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She was back at the lip of the well
by Anna Iram
She was back at the lip of the well. Again. It seemed that she would be forever destined to sit on the lip of that stupid magical well! Forever and again.
Peering into the unending darkness, Kagome sighed. What was the point? No matter what happened, what was done, all roads led back to the same place: the well. Always the well.
Surrounded by lush green grass, enveloped by the scent of wildflowers, birds flying overhead, crickets chirping at her heels, absolutely nothing and everything was ultimately tied to the clearing that housed the portal that allowed her to travel through time.
Kicking her feet, she craned her head to the side and got lost in thought. Except… she didn't want to think, about anything; being at the well, however, always made her ponder over the actions and spoken or unspoken words – either way was painful – that had brought her there, to that one moment, to that one place that she could never escape from. Ever.
It was all about the little things, really. The big picture was overwhelming, but, at the same time, surreal enough that she could cope. The problem was that, aside from the fact that she was dead, Kikyou didn't actually come off as surreal…at least not when she was trying to kill Inuyasha, either through pretty obvious means, either by seducing him into dying, which, somehow, seemed to be a more twisted course of action.
Kagome had once been Kikyou. Kikyou would someday be Kagome. In a sense, they both were each other. If so, then why were they so different? They shared the same essence for crying out loud! Aristotle would have had a field trip with that one, she was sure of it.
Taking a deep breath, the young schoolgirl attempted to calm herself and wondered if wishing a good portion of her neurons would just disintegrate could get the deed done. Futile as she knew focusing her energies on that one task would prove to be, she closed her eyes and decided to give it a shot. Kagome found that, as long as the undead priestess stayed out of her mind, all attempts were valid. Unfortunately, her brain had never been of the cooperative kind.
Grumbling, she opened her eyes and let her chin rest against her chest. The sun was setting. The gold-tinged tree canopy gave it away. Nature was simple like that – it bore no secrets to its name.
"Kagome?"
She probably should have turned around and faced him, but, frankly, she didn't have the heart. She wanted to be left alone. At the well. Always at the well.
"So you're not talking to me now?"
He was so arrogant! Why did he always have to assume that everything was about him? True, if she was angry, sad, or heartbroken, more often than not he played a part in making her feel the way she did, but still, it would have been nice if for once in his life he looked past his own bellybutton and had the decency to consider that something else was bothering her. Not to say that the reason she was moping didn't have anything do with him…
"So, what now? You're just gonna fucking run home like you always do?"
Okay, so she was a runner. But she always came back, didn't she? Back through the well and to the clearing that had witnessed so much drama it was a wonder it could still be so peaceful a place.
It was always the same old scenario, the same old fight; in his shoes – or bare feet, rather –, she would skip this part of the argument, go sit on a tree branch somewhere and wait for the same old tired conclusion to play out: the return of an incredibly forgiving Kagome – was there ever a girl with so pure a heart? – to the Sengoku Jidai, fully reinvigorated and ready to look for more Shikon shards.
"Oi, girl! You brain dead, or something? Are your ears not working?"
Come to think of it, brain death didn't sound like such a bad idea. He loved and, in the end, would choose her precisely because she already had both feet in the grave. If Kagome were brain dead, then she would simply be killing two birds with one stone, wouldn't she? Once he chose Kikyou, she wouldn't be able to tell – she'd be too busy drooling on herself to be aware of anything – and, maybe, just maybe, he would finally be able to love her back. It was kind of creepy to know that the guy she was in love with was as close to being a necrophiliac as they come. On second thought, perhaps she could be content with staying alive and having normal brain activity…
"Um… Hey, Kagome..? Did you let some freaky youkai possess you again?"
Of course, trust Kagome, the weak reincarnation of Kikyou, the priestess extraordinaire, to be dumb enough to let herself get possessed for the billionth time, all because the mighty hanyou hadn't been around to save her sorry ass from her own ignorance. Being underestimated was nothing in the face of fighting to save the world. It was a little thing that stung like only what matters most does.
"I'll be back in a few days, Inuyasha," she said, at long last, her back still to him, her voice surprisingly soft.
"Wait… so, you're not possessed?" he asked, unsure as to the cause of her strange behavior.
"Nope." The teenager scratched her nose. "And I don't have a test to study for either. I'm running away again, Inuyasha, can't you tell?"
That made him angry. It also made him speechless. It wasn't everyday that his Kagome admitted to purposefully running away, after all.
Inuyasha frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. She wasn't sticking to their usual routine; he was supposed to taunt her, she was supposed to sit him, he was supposed to scream profanities into the dirt and she was supposed to jump through the well, tossing one last angry remark at him before the time slip swallowed her whole.
