"Lavi, I..." my voice trailed of weakly, silenced by the look in Lavi's eye.
The usually bright green emerald orb was now filled with anger, hurt, betrayal, and sadness. A melancholy so deep, I felt like I could drown inside them. There was nothing, except for cold and emptiness. Just like I was after Mana died. My heart was clenched so tightly, it hurt to even breathe. Tears welled up in my eyes and threatened to spill over.
"Listen to me Lavi, I can explain -"
"Explain what Allen? Tell me, what misunderstanding could there be after I saw you... saw you... kissing," he spat that word out like it was poison, "kissing my best friend! Tell me!"
The harshness in his words was like shards of glass, piercing my heart. I choked on the sobs that threatened to appear. A raindrop hit the ground.
"No Lavi, I... I..."
"At a loss for words? I thought you would have another lie at the tip of your tongue by now. After all," he barked a laugh. I could hear the hurt in his voice. So clear. So sharp. "Didn't you lie to me in the first place? A pathetic excuse that you had to meet up Lenalee in school when you were actually... when you were actually together with Kanda?" He was yelling the words by now.
A droplet of water fell on the ground. Was it a raindrop or was it a tear? I vaguely wondered. I couldn't feel anything by now. I felt so... so... so
Numb.
Why?
Lavi ran his hand through his messy hair. His voice was much softer now, so vulnerable. "You know what Allen? Maybe... maybe we just weren't meant to be. I can't even look at you in the eye now. That... that image just keeps on appearing. It's just too much for me now. We should... stay away from each other."
And with that, he turned around, and walked. His back was blurred in my eyes. Was it because of the tears? I briefly questioned myself. Finally, he disappeared.
From my life.
Just like that.
I should have expected it. I was always by my own. Everyone who loved me always ended up getting hurt. Like Mana. Like Lavi. Like everyone I loved back.
The rain was getting heavier, drenching me from head to toe.
Cold. Was my only thought.
Why was it so cold?
It was like someone had dug out my heart and left a block of ice there.
So chilling.
So painful.
I couldn't move. My legs and arms refused to listen to me. I felt so small for once.
Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter.
The rain grew heavier and heavier. The raindrops hit me like blows to my body. Hitting me harder and harder. I didn't mind. At least it helped me to ignore the empty hole inside me.
"Oi, beansprout!"
Huh?
"Are you so stupid you don't know that you will fall sick if you stand under the rain?"
A pair of strong arms lifted me up. They were warm, but they didn't feel right. Not Lavi's.
"K-Kanda?" I forced the word out of my chattering teeth.
"No moyashi, I'm Debitto. What do you think?"
I pushed him away from me. Hard.
He stumbled, almost falling down.
"What the hell was that for?" Kanda barked at me after regaining his footing.
"Go away. I don't need you. I don't need anyone." Anyone but Lavi.
I crouched on the hard cement, arms wrapping around my legs, trying to become smaller. To become invisible. No one would be hurt then.
Everyone would be happier if I just died.
And then, everything went black.
...
Kanda smashed his fist into the wall.
The whiteness of the hospital was so blinding he could not take it anymore. The strong smell of antiseptic did not help either. If anything it did, it was just to piss off the Japanese man even further.
"Goddamn it Lavi. Pick. Up. The. Phone." With each word, he punched the wall, cracks starting to appear.
"Sir! Sir! You are not allowed to destroy the hospital! And please stop making so much noise! The other patients can't res -" The hospital staff faltered as the long-haired guy turned the full force of his glare on him.
"I'm giving you five seconds. Five... Four..."he growled.
The hospital staff disappeared even before the count of three.
Kanda slumped against the wall, wondering why on hell he had to go and fall for that stupid beansprout.
"Ugh... This is all your fault you stupid rabbit."
...
Lavi stared out of the window, his eyes glazing over.
"We should... stay away from each other."
He had regretted the words as soon as he said it.
-1 day, 3 hours, 46 minutes and 37 seconds ago -
Lavi was bored.
So bored.
Suddenly his eyes lit up. Allen.
He was so stupid. Why hadn't he thought of it earlier?
He picked up his phone and keyed in Allen's number before hitting the call button.
Straightaway, the screen of his handphone started flashing.
-calling moyashi- -calling moyashi-
After 3 rings, Allen picked up.
"Hello?"
Lavi swore to God he had never heard a voice so adorable. "It's me! Your most wonderful and hottest boyfriend in the world!"
"L-Lavi?" Was it his imagination or did Allen sound guilty? Lavi brushed it aside.
