A/N: Hi you all! I want to thank everyone who reviewed my other stories. It means more than you can imagine to me.

This will be a short chapter fan fiction. It takes place between season 4 and 5 (the missing years). It's mainly Brucas, but you will get a glimpse of all the characters. I hope you enjoy it. And please let me know what you think about the story ok? Reviews are very much appreciated. And I'll heart you forever if you do it!

The title and summary of this fiction belong to the song "My never" by Blue October – I recommend it to you cause it has everything to do with the story.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of One Tree Hill's character. The beginning of this story has part of the lyrics of a song called Goodbye, by Alicia Keys.

Time to let go

But how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I've
Given him all that I could
Maybe love is a hopeless crime
Giving up what seems your lifetime
What went wrong with something once so good
It's so hard to just let go
When this is the one and only love I've ever known

Letter # 83

You, who cannot be named, – Whatever – Lucas,

I got home, well, Rachel's home, about half an hour ago. And I couldn't do anything, except grabbing this piece of paper, and start writing to you. As you probably know, and as I'm definitely sure, I'm writing something you will never read. How messed up am I? I did this once before, but twice, it is just too damn lame. But what can I do? Grab the phone and call you? What would I say? "Hi, best friend's boyfriend, I really feel like talking to you tonight. Because maybe this might be the last night we will have a chance to talk to each other, and I really need some broody time." Yeah, just as I thought. Not going to happen. Plus, you certainly are with Peyton right now, I mean, she is your currently girlfriend and she will be leaving to LA tomorrow morning (it is completely understandable you both being together…)

Well, today was our last day as seniors, how weird is that? We won't get to see each other every day, even if it's quickly, just a wave from across the school halls. We won't chat with our friends all the time, and have lunch together. We won't get to see the Ravens kicking some other team's ass. I won't cheer. You won't play.

We will be leaving for college and maybe we won't keep the promise we made, to come back here and make things all the same. How weird it is that, even though I had so much fun with Chase tonight, the only thing I can think about right now is how much I am going to miss you? I won't get to look into your bright eyes when you are holding your little sister in your arms, in fact I won't be able to pick on you for being such a dork around a baby. I won't smell your perfume around the classroom or smile at the glimpse of your smile. Stalker much? We won't talk as much and we will definitely not be such good friends anymore. Thinking about all that, it gives me such a curious feeling. It's a different kind of hurting. Especially because I spent most of this year trying to convince myself I don't love you anymore, I tried to get used to the feeling of you not loving me back. I planned every single second how my last day in Tree Hill would be and none of it had me missing you. I'd be so totally over you by now, and so into Chase that everything would be easier - despite the fact that I'd be probably talking about how much I'd miss Chase, right? But it all backfired. I just needed a glance at you playing basketball with the boys to know. I am never getting over you, Lucas Scott. This feeling will never go away.

It's funny how, a few months ago, I told you I wasn't missing you anymore and that mostly I was with you only for your sake, not mine. Funny, because you looked me in the eyes and you couldn't read me at all, you couldn't see that it was a gigantic pledge of love. I was begging you to say you missed me, that you needed me and that I couldn't let you go. I desperately wanted you to fight for me. That day I realized you weren't the guy for me, because you didn't want to be. The moment I left your house I knew you didn't love me enough. And after crying for hours waiting for a phone call or for you to show up at my door, I understood that it was about her. Peyton. The next day, the first thing I saw was both of you together. I know that you weren't dating yet, but it didn't take long until it happened, did it? It was just a matter of time. I was right all along, you both are made for each other, and I'm just in the way. That's what I do best, though, isn't it? Getting in the way...

But that doesn't mean I don't understand things. Because I do. I understand it now, you know? I mean, you are in love with Peyton. And how can I blame you for that? She is the most wonderful girl I've ever met, she is my best friend, and she is the only family I know. I love her so much. We've been friends since forever and there's nothing I wouldn't do to keep her in my life. I'd do anything to make her happy. And if that means giving up on the true love of my life – who does not think of me as his true love – well, I say, I'll do it. I know she would do just the same for me. Peyton, more than anyone, needs to be happy. She deserves to be the happiest person alive. She had a pretty messed up life, and I know you can make it all better to her. You made it all better to me. So, yeah, I do understand. – And eventually it won't hurt as much.

I have no idea why I'm writing all of this, maybe I'm trying to understand my own feelings towards you, towards Peyton… I don't know. Maybe it's just an attempt to take this pain away from my chest. Or maybe to learn how to let you go. It's about time, anyway. In this letter, I promise you I'm going to move on. I'll keep my feelings to myself and will not get between you and my best friend. I will wish, each day, happiness to both of you. And from now on I'll make sure Peyton has the life I wanted to have. She will have everything. And, in order for that to happen, neither of you is ever going to find out about how I truly feel. Peyton's heart is my heart and you will keep it safe this time. I'm giving you a chance to make the three of us happy for once. I'm giving you up for good. And you better not break her heart because you are not allowed to break mine again.

