounds great, Jess," Sam smiled, but he didn't move. "But, um, I'm not really in the mood." He bit his lip.
"Oh. Why? What happened?" Jess could read him too easily sometimes.
Sam was silent for a moment, breathing in and out slowly. "Dad passed," he finally muttered, and he heard her gasp on the other end. "Heart attack. Long time comin', really, but yeah. I was just on the phone with Dean about it."
She was quiet for a minute. "Are you okay?"
"I… I'm not sure," he admitted, staring down at his lap and pulling at a stray thread on his shirt. "I'm heading home for the funeral this weekend though, so we'll see."
"Oh, Sam," she breathed. "I'm so sorry."
"There wasn't anything to be done," he assured her, but it sounded more bitter than he thought it should. "We'll be fine. I just… I just need a bit of time alone."
"Of course!" she agreed, and Sam knew she was probably in tears for him, but he couldn't quite muster enough to feel bad about that. "Maybe I'll stop by later or something, then, yeah?"
"Sure. I'll see you later."
"Alright! Love you, Sam."
"Love you too," Sam returned before hanging up and tossing the phone away again. He slumped farther into the couch, stretching his legs out and letting his limbs relax, feeling like a ragdoll as he laid there staring at the ceiling.
Yeah, it was easier, but it didn't hurt any less. The tears were still hot, and Sam still felt sort of dead inside, his mind numb. He slipped down to the floor, curling up against the foot of the couch, setting his head on his knees as he gazed unseeingly at the small TV.
It was quiet for a long time before Sam heard a knock on the door, and he debated whether it was worth the effort to get up and tell whoever it was to go away, or if they'd get the memo if he just didn't make any noise. The latter was an appealing option, so Sam just sat.
When the knock came again, more insistently, Sam sighed, pushing himself up. Looked like whoever it was knew he was there and wasn't gonna leave anytime soon. Dragging his feet to the door, Sam threw it open, ready to tell whoever it was to fuck off and leave him alone, but he froze when he caught sight of familiar amber eyes and a soft, gentle smile.
"Hey, Sammoose," Gabriel chuckled, leaning against the doorjamb. "Just makin' sure you're still alive and kickin'."
For all he wanted to be alone, Sam couldn't hold in the grin at his best friend, standing aside immediately to let him. "You'd probably work some of your weird summoning magic and bring me back even if I weren't," he said lightly, following Gabriel to the small living room and flopping down on the couch.
"I probably would," Gabe agreed, smiling at him mischievously. "And I'd do it in a gay club with lots of naked men and probably some whipped cream. Ooh! And cherries with chocolate syrup!"
Sam laughed at the eyebrow wiggle he was given, shoving his best friend over and out of his face. "Ew, Gabe. Just 'cause you have some kinky fetish for dessert foods doesn't mean the rest of us share in your fantasies."
Gabriel just shrugged, leaning back and kicking his feet up over Sam's legs. "You know you've always wondered, Samsquatch."
Sam shook his head, resting a hand on Gabriel's ankles like he'd done many times before. It was natural and easy to sit with Gabe, joking and teasing. "What are you doing in Cali?" he asked after a moment. "Dean said you were MIA last he'd heard."
"You could fill books with what Deano thinks he knows from what he hears," Gabriel commented, pulling out a sucker. Cherry-flavored. "I wasn't home much though, so I guess to him I would be missing."
"Where've you been, then?"
"Here and there," Gabriel said vaguely, moving to lean against the armrest across from Sam. "Cassie keeps me in the loop, though, so I heard." Gabe's voice had gone soft, gentle. "Thought I'd come see me a moose."
At that, Sam's smile dropped slowly and he turned his head, gazing across the room again. "Thanks, Gabe," he said quietly, and he meant it. He didn't know if was just their long-standing friendship or something else, but Sam was extremely glad Gabriel knew him so well. Hell, Gabe would know exactly what it felt like— his own dad had up and left after Naomi had decided she just couldn't do it anymore, just a year or two before Mary had been told of her cancer. The Novak kids had been abandoned; Michael had stepped up to care for his younger siblings, and the Winchesters had been their family from then on. Gabe had even told Sam a couple of times that the only reason he hadn't left with her was because of him.
