Lovesick

A Gravitation fic by GHSNEKO

You've been there for as long as I can remember. Always with Tohma. Always there smiling. And now...I've finally realized...why I always wish to see you.

Because...Because I...Because...

I love you.

But the very thought is crazy. I'm only sixteen. How can I even think about this? To feel this way is bordering upon insanity. Maybe I need help. I think I need to go see the shrink. I'm obviously nuts.

Some deeprooted pyschological quirk, I'm sure. But still...I can't seem to stop trying to be better when I'm around you. Standing taller, trying to be as attractive as possible, practicing my music more so I can be the best. I'm dying to impress you; for you to notice me. I can't help myself.

You're just so perfect. I want you to want me. I thrive on every compliment, every innocent hug. Every time we meet, every time I glimpse you walking by. I think about you constantly. I even have a poster of you on my wall.

I know Shuichi probably complains that I mistreat him. I suppose I do, though I don't intend to. He's just so much like you, though he lacks all the most wonderful qualities. I feel like he's trying to steal pieces of you sometimes. Copying your moves, trying to make his voice do something that I know only yours can. I know it's silly; he just admires you. But I can't help it.

I also can't help the jealousy I feel sometimes when you're with him. I know I can complain to you about things if I want, but I'm not that type. I don't want to be like that. I've always wanted to be mature so I could fit in best as I could with you and Tohma. I think it kinda worked. You guys included me when you could. I appreciated that.

To be honest, I was always kinda jealous of Miss Noriko. After you met her, you and Tohma weren't around as much, always busy with the band. Finally, after you had gotten all the bugs worked out, you started letting me hang around while you practiced and such. It wasn't until Miss Noriko got married that I felt that you and Tohma were safe from becoming hers.

Of course, then there was the matter of you and Tohma. You two were the first to introduce me to bisexuality, by way of me happening to spot you guys kissing in the kitchen. No worries though. I was just about old enough to start understanding all this stuff. Not all of it, but the basics.

Mom and Dad had never really emphasized that only boys and girls were supposed to be together, so two guys didn't faze me whatsoever. I do however think that might''ve been what made me start modeling myself after Tohma. A subconscious effort to get you to like me too. Though at the time, I don't think it was because I wanted you to make out with me in the kitchen. Now of course, it is.

I'm bi and dying to have you.

I definitely need a doctor. Because I'm sick. Sick in love with you.

Lovesick.

Help me...Ryuichi.

And so my second attempt at shounen-ai begins. R&R please.