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not be assimilated. Resistance is not futile. Don't sue us.
Author's notes: There is nothing that kills writer's block like a silly story. So we present to you from the minds of LtSpooky and Artemis Moonrowe comes a writer's blockbuster about.Spanish dancing? Enjoy!
Intergalactic Spanish Dancing
Trip made his way sullenly down the corridor. He didn't know what this "big announcement" was that the Captain had, but he didn't think it could possibly be good if it were to be held in the ship's gym. He turned the corner and nearly ran into Hoshi. She was dressed in full workout garb, like she was ready for some kind of aerobics class. Trip suspected that she knew something that he did not.
"Hoshi?" Trip asked, thankful he was in jeans and T-shirt rather than uniform. "Something you want to share?"
"Didn't the Captain tell you? Ensign Moonrowe and Lt. Spooky are going to teach us to dance to a Spanish dance. It's for the dance competition on the planet."
Trip groaned. "Aw, hell." His fears were confirmed when he entered and everyone wore loose clothing or aerobics clothes. Trip hated Spanish dancing, and now he was stuck.
Trip looked around for someone to commiserate with. He spotted Malcolm. Perfect. He made his way over to where he was staring at the floor.
The two 'dance teachers' stood at the front of the hall. Spooky had a huge evil grin on her face, and Artemis looked slightly worried but just as evil. Trip gulped. What had Archer put them in for? Malcolm looked uncomfortable. Spooky winked at him, and he blushed so red he made blood look pink.
"Alright, we're gonna start with Asereje." Spooky said. "And since this is Spanish music and dancing, you have to feel sexy. So please leave your inhibitions at the door and let's go!" Malcolm went redder (if that was even possible).
Artemis and Spooky took their places on the floor and paused. "Lights!" Spooky sang. Someone hit the lights, and a white spotlight illuminated the pair. "Music!" Artemis's voice rang out. Ensign Mayweather walked over to a button on the wall and pressed it. Then all hell broke loose.
"Guys all you have to do is copy!" Spooky giggled. The crew could not (or would not) swing it's hips in an even vaguely sexy manner. The song got to Spooky's favourite bit and she swung her hips while turning full circle. "Nanananananananananananananananananananana!" she and Artemis sang. As Spooky surveyed the crew she saw only Malcolm was copying properly. Well, he could come help. When the song ended she turned to the crew and said: "Guys please! Think sexy act sexy be sexy! If you don't do it right this time I swear we'll move straight on to the rumba." Then she grinned evilly "and everyone knows that's the vertical expression of a horizontal desire."
Somewhere in the room Captain Archer choked back a laugh. He glanced over at Trip, who was dumbstruck, perhaps by the gorgeous dance instructors, or perhaps because of what they had said. At any rate, none of the crew seemed to know remotely what they were supposed to be doing. Except maybe Malcolm. Which he found surprising, considering his normally stoical demeanour. The girls were still shaking their groove things, and most of the crew was still hopeless. Hoshi was swaying around wildly, Trip was barely moving but had his eyes glued to the two instructors, and the Captain himself was making a gallant effort.
Spooky turned and sighed. Trip was staring at her. Again. Oh well. Time for the heavy artillery. She dragged Trip out of the group and stopped the music. "Guys, you swing like this." She put her hands on his hips on swung them slowly. She felt him get the gist, and the men of the crew copied. "Girls," she said stepping away from Trip and sending him back into the audience. "Swing like this." She put a hand just under each hip and swung. Artemis giggled.
"Liz honey, swing up to left, then come up to right, then back to left, then back to right." Liz grinned and copied the movement. At that precise second the jaw of every man in the room dropped.
Spooky saw Malcolm continuing the male dance and decided now was the time for a little fun. She took hold of him and began the next lesson. "This is a professional, so he'll help me lead." She stated, watching Malcolm go bright red. Then they started the difficult dance. It involved swinging around in circles without getting dizzy and keeping the hips swaying. A trick Malcolm had mastered. So the question remaining was: How did he get so good?
Indeed, how did he get so good? True, Spooky and Artemis were practically masters, but they had worked for years to become so. No matter, at least he wasn't acting like Trip. He was open-mouthed staring at the two of them. True, they were definitely sexy, there was no denying that; but they did have class. And taste. "I believe it's your turn to pick a partner, dear," Spooky called to her partner in crime from the other side of Malcolm.
Artemis stole a glance around the room and spotted a dark handsome silent type who wasn't doing too bad. She danced up to him with a secretive look on her flushed face. She raised an eyebrow and smiled just slightly. Ensign Kiedis returned her expression and placed a hand at her slim waist. A slight pause to listen for the beat and they were off, giving Spooky and Malcolm a run for their money.