Sam didn't think he was that special, but he couldn't help the warmth that went through him when he thought of being the reason Gabriel stayed.
Lost in thought as he was, Sam didn't notice Gabriel moving until the blond had his short arms wrapped around Sam's much bigger frame, leaning his head against Sam's and holding him. Sam relaxed immediately, slumping into his best friend and returning the hug tightly, smiling slightly.
"I'm always here for you, Sammy," Gabriel said firmly, stroking his hair. "That's my job as your most awesome best friend. I've gotcha." Sam hummed in response, that familiar warmth that followed said most awesome best friend around seeping into him as he slouched against Gabriel.
They stayed like that for a while, just sitting together and taking in the silence, before Gabriel was pushing him away. "Now." Sam pulled back as Gabriel jumped up, turning bright eyes on him, an emotion Sam couldn't read in their honey-colored depths that was quickly buried beneath a layer of devious intent.
He didn't have time to think on it as Gabriel put his hands on his hips, standing so close that he almost towered over Sam seated, his entire presence filling the room despite his short stature. Sam thought he almost glowed in the afternoon light coming in through the window, an angel full of mischief.
"Who's this Jess I keep hearing so much about?"
.
.
+ I
No.
Sam stood up at the front of the large room, wringing his hands together as he kept his gaze on the doors at the back of the church. Dean was standing next to him, his tux pressed and his tie green to match his eyes— Cas had picked it out, and Sam had been a good little brother and teased him endlessly about it. Dean had grumbled accordingly about it being too chick-flick for him, but he wore it with pride and told everyone who commented that his boyfriend picked it out for him.
Sam's own tux was similar, though his tie was a more appropriate and traditional black. His shoes were shined, his hair was actually brushed, and his stomach was doing flips as he waited with baited breath for his bride-to-be to come down the aisle, stunning in her dress with her head of golden hair.
Except, she wasn't there.
This wasn't how it was supposed to go.
Low murmurs were starting to fill the room, and Sam knew what they were saying even from his spot at the altar. The Justice was looking at him with pity, he could feel it on his back, and Dean looked about ready to rip someone's head off for hurting his little brother. Castiel had a hand on him, though, which Sam was glad for. Jo had run off, while Charlie and Anna looked between each other with concern. Sam just couldn't breathe.
"What is the fucking problem?" Dean hissed, more to himself than expecting an answer, though Sam couldn't say either way. "Did she change her mind? Bitch."
At Sam's suddenly pale face, Castiel smacked Dean and turned to him with soft eyes. "I'm sure she's fine, Sam," he said calmly. "More than likely a wardrobe malfunction or—"
The doors burst back open, and everyone's attention was pulled to Jo as she ran back in, her bridesmaid dress hugging her figure as she made her way back up to the wedding party, something clutched in her hands. Sam felt his heart and stomach drop at her expression, lost and sad and unsure what to do.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
"She's gone, Sammy," she said helplessly, holding out what Sam could see was an envelope. "This was the only thing in the room."
Dean yelled out an expletive as Sam took the white envelope, his name scrawled across it in her familiar handwriting. His brother stormed off, Castiel shooting him an apologetic look before taking off after him, the rest of the guests standing and seeming unsure what to do other than leave.
No, no, no.
"I'm sorry, Sammy." Jo touched his arm briefly before turning and heading out behind the rest of the crowd, leaving Sam alone.
Alone at the altar.
He'd never thought he'd be one of them.
Looking down at the envelope, Sam opened it with trembling hands, pulling out the small piece of parchment tucked inside, seeing Jess' scrawl filling one side of it with a message meant for him. He held it with shaking fingers as he read it:
Sam—
I can't do it. This— us— wasn't meant to be, and I'm sorry it took until today, a day meant for happiness and forever, for me to figure it out. I love you, I do— never doubt that— but it wouldn't be right of me to think I could ever take the place of the one who really holds your heart. You don't see it yet, but I do, and I couldn't live with myself knowing I'd come between you.
Go tell your other half you love him. You deserve true happiness. I wish you both a forever full of it.
Confusion and heartbreak swept through Sam, and for a moment he couldn't figure out why some of the ink was splotched and wet. Blinking, he belatedly realized it was tears that he couldn't feel running down his face, but he couldn't bring himself to do much more than reread the note, trying to comprehend just what she meant. Eventually, the words ran together, blurred and illegible, but he couldn't look away from the paper.
A gentle hand on his arm brought him out of his absent staring, and Sam looked up into amber eyes regarding him carefully. Gabriel tugged on him, and Sam felt his body move on its own as his best friend forced him to walk with him.
"C'mon, Sammich," Gabe said, "let's go get you drunk."
Sam thought that was a brilliant idea.
. . .
The wood of the bar top was cool beneath his cheek as Sam rested his head down on it, flicking his finger against the glass of his most recent beer. It was probably his fourth or fifth, following two glasses of Jack. His mind was numb and buzzing, pleasantly void of any thoughts. Gabe was on the stool next to him, nursing some fruity cocktail that Sam knew Dean would've been making fun of if the circumstances had been anything else.
Sam huffed a sigh, glaring at his beer before taking a long swig of it. "What'd I do wrong, Gabe?" he asked, slamming the bottle down again. He felt like shit despite the alcohol.
"You didn't do anything, kiddo," Gabriel scoffed, leaning over to look him in the eye. "She's the one that couldn't commit."
"But we were happy!" Sam— no, that was actually a whine. Fuck it. He slumped against the bar again. "At least I thought we were."
Sam felt Gabriel shift, but he didn't look up. "It's not your fault, Sammich. And if she can't see what she's giving up, her loss." He chuckled. "She's an idiot, lettin' go of a moose like you, Samsquatch."
Sam groaned, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time. Leave it to Gabe to try to make the situation better by mentioning everything Sam didn't really want to think about. But it was sort of working, he guessed. It wasn't like Gabe liked talking about that kinda shit any more than he or Dean did. "But why, Gabe?"
He could feel his friend shrug. "Why'd she leave? I don't have a clue, Sammich. Really, she's an idiot. You're a catch, a goddamn box of chocolates, and if she's throwin' you away, I don't think she deserves anymore thought."
Sam snorted, turning his watery eyes to glare at Gabe's smiling face. "A box of chocolates? Really, Gabe?"
"Hey," Gabe swirled his drink again, downing it in one go. "I was going for something special and treasure-like, and chocolate is at the top of my list. Can't go wrong with chocolate. Or sugar in general," he added thoughtfully, and Sam couldn't help the laugh that escaped him then.
"You're an ass, you know that?" But Sam was feeling only marginally better, though still sort of numb. "I'm nothing special, Gabe. I'm just… me." He looked away, down at the bar, suddenly remembering just why they were there, and his voice took on an edge that was harsh and bitter. "And no one wants me— today was fucking testament to that."
Gabriel was suddenly up in his face, expression hard. "You're everything special, Sam Winchester," he said heatedly, and Sam was taken aback by the fire in his eyes, the utter belief of his words. "Jessica Moore didn't know what she had, and leaving you was probably the biggest mistake she's ever going to make in her pathetic life."
Sam flinched out of habit at the insult towards the woman he loved, but he couldn't help the thought that his best friend's eyes looked like liquid gold in the low light of the bar. He couldn't keep the sniff in as he tried to turn his face away again, only to have Gabriel turn it back. "Stop, Gabe," he muttered weakly, but unable to twist away. "Really, I'm not worth it."
"No, you listen to me, Sam." And if Sam didn't know it was a serious matter before, Gabe using his actual name— twice— was like a neon sign stating IMPORTANT MATTER— IT'S SERIOUS. "You are fucking loved. Deano, Cassie, Anna, Jo, me— we're here for you, kiddo." He held Sam's eyes for a moment, before dropping his hand to his lap, and Sam took in a ragged breath.