Yours forever,

Pretty Girl – yeah, right – Brooke Davis.

--

Brooke walks into Peyton's room; she has her sunglasses on top of her head and holds two cute beach hats on her hand. Both of the hats have softer tops and visor-style rims in front that go a bit further than a visor and then the rim softens around the back, they also have a scarf that ties around them above the rim and hangs gently down over the back. One scarf is light pink, the other one is light green. She sights heavily as soon as she spots the blond girl still lying asleep in bed.

"Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer!" she yells and throws one hat at her direction. "You haven't even showered yet?" she says annoyed while picking up the hat that didn't reach the bed.

The other girl places her pillow on top of her head. "Why do you always have to yell, Brooke?" she complains with a raspy voice.

"Well, I'm certainly not yelling, I'm just thrilled! It's summer!" Brooke giggles. "And we are so going to California and spending the whole day at the beach, looking at hot tanned boys." She sits on the edge of the bed; "How come you are not excited about that?" she pokes her friend's thighs.

"Maybe because I will leave my own hot not-so-tanned boy right here." Peyton looks from underneath her pillow searching for Brooke's face.

The brunette pulls the pillow away. Peyton is pouting.

"Oh, come on, P. Sawyer." She rolls her eyes. "You will get the rest of your life to look at Lucas's baby white ass." She holds her friend's hand, making her stand up. "Now, you go take a very quick shower because I don't want us missing our plane." She helps Peyton get out of bed with a big grin upon her face.

Peyton goes straight to her bathroom, "By the way, I'm not using that hat." She yells back, closing the door behind her.

Brooke chuckles, "You know you are!"

"Not", the blonde girl completes her friend's sentence peering from the door.

"But I made them for us." She says in a childish voice and pouts. "You think it's ugly?"

Peyton frowns. She feels a little embarrassed to have made fun of one of Brooke's designs. She doesn't know what to say. Brooke can't help but laugh.

"Liar!" Peyton throws a towel at the girl once she realizes the brunette was playing a joke on her, "You did not make them."

"Well, unless my artistic name is Ralph Lauren, nope I did not. But I could totally make a few changes in here." She points to the scarf.

Peyton rolls her eyes closing the door behind her again.

--

Haley is sitting on a rocking chair. She is mumbling an old lullaby while holding her son close in her arms. He is peacefully staring at her, as if trying to memorize all her features. She is looking right back at him, gently caressing his little head with her fingers. Both mom and baby have the most loving expressions someone could ever see.

Nathan stops at the doorframe. He looks at his family; he takes a mental picture of them and feels his heart filling with joy. He'd never felt so complete. The tall man is smiling at them, and wishing to hold on to that feeling forever. Slowly, so he wouldn't scare her son and wife, he walks near the rocking chair.

Haley looks up to meet his eyes; he places one hand on her shoulder and leans down to kiss her forehead. She closes her eyes with the touch of his lips.

"G'morning." he says sweetly.

Haley smiles at him in return. Little James Lucas Scott is already asleep in her arms. "The girls are leaving this morning, you think we should go to the airport and say goodbye?"

Nathan nods. It's the least they can do, considering they are not sure when they will see their friends again. He takes his son on his arms, "Sure. They will like that."

"I think Deb won't mind staying with Jamie, do you?" she stands up.

Before Nathan can answer, Deb walks in the nursery room with a big smile, "Of course I don't mind." she whispers so the baby won't wake up. "You both can go and say goodbye to your friends." she stretched her arms so Nathan would hand her the baby.

"Thank you, Deb." Haley says grateful.

"Any time." she holds her grandson, "As long as neither of you keep calling each five seconds." she winks.

The young married couple laughs shyly.

"We promise." Haley is the first one to say something.

"We trust you, mom." Nathan gives her a kiss on the cheek.

Deb smiles heartedly and walks to place Jamie back on his crib.

--

Brooke and Peyton are done with the check in. They are now waiting for the announcement of their boarding gate number. Both girls are wearing comfortable summer clothes. The brunette is smiling a lot more than the other one. She is definitely excited about this trip. Her smile fades away only when she spots a well dressed boy coming towards them. She nudges Peyton's elbow with her own. The blonde girl grins.

"Hi, Brooke." he says, smiling affectively.

"Chase! What a… surprise!" she fakes enthusiasm.

"I wanted to say goodbye in person before you left." he stares at her.

"Oh, whoa, that's... nice." it's all she can come up with.