"Say, could you do me a favor? Don't come get me; I'll be back, I promise. I just… I need some time…"
"Time for what?" he inquired, feeling immensely suspicious. Whatever she had to say, he knew he wasn't going to like it. "And who said you were leaving, anyway?"
Now came the hard part, she realized. She would have to be honest and the last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt him. However, she was unwell and in dire need of a break, lest she let reality get the better of her; if that happened, she would wind up loosing it. She couldn't afford to have an emotional meltdown; there was far too much at stake. The quest was, by far, the most important thing of all and she couldn't let her part in it be compromised by her inability to deal with her feelings.
Naraku had already played on her weaknesses before, she wasn't about to be careless and let him have his way with her again. Contrarily to popular belief, she wasn't that much of an idiot and knew that being lovesick was, ultimately, a liability, especially when evil fiends like Narku entered the equation.
Looking up at the sky above her, the girl from the future noticed that, though the sun was still in the process of setting, the moon was already out. She had no choice but to be truthful, even if he didn't deserve to be hurt yet again by someone he had learned to trust.
As she awkwardly flipped one of her legs out of the well, in order to turn in her seat, and came face to face with the red clad inu hanyou, with her Inuyasha, whose golden eyes burned like the sunset and whose long silver hair shimmered like the stars in the night sky, her hands shook.
"Inuyasha…" she whispered.
His ears caught his name abandoning her lips and, instantly, he was afraid. The way she was looking at him made him feel so very small. Why was everything with her about time? The time they could still share together, the time she would one day return to for good, the time he would have to wait in order to see her again. Time hated him. Time had stolen fifty years from him. Time would always keep the girl from the future – so beautiful and kind – away from him.
"Inuyasha," she repeated, "I need some time away from you."
Time, for once, stood still. Because she had said she would stay by him. Because he couldn't imagine life without her. Because she forgave him and trusted him no matter what. Because she had finally had enough of him and his indecision. Because he had hurt her to the point where she had, at last, hurt him back. Because, this time, it was actually his fault. Because he couldn't love her the way she deserved to be loved.
"Why?" he asked, though the answer, he already knew.
"Naraku…"
"I won't let him hurt you again," he stated, his eyes boring into hers.
"You can't protect me from myself!" she cried, looking away.
"Watch me!"
Kagome wanted to strangle him for being so downright stubborn. "Stop being ridiculous, Inuyasha!"
"Only if you stop acting stupid!"
"I have to get a grip on my emotions! Otherwise, I'm a major target!"
"Keh!" The hanyou grinned smugly. "You've always been a target, you silly girl!"
"This is different and you now it!"
"You can do whatever the hell it is you think you have to right here!"
"I can't do anything with you around!"
"And why the fuck not!"
"Because!"
He cursed inwardly. "Because what, Ka-go-me?"
"BECAUSE YOU'RE MY PROBLEM!"
It was as if someone had shattered his ribcage. The horrified look etched across her face wasn't helping either.
"I'm sorry, I… did…didn't me-mean t-t-to…" she stammered, trailing off when a giant lump lodged in her throat stopped her from being able to get anything else out.
"What did I do?" he asked quietly, his eyes downcast, his shoulders slumped forward. Inuyasha was shaking.
Kagome gasped for air and wished with all her might that she could take everything back. It wasn't his fault. She couldn't punish him for not loving her as she so desperately wanted him to.
"What did I do, Kagome?" he asked again, though this time there was a desperate edge to his voice and his hands were balled into fists.
Slowly and uncertainly, she walked towards him. Night was falling. Gently, she placed her hands on his shoulders and gathered her courage. He tensed up.
"You have done nothing wrong, Inuyasha," she explained, though he still hid himself away from her, shielding his eyes from her and the world behind his shaggy bangs. "I'm out of control and that's why I have to go home and figure things out on my own."
"Why am I a problem?" he insisted, and she had to bite her lip to keep from sobbing aloud. The fact that she was able to talk while tears openly streamed down her cheeks was something of a miracle and she knew that, if he kept it up, she would soon be tongue-tied and a pathetic wailing mess. Sometimes, being a girl really sucked!
"You're not a problem. It came out wrong."
He stepped away from her, her arms dropping to her sides. "Then what did you mean?"
"My feelings are getting in the way." Kagome fiddled with the hem of her skirt. "I shouldn't blame you for any of it, though."
"Kagome…"
"I know. I know we don't talk about this because, what's the point right? This isn't a fairytale and we both know what happens in the end." Heaving a sigh as heavy as her yellow backpack, Kagome decided she had better get on with it. This was probably the only chance she would ever get of putting her concerns out in the open. "You'll be happy and, at first, I won't be, but I'll move on. Life goes on, after all; that's what all my friends keep telling me…"
Inuyasha was beside himself. The girl was making no sense! "What are you going about? I'm gonna be happy and you're gonna be miserable? What have you been eating? Or drinking? Or breathing?"
