"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!"
Rapunzel groaned and covered her eyes with her hand. Not another one, she thought to herself, and at so early in the morning, too!
Struggling to rise from her bed, she crossed the room of the tower and glanced down. There was the traditional handsome prince, his crown whimsically askew after all the battles that he had undoubtedly had to win to get this far.
"I've crossed fire and desert and ocean for thee, fair Rapunzel," bellowed the prince.
Rapunzel could mimic the speech in her sleep. She flapped her hand in the shape of a mouth as he continued.
"I've fought giants and trolls for thee, fair Rapunzel!"
"Yes, well, that's all fine and dandy, but I'm really trying to catch up on my sleep, you know. So why don't you come back some other time." Or never, she added silently inside her head.
The prince looked at her with confusion. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!" he continued, undaunted.
"No, thanks. You think I want some man to climb up my hair?!? You realize how much shampoo it takes to get this clean?! No way!"
The prince stared at her. "But don't you want to be rescued?" he asked in a faltering voice.
She stared at him. "How, Smartie? There're no doors in this room. So unless you're planning to drag me by the hair of my head, there's no escape anyway."
"Oh ... oh," murmured the prince, kicking dejectedly at the grass with the toe of his steel-nosed boot.
"You can always drop by for tea sometime!" Rapunzel cried, trying to cheer him up. He just smiled a little and slowly trudged away.
Rapunzel grinned as she settled back on her bed. Sure, it could get boring here, but it wasn't too bad. The witch did airlift her food. And there was the wide-screen tv and hot tub. I mean, really, who would want to leave such a place?
Still, sometimes Rapunzel did long for a boyfriend. Not one of those corny old princes, though. She wanted someone more ... real. Someone who loved her, not who wanted to save her because he needed a damsel in distress to rescue.
And really, she thought to herself, flicking the tv to MuchMusic and licking the spoon that she had just dipped into the tub of ice cream, who says I'm in distress anyway.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
It was now several days later. Rapunzel had just woken up and was about to cook herself some bacon for breakfast when she heard an odd noise outside.
Staring down at the ground, she saw a man leaning a tall ladder against the tower. He was about to climb up when suddenly, there was a roar.
Rapunzel stared in horror as a great, green dragon appeared quite suddenly. Flames shot out of its' mouth like toothpaste out of a tube when you squeeze it too hard, and smoke billowed from its' nostrils. I thought things like dragons only existed in fairy tales, Rapunzel mused.
The man was unprepared. He looked at the dragon, paused, and then his eyes rolled back in his head and he fainted dead away.
Rapunzel rolled her eyes. She dashed over and yanked her knife out of the drawer, and shoved it in her pocket. She grabbed the top of the ladder, which coincidentally, just reached the bottom of her window. Without hesitation, she climbed out the window, gripped the ledge, and then, holding on to the bricks jutting out the side of the tower with one hand, and the side of the ladder with the other, she quickly shimmied her way down the tower.
Standing on the ground for the first time in years was exhilarating. Standing on the ground for the first time in years staring up at a dragon, however, was not. It was more terrifying. But she was not about to let fear get the best of her. Hauling out her knife, she stabbed the dragon in the toe.
He stopped his roaring abruptly and grabbed his toe, howling in pain. He danced around holding onto his foot as Rapunzel laughed and laughed.
While the dragon was preoccupied, she ran over, grabbed the man, and yanked him to his feet. Quickly slapping him on the face to awaken him, she tugged him along with her. Finally, he was fully awake, and they were both full blown running, away from the tower, the dragon, everything.
When they finally stopped, they both stared at each other. Rapunzel noticed how hot the man was, with his dark, tousled hair. The prince thought Rapunzel looked gorgeous, with her loooooooong blonde hair.
"I was supposed to rescue you!" cried the man in distress.
"I didn't need rescuing, you fool!" yelled Rapunzel. "Maybe I liked my life! You're just a wimp, that's all you are!"
"Am not!" stuttered the man in indignation.
"Are too, you old wuss," snorted Rapunzel.
"I love a woman with fire in her eyes," said the man suddenly.
"And I love a man I can boss around," stated Rapunzel.
"I'm Jack," said the man.
"And I'm Rapunzel."
Without saying another word, they pulled each other into a kiss. Fireworks danced in Rapunzel's mind, and she knew who she had been waiting for. She didn't want a stodgy old prince. She wanted someone who was real, and true, and that person was Jack.
They lived happily ever after.
A/N: Whatcha think? I know, I know, the ending is sorta ... rough. I just didn't know what to do with it, lol. This is just an idea that randomly popped into my head, and I couldn't resist writing it down :)