A/N right, let me just clear some things up. I've bee nworking on this story for a while, and although it's quite slow to begin with, I really enjoyed writing it. I know it may seem a little confusing in certain places - well, mostly all of it is confusing - but it's all a sort of domino effect that leads to a wonderful happy ending that we all know Bella nd Edward deserve. And I know that I started Goodnight, Sweetheart but it's really hard to write, though I know now what I want to do with that story and where it's going. Also, it's helping me a lot with my History coursework what with the whole WWII stuff. So give it a go if you enjoy reading this and liked my first story.

Oh and don't worry, this story is nowhere near as angsty and annoying as my first fic. Thank God. All my stories are wayyyyy to angsty.

So basically, this is Bella trying to get on with her life. This first chapter is just setting the scene and so don't get too peeved at the non-action. All in good time...

So as always, I do not in fact own anything twilighty, though we all wish we did own our own Edward. And I would love reviews because they really really make my day

Okay, major long authors note terminated and my lips are sealed :)

Today

Grief is a funny thing. Well, not so much funny as heartbreakingly, toe-clenchingly awful. I don't think I've ever met anyone who would honestly be able to say they have never experienced grief, especially in my line of work. But I'm not just talking about my patients here; I'm talking about my family, my friends, my milkman and postman, my landlord and my colleagues, the people I pass on the street and people that I am never likely to meet. They are all grieving, have grieved in the past, or will grieve in the very near future. It is one of the things that unite us as a race. Grief: let us all join together in our mutual pain and misfortune and step forward into the future as one big sobbing mass of anti-depressant-swallowing insomniacs.

But there comes a point in life that we have to look our pain in the face and say: stop, I don't have time for you now; I need to go to work, or water the garden, or take out the trash. And those little tasks will keep the pain at bay until we are each alone in our beds at night crying our hearts out and wondering 'where did it all go wrong?'

Of course, I myself don't need to ask where it went wrong. I know exactly when my life went down the crapper. It was three days after my eighteenth birthday.

My memory of that day is so strong it is almost palpable. I can close my eyes and be there, in the woods. I can smell the musky scent of the trees, drenched in fresh rain. I can taste the cold on my tongue as I struggled for breath. I can hear his words, Edward's words, as he tells me that he does not love me anymore. That he is leaving. I can feel his stone arms hold me for one last time; his icy lips crush against mine for an instant. I can see him. He stands out so clearly against the dark moist forest, his pale face void of all emotion, his eyes hard and firm. Resolute.

That is where it all went wrong.

I ghosted my way through my senior year of high school, not really feeling. When the time came to apply to universities I did so reluctantly, not really wanting to leave Forks. I was accepted to a few places, but decided on the one in Juneau. My reasons for this were as follows:

1) It was within my budget

2) It wasn't too far away from Charlie and

3) It wasn't that far from Denali – a girl can wish, can't she?

When I arrived I finally realised that it was exactly what I needed; to be a normal student with normal problems and a normal life with normal friends.

I majored in psychology; something about it just entranced me. How people's minds work, why we do things, how we think of ourselves, it was just so…interesting. I finally came out of my cocoon of hazy and distraught solitude, and began to live again. I made friends and I went to parties on the weekends and I got drunk and I studied and I went on a few dates and I lived my life. After three years I finished my degree with distinction, Charlie told me it was the proudest moment of his life.

So there I was, a newly graduated twenty-one year old with a psychology diploma in hand and a full tank of fuel. What adventures lay before me?

I packed my bags and hugged my dad goodbye and set off into the big, bad world. I would keep the past in the past, the future in the future and I would live for today.

Told you nothing happens in this chapter. It's just easing you into Bella's new life. Slow and steady wins the race, you know.

And also, who has read the time travelers wife? I cried my heart out in that book! I really reccomend it.

And coz I love you I'm going to put the next chapter up right away :)

lots of love

Sasha :) xx