A.N: Hey Guys. This here is a collection of one shots on the Marauders most memorable moments. I suggest that if you live/lived in York or Kentucky that you don't read this chapter. You have been warned.
Limericks
It was a hot Monday afternoon and all were lazing about, trying to get their minds of the inevitability of doing their homework. Currently, four such boys were lying on the couches closest to the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room.
"Prongsie, I'm bored!" Whined one to another, his long black hair falling gracefully on his shoulders and his grey eyes half closed.
"I don't care." Grumbled another, obviously Prongs, as he squirmed on the couch, trying to get comfortable, his glasses askew on his face and his hair pointing in all directions. The first boy made a loud harrumph sound, crossing his arms, but this small movement upset the precarious balance he had on the edge of his seat causing him to fall over. He moaned loudly in pain as he tried to get back up. A third boy groaned in annoyance before deciding to speak up,
"Padfoot, why do you try and come up with a Limerick?" he asked hoping to distract his friend, his sandy hair covering his eyes so only a hint of amber could be seen through the strands.
"A limb wreck, what's that?" Padfoot questioned back once he had managed to get back on his seat.
The fourth boy finally spoke up in a slightly squeaky voice, "He said Limerick not limb wreck, Padfoot, and it's a poem of some type". The fourth boy glanced at Padfoot with his small, slightly watery eyes to make sure he understood.
"Correct Wormtail!" praised Moony, "A limerick has five lines, can be about anything and each line has to have a certain amount of syllables but I forgot how many." He frowned.
"I thought it was four lines" piped up Wormtail.
"Hmm, I think I'll go for the four lines, less work that way, anything else I should know?" Padfoot questioned, looking at the others.
"Just make sure it rhymes Padfoot and leave me alone" Prongs muttered, slowly turning around so his back faced the others. Padfoot started talking to himself under his breath. It continued like this for a while before Padfoot yelled out "Eureka!"
"What?" came the irritated reply from Prongs.
"I made a limerick, two to be exact." Answered Padfoot cheerfully, bouncing up and down in his seat. This completely woke up the rest of the group, Moony and Wormtail shared a glance full of trepidation whilst Prongs started looking just as excited as Padfoot.
"Let's hear them then" Prongs said expectantly.
Padfoot cleared his throat before starting,
"There once was a man from Kentucket"
"Wait a second, firstly, I thought the place was Kentucky not Kentucket, secondly, do you even know where that is?" interrupted Moony, piercing Padfoot with his amber gaze.
"Of course I do!" Cried Padfoot indignantly, "America somewhere" he continued at Moony's expectant stare.
"Okay then Padfoot, point in the direction of America." Replied Moony calmly. Padfoot thought it over for a few seconds before pointing in a direction. Moony face palmed whilst Prongs started laughing.
"It's that way." Said Moony, pointing in a different direction. Padfoot opened his mouth to argue before Wormtail interrupted, "Can we please continue on?"
Padfoot shot Moony one last offended look before continuing on,
"There once was a man from Kentucket
Who bought a chicken to fuck it"
"What?" here Wormtail interrupted, "You mean he bought a chicken to have sex with it?"
Moony looked thoroughly disgusted by the idea whilst Prongs looked intrigued,
"How would you screw a chicken anyway? That's bestiality, plus it'll have to be a bloody big chicken or that guy must have one small wand." Was what came out of Prongs mouth. Now Padfoot started thinking over the logistics of it before Wormtail, looking decidedly greener, urged him to continue. So Padfoot, being the generous person he is, started again.
"There once was a man from Kentucket
Who bought a chicken to fuck it
The council found out and took it"
"Well I'll blood hope so, that's just wrong" Yelled Moony still looking a bit sick.
"Err, what's the council? Asked Prongs looking confused, Wormtail decided to answer,
"Kind of like the government, each area gets a council to look after the basics, like the department of creatures has a different group to monitor register different animals for each area."
"Can I finish now?" asked Padfoot grumpily. Getting the go ahead gesture, he continued.
"There once was a man from Kentucket
Who bought a chicken to fuck it
The council found out and took it
To sell it as a KFC Bucket" finished Padfoot proudly. Moony looked even sicker whilst Wormtail stared at Padfoot in disbelief.
"What's a KFC bucket" Prongs questioned.
"Prongs, you need to go out to the muggle world more, a KFC bucket is a bucket full of Fried Chicken that people eat" explained Padfoot.
"But he fucked the chicken; it could be filled with all sorts." Said Prongs to a grinning Padfoot. A few seconds later Prongs started rolling on the floor laughing so hard tears were streaming out his eyes. Not long after Padfoot joined him.
"Okay, okay, let's continue, you said you had another one Padfoot?" interjected Moony.
Padfoot and Prongs both sat up both still intermittently laughing. Then Padfoot started his second one,
"There was once a student from York"
"Stop, am I the student from York?" asked Moony, seeing their confused looks, he explained "I'm a student and I was born in York."
"Well you could be, I suppose" Padfoot mumbled back.
"Would you want to be the character in this?" questioned Moony.
"Definitely not!" was Padfoot's adamant reply.
"Then I don't want to be either." said Moony stubbornly.
"It doesn't matter, Pretend it's someone else" was Padfoot's agitated response.
"Okay, continue."
"There once was a student from York
Who felt like eating some pork"
"Pfft, who eats pork, steak is much better" was Prongs' interjection.
"No it isn't, Lamb is" retorted Wormtail.
"You're both wrong, chicken schnitzel is." Responded Moony dreamily.
"Shut up, this guy felt like pork, none of that!" shouted Padfoot.
"Geez, don't get your knickers in a twist" countered Prongs. Padfoot took a few deep calming breaths before restarting.
"There once was a student from York
Who felt like eating some pork
He got it in sausage form"
"Why sausage?" questioned Wormtail.
"Huh" Padfoot looked up confused.
"Why sausage?" repeated Wormtail as if he was talking to a particularly dim-witted four year old.
"You'll find out if you listen to the rest" growled Padfoot before once again continuing.
"There once was a student from York
Who felt like eating some pork
He got it in sausage form
So he could have some private time in his dorm"
At the conclusion of the not quite limerick, all the boys fell to gales of laughter causing all the others in the common room to glance over questionably. After a little bit Moony finally gained the composure to speak,
"Who here agrees to ban Padfoot from ever coming up with any type of poem, story or anything similar ever again?"
"Aye!" came from the other two over Padfoot's yell of 'Hey'.
The end
A.N:
Please read and review, also reviews on your opinions on my profile pic, I'm curious. Also checkout my Breaking Bad/ Bible oneshot, Only one of its kind.
Turtle Jesus