"Uh-huh! I'm bored~"
"You sound like a 2 year old child wanting sweets from his mummy."
Did he? "…"
"Go find something to do then."
"But I have nothing to do! Say Allen… are you free now?"
"I'm not home."
Huh? Lavi sat up straight.
"Where are you then? I'll go pick you up."
"Uh… I don't think you should. I… am helping out Lenalee for her student president campaign in school…"
"Oh…"
There was an awkward silence.
"Lavi, I…"
"Nah it's okay. I'll just go and disturb old Panda."
"Lavi…"
"No, seriously, I'll be fine. You can trust me not to burn down the house you know."
There was a pause.
"What's that suppose to mean? Hmm… Allen?"
"Nothing," his boyfriend replied a little too quickly. "It's just… oh! Lenalee's calling me now. See you later.
Bye bye!" Toot… Toot… Toot…
Lavi blinked. Did Allen just hang up on him?
-Present-
Lavi shook that thought out. No, Allen lied to him. He betrayed him. It was his fault.
Then why did his heart still ache so much?
-1 day, 1 hour, 15 minutes, and 53 seconds ago –
Lavi chuckled to himself inwardly. He couldn't wait to see Allen's face when he surprised him with the bouquet of roses.
Grinning, he pushed open the classroom doors –
And saw Kanda's arms were around someone, kissing that person.
Someone with white hair.
Allen.
-Present-
Bam!
Lavi fell over, the impact slamming him onto the floor. Huh? Was his first thought. He rubbed his head, feeling the excruciating pain.
"Get up!" A feminine voice yelled at him.
Before he could figure out what was happening, he was dragged up from his collar. And faced Lenalee.
"Ouch! Lenalee~ what was that for?" Lavi grinned stupidly. But the grin did not reach his eyes.
Lenalee's eyes blazed, overcome with her fury directed towards the redhead in front of her.
"You! You're the problem! Why haven't you been answering Kanda's calls?"
The familiar ache in his chest again. Lavi looked away. "I don't want to talk about it."
Slap!
A red handprint showed on Lavi's cheek.
"Do you know that thanks to you, Allen is hospitalized now?!"
What?
-1 day, 1 hour, 15 minutes, and 45 seconds ago-
What?
… The roses landed on the floor…
Allen leapt away from Kanda as though burned.
His mouth opened and closed, forming a word.
Lavi.
Lavi shook his head slowly, a sad smile appearing on his face, as he backed away step by step. He turned and ran.
"No, Lavi wait!"
He could hear Allen's voice behind him, pleading for him to stop. But he couldn't. The last person he wanted to see now was Allen. Seeing him would mean adding to the pain in his chest.
...
-Present-
Kanda stood up. And sat down. And he stood up again.
For some strange reason, he felt like an idiot.
He was in a bad mood. No wait, that was his default. To say more precisely, he was in a mood ready to kill a bunny rabbit if it happened to bounce past him. (Somewhere not so far away, Lavi sneezed.)
Kanda glanced at Allen lying in the bed, hooked up to drips. Somehow, he looked more vulnerable than usual. As though one slight touch and he would break apart.
"He's gone through a lot, that boy. Be sure not to do anything that might agitate him in the meanwhile. The cause of his collapse was probably him being in the rain for so long. It greatly weakened his immune system. Not to mention his emotions were in turmoil as well."
That beansprout...
"He should be awake by now, but as you can see," the doctor glanced at his patient. "That's why we are keeping him in the hospital to make sure there are no other complications."
Kanda moved his gaze away from Allen and got up from his seat, moving towards the door.
And they always said beansprouts were good for your health. Keh.
...
Lavi gripped the door handle on his leather seat so tightly he almost ripped it. Meanwhile, Lenalee was in the driver's seat, driving like a maniac through the streets. Whether the cause of Lavi's tight grip on the chair was caused by anxiety for Allen or fear of Lenalee's crazy driving, we might never know.
Please do not let anything happen to Allen.
It was probably then that Lavi understood that when he first fell for Allen, he had been trapped for life.
I will do anything. Anything at all if it keeps Allen safe and happy.
The first time Lavi realized once you loved someone, you would be willing to do anything for that person,
no matter how much he or she had hurt you or if you got injured in the process.
If he has to suffer, let me take his place instead.
The first time Lavi admitted to himself his own feelings towards Allen. When he found out that he would never be able to ignore Allen, to not care for him, to hate him, because...
The truth was so clear, so simple, so plain for all to see; he wondered why he never saw it before.
... Lavi loved Allen.