Peyton tries to hold her laugh. She fakes a cough. Brooke pinches her friend's hips playfully without Chase noticing. Then she turns her head to face her and gives her a dirty look. Peyton chuckles.

"I have something for you." Chase says, interrupting the girls; he is unaware of their girly teen manners.

Brooke turns her attention back to him. He takes a small box out of his pocket. It's wrapped in a blue shiny paper. The boy gives it to her. She smiles softly at his display of affection and holds the gift.

She starts unwrapping it. "Oh, Chase! It's... beautiful." she says honestly, staring at the delicate silver necklace attached to an even prettier, white gold, cursive letter B pendant.

"You like it?" he smiles shyly, running nervously a hand through his dark hair.

"Are you kidding me? I love it." she hugs him, "Thank you." she pecks him on the lips.

"Lucas!" Peyton shouts.

Brooke takes her hands off of Chase as soon as she hears the name coming out of her best friend's mouth. She glances around quickly and sees Lucas, Haley and Nathan walking towards them.

Peyton runs and wraps her arms around Lucas' neck. He holds her close and lifts her a little bit from the ground. They kiss passionately. Haley rolls her eyes, walking faster into Brooke's direction.

"Did you really think we wouldn't come here and say goodbye?" she slaps Brooke's butt playfully; "We can never know if we will see you again once you become an international fashion designer." she giggles.

"I would never forget you guys. You should know me better than that, tutor mom." Brooke places her arms around her friend's and pulls her into a warm bear hug. "And I am coming back to the baptism, you know that right?" she peers at Nathan. "Or did you guys change your mind?" she seems oddly scared. "You didn't, right?"

"Of course not, Brooke." Nathan laughs. "And miss the opportunity of having your bad influence into our son's life? Never."

Haley chuckles, "Yeah, plus you are going to be even richer which will be great for Jamie's college funds."

Brooke slaps their arms at the same time, giggling. "You guys are so taking this all back when I prove to you I am the most qualified godmother ever." She threatens them with her index finger, causing them all to laugh.

"We know that, Brooke. That's why we chose you." Haley winks.

Brooke feels her eyes water, "So, no need for sad goodbyes! We will be back in a month!" she smiles fondly at them before the conversation gets too emotional.

Lucas and Peyton approach them.

"So, are you going to take good care of my girl?" Lucas smiles at Brooke. He has his arms around his girlfriend's shoulders.

Brooke winces and smiles uneasily. "Isn't that what I always do?" she forces a grin. Brooke can feel her whole body shaking, but she learned how to fake each one of her emotions and neither of her friends, besides Haley, can get a glimpse of how jealous or hurt she feels at the moment. They start chatting; Nathan includes Chase in the conversation. The boys are talking about basketball, as usual. Peyton is listening carefully to them.

Brooke is quiet now, definitely not showing her big smile anymore. Right now, her best friend is the one who's happy and shiny.

Once in a while Haley glances at Brooke, she certainly knows something is wrong, but she doesn't say anything. If Brooke isn't ready to open up her heart to her, she won't pressure the girl. She just makes sure her friend is ok. She talks to her about Jamie and other things that might get Brooke's interest. She does her best to avoid any uncomfortable situation to her former cheerleader captain.

Chase reaches for Brooke's hands. She holds his hand back, smiling with the corner of her lips. She feels protect to have him holding her, especially when Peyton and Lucas are shoving their honeymoon stage of a relationship on her.

For some reason, once Chase and Brooke are so close to each other, Lucas avoids looking at them. He glimpses back and forth to their hands entwined together, he isn't paying attention to any of the words Nathan is saying. No one else notices his involuntary movements.

Brooke and Chase are having their own conversation, he is making her laugh. She finally feels like herself again. The young woman doesn't even realize that yet. She is too caught up in the moment, and right now, all she wants is to remain that peaceful.

Brooke opens the small box again and hands Chase her brand new necklace; she turns her back at him and holds her hair up so he can help her with it. Chase gently puts the silver jewelry around her neck. She smiles at him as soon as he is done. She isn't trying to get Lucas' attention, in fact, she isn't aware that she has his attention at all. Lucas is no longer holding his girlfriend.

Suddenly his eyes meets Brooke's gaze. They stare at each other for a few seconds, which is enough to make her heart beat faster inside her chest. They break eye contact as soon as they hear the passengers of the girl's flight being called.

Peyton hugs Lucas abruptly. He wraps his arms around her. He isn't paying attention to Brooke anymore. His blonde girlfriend is, once again, everything he wants.

Brooke sighs; she hugs her friends and gives Chase a gentle goodbye kiss.

They all say their goodbyes. Peyton pulls her best friend by the hand and they walk to the boarding gate.

Special thanks to my beta reader (BleedLikeMe) cause she rocks!