"You're going to choose her! I get it, okay! You are always going to love her and I can't stand in the way of that because you guys share this bond that goes beyond tiny little things like life and death and, for reasons I can't hope to understand, you seem to think that you are going to be unbelievably happy in Hell, which I'm sure will make for a cozy, warm home, and I can't change your mind about it, I know how the story ends and it's hard to accept though, I swear I'm trying my best, and I'm sorry I blame you for feeling down but, let's face it, I'm right here, alive and very much in love with you and you don't see me, and that's enough to make any girl act pissy, but I have been nothing if not patient and you run off with the ex from hell – literally – and I take it all in stride though, eventually, something has to give and excuse me if all I want to do is go home, lie on my bed, cry a little, feel sorry for myself, get used to the fact that I'm going to have to live my life without you, Sango, Miroku and Shippou or this place, so I can come back here all happy smiles and sunny disposition!"
She had gone red from the exertion, from the fury, from the hurt from the longing. Red was the color of passion. Red was also the color of Inuyasha's sleeve, delicately wiping away the angry tears she couldn't stop shedding.
Mindful of his claws, he firmly took hold of her chin and stared at her intently. And then it happened.
Just as she always found her way back to the well, back to the clearing and back to him, his lips found hers and, hungrily, they demanded that the feelings within her heart ceased being secretive in nature.
Gently, his arm wound round her waist, requesting that her fears be cast aside, that she would surrender herself to this one moment that was theirs and theirs alone.
Tremulously, his fingers traced her jaw, coaxing her to understand what words could not convey, what only her hands in his hair could do to him.
There was, sadly, not a time and a place for Kagome and Inuyasha. They came from separate worlds, from different times and both were bound to other obligations far more pending than the strong emotions they awakened in each other.
Nevertheless, that did not stop them from holding on to one another as if for dear life, to loosing themselves in a moment that would, perhaps, never repeat itself. They were not meant to be. Logic and reason forbade their union, even though destiny had somehow conspired to bring them together.
Resting his head against her forehead, Inuyasha wordlessly willed her to understand that, though they should never be, he wanted them to, that the kiss they had just shared was long in coming and that, were circumstances not to be what they were, were their lives not as they were then, nothing would have made him happier than to love her, not in secret, not in silence, not as he had for so long now.
Loving Kagome should have been the simplest thing in the world, but he had been cursed since the very day he was born and nothing would be able to change his fate. He would not risk it, not so long as she lived in the end.
"Come back when you're better."
She nodded and tried her hardest not to cry. She understood. Her pale hand sought out his tanned one and, slowly, she laced their fingers together. If they didn't belong together, then why did her hand fit so perfectly in his?
"Our hands fit," she commented absently.
"Yeah…"
"I don't want to give up hope," she told him, her voice shaking ever so slightly, her stormy eyes glued to her shoes.
"Kagome…"
"I know."
He kissed the top of her head. "If there was a way…"
"I know."
"Do you?"
Inuyasha needed to make sure that she appreciated the depth of his own emotions, the desire that moved him whenever she was around. He was a desperate man – or hanyou, rather – unable to claim the woman he loved as his own because life would tear them apart, one way or the other.
She met his serious gaze with a wistful smile of her own. "I do."
After that, nothing else needed to be said. Inuyasha stomped over to the foot of the well and hoisted her backpack over his shoulder. Sluggishly, she joined him, feeling the tall grass tickle her bare legs.
"I'll take you," Inuyasha voiced determinedly.
Tugging her backpack off of him, she shook her head. "It's best I go alone."
"I'll come get you in two days, then."
"Inuyasha… I'm going to need more time than that."
He sighed. Life was so unfair. "Fine, three days."
Kagome smiled wryly and bopped him upside the head. "I'll come back when I'm well and ready, thank you very much."
The young hanyou averted his eyes. "Come back soon, Kagome."
"I will."
As soon as she had strapped on her backpack, she was jumping into the well, lacking the courage to look back behind her. She was in midair when Iuyasha's hand shot out and reached for her own.
"Our hands fit," he said, a strange sort of conviction laced in his tone.
She giggled. "I know."
With one final squeeze, he let her go and time and space swallowed her whole, taking her away from him, leaving nothing behind for him to hold on to if not for her scent, that would linger round the Bone-eaters well for days before growing stale and fading without a trace.
---Two weeks later ---
She was back at the lip of the well. Again. It seemed that she would be forever destined to sit on the lip of that magical well. Forever and again.