It takes six weeks for the bleeding to stop. It's a strange feeling when it's done, as if she's never been pregnant and Annie finds herself missing the physical pain. It's easier than the sharp pressure that's always behind her eyelids, the faint buzz of her brother's voice still in her head -- he'sdeadhe'sdeadhe'sdead -- the occasional trembling of her hands.
Emma's been a good girl, bringing her mother imaginary tea and tucking her in at night. She doesn't ask for her father as much as she used to; a testament to that innate wisdom children sometimes have. She's a good girl and Annie loves her, loves her for what she isn't as much as what she is. Emma is warm and alive and hers, no one and nothing will take her away.
Ever.
Annie finds herself feeling a little more generous as the weeks pass and lets Ryan come by when she's not there, allowing him to take Emma to the park for a few hours, even replies positively when he texts her asking if he can take Emma for ice cream afterwards. She dives into her work, talking to her co-workers only if she has to, ignoring Kendall's angry guilt as she slaps down folders on Annie's desk, scuttling through the office like a thin crab to hiss at Greenlee who, to her credit, looks disgusted with her friend more often than not.
The perfume is doing well as far as pre-orders go. This seems to annoy Kendall more than placate her and Annie simply listens as Kendall picks through her work, criticizing anything she can think of and making up things when there's nothing there to complain about. "Re-do these counts," she snaps at Annie. She's been fidgety lately, blindly yanking at her wedding rings until finally the engagement ring flies off and clatters to the floor. "Damn it!" Kendall shrieks, scrambling down to her knees to start searching for it.
Behind them, Greenlee sighs. "Everything all right over there?"
"My ring fell off," Kendall hisses, shoving Annie's wastebasket aside. It overturns, spilling its contents onto the floor.
"I told you they were spinning and you should get a ring guard, but do you listen?" Greenlee sipped nonchalantly at her coffee. "Oh, wait, I forgot. You don't listen to anyone about anything."
Kendall turns pale and red by turns. She glares at Annie from her position on the floor, her mouth twisting with fury. "Why aren't you helping me?"
Annie looks at her and for a second, feels a flash of pity for the miserable woman crawling around on her knees beneath her desk. She tucks the toe of her shoe toward a glimmer peeking out from under the trash can refuse and nudges the ring over to Kendall. "You didn't ask me to," she says quietly.
She silently cleans up the mess as Kendall rises, her upper lip twitching. "I hate you," she chokes out. "I just ... hate you."
"I'm sorry," Annie replies. Oddly enough, she's never felt calmer. "Is there anything else you need?"
Kendall storms back to Greenlee's desk. Greenlee's mouth is hanging open and she's staring with disbelief at Kendall who shrugs at her with defiance before striding out of the office. "She's ... she's ... " Greenlee stutters, laughing weakly as she twirls a finger next to her temple. "You know."
"She's fine."
Greenlee sighs deeply. "No, she's not. But thanks for being understanding."
There's a major difference between understanding and apathy but Annie doesn't feel like explaining the obvious to anyone, especially not Greenlee. "If it's all right with you, I'm heading home. My cell is on in case anything pops up."
Greenlee looks intensely relieved. "Let me call a car for you."
Annie laughs. "Thanks, but the drive home is the highlight of my day."
And it is, the roads of Pine Valley scenic in the fading light of late summer. Some of the trees are starting their turn to gold along their edges and Annie hums softly as the Chandler mansion appears at the top of the hill.
Emma greets her with a huge hug. There's still smudges of ice cream around her mouth and she seems happy. It's a pleasant distraction to give her baby dinner and a bath and Emma goes down easy for the evening, worn out after her day.
Annie makes a mental note to have Ryan take Emma a few times a week. It's healthier for all of them and as long as she doesn't have to see him ...
It's still mild enough for a nighttime swim. Annie puts on a suit this time and she's just out of her robe when she hears the bushes rustle again, just as they did a few lifetimes ago. "Hello, Petey," she says, pulling her hair into a ponytail, not bothering to turn around.
Sheepishly, Petey emerges from the brush. "Hi, uh ... Mrs ..."
"Annie's fine. Still communing with nature in hopes of Juliet's appearance?"
He blushes deeply. "No."
This spikes her curiosity. "No?"
"I'm actually, um, here to see you."
Curiouser and curiouser. "Me?"
He digs into his pockets and eventually produces a crinkled document which he hands to Annie with a shy look. "I wanted to give you this and say that I'm ..." He bites down on his lip and suddenly looks even younger than he is. "I'm very sorry for your loss."
Annie's throat tightens. She unfolds the paper and tries to focus on the words. International Star Registry it says, in swirling letters and beneath it in gold calligraphy is outlined the name the star is designated for ...
Baby Lavery.
It's been a long time since Annie's been struck speechless. This is one of those times.
Petey shuffles uncomfortably. "I know it's very presumptuous of me but I just wanted you to know that ... " He looks up, huge eyes damp behind those ridiculous glasses. "I'm sorry."
A star. He had them name a star after her unborn baby and Annie can feel her heart thudding in her throat, choking off her thanks. She pulls her robe up from the granite deck and tucks the certificate in her pocket, unable to say a word.
Unfortunately, Petey takes her silence as offence. "Maybe I overstepped ..."
She can't have that, she just can't so she thanks him in the only way she's capable of -- with a kiss. His lips are warm and surprisingly soft and his touch helps calm her racing heart. "Do you know astromy?" she asks after she pulls away, leaving Petey gasping for breath. "With a telescope and all that?"
It's Petey's turn to be speechless. He nods.
"Will you show me where this star is? I'd like to see it."
He exhales. "Of course. I can bring over my telescope any time you'd like. Just ..." His hands flutter as if he's trying to find the words. "Just, you know, give me a call. Seriously, anytime."
"Thank you." Her hand is on the certificate in her pocket, fingers delicately plucking at its edges. She walks away and thinks about the tree she and Ryan planted in the baby's honor and how, in a way, it's just another life to worry about, to wonder how long it will survive in a world that's both thoughtless and cruel but this ... stars live longer than dreams or so the poet says and she glances back to see Petey touching his lips, over and over again, as if he's in a dream.
The stars above twinkle. Annie finds she can breathe, if only for a night.
0o0o0o
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