Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII

I thought this might be a good idea, but some good idea's turn out to be bad.

Problems, Problems, Problems

1. People will follow you to the ends of Gaia to get your autograph.

'I think I lost them." Vincent thought as he sat in a cave on a small island in the middle of nowhere.

A sliver of light cut through the dark cave followed by the frenzied screams of people holding pieces of paper and pens (those were mostly pink, black or crimson).

'Oh no!' Vincent's eyes bulged and he began to sweat, looking for a way out. Unfortunately he found that he had dug his own grave. Someone shone a light on him, the person appearing in the entrance to his hiding place.

"KYAAAAA!" It screamed and Vincent was suddenly covered in pink and look-alikes.

He wasn't able to use his writing hand for a week.

2. You can't get hurt...EVER!

Cloud walked to the store, he had gotten a paper cut and didn't have any plasters left. He sucked on his finger to get it to stop bleeding, when he saw an advert for a new sword in a weapons shop window. His hand hung limply by his side, he didn't even notice when a drop of blood fell to the pavement.

He was notified a moment later when he was drowning in reporters.

"Is Sephiroth back?"

"When did the battle occur?"

"Should the military be notified of this sudden attack?"

Etc.

Now he understood the advice Aeris had given him in his dream.

"Please don't EVER get hurt."

3. Don't confuse mail with fan mail.

A knock came at the door and Tifa went to open it.

"Miss Tifa Lockheart?" a man wearing a suit asked her and she feared it was another man who came to ask her to marry him.

"Yes?" she asked slowly.

"I have come to repossess your bar." he asked with an emotionless face.

"WHAT?" she shouted.

"You haven't paid any bills for the last two years, we did send warning messages."

"But I didn't get any of it."

"We made sure it would reach you."

Tifa's face suddenly lit up and then fell.

"That damn fan mail got mixed up with my bills!"

4. People write fanfiction about you.

"DAMN IT!!" A voice sounded through Rocket Town followed by obscenities that would have made a sailor run for the hills.

Cid's wife ran into his office looking around wildly for the source of the commotion. All Shera saw was Cid glaring at the computer screen muttering darkly.

"What's wrong?" Shera asked curiously.

"Look here." he said in a rough voice, moving over to allow her to see better. "They have me #&ing Valentine.

Shera stared at the screen, her eyes following along the lines. Suddenly she turned a violent shade of red and hit the back button. She looked at the summaries of the others, turning redder by the second.

5. You're NEVER alone.

Yuffie sat in a tree thinking about what she was going to steal next, when she felt someone watching her. She looked around and sure enough, there was a man sitting in a tree behind her, she jumped of and ran into the town, trying to find an inn.

She sat on her bed a while later, doing much the same as before when she saw a dirty old staring through the window.

She was getting sick of this. The publicity was good, but it began to get annoying after a while. Just the other day she stood with her hand in a guy's pocket when she saw him staring at her. Stealing was no fun, when everybody felt honored to get robbed by her.

She stood up, opened the window and whacked the guy over the head.

So how was it?

Please Review. -LOATIA