Spooky grinned as the pace sped up. Everyone in the room had a partner and the dance was going very well. Everyone had given up trying to escape the music, and went with the flow. And loved it. Malcolm was trying to keep moving with Spooky but found some of the moves difficult. As did the dance group. Spooky frowned slightly, and decided to stop this dance now. "We'll take a break I think. Leave it to the next lesson. This dance must be done alone, and in two halves. One half follow Artemis, the other follow me. Split people!" The crew split and Spooky began. She led them up to her favourite bit of the dance, and checked to see she was dancing near enough Malcolm to be able to see his face. Artemis was almost giggling by now. She knew what was coming would not sit well.
Artemis swayed her way up to her adorable Ensign. She had to warn him. He was too sweet. Her hair fell around her face as she brought herself close to him. "You might want to get out of here," she whispered, "while you still can." He looked at her questioningly, but she just smirked and glanced towards the door. She hoped he would take the hint. "I know what's coming, and I don't imagine you'll like it," she went on.
He caught her drift and acted incredibly sexy all the way to the door. He turned and cast her one last look before quietly and quickly, (lest the Captain should see him), slipped out the door.
Spooky cast Artemis a disapproving glance. "We're evil hon." she mouthed. "I know." Artemis mouthed back. And the difficult bit began. A dónde le gusta a las mujeres? Ahí, ahí The crew shot Spooky a look of surprise at having to point pretend gun fingers like children
Y cómo es que le hacen los hombres? Así, así These looks quickly changed to black as they had to pull back with their arms and thrust forward with their pelvis'.
Malcolm went incredibly red, especially as he was facing Hoshi. Lord knows how Spooky and Artemis had switched it so the two halves faced each other, but they had.
And were falling over themselves laughing at the end.
"See you next week!" They called cheerily as the crew fled. Malcolm stayed with Spooky in the empty gym though. "How about you show me how to do that partner dance?" He purred.
Artemis rolled her eyes at her partner and the armoury officer. She then looked down at the small slip of paper in her hand that Ensign Kiedis had discreetly pressed into her hand before he had escaped. 'Meet me in the mess hall' it read. A slow smile spread across her face. "See ya, Hon," she called to Spooky as she made her way towards the door.
Ta-da! Finis! The End! That's All Folks!
Author's notes: There is nothing that kills writer's block like a silly story. So we present to you from the minds of LtSpooky and Artemis Moonrowe comes a writer's blockbuster about.Spanish dancing? Enjoy!
Intergalactic Spanish Dancing
Trip made his way sullenly down the corridor. He didn't know what this "big announcement" was that the Captain had, but he didn't think it could possibly be good if it were to be held in the ship's gym. He turned the corner and nearly ran into Hoshi. She was dressed in full workout garb, like she was ready for some kind of aerobics class. Trip suspected that she knew something that he did not.
"Hoshi?" Trip asked, thankful he was in jeans and T-shirt rather than uniform. "Something you want to share?"
"Didn't the Captain tell you? Ensign Moonrowe and Lt. Spooky are going to teach us to dance to a Spanish dance. It's for the dance competition on the planet."
Trip groaned. "Aw, hell." His fears were confirmed when he entered and everyone wore loose clothing or aerobics clothes. Trip hated Spanish dancing, and now he was stuck.
Trip looked around for someone to commiserate with. He spotted Malcolm. Perfect. He made his way over to where he was staring at the floor.
The two 'dance teachers' stood at the front of the hall. Spooky had a huge evil grin on her face, and Artemis looked slightly worried but just as evil. Trip gulped. What had Archer put them in for? Malcolm looked uncomfortable. Spooky winked at him, and he blushed so red he made blood look pink.
"Alright, we're gonna start with Asereje." Spooky said. "And since this is Spanish music and dancing, you have to feel sexy. So please leave your inhibitions at the door and let's go!" Malcolm went redder (if that was even possible).
Artemis and Spooky took their places on the floor and paused. "Lights!" Spooky sang. Someone hit the lights, and a white spotlight illuminated the pair. "Music!" Artemis's voice rang out. Ensign Mayweather walked over to a button on the wall and pressed it. Then all hell broke loose.
"Guys all you have to do is copy!" Spooky giggled. The crew could not (or would not) swing it's hips in an even vaguely sexy manner. The song got to Spooky's favourite bit and she swung her hips while turning full circle. "Nanananananananananananananananananananana!" she and Artemis sang. As Spooky surveyed the crew she saw only Malcolm was copying properly. Well, he could come help. When the song ended she turned to the crew and said: "Guys please! Think sexy act sexy be sexy! If you don't do it right this time I swear we'll move straight on to the rumba." Then she grinned evilly "and everyone knows that's the vertical expression of a horizontal desire."