"Thanks, Gabe," Sam finally said, his own smile tilting up his lips. Maybe it was the beer, maybe Sam was just tired, but suddenly all he wanted to do was curl up and sleep for a week.
They finished their night trading light jokes, bad jokes, and teasing insults before stumbling out into the humid summer air of the west coast. Gabriel managed to hail them a cab to take them to the hotel the guests of the wedding had been set up in, and somehow they both managed to get into the building and take the elevator up to the correct floor.
Despite the fact that Sam was swaying as he moved, his mind was working well enough to recognize one thing. "Man, I don't even know where I'm gonna stay anymore," he slurred, frowning at the door as Gabriel slid in the keycard to unlock it.
"With me, of course," and the way Gabe said it made it sound like Sam was an idiot for not knowing that already. "The room comes with two beds, Sammich."
Sam rolled his eyes. "I got that, dipshit. I meant… after tonight."
They stumbled into the room, Gabe kicking off his shoes and undoing his tie while Sam headed for the bed that was still made up and didn't have clothes tossed all over it, face-planting into it with a groan.
"Like I said," Gabriel said slowly, and Sam heard him walk over before feeling the mattress dip with his added weight. "With me."
Sam rolled over, looking up at Gabriel through his curtain of hair, squinting in confusion. The edges of his vision were sort of fuzzy, but that was most likely the beer's fault. "What?"
Gabriel huffed, and Sam quirked a smile at the familiar exasperation. "Wow, I forgot just how bad alcohol affects your lightweight brain, kiddo. I'd've though a moose like you could hold his wits better."
Sam snorted. "I'm making perfect sense," he protested, though with the effort it was taking to get his mouth to work through his tiredness, he wasn't sure he was as convincing as he wanted to be. "You on the other hand…"
Gabriel pinned him with a look before rolling his eyes and flopping down beside Sam, scooting into his personal space and looking him in the eyes. It was the way he knew best intimidated Sam, and sadly, it still worked.
"You asked where you were gonna stay after tonight," Gabriel repeated. "I answered 'with me'. Where am I not making sense?"
Oh. "No, no," Sam grunted, frowning. "I can't ask that of you, Gabe—"
"No need, I'm offering," Gabriel interrupted, smiling at him. "You pretty much lived with me while you were living at home anyway! C'mon, Sammoose!" He sat up to pout down at Sam. "It's not like you have much here anymore."
The bleak truth slapped Sam in the face, and he sighed long and low as he turned to stare up at the ceiling. Gabriel was right, he knew, but still… "Are you sure?"
The put upon look Gabriel gave him made him snort. "Would I offer if I wasn't?" he asked with a scoff. "You know me, Sammich. If I didn't think I wanted to put up with your moose ass, I wouldn't."
"True," Sam agreed, and he rolled back to his side to wrap his arms around Gabriel's waist. He felt one of Gabe's hands come to start combing through his hair like he had that night so many years ago. Sam was even feeling similar, lost and confused, though not quite as alone. "How do you do it, Gabe?" he asked quietly, his brow furrowing. "You're always there, holding me together even when everything's absolute shit. I sure as hell don't deserve it."
"Oh, Sammich," Gabriel sighed, and the weight to the words hit Sam in a way he'd never heard before. There was something new in them, but also familiar and calming— something that itched at the back of his head, trying to be recognized, but he couldn't place it. "You deserve the world, kiddo. And you know I'd do anything to give it to you if I could."
"But why?" Sam turned over, looking up into amber eyes full of a longing he couldn't fathom.
"Because you're my best friend, and I'm here for you." Gabriel said simply, the hand in Sam's hair coming to caress along his cheek. His eyes seemed to glow gold as he looked down at Sam with fondness and tenderness and an emotion he recognized but couldn't quite believe. "I've got you."
And suddenly Sam understood. It was so obvious, he wasn't sure how he'd missed it. For twenty-something years. And he wanted to cry and laugh and hit himself for being so monumentally stupid. The note Jess had left him came to mind— go tell your other half you love him— and Sam let out a low, incredulous breath. Jess had seen it before him and told him to go for it, with her blessing.
"I'm a fucking idiot," Sam realized, and he felt a smile curl his lips when Gabriel gave him a look.
"I'm pretty sure we established that a long time ago, Sammich," Gabe commented, poking him in the cheek. "That's not news."
Sam sat up, turning to face his best friend— no, his entire world. "No, but I am," he insisted, taking Gabe's hands in his and looking him in the eyes. "I'm a fucking idiot 'cause I couldn't see what's been right here this whole time. It took me almost getting married and then left at the altar with a note from my runaway bride telling me to 'tell my other half I love him' to figure it out." He took a breath. "You say I deserve the world, but you can't give it to me."
Gabriel's brow furrowed in confusion and sadness. "Sammy—"
Sam cut him off by cupping his face gently, watching as his amber eyes widened in surprise. "You can't give it to me," he repeated slowly, "because it's been with me, right in front of me, my whole life. I already have it." The spark of hope that lit up in those eyes made his grin grow wider, and, whether it was still the alcohol's fault or his own emotional high from the biggest revelation of his life, Sam couldn't— didn't— stop himself from leaning in to press his lips to smirking ones in front of him. "I've got you."
The warmth that spread through Sam as Gabriel kissed him back had his heart hammering in his chest, the feel of it so familiar he'd know it anywhere. It had always been there, with him, for him, holding him together and comforting him throughout the shitstorm that was his life, from the time he almost fell out of a treehouse trying to grab a plate of sandwiches.
"Took ya long enough, ya moose," Gabriel teased as they pulled back, breathing heavily from lack of air. He ran his hands through Sam's hair, letting Sam kiss him again and again.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Sam asked, quirking an eyebrow as he leaned back, catching one of Gabriel's hands and twining their fingers.
Gabriel shrugged. "It was never in so many words, I guess, and the timing was never right," he said, and a smirk came over his features. "You were either too young, too depressed, or too already in love with someone else and thinking you were gonna marry her. So I said it the only way that I could."
Sam rolled his eyes, pulling Gabe into his lap as he fell back against the bed. "You? Waiting for the perfect timing?" he teased. "I'd always pegged you as an 'I make my own moments' kinda guy."
"I do," Gabriel agreed, tracing patterns against Sam's palm. "But not with something that important." He smiled up at Sam. "I can be serious when I have to be." He paused. "From time to time."
Snorting, Sam wrapped his arms around Gabriel, and they laid in silence, holding the other and listening to their breathing. At some point, Gabe crawled up to fit their mouths together again, and Sam happily obliged, tangling his hands in blond hair as legs were tangled and bodies pressed together and Gabriel left his marks all over Sam's neck.
They had a lot of time to make up for.
"I'm glad you caught me when I almost fell out of that treehouse, Gabe," Sam said sometime later, Gabriel's hands stroking through his hair soothingly as they laid curled up together, Sam's head on Gabe's chest. "I really don't know where I'd be now if you hadn't."
"I'll always be there to catch ya, Sammich." Gabriel leaned to press a kiss to Sam's temple, then nose, then lips. "It's in the job description."
"Job description?"
"Someone has to be your guardian archangel."
"I… don't think the archangels were guardians."
"Nah, warriors. But could you really see me fighting?"
"Maybe if Dean took your sugar."
"That would definitely be a declaration of war, yes."
Sam laughed at that, turning over to bury his face in Gabriel's neck. "You're awesome, you know that?"
"Most awesome best friend," Gabriel agreed, pride in his voice. "And don't you forget it."
"Forget you?" Sam leaned up, pressing one more kiss to the corner of Gabriel's mouth. "Not possible even if I tried."
"Good." Gabriel tucked Sam's head beneath his chin, and Sam closed his eyes, letting his breathing slow. "'Cause now that I have you, I ain't lettin' you go." Sam smiled.
"Love you, Gabe."
"Love you too, Sammoose. Always."
END
If you managed to stomach that to the end, you have a will of steel. Or it wasn't quite as bad as I fear. Ha.
Leave a review, maybe?
Much love. :3
~GarryxMrChairFan