Somewhere in the room Captain Archer choked back a laugh. He glanced over at Trip, who was dumbstruck, perhaps by the gorgeous dance instructors, or perhaps because of what they had said. At any rate, none of the crew seemed to know remotely what they were supposed to be doing. Except maybe Malcolm. Which he found surprising, considering his normally stoical demeanour. The girls were still shaking their groove things, and most of the crew was still hopeless. Hoshi was swaying around wildly, Trip was barely moving but had his eyes glued to the two instructors, and the Captain himself was making a gallant effort.
Spooky turned and sighed. Trip was staring at her. Again. Oh well. Time for the heavy artillery. She dragged Trip out of the group and stopped the music. "Guys, you swing like this." She put her hands on his hips on swung them slowly. She felt him get the gist, and the men of the crew copied. "Girls," she said stepping away from Trip and sending him back into the audience. "Swing like this." She put a hand just under each hip and swung. Artemis giggled.
"Liz honey, swing up to left, then come up to right, then back to left, then back to right." Liz grinned and copied the movement. At that precise second the jaw of every man in the room dropped.
Spooky saw Malcolm continuing the male dance and decided now was the time for a little fun. She took hold of him and began the next lesson. "This is a professional, so he'll help me lead." She stated, watching Malcolm go bright red. Then they started the difficult dance. It involved swinging around in circles without getting dizzy and keeping the hips swaying. A trick Malcolm had mastered. So the question remaining was: How did he get so good?
Indeed, how did he get so good? True, Spooky and Artemis were practically masters, but they had worked for years to become so. No matter, at least he wasn't acting like Trip. He was open-mouthed staring at the two of them. True, they were definitely sexy, there was no denying that; but they did have class. And taste. "I believe it's your turn to pick a partner, dear," Spooky called to her partner in crime from the other side of Malcolm.
Artemis stole a glance around the room and spotted a dark handsome silent type who wasn't doing too bad. She danced up to him with a secretive look on her flushed face. She raised an eyebrow and smiled just slightly. Ensign Kiedis returned her expression and placed a hand at her slim waist. A slight pause to listen for the beat and they were off, giving Spooky and Malcolm a run for their money.
Spooky grinned as the pace sped up. Everyone in the room had a partner and the dance was going very well. Everyone had given up trying to escape the music, and went with the flow. And loved it. Malcolm was trying to keep moving with Spooky but found some of the moves difficult. As did the dance group. Spooky frowned slightly, and decided to stop this dance now. "We'll take a break I think. Leave it to the next lesson. This dance must be done alone, and in two halves. One half follow Artemis, the other follow me. Split people!" The crew split and Spooky began. She led them up to her favourite bit of the dance, and checked to see she was dancing near enough Malcolm to be able to see his face. Artemis was almost giggling by now. She knew what was coming would not sit well.
Artemis swayed her way up to her adorable Ensign. She had to warn him. He was too sweet. Her hair fell around her face as she brought herself close to him. "You might want to get out of here," she whispered, "while you still can." He looked at her questioningly, but she just smirked and glanced towards the door. She hoped he would take the hint. "I know what's coming, and I don't imagine you'll like it," she went on.
He caught her drift and acted incredibly sexy all the way to the door. He turned and cast her one last look before quietly and quickly, (lest the Captain should see him), slipped out the door.
Spooky cast Artemis a disapproving glance. "We're evil hon." she mouthed. "I know." Artemis mouthed back. And the difficult bit began. A dónde le gusta a las mujeres? Ahí, ahí The crew shot Spooky a look of surprise at having to point pretend gun fingers like children
Y cómo es que le hacen los hombres? Así, así These looks quickly changed to black as they had to pull back with their arms and thrust forward with their pelvis'.
Malcolm went incredibly red, especially as he was facing Hoshi. Lord knows how Spooky and Artemis had switched it so the two halves faced each other, but they had.
And were falling over themselves laughing at the end.
"See you next week!" They called cheerily as the crew fled. Malcolm stayed with Spooky in the empty gym though. "How about you show me how to do that partner dance?" He purred.
Artemis rolled her eyes at her partner and the armoury officer. She then looked down at the small slip of paper in her hand that Ensign Kiedis had discreetly pressed into her hand before he had escaped. 'Meet me in the mess hall' it read. A slow smile spread across her face. "See ya, Hon," she called to Spooky as she made her way towards the door.
Ta-da! Finis! The End! That's